Experiences that really, deeply changed you

- Being badly bullied from junior high right through high school, I was pushed down stairs, barked at, called ugly and manly, girls called me a wh*re and a sl*t even though in reality I didn't end up losing my virginity until I was out of high school almost a year and had only a little experience with one boyfriend.

- Meeting the guy lives down the road from me who took me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions from age 13 to age 23, we were always close, there were always feelings, we had kissed several times throughout the years but one of us always ended up with someone else. He wrote a huge online journal about how I was what he wanted in his life but he just couldn't get it together and leave everyone else alone long enough to make it happen, everytime we tried something always went wrong. The final time we spent together we finally got to be alone, we had sex and didn't speak for months after because the years of build up were so intense and the feelings were so much stronger it was scary. We spoke again afterwards but I ended up happily elsewhere as did he as far as I can see but he still slows down by my house and looks when he sees me going out. He's the reason why I had such a hard time believing people when they expressed their feelings for me and why I always believed no man would be faithful to one when there was so much sex available to them at any given moment, I still struggle with it to this day and probably always will.

- My first long term relationship, we were together two years, he had a horrible temper and was always on dating sites or sending naked pictures to random girls online but denied it whenever it came up and went crazy about it. The night we broke up we were at a secluded park sat in the parking lot and he was fighting with me, it was about midnight and he was getting extremely heated, I was scared so I got out of the car, when I did he got out as well, got up in my face screaming, we fought some more then he took a swing at me, thankfully I managed to duck it then he got in his car and drove off leaving me all alone to walk home which would have taken me at least three or four hours and who knows what could have happened in a dark secluded place especially being a lone female. I will never be my old self after that, there was so much shaming and intimidation that I'm awkward showering, going to the bathroom and sexually, I close my eyes and flinch if anyone comes at me too quickly or moves their hand too close to my face and I don't trust anyone, I'm always afraid of being abandoned or cheated on.

- Finding out I have a disease that stops blood flow to the small bones in my wrist and hand gradually causing them to melt away then later learning that said disease is progressing so rapidly that the damage I have shouldn't be occurring until I'm at least at mid life. It's difficult to be 25 years old and seeing yourself get worse so rapidly that you have trouble with the smallest everyday tasks like opening a bottle, buttoning clothes, undoing bras, getting in and out of the shower. I had a follow up appointment to see the progression a few weeks ago, it was discovered my strength has even decreased since May and I'm now booked for a partial fusion surgery in November which will turn into a full fusion when I'm older. It's eye opening and frustrating to go from being strong as an ox having no trouble to having to ask someone to open your drink or bottle of arthritis meds because even the arthritis friendly bottle is too difficult for you.

- My grandmother developing dementia, it's heartbreaking to see such a strong woman go from someone who spent her life raising four girls as a widow then practically raising all of her grandchildren because we all wanted to spend so much time with her to a frail woman who doesn't know anyone anymore and just sits in her chair looking bewildered and in another world more often than not, who can no longer be left alone and who can no longer dress or clean herself without assistance.

Everybody has them: experiences that changed your life, your way of thinking, how you look upon things.
Sometimes you created them yourself, sometimes it just happened to you.
.....

I'm curious to read yours.

Unless you know me in person, you would not believe a lot of my events some hysterically funny others horrendous - friends tell me I should write a book. So I share a few items that come to mind (in no particular order). I would like to thank others for sharing, many a story and many strong folks.

-- Military Brat.
-- New Englander.
-- Kennedy Assassination.
-- Air Raid Drills.
-- Mount Washington, NH.
-- First cigarette.
-- Yellowstone National Park.
-- Motherhood.
-- Family tree research.
-- Realizing my past experiences have made me who I am today.

Now, I don't want to sound insensitive, but for me no persecution ever changed me. Maybe they got something wrong when they wired me up, but I don't give a **** about other peoples negativity, even less if it is directed towards me. I have always lived with the quote "a wolf does not concern itself with the opinions of sheep" close to my heart. With that said, the most profound moment of my life was the moment I truly accepted that the time I have to left live is finite. There is a definite end coming, so each second wasted is never to be refunded to me. For me this changed my entire approach to life and what my priorrities were. I guess I'm lucky I had that moment at the age of 19.

@CP.... but you made it, and you're hear. I think Winston Churchill may have said, "When you find yourself going through hell... keep going." You did... and you look the better for it. ;-)

Seeing how heartbroken my friend was when someone was being a blunt, awful racist towards her.

I'd never seen anyone be treated so disrespectfully, never seen anyone hate someone so nice for no other reason than being black.

We were only 9 or so, playing tetherball at lunch and a couple of girls started to taunt her, calling her names, and being complete morons, dropping N words and what not.

(As a little white kid, I hadn't ever seen anyone be so terrible to another person because of the colour of their skin nor had I ever experienced anything like that myself)

She was graceful, refused to pay any mind to them, told me to do the same and keep playing, and it didn't go on very long before some older kids came along, physically removed them from the area and handed them over to a teacher.

I am fully aware that this didn't happen to me, but that I was a (scared) spectator to the event, but I will never forget the hurt in her eyes, the pain she held while playing it cool, and how hard she cried once everyone had left and it was just the two of us.

I will never put another human being through that.

Being in Hospital, holding my nans hand as she slowly passed away really changed my outlook on life and to appreciate those you love more. Geez what i would do to tell my nan i loved her one more time.

- Marrying my soulmate at 22 and making a life together.
-The death of my grandmother in the Haitian earthquake a few years ago
-The death of my best friend due to AIDS-related cancer.
-Graduating with my MFA in film in December after a long hiatus from film and school.
-The separation to same husband due to his cheating on me and hitting me with a car.

Luckily, it seems that so far life gives me good and bad so here's to more good coming soon.

It's funny, i've had some major things happen to me in my life. I've had emergency brain surgery, i had a high school teammate murdered, i've gotten so drunk i passed out in San Diego and woke up in Tijuana, i've got more, but its never been the big moments that have changed me. Its always the smaller subtler moments that don't seem big at the time, but still remain crystal clear to me years later:

Hearing "Oh No" by Pharoahe Monche, Mos Def, & Nate Dogg and "Rite Where U Stand" by Gangstarr on bus rides to high school basketball games. Those songs ignited my passion for hip-hop and by extension music in general. My love for music trumps everything else in my life, short of family.

Being 3 years old in Disneyland, and grabbing the hand of a man that i thought was my dad, but wasn't. My parents were right there, and all involved had a laugh about it, but i can still the feel embarrassment. I've been terrified of embarrassment my entire life, and i'm pretty certain it can be traced back to that event.

Having a co-worker comment on how much weight i've gained. He wasn't even trying to give me a hard time, just commented on it very bluntly. I realized that it must be an issue if this guy felt the need to bring it up.

Finding out a co-worker with less than 1 year experience was making more than me at a job i'd been doing for 5 years. The lack of upward mobility at my current occupation became crystal clear at that moment, and spurred me to go back to school.

What beautiful survivors I see on this post.

Brother passed away

My first and only love cheated on me. Met him when I was 17. First man I ever dated, slept with, even kissed.

Becoming a single mother at 23....

The loss of my brother forever changed me. It is not easy losing anyone, but when one loses a sibling they have lost a piece of their past, present and future. When I lost my brother I did a lot of soul searching. I thought to myself is this it? Is this all my life will ever be. I soon realized that there is so much to see, learn, love and give. I miss my brother each and every day.

I feel that way about losing my grandmother and my best friend. My friend was like a brother to me and it still hurts, years later. We will make it through!

Yes we will, CW. Sending you a hug!

I got saved July 24, 1984.

My AA and NA sobrietry dates are also July 24, 1984.

The experiences that deeply changed me the most started at 13. I was followed home from school. I was almost pulled into this guys car, when my mom's friend saved me. That is the day that I realized that I can run my *kitten* off when I was scared and that I am truly a fighter to my core.

Second thing that changed me was watching my father, who was my best friend, die of stage 4 Melanoma cancer. You never realize how indestructible you see your parents. He was my idol, first love, best friend, among other things. Holding his hand as he took his last breath, I experienced such a soul searing, shattering, life altering sadness. I decided in that moment to begin to take a good look at my life and make changes.

As my father was battling stage 4 Melanoma cancer, I was fighting stage 3 Melanoma cancer. Helping him through his, seeing my possible future, I decided a few things that are still changing me to this day.....

1...You only have one life, so you better start living it!
2...Only you can make yourself happy, so do all you can to change the things you always wished to, why not!!??!
3...Take chances, what is the worst someone can say.....no....and then move on!

Knock on wood, my cancer is silent for now, and if it returns.....It can KISS MY *kitten*!! I will fight and fight

When I was like 10, I was alone at home (normal thing to do back home as we mature fairly fast). I heard somebody breaking the window glass and trying to run after me. I took off and ran out the door screaming to the neighbors home. The person who broke in took off.

Police came and did a search. They saw something on the floor during their search and gave it to my parents. My parents seemed mortified after seeing whatever was given to them. They hugged me tightly. I didn't said anything.

After a week or 2 I got the courage to ask them what was it. After discussing privately my parents decided that its best I know so I can keep better alert. They showed me a picture of me taken from my bedroom closet while I was sleeping.

Wow, that would be traumatising.
Probably not the best thing for me to read right before I go to bed either!

I am sure throughout the years that I have endured many things that have taught me valuable lessons but the things that stand out to me most are:

1. Watching my Grandmother who I lived across the street from my whole childhood turn into a totally different person due to Alzheimers. I watched her go from someone who could move mountains to someone that couldn't even remember to go to the bathroom on her own. It was so devastating. She lived with this disease for over 10 years and each year would get more and more difficult to watch. When she finally passed away, I lost a big piece of my heart, but I have always kept things that she taught me in my head and heart and I think about her every day and the kind of person she was before the disease. She is my angel now and I know she is still watching over me. In fact, I see her all the time in my own daughter now.

2. My mom surviving breast cancer. This was a huge deal because my mom was 42 and I was 17 at the time of her diagnoses... this made it much more scary because my mom lost her mother to Lukemia when she was 17 and my grandmother was 42. It hit really close to home. I made it a point to be strong for her and help her though. This November will mark her 19 years being cancer free. She is my hero! She makes time to help so many others through the difficulties of battling breast cancer and is always willing to help someone in need. I strive to be like her.

3. Visiting the country my husband is from (Dominican Republic) taught me some very valuable lessons about life and taking so many of the precious luxeries that we have for granted. One experience that stands out the most was visting a friend's mother there on my first trip. She had a very nice home with beautiful furniture and was so happy. Over the course of the next 2 years, she lost her husband and her income and when I returned to visit her again I cried at the sight of her very empty home. All she had left was a couple of plastic lawn chairs. My husband gave her some money and she cried and told him that she had just prayed the night before to God to help her find a way to eat the next day. She has since had to sell her home and move to a very small place that is barely a home. This will stick with me forever. I am grateful that we are able to help support my mother-in-law and brothers-in-law who still live there but I wish that we could do more for others. We are in no way well off, but we do what we can.

I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in November last year, I was living in Taiwan at the time (I'm from the UK), I had life saving surgery.
The hospital, surgeons and nurses were amazing, it brought my fiancé and I closer and it has made me appreciate life more.