I need help with my MIL

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exercisemom2010
exercisemom2010 Posts: 8
in Food and Nutrition
My mother in law picks up my daughter from school when I work. She then takes them to McDonals or Wendys or even get donuts. I don't want her to go this. I don't want my girls to eat fast food. I don't want them to get over weight like I am. She watches them a few days a week. How do I tell her to stop going? How do I tell her NICELY?? Do I need to leave lunch out? I have the food in the house. She is just lazy and won't use it. I want my girls to be healthy. They are 3 and 5.

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  • iamstaceywood
    iamstaceywood Posts: 383 Member
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    Well now, this is a common problem with my mother in law who brings my slightly overweight 9 year old out to wendys every week after dance class and will shamelessly let them eat donuts for breakfast and then fast food for at least one other meal per day on the weekends. She has my two oldest all weekend. I have given up fighting, she is super fat and just dosen't care about stuff like that. When she diets it means she only eats happy meals.
    If you say something, she is going to think your being ridiculous. You can try the old, "i left snakcs in the fridge for you all made up!" but, it seems like she thinks she is doing something as a treat for the girls when she really isn't.
    Good Luck!!
  • beethedreamer
    beethedreamer Posts: 465 Member
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    maybe make a snack or meal for them to eat when they come home. Make it exciting so that they'll WANT to chose your healthful meal over the fast food.
  • robinsnest0326
    robinsnest0326 Posts: 40
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    Oh wow, mother in laws are hard to handle. I know i had a hard to handle mother in law too, I used to have to be at work at 6am, and had my mother in law coming to my house to get the kids off to school. I offered to bring the kids to her, but no she insisted that she would come to my house, she made me late to work almost every day and I explained several times to her when i had to leave to be at work on time. plus she would go through my house and nose around in my things, My husband at the time had been laid off work and had recently went back to work and we were behind on bills, she once told me we needed to start paying our bills. I was so stressed out. I had to just tell her i didnt need her help.
    as far as your mil goes, they are your kids and sometimes there is no nice way of putting thing. Just tell her you don't want the kids eating out.
  • catesalim
    catesalim Posts: 18
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    I'd have my husband talk with her. :blushing:

    If it has to be you, remember that you are their parent, not her, and most likely she's going to get her nose a bit out of joint, but ultimately your children come first - not her feelings. Try to explain that you are trying to live a healthier life style, and that it's important for you as their parent that they learn healthy habits as children so they don't have to have the same weight struggle that you've had. Jaime Oliver (Naked Chef) has been doing quite a bit about teaching kids (and their families) about healthy eating, so that might be a resourse as well. Good luck.
  • ChrissyM
    ChrissyM Posts: 23
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    Perhaps she just likes doing something for them that makes them happy. Maybe you can suggest some other activities that don't include food. My kids love it when their grandma takes them to the library or the park when she picks them up for me or watches them. But than again I'm lucky because my MIL is health concious and doesn't like activities to revolve around food.
    Good luck.
  • schoen185
    schoen185 Posts: 23
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    Well, my mother in law is my biggest source of stress with our healthy lifestyle. Her idea of healthy food is carrot cake and I am NOT kidding. She doesn't have my kids very often and this is the main reason why (I tell myself that once a month isn't going to harm them, right?). If she had to have my kids on a more regular basis I think I would have to be VERY firm. It might not sound nice but your kids health is A-1 priority!!! You could say something like "I know that you are so sweet to help and take the girls out but I really want to break them of the fast food habit, is there special lunch I could pick up at the grocery store for you guys that would be quick and easy?" Maybe by just starting with some healthier alternatives it will be a start? Plus you are still giving her some say and if she's anything like my mother in law that is all she wants - some say LOL.

    BTW - you can learn all about my mother in law if you watch Everybody Loves Raymond :)
  • tessb84
    tessb84 Posts: 98 Member
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    If I were you I would just tell her what you told us, you dont want them to go thru this, fast food is greasy and full of calories, most meals at a fast food place contain more calories than anyone should consume in one day. Tell her to just cut back on the junk, maybe she could take them as a treat once or even twice a month, or take them to subway. Having healthy snacks on hand cant hurt. :flowerforyou:
  • sallyLunn
    sallyLunn Posts: 381
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    On one hand, she wants to be a cool grandma on the other, she's actually taking herself out for these snacks because she wants them. It will be hard to be firm with her because she's kind of doing you a favor. Perhaps you can negotiate her down to ONE fast food meal/snack per week and then leave fruit cups or yogurts for the kids on the other days.

    The kids will be fine with the once a week deal, she will still be super Grandma and she may see you as being concerned about their well being more than being a killjoy.

    I used to have this issue with my Mother In Law and we did negotiate it out. My kids stayed a healthy weight because we ate meals as a family on days when I didn't work during dinner.

    Be sweet, be concerned, offer alternatives.
  • cameobelle
    cameobelle Posts: 9 Member
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    I agree with one of the previous posts have your husband talk to her. My DH has to do that every few months with his family. They tend to eat healthy but they also let our son have a lot of sugary snacks before meals. (they wonder why he isn't hungry!) We have been good about what he eats so he tends to pick good foods. (its my DH and I that have a problem :)), Good luck.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    instead of being firm with her (who you have no control over) be firm with your kids (who you do get to guide).

    when my kids were that age, i met with a mom's group at a fast food place twice a week. my kids were allowed certain things from the menu that i deemed healthy and nothing else. and they knew that. they knew that they could have a fruit and yogurt parfait; a grape, apple and walnut salad; apple dippers without the caramel, etc. at wendy's, they could have the mandarin oranges or a baked potato. after explaining the rules to them, they always ordered for themsleves out of the pre-approved choices. in fact, now when we eat out at applebee's and the waitress asks what side they want, they choose applesauce or broccoli ON THEIR OWN.

    to teach your kids to make good choices, you don't have to hide them from fast food.

    i say let your mother-in-law take them out as an afterschool treat, but start telling your kids what the parameters of eating out are. 'when grandma takes you out, you can choose a, b, or c. that's it. d (sundaes, cookies, chicken nuggets, etc) is not an option for you at this time, even if grandma says that it is alright.'
    dawn

    p.s. i don't know if you have heard of 'love and logic' parenting, but i LOVE it. take a peek at it.
  • lilac67
    lilac67 Posts: 311
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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IGtDPG4UfI

    Show your MIL this, it's about the 4 yr old McDonald's hambuger that doesn't grow mold and the 1 yr old french fries that don't turn brown and ask her if that's what she really wants to feed her precious grandchildern.
  • KarenBorter
    KarenBorter Posts: 1,157 Member
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    instead of being firm with her (who you have no control over) be firm with your kids (who you do get to guide).

    when my kids were that age, i met with a mom's group at a fast food place twice a week. my kids were allowed certain things from the menu that i deemed healthy and nothing else. and they knew that. they knew that they could have a fruit and yogurt parfait; a grape, apple and walnut salad; apple dippers without the caramel, etc. at wendy's, they could have the mandarin oranges or a baked potato. after explaining the rules to them, they always ordered for themsleves out of the pre-approved choices. in fact, now when we eat out at applebee's and the waitress asks what side they want, they choose applesauce or broccoli ON THEIR OWN.

    to teach your kids to make good choices, you don't have to hide them from fast food.

    i say let your mother-in-law take them out as an afterschool treat, but start telling your kids what the parameters of eating out are. 'when grandma takes you out, you can choose a, b, or c. that's it. d (sundaes, cookies, chicken nuggets, etc) is not an option for you at this time, even if grandma says that it is alright.'
    dawn

    p.s. i don't know if you have heard of 'love and logic' parenting, but i LOVE it. take a peek at it.

    ^^^^^ this :)
    [/quote]
  • daniellevility
    daniellevility Posts: 9
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    Be honest, straight forward and polite. Make her understand you appreciate the thought and effort put in to her actions but they are your kids not hers and she needs to follow your rules not hers. Every parent is different and every kid is raised differently. She needs to know that as well.
    Be as polite and nice as possible but no sugar coating the issue. Just tell her. She may be offended but in the end I can guarantee she will understand that its for their benefit, not yours! =)
  • StacySkinny
    StacySkinny Posts: 984 Member
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    Just sit down with her and be totally honest with her. Let her know that what she's doing with the girls can very easily lead them to be in the same boat as you are in. If she still resists, ask her if she wants to see her grandkids suffering with obesity and health issues due to such bad eating? When it comes right down to it, no grandma who loves her grandkids is going to want to see them suffering. Point out how important it is to you and your family to eat healthier and really, that SHOULD stop the problem. At least I would think so. Keep us posted, hun. I'd love to know how it goes.

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