Losing weight with an overweight roommate

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MelindaBevan
MelindaBevan Posts: 3
in Motivation and Support
I have a wonderful roommate, we get along very well. She is overweight (much more than I am). She knows I am actively losing weight. I struggle with feelings that I may be making her feel badly as she sees my success. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

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  • Keltinator
    Keltinator Posts: 265
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    I think you should just know that if she wanted to make a change, she could join you. Never "feel bad" that you're changing your life for the better while others aren't.

    Who knows, maybe your success will motivate her!
  • MelissaLu
    MelissaLu Posts: 83
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    I agree with above response. You making her feel bad could actually turn into a good thing. She might get motivated. Definitly don't feel bad! Being healthy is awesome ^_^
  • garryskaggs
    garryskaggs Posts: 4 Member
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    I am sure she is a big girl and can handle it. You said she is a room mate so she must be old enough to pay rent. Sometimes it takes things like this to make them see the light. Continue with your goal and don't feel sorry for people that don't want to help them selves.
  • beethedreamer
    beethedreamer Posts: 465 Member
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    I feel the same way, but with my mom. I know she's proud of me and she's supportive for the most part. But sometimes I feel bad because I don't want her to think i'm saying anything bad about her.

    You have to realize though that we all make decisions, and you are making the decision to become healthier. Everyone in the world can, and should, make the same decision. Don't worry about making her feel bad because this is for you and no one else.
  • JennS19
    JennS19 Posts: 642 Member
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    Invite her to join you with losing weight, Cook healthy meals together, go walking and exercise together, etc. Get her excited about losing weight with you.

    If she doesn't want to get involved then I wouldn't worry about it, I know that sounds mean but if she's not at a good point in her life to start moving forward to a healthy lifestyle then I would just let her come around on her own. Always have an outstanding invite that she can always join you with working out or becoming healthy maybe she'll come around
  • JKather
    JKather Posts: 6
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    I grew up with an overweight sister. My whole family has never been the healthiest but since puberty she has always been at least 100 pounds over me. Never feel guilty for your success. Its your life and your health, but if you get along well with her why not try a little encouragement. Never be pushy or make her feel bad but ask her if she wants to work out with you or make a healthy dinner together. That way she knows you believe she can have the same success as you have had and you have given her the opportunity and encouragement to be a healthier individual. If she turns you down then that is her perogative and at least then you don't feel you have to hide your dieting and success. For all you know you could turn into great diet and excercise buddies. Ultimately though, her weight should be the least of your worries always focus on the beauty within yourself and others.
  • Sallyismyname
    Sallyismyname Posts: 43 Member
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    I can relate to your roommate... kind of. My friend and I struggled with gaining weight. She had surgery on her tooth and all of a sudden, she dropped weight like there was no tomorrow. I was ticked. But happy for her, of course. But still ticked. So I started working hard. And now we are both losing weight ;) So ya it did motivate me once I got over my "that' not fair, you totally suck" crappy attitude. Invite her to go on a walk with you. Introduce her to nice food. Leave some fitness mags on the table ;)
  • MaryEffingPoppins
    MaryEffingPoppins Posts: 371 Member
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    I'm going through the same thing w/ my best friend. I don't want to rub it in her face that I'm shedding pounds but since she's my best friend and she's overweight too, supposedly wanting to get in shape, it's hard not to tell her about my success. She's my bestie! So she "works out" with me and says she's TRYING then today i get a text that she ate an 1,100 calorie meal!!!! It's kind of a slap in the face to me. I'm working my *kitten* off (literally, no... literally it's like disappearing! lol) and you complain to me ALL day about how u want to get down to at least 250 but you continue to drink soda and eat deep fried foods??? I just shrug it off and toast my celery stick to her! lol That's what you have to do. It's your body and your health. Do what you have to do to become a healthier you. Hell, maybe you'll be just the motivation she needs to hop onboard your train to Sexyville! (was that corny? lol)
  • pbxr
    pbxr Posts: 100 Member
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    Unfortunately, I'm learning that not everyone is genuinely happy about my weight loss journey. It's SO sad to say, but when something good happens in the life of one person, those who are unhappy with themselves will feel jealousy, self-pity, bitterness, and even anger (I can admit to feeling that way myself). While they may smile at me and say, "Good job," I know some are (behind my back) saying, "Good grief! She loses a few pounds & suddenly it's taken over her life..."

    *sigh*

    I'd like to think I'm being sensitive to those around me who struggle with their weight ~ I do NOT want them to feel any worse about themselves. It is unfortunate, however, that many will take on your & my success as their own failure.

    I say that to encourage you to do what the above posters have suggested: invite her to go for a walk (even if it means that you have to go a little slower that night), serve her some of what you're cooking & ask her opinions (What do you think? I'm trying a new dish?). But also, keeping perspective & placing yourself in her shoes, remember how it feels to be the unmotivated one & be sensitive to her feelings. Your compassion coupled with your success may be used to make a lasting change in her life.

    Kudos to you & may you have continued success! :smile:
  • happily
    happily Posts: 72 Member
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    I had a roommate many, many years ago who lost about 80 pounds. I was THRILLED for her!

    I had a friend about 5 years ago who was a health nut and constantly tried to get me to go for walks with her or tried to steer me toward healthy food choices. I resented the hell out of her for it and we stopped being friends.

    My best friend is a bigger girl than I am. I love her to pieces. I would still love her if she gained 100 pounds. I would still love her if she lost 100 pounds. I would still love her no matter what. She is thrilled for me that I am happy and healthier, but I am Absolutely Not going to drop hints or try to motivate her or leave fitness magazines sitting around for her to see. I've seen that behavior destroy a friendship.

    If she decides she wants to lose weight for herself, she knows she can come to me for encouragement and advice and support. She also knows that she can vent to me that her favortie skirt is too tight and I'm not going to judge her for it.
  • jalara
    jalara Posts: 2,622 Member
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    I think it's great that you are making choices like these for yourself, but her body is her business. I'd be wary of making her feel like she's not going to be good enough for the "new you" like she was "before".

    If she starts showing an interest, great. Even invite her to do something that can dubb as a social event (walking to the mall, taking a Zumba class). Who knows - she may ask you to help her learn how to make changes, but she may be fine with where she is - it's completely up to her.

    If I were in her shoes, I'd be thrilled that you were doing well, but embarrassed if you started trying to get me to do it - that's a bit of an insult (at least, to anyone who is self-consious about their weight).

    But again I sawy - well done! I hope you stick with the changes!
  • toots99
    toots99 Posts: 3,794 Member
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    Unfortunately, I'm learning that not everyone is genuinely happy about my weight loss journey. It's SO sad to say, but when something good happens in the life of one person, those who are unhappy with themselves will feel jealousy, self-pity, bitterness, and even anger (I can admit to feeling that way myself). While they may smile at me and say, "Good job," I know some are (behind my back) saying, "Good grief! She loses a few pounds & suddenly it's taken over her life..."

    *sigh*

    I'd like to think I'm being sensitive to those around me who struggle with their weight ~ I do NOT want them to feel any worse about themselves. It is unfortunate, however, that many will take on your & my success as their own failure.

    I say that to encourage you to do what the above posters have suggested: invite her to go for a walk (even if it means that you have to go a little slower that night), serve her some of what you're cooking & ask her opinions (What do you think? I'm trying a new dish?). But also, keeping perspective & placing yourself in her shoes, remember how it feels to be the unmotivated one & be sensitive to her feelings. Your compassion coupled with your success may be used to make a lasting change in her life.

    Kudos to you & may you have continued success! :smile:

    Said perfectly.
  • GetFitE
    GetFitE Posts: 247 Member
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    I wouldn't worry about your roommate at all. Just keep doing you. You can encourage her and ask her to go walking with you, but ONLY do that if she says something about it herself--like says to you that she wants to lose weight. If you start putting out fitness magazines and continuously suggesting that you exercise together or cook healthy meals together, it's going to make her feel bad and/or anger her and could affect your relationship with her (if its valued relationship) cause then it will feel like you're judging her because you're losing weight and she's still overweight, and I feel like that's the WORST way to approach someone about their weight. But hopefully your success will inspire her to want to do it for herself.

    But first and foremost, don't worry about anyone else and just do what you have to do-it's YOUR life.
  • tessjordan88
    tessjordan88 Posts: 201 Member
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    Turn it around so it doesn't look like a guilt trip on her... ask her if she will work out with you because YOU need a workout buddy to keep you motivated.
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    Hell, maybe you'll be just the motivation she needs to hop onboard your train to Sexyville! (was that corny? lol)
    I didn't think it was corny at all!:laugh: It made me laugh... 'hop onboard to Sexyville, I got my ticket bought and paid for and riding the train now....... and what a great ride it is!:wink::tongue: :drinker:

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