Need some motivation to start again

Svjharris
Svjharris Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
Hey guys,

I've been on and off myfitnesspal and various diets for a while. I'm trying to get back on the wagon but often find my emotions get in the way of my goals. Signing on again and looking at the forums and how many calories I have left for the day kind of makes me depressed. I've struggled with my weight a lot and failed pretty much every time. My whole family is obese and growing up I had a terrible nutritional education. I was always the fat girl and I think it bothered me more than it bothered others.

In high school I tried to make it a goal to lose the weight before graduation but that didn't work. Then in my Freshman year of college I found that the extra walking made me lose instead of gain the Freshman 15 but I still wasn't really watching what I ate and ended up gaining the weight back at the end of the year and through the summer. My Sophomore year my Mom lost nearly 100 pounds by going to Food Addicts meetings and adopting a no flour no sugar diet. I saw her success so I took up the diet. It worked, I lost nearly 50 pounds, but I felt pretty bad the whole time. My emotions were weighing me down everyday, I felt like I was disgusting every time I ate a bite of food, and I was dizzy and had headaches all the time. Eventually Christmastime rolled around(one of my biggest weaknesses) and I decided that I would screw the diet and just enjoy life and my family. Through a lot of Christmas food and cookies I gained it all back and then some.

Last year I put in yet another effort and enrolled in some fitness classes with my school - ballroom dancing and fencing. Both ended in disaster. The first day of ballroom dancing was awful. It was in the main school gym. I walk in and all these thin people are milling around being typical college students and trying to look hot. I had to turn sideways to get through the turnstiles into the area of the gym class was being held. Then in class I couldn't spin fast enough and keep time and was sweating like a pig. I jokingly said to one of my partners " Ha ha, I'm really bad at this". He deadpanned and said "Yeah, you are." At the end of class I left as fast as I could and didn't ever come back. A similar thing happened with Fencing. I thought I was doing well, though being a little slow (which visibly annoyed a classmate or two). The day came to get our equipment and they didn't have any sizes that fit me. I was too big. End of class I grabbed my backpack and had to stop myself from literally running out of there.

So my previous attempts at losing weight have resulted in a lot of anguish, self-loathing, shame, and tears. Now I've started doing yoga alone in my room in the morning and doing a workout in my room every other day or so. I just don't know if I can be successful without support from others. Yet I don't want to seek out the help of anyone I know. I'm too afraid it will bring back the shame of all my past experiences. Has anyone on here had a similar emotional struggle? Or could anyone offer some advice or motivation? Honestly, just thanks for reading this big ol' mess. I'd appreciate any insights.

Replies

  • dkhuff1
    dkhuff1 Posts: 67 Member
    first, sending you a virtual hug!

    I think the first thing you need to do is love yourself! Maybe work on what you say to yourself in your head--good for you for getting out there and trying those things. Sounds to me like you are an adventurous spirit.

    I know I think like you at times. I notice that I was the fattest woman in the room or the biggest person on a vacation tour or something like that. I wanted to re-certify for scuba and was worried that they would not have a wet suit that fit me. I wish I had worked on my self esteem issues when I was younger like you are now. All of that gets easier when you do lose some weight and get more fit.

    I think you need to find activities that you enjoy. I too sweat a lot when I work ou, I always have regardless of my weight so dont beat yourself up about that, just deal with it by wearing a sweatband or using a towelt. I now have knee issues so recently I started riding a mountain bike. I love it! Its fun, it doesn't hurt, the breeze from riding dries off a lot of my sweat, and I can go at my own pace and discover cool new places . I ride with a womens group that is really supportive and has a no drop policy so they wait for me and encourage me. Would something like that work for you? Do you have a friend who is also overweight that you can do some of these classes or activities with?

    Becuase of where you are starting from, you may have a hard time in classes that the younger fitter people go to. Maybe try some classes for those coming back from an injury or for those less fit to get started. You will get more fit and get smaller, then you can go to those other classes. Or work with a trainer to develop a program you can do on your own and update it every 4-6 weeks.

    I would lose the scale. Just forget about it for a while and focus on eating health--set your calorie goals, and then work to meet them. And work on your fitness. Those things will make you smaller if you do work on them, And that is what you care about most, not what the scale actually says. I think too many of us give the scale too much power. You can take measurements, you can see how your clothes fit.

    You may find that you have to eat a certain way to feel satisifed. When I am hungry and low on calories, I have some 2% cottage cheese or two mini baby bell lite cheeses with some Special K high fiber crackers. I also find that I now eat a lot of chicken--its a lean protein that fills me up so I'm not so hungry all the time and I don't have the craviings for carbs that I had before.

    Do you have access to some counseling through school? I think you need to work on your self esteem so that you can keep moving forward in a positive direction. They can help you with that. I also think seeing a doctor, to see what type of diet they think you should follow might be good too.

    And when you are hungry--drink water. I have hungry days and I find that drinking water really helps with that. If I'm still hungry, then I have that protein which helps me. What works for you might be entirely different.

    Coming from a family where everyone is obese is really hard. There are likely genetic factors and behaviors that impact your weight. Food is tied in to so many issues for us socially, that those behaviors can be really hard to change. But you can do it!
    Hang in there and good luck!
  • torimeyer1994
    torimeyer1994 Posts: 5
    Hello!
    I am going to school for Dietetics and I have some really good pointers to help you! (: First of all, i agree with dkhuff1, you need to learn to love yourself! Once you learn to do that it's all downhill from there. I have helped numerous friends and family with weight issues and a lot of them have the same problems you have. On my dad's side of the family there are diabetic and weight issues.

    First things first: portion control. Whether you're having breakfast, lunch, or dinner make sure there are more leafy greens and/or fruit on your plate than anything else. Yes fruit is high in sugar, but it's the natural sugar-not processed. Try not to eat canned fruits or vegetables because there are obviously added preservatives in them that are bad for you. If you are not already, cut out all white breads and rices from your diet-whole wheat only! This will save you so many calories and will give you more nutrients your body needs! Also, try substituting all of your hamburgers (if you are a meat eater) to either lean turkey burgers or veggie burgers. My favorite brands are Boca and Morning Star. You will cut down on a lot of fat this way! (:

    Secondly, I think what you're doing with working out in your room is a wonderful start, especially if you're self-conscious. Easing into exercising is a great way to start out slow and build up your self-confidence. I think finding a work out buddy would be a wise choice also! You can encourage each other and drop weight together (: I don't like working out alone because it's not as fun as seeing one of your close friends or family members working hard to achieve their goals as well! I really like cycling class at the YMCA, because there is an instructor there that tells you what to do, but you can go at your own intensity and speed. No one judges and no one even notices if you are going slower because they are only focused on what they are doing. Water aerobics is also a really good thing if you are worried about sweating! The pool is very refreshing and it's such a fun workout if you don't like running (like me). Do you have a dog? You could start out your day by walking your pets! Research shows that if you start your day out with exercise and a healthy breakfast, then you are more likely to make good choices throughout your day!

    Ditch the scale until you change your eating and exercise habits. There is nothing worse than stepping on the scale and seeing that you gained 5 pounds even though you are exercising. Muscle does weigh more than fat does, and if you change your eating habits by drinking more water and eating more fresh fruits and veggies, you will gain water weight which goes away. Don't stress about that! Also, don't weigh yourself everyday. And if you do, weigh yourself right when you wake up. Your body will be at the lightest weight at this time.

    Also, DO NOT skip breakfast. You may think you are saving calories this way, but if you don't eat something within an hour of waking up, you are 50% more likely to keep weight on or even gain weight. Even if it's something light like a piece of whole wheat toast with a bit of peanut butter, it will help. And never exercise on an empty stomach. Exercising burns calories off of fat if you have some food in your system, but if you don't , then it feeds off of muscle-which is not good.

    If you feel an eating binge coming on, what I found works best for me is getting a giant glass of water and counting down from 100, taking a sip of water between each number. Try carrying a water bottle around with you and add some lemon slices to it! If you drink 2 big glasses of ice water before each meal, it will fill you up so you eat less calories! Water is an ESSENTIAL part of your diet, and if you aren't drinking at least 8 glasses each day, then your body isn't getting what it needs to lose weight!

    Thirdly, you MUST eat something small every 3 hours to keep your metabolism down! This is also good because then you won't eat as much during meal times. A bunch of small meals is WAY better for you than eating three large meals. Some really really good snacks that I like are string cheese, cottage cheese, Chobani greek yogurt with fresh berries on top, a banana with peanut butter, carrots with hummus, a luna bar, and a handful (NO MORE) of almonds. Try not to have your snacks contain any carbs, like breads or crackers, I usually try and save those for meal times.

    If you need any more tips for changing your lifestyle, I'm your girl (: I would love to hear that you are seeing results and that your life is changing for the better! Good luck!
    -Tori
  • bch97223
    bch97223 Posts: 7
    Hi, and a virtual hug from me, too.

    Let me add to the great points dkhuff made. Food has always been a source of pleasure for me. We need to find other things in our lives that we enjoy and keep busy doing them. I eat more sensibly and graze a lot less when my hands and/or brain is occupied - cleaning house, being productive some way - and not thinking about food. When it comes to food, you need to be thoughtful/informed, and make good choices nutritionally. Not easy, but every good choice is a step in the right direction. I don't believe in diets that eliminate anything; just limit the "naughty" stuff.

    A few months ago, I joined a gym. Last night, I saw a woman working with a personal trainer. She is, well, significantly obese. However, she's just another one of the people there, working out. I don't see anyone looking down on her. In fact, I bet most people are like me, cheering for her. You need to find a venue of more accepting people, who will help you get started and develop a sustainable routine.

    Most of all, find someone you can talk with about this. It sounds like there is something emotional under-minding your progress.

    It's not going to be easy, and it won't happen fast. Every little bit of progress leads to the next. Please keep at it, but don't obsess. And know that there is a whole community of us who support you, and value you regardless of the number on the scale.
  • Alisontheice
    Alisontheice Posts: 9,611 Member
    I could have written your first paragraph. I did quite well a little bit ago checking in every day and lost a fair bit of weird. Got to a happy place and gave up. Now about once every other month I get on the bandwagon and I'm all gung ho to start and then something comes up and I give up.

    I find if I have a goal and reason to lose weight and get in shape it helps a lot. The first time my highschool was having an anniversary open house and I wanted to look good for that, didn't end up going but it made me get into shape. This go around I want to do a figure skating event with a friend and in order to do it I should lose at least 10 lbs.

    I tend to be an aimless evening snacker, especially if I have been to the rink. The past 2 nights I busied myself with cleaning and tidying the kitchen. also always having a glass of water near by helps too.

    As for support, turn here for support. When I get on the bandwagon I don't tell anyone, well maybe my brother because he knows a lot about diet and fitness. But I would rather not tell anyone in case I fail so as I say find a couple of supportive people here and go from there. It's easier with anonymous usernames and profile pics than real life people.
  • bwogilvie
    bwogilvie Posts: 2,130 Member
    I know what it's like to grow up overweight, and how hard it can be to lose weight. So you have my empathy for the road you want to travel. It'll be tough.

    Looks like your most recent efforts have focused on exercise. That's not ideal for long-term results. You found out yourself that you lost weight in college when you had to start walking more, but you put it back on. That's what has emerged from a couple of long-term longitudinal studies of nurses and doctors (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21696306): people who *increase* exercise tend to lose weight, but there's little correlation between exercising and weight otherwise. Since you can't increase exercise indefinitely, you need to focus on diet.

    Now, by "diet," I mean a healthy balance of foods that you can eat the rest of your life. We use the word "diet" in two senses in the modern US. The first is "a short-term set of foods that I will eat while losing weight, and then give up when I reach my goal." That's like the Grapefruit Diet, or the no-flour, no-sugar diet you already tried. The second sense is "the balanced set of foods that I normally eat," the way people talk about the "Mediterranean diet" (which is more of an abstraction) or the traditional Inuit diet (very high on protein and fat). People who lose weight on the first kind of diet usually put it back on, because they return to an unhealthy diet in the second sense, and go back to overeating a little bit.

    Exercise is important, don't get me wrong, but it's important because it will give you strength, stamina, and a general sense of well-being. For the well-being part, it's important to find an activity that you like, or failing that, one that makes you feel good about yourself afterwards. Yoga is good for flexibility and strength, though not for cardiovascular fitness. Walking is surprisingly good.

    To take off the pounds, though, you need to cut back calories while eating a balanced diet (in the good sense). It's not easy. Some of the best advice I've found comes from John Walker, in "The Hacker's Diet" (free online at http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/e4/). Walker's nutritional advice is admittedly minimal: it's all about counting calories, monitoring weight, and adjusting calories based on whether you lose and if so, how much. Get advice on what to eat from someone else. What I like about Walker, though, is that he approached the problem of losing weight the way he would approach a problem in his business: (1) How do I understand the nature of the problem? and (2) How do I design a system to solve it? No guilt involved. Walker's basic premise is that those of us who are seriously overweight are that way because the feedback system that tells us to stop eating when we've consumed enough calories is broken. He doesn't care about *why* it's broken; all he wants to do is come up with a replacement for it. It's remarkably refreshing. He's also honest about how hard it can be to actually put the system into action. When you're restricting calories, you're basically starving yourself. Our bodies don't like that!

    It's hard to stay committed to calorie restriction when the costs are so obvious (the Nuclear Pit of Hunger in your tummy) and the payoff so invisible: 2 lbs./week, a pretty good loss, is still only 2.28 oz./day, which is dwarfed by your normal daily fluctuation in water weight. I can assure you, though, that after a couple months, when you see noticeable progress not only on the scale but in how your clothes fit, and in comparison with your before photo, it feels really good.

    Good luck!
  • sassy940092
    sassy940092 Posts: 1
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have been struggling with my weight for some time now. My Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in January. Well I was eating none stop. I went to see about weight loss surgery and was told I wasn't fat enough. So I started binge eating to gain so I could get the surgery. Well part of insurance requirements is that I see a nutritionist for 12 months. My nutritionist turned me on to myfitnesspal. At first I found it really easy. Now I'm stressed from work and grief are getting me and I just crave carbs. I like the water tip for curbing your cravings, but how do I stop my mind from always wanting those comfort foods?

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