When are you going to have a second one? Grrr!!!!!!!

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  • Curleycue0314
    Curleycue0314 Posts: 245 Member
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    So i'm one of those that wish they could have more. I have a wonderful healthy 4 year old and had a miscarriage over a year ago. I struggled alot with it and when i get asked the question when are you having more it just brings it all back. Now after being diagnosed with fertility issues there is a possibility that it will never happen... Its just painful for me now whenever i am asked!
  • AngelicxAnnihilation
    AngelicxAnnihilation Posts: 336 Member
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    My fiancé and I aren't married, nor do we even live near each other yet and my mother has been asking me daily for almost 2 years when she gets grandchildren.... -.- It's extremely old, and most of the world would view me as too young to have kids..
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
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    My fiancé and I aren't married, nor do we even live near each other yet and my mother has been asking me daily for almost 2 years when she gets grandchildren.... -.- It's extremely old, and most of the world would view me as too young to have kids..

    Including me. You should not be having kids for a number of years yet.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    First kid is 10. Second is 7 months. If I could do it over again I would have had her in my early twenties instead of near 30. I doubt I will have any more. The prospect of being in my 50s when my youngest makes it to college is not appealing.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I wish I had been in a place to have kids when I was younger... we don't get this question very often... thank the dear Lord. But I don't understand why it's anyone's business.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    LOL...it doesn't stop there...god fobid you have two and they're both of the same sex...then you get the, "aren't you going to try for a girl?" (or boy if you have 2 girls).

    Yep. Same here.

    OP, people ask that question because they are ignorant. I don't mean that to sound snarky, it's just that most people think they are being friendly/cute/conversational/blahblahblah when they ask questions like this. Typically meant as an innocent thing to ask but is often verbally incendiary.

    ETA: I'm not planning on trying for a girl, BTW. :laugh:
  • jhmomofmany
    jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
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    It goes both ways.. when I was pregnant with #3 I got more than one comment about why would we go and "ruin" our "perfect" one-boy-one-girl family. Recently, Baby #8 was not even a month old when somebody asked when we will try for the next. :noway: The fertility police are everywhere, it seems, and there's just no pleasing them. Mind your own business and do what makes you happy. :smile:
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    i guess your family and friends could just never ask you anything ever. but then you'd probably start a thread complaining about how no one cares about you enough to ask about your life. perhaps you could give all of your loved ones a leaflet of pre-approved questions to ask of you
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Shouldn't this be on Facebook?
    You know, so your real friends and family can "really" know you...
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    My husband and I are not going to be creating any children. He already had 5 kids when we met, which is plenty. When he told 22 year old me that he was not going to be wanting any more kids ever, I was a million percent fine with that. I've never wanted to be pregnant or be responsible for an infant.

    My lifelong childfree intentions aside, though, folks always think their opinion is needed. Anytime anyone would ask me questions about getting pregnant, I would just look at them with a quizzical look and say quite bluntly, "are you really asking me what I intend to do with my uterus?!"

    In my situation, the unintentionally rude comment I always hear is, "don't you want your OWN kids?" as though marrying into this family and raising these kids is somehow inferior to raising children that I was pregnant with. Fifteen years of blood sweat and tears says these kids ARE my OWN.
  • walleyclan1
    walleyclan1 Posts: 2,784 Member
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    I get that it can be annoying but at least people care enough about you and your family to make conversation with you.
  • freckletone
    freckletone Posts: 58
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    It never ends. I have two children from my previous relationship. I am currently single and I'm still asked when I'm going to have more.
    Erm...... I'm kinda missing a vital part to making a baby here, guys!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    insult them back say there are too many dumb children in this world and your child being the genius prodigy he/she is must have all of your attention and resources to grow a super human and counter the stupid children of the world
  • brittyandian
    brittyandian Posts: 241 Member
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    I always get the opposite! It's always, "your done now right?" Since I have 3 and two of them are under 2 (2.5 months and 20 months)

    I AM done(had a tubal) but its still annoying
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Way to overreact to small talk.
  • debbash68
    debbash68 Posts: 981 Member
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    Way to overreact to small talk.
    Lol! You could always reply with way TMI about ovulation /sperm quality/ frequency of sex. Just for funzies.even when they try to stop talking about it follow them round, insist you continue talking about it, say " you started it" when they threaten to get you removed by security
  • VeganLexi
    VeganLexi Posts: 960 Member
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    I get the "when are you going to have a baby" from my overworked brother (he has 7). His situation has put me off having children! My fiancé and I love traveling and working abroad, once we have seen the world, we will then look in to having 1 little polluter of our own.
  • tonybalony01
    tonybalony01 Posts: 613 Member
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    I feel your pain. As soon as our kid started waking, it seemed like people were asking every day when we were going to have another. My standard issue response has become: "We're going to put this one through college first and then think about having another one." It gets a laugh and shuts them up.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,375 Member
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    Fifteen years of blood sweat and tears says these kids ARE my OWN.

    :heart:
  • megalin9
    megalin9 Posts: 771 Member
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    I wouldn't say that the question pisses me off as much as it seems to do the OP. I think what bothers me about is it's like people know that you have to have sex to get pregnant, and they are more enthralled with the idea of you "trying" for a baby than actually having another baby. And I shouldn't even say "people" so loosely. That's too general. I have ONE uncle and aunt and their hypersexualized daughters who ask me this question. They are more excited by the idea of my husband and I doing the deed to get pregnant than actually having another baby. I find THEM incredibly rude and intrusive.

    As far as other people asking when we're going to have more, I remind them that while I've only given birth to two children, we have THREE children (my step-daughter). We have a full house and our hands are full. We are DONE. I make myself clear, but I don't get mad at the inquiry.

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