"You shouldn't lose any more weight"
maureensm
Posts: 183 Member
Can I just express how tired I am of hearing that I should not lose any more weight from "concerned" co-workers or friends?
Frankly, I am at the very top of the healthy weight range (even a couple pounds over), I wear a size 8-10 and I have quite a bit of wiggle room. Is it really unhealthy to want to get more toned, to lose a few more "vanity" pounds, to want to feel good about myself in a bikini?
I get frustrated hearing these comments all the time and I get the feeling that a lot of it stems from the fact that most of these people are used to seeing a lot larger version of me and a much smaller version is thus "unhealthy". It is frustrating that all the work I've put into eating healthy, exercising, journaling, keeping motivated, etc. results in these comments of concern. I still hope to find support or motivations to get to my goals but It is hard to stay motivated when I feel guilty about being successful.
Frankly, I am at the very top of the healthy weight range (even a couple pounds over), I wear a size 8-10 and I have quite a bit of wiggle room. Is it really unhealthy to want to get more toned, to lose a few more "vanity" pounds, to want to feel good about myself in a bikini?
I get frustrated hearing these comments all the time and I get the feeling that a lot of it stems from the fact that most of these people are used to seeing a lot larger version of me and a much smaller version is thus "unhealthy". It is frustrating that all the work I've put into eating healthy, exercising, journaling, keeping motivated, etc. results in these comments of concern. I still hope to find support or motivations to get to my goals but It is hard to stay motivated when I feel guilty about being successful.
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I completely understand you. You keep losing more weight for yourself so that you feel sexy in your bikini. As long as you do it the healthy way, eat right and exercise right... You keep going! I look at myself in the mirror everyday, I know where my fat still lies as well. People should leave us be and let us lose our vanity weight! :flowerforyou:0
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I know _exactly_ what you mean.
I have to wonder if people are so accustomed to "large" and "extra large" that anyone who is achieving healthy goals is just abnormal and "not right". For instance, a friend of mine commented on my sister, who is very slim but is very active and eats well. She is convinced my sister is too thin and not healthy. If my sister was too thin and sickly, there's no way she could maintain her level of fitness, and I happen to think my sister looks great and is admirable in her dedication to taking care of herself. I just couldn't believe someone thought she was too skinny.0 -
OMG ... I KNOW! I haven't even gotten close to my "ultimate goal" weight of 145-140 lbs but I am already hearing it. I mean just telling people that I am on this site and logging my food and have lost 8 pounds since September 1 they are like "Are you sure you are doing it right?" "The holiday's are coming you are going to fail" ... and my favorite "145 lbs? Won't you be too skinny?" UM at 5' 8" 145 is SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE of the Healthy Range for my height.
I don't get it ... it's really a problem. Obesity is at an epidemic proportion in our country due to many many factors, least of which is the economy, the fact that children don't PLAY anymore preferring video games and DVD's over going outside and a whole SLEW of other things. Has being over weight become the "norm"? I hope not.
I am not saying I agree with the stick think Size 0 Models that is also a problem. Our country is STRIFE with eating disorders ... over eating, under eating ...
BE HAPPY WE ARE HEALTHY AND DOING SOMETHING THAT WILL WORK US TOWARD BEING HEALTHY.
I told my mom outright that I didnt' want to hear "You should eat more" or "You shouldn't lose any more weight" ... and if I did I wouldn't talk to her about this ever again (BTW ... eating more NOW then I every was before).0 -
I often hear people tell me I dont need to loose weight - including my wonderful husband. But only I know how I feel comfortable. I wear a size 4 - but I am more worried about being toned, dropping about 10 lbs - and feeling better - whether that is in clothes, out of clothes, in a bathing suit. If those pics in your profile are you from the beginning and now - I can see where people might say that - but screw 'em - only you know how you feel best. Sometimes it is good old fashion jealousy. Keep up the good work and do what is best for you in mind, body and spirit!0
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I know _exactly_ what you mean.
I have to wonder if people are so accustomed to "large" and "extra large" that anyone who is achieving healthy goals is just abnormal and "not right". For instance, a friend of mine commented on my sister, who is very slim but is very active and eats well. She is convinced my sister is too thin and not healthy. If my sister was too thin and sickly, there's no way she could maintain her level of fitness, and I happen to think my sister looks great and is admirable in her dedication to taking care of herself. I just couldn't believe someone thought she was too skinny.
I agree.. people are too accustomed to "large" that when you are "fit", they think you are too thin and what goes with being thin is "unhealthy". She has to be in great shape (maybe a little smaller size then what they are used to) to be active and to keep that level of activeness!0 -
Annoying, and flattering at the same time. Annoying, becasue you have worked so hard, and have come so far. And from what I see, you look great! and there is NO problem in wating to make improvements and get to your final goal. I think some comments may be coming from a jealous state of mind. I have some friends that get annoyed with me becasue I turn down invitations to parties, the bar, dinners out becasue I dont want to be hung over, becasue I have spin class the next day, becasue I dont want to eat like *kitten*. Sorry.
Flattering, becasue they are jealous. Flattering becasue you know you have accomplished what so many people are trying to.
I say listen to yourself, you know whats best for you.0 -
Just smile and ignore it. Everybody gets those comments. My sister and I were talking about it just last weekend.
I don't know how tall you are, I'm guessing around 5-7 or 5-8 because you said you were at the top of your healthy weight and that's how tall I am and those are my numbers. When you reach 147, you will not look like you are wasting away at all, you'll look great. In fact, you may want to go ahead for 140.
Don't feel guilty about success. Just enjoy it and congratulations from me for getting to the top of the healthy range.0 -
I would say tell people thanks for their concern, period; if they ask, tell them that yes, you intend to continue losing in a healthy fashion. If they persist, stop them cold and tell them that it's none of their business. Especially co-workers have no reason to tell you to stop losing weight; they don't know you, your life, your goals. As long as you are keeping healthy (and it sounds like you are), just chin up and don't let people's ignorance bring you down. You've done so fabulously well so far!
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Hmmm. I would look at them and say nicely. "That's between my Dr and I." And leave it at that. It's none of their business.
Unless, I wonder, if they're saying that as a way of making you feel better?? IDK. But still don't worry about them. As long as you're healthy, and eating right, you have nothing to worry about.
Congrats BTW on your success so far!0 -
I'm not quite there yet, but I understand both sides of your dilemma. While I dont think that you should feel guilty about the things these people say to you, you should also understand that it takes an adjustment for people around you to accept the new you. I can imagine some people may feel insecure due to your success and miss having a larger lady around to make themselves "look better", but why should you feel guilty for their own insecurities? And besides that, some people may actualy be genuinely concerned. People arent used to change, people dont like change and while they are discouraging at times, perhaps some are actualy concerned for you. You shouldn't be demotivated because people care about you enough to ask or say something like that. You know that you're being healthy and you've come from a life where you didnt take care of your body before. Its a big change! Some people are bound to think that there's something wrong with a big change like that, especially in todays society where the media in first world countries is the primary cause of eating disorders. Sometimes people cant see the difference, and its not your fault. Just make sure they understand the difference between your healthy lifestyle and whatever else they may think is going on. I personally have a diagnosed anorexic friend and I have to tell her all the time to stop loosing, or she gets caught up in her disease and hurts herself. People are either overly concerned for you, or subconciously jealous. And neither of those things are your fault or your burden.0
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IGNORE THEM!!! they are just jealous!!!0
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This happened to me only the other day. I'm actually still in the 'overweight' catergory (by around 10lbs) but was told I should stop losing weight now as I've lost enough. Telling the person in question that I still had over 20lbs to go was met with great surprise!
I think it definitely stems from the fact that they're used to seeing you much heavier. I've lost over 60lbs so I suppose in comparison, I'm much smaller, but I'm hardly a waif!
It also happened to a friend of mine who lost over 10 stone (140lbs). I constantly heard how she now looks 'gaunt' (she absolutely does not!), how she's 'taking it too far', looks ill, etc. and I find myself constantly trying to justify her weight to others!
I think in the West, 'big' is now the norm and if you were 'big' and are now smaller, then people automatically think there's something wrong.0 -
Take it as a compliment. They are saying you look great right now as you are.0
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Wow!! You just taught me a thing or two. My husband lost quite a bit of weight a couple of years ago (we were both on "A lifestyle change") and he still says he needs to lose 5 - 10 more pounds. I keep telling him he's crazy. Thanks so much, you showed me I need to be a little more understanding to his feelings.0
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are these people bigger than you? sometimes its hard to hear someone say they need to lose when you're bigger then they are and they're trying to lose too. my mom says she's fat all the time.....and she's at my goal weight. it really makes me hate myself when she says that, so thats why i tell her that she looks great (i dont tell her that she shouldnt lose anymore weight, she has a tiny pudge that she wants to get rid of and i get it. it just hurts to think that if SHE'S fat then i must be the most obese person ever...and i'm not.)
that being said. ignore them. people shouldnt tell you "you should stop losing weight" they should say "you look great!" which is in all honestly most likely what they mean. do this for you. not anyone else.0 -
Wow! Thank you for all the wonderful and insightful comments. I agree wholeheartedly that our society is so used to "big as norm" and losing weight is met with both positive and negative reactions.
I am losing weight slowly with a healthy (and substantial) diet and exercise. I feel great about where I am now but I also love a challenge and I want to see how fit and toned I can be.
It looks like many of you are in the same boat and I appreciate all of your words of support.0 -
I would have to say that they are probably just jealous. If you are in the healthy range then I wouldn't even worry about them. You did lose a lot of weight and alot of people (IMO) who lose that much weight don't do it in a healthy way.0
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This happened to me only the other day. I'm actually still in the 'overweight' catergory (by around 10lbs) but was told I should stop losing weight now as I've lost enough. Telling the person in question that I still had over 20lbs to go was met with great surprise!
Sounds like me. I'm a wee bit over 5'7" and currently at 166. I know I should be at least 145. Said friend I mentioned earlier, while flattering, said I looked great right now and didn't appear to need to lose any further weight. I just said thanks but I have a lot of work to do still and I won't be satisfied until I accomplish more.0 -
People tell me that crap all the time. I also get tired of hearing it. My ideal body is one with 17% body fat. That's my ultimate goal. Right now I am at 24%. That's a healthy and normal size, but that's not what I want!!! I want a body without ANY of the jiggle. I want to see rock hard abs. I want to see the definition in my muscles all over my body. I want to get to the point where my size 8 jeans just don't fit anymore cause they are too big.
I think there's this whole group of people who think that anyone trying to lose weight is only doing it to get skinny. In reality, there's a huge number of us with very determined and specific goals, and "getting skinny" or "losing a few pounds" just doesn't cut it.0 -
It's sort of like so many people say Drew Carey and Anthony Hopkins look so much older/worse now that they've lost weight. Yeah they look older, their fat isn't puffing their wrinkles up any longer! ;-)0
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As long as your priority is to be healthy then the only criticism that you need to pay attention to is that from your doctor.0
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You have nothing to feel guilty about. You have done a great thing not only for your health but also for your self esteem. Congratulations on all your hard work! YOU SOOOO DESERVE IT!!!!!! You are an inspiration to everyone and if peoplem can't see that then that's their problem. Good luck and best wishes in all your goals. :drinker: :bigsmile: :flowerforyou:0
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Your Marathon buddies won't give you that crap and neither will we. Be healthy and look healthy the alternative is not only not attractive, it is not fun, and feels worse. Keep it up you are doing a great job, in the words of Billy Crystal, "You look marvelous!"0
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I know how you feel! It has to be them use to seeing you as a "bigger" person. Once I hit 50 pounds lost several people asked if I was going to stop. Umm...no! I'm still over 200 pounds even! Keep doing it the right way and they will just have to deal with it if you ask me. Good luck!0
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I know how you feel! It has to be them use to seeing you as a "bigger" person. Once I hit 50 pounds lost several people asked if I was going to stop. Umm...no! I'm still over 200 pounds even! Keep doing it the right way and they will just have to deal with it if you ask me. Good luck!
That is crazy.... I mean, great job on having lost 50 lbs, but still being over 200 lbs means a lot of unfinished business. I'm glad you know that you still have work to do!!!
150 lbs is a great ending weight goal! Good for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not even in the overweight section of my BMI yet and I am hearing it.
Sometimes I think it is shock for people.
I was like starting to get close to three hundred right after my pregnancy.
Everyone was SO used to seeing me eat, and eat a lot.
I think now it's just them trying to get used to the woman I am now.
Or, if the person is bigger themselves, sometimes I think it might be jealousy.
It's not right but I have done it myself before...
But do it for you!!
Keep up the amazing work 0 -
Your Marathon buddies won't give you that crap and neither will we.
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I know how you feel! It has to be them use to seeing you as a "bigger" person. Once I hit 50 pounds lost several people asked if I was going to stop. Umm...no! I'm still over 200 pounds even! Keep doing it the right way and they will just have to deal with it if you ask me. Good luck!
That is crazy.... I mean, great job on having lost 50 lbs, but still being over 200 lbs means a lot of unfinished business. I'm glad you know that you still have work to do!!!
150 lbs is a great ending weight goal! Good for you! :flowerforyou:
Thank you! A guy I was dating nearly freaked out when I told him I wasn't even halfway done. It was not a pleasant conversation for him. But I'm not doing this for anybody else but me and my own health. :bigsmile:0 -
People like to know what's going on around them. It's really as simple as that. We categorize the people we know a certain way because it helps us understand our world and how we fit in it. When the notions we have about any part of our world change, we feel uncomfortable and react accordingly, with concern. This false perspective is why they think you are too thin. They aren't trying to sabotage you, it's just that something they thought they understaould is changing, and no one likes change.
Edit; Also, remember that many of these people have tried losing weight in the past. They've starved themselves, then binged all the weight back on. If they starved themselves and failed, then you must be starving yourself even more, which is, of course, unhealthy.0 -
Don't listen to them!! You are doing this for yourself and not them!! Great job on the weight loss!!0
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