The Magic Rattlesnake

So this cowboy is riding along the range, keeping an eye on the Herefords, when he hears a rattling from the sagebrush. " That there's a rattlesnake, I'm gonna shoot the varmint", he says to himself, and gets off his horse and walks over to the clump of sagebrush, sees the snake--a big one, with a strangely intelligent look in its eyes-- draws his Colt and takes aim. "Wait, don't shoot", says the rattlesnake, "I was blessed by a tribal shaman, I'm a magic rattlesnake, spare my life and I can grant you three wishes". "Three wishes, huh," says Dusty, "Okay, rattlesnake, let's see what you can do. First, I wanna be handsome, look just like John Wayne...."Okay, you got it," says the snake with a rattle of its tail, " You gonna look just like John Wayne". "Second," says Dusty, "I wanna be rich, have a big ol' footlocker under my bunk filled up with Spanish gold coins". The snake rattles its tail again, and says, "You got it, big footlocker full of Spanish gold under your bunk. Now, what about yer third wish?" "Hmm, says Dusty, " I'm a-gonna be rich an' handsome, what else is there? Oh, okay, I wanna have me a sex organ just like my horse's". "Are you sure?" says the snake, "That's pretty big..." "Yep, that's what I want", says the cowboy. "Okay, you got it, now ride back to your bunkhouse and by the time you get there all three wishes will be yours", says the snake, and slithers off into the sagebrush. Dusty leaps onto his horse and gallops like mad back to the bunkhouse, whoopin' and hollerin' for joy, runs into the bunkhouse and looks in the mirror over the wash basin...sure enough, there's John Wayne lookin' back at him. Laughing, he runs to his bunk, looks underneath, there's a big footlocker so heavy he can barely drag it out, and it proves to be full of glittering Spanish gold. "Oh boy", says Dusty to himself, and hauls down his britches and screams......"OH MY GOD, I WAS RIDING THE MARE!!"