Will I always see myself as Fat?

So a huge NSV for me - I have been bigger as long as I can remember all the way back to like 8th grade. I have always wondered if I could ever lose enough weight to not feel fat. If I would always see myself as "the big girl". When I would look at myself I would see the huge girl assuming everyone was looking at me thinking how fat I was. Or when I would go the beach or something I would think they were thinking "she is so fat why is she here?". I would walk by mirrors in the mall and think how disgusting I looked.

I know I have only lost 30 lbs but what I realized is the fact that I am doing something to try to take care of myself. That I am working toward a goal has made all the difference. I don't see myself as huge anymore. When I look in the mirror I'm not disgusted. Now realizing I am still 200lbs I know that it isn't so much in the changes in my appearance (well some of it is) but it is more in my heart, in the way I see myself. In caring for myself I am learning to love myself and it feels great. I would love to hear others stories of how they see themselves has changed. I know this isn't going to happen over night and is going so much slower than I want but I will get there.

And if you still see yourself as huge and disgusting remember you are on here, you are logging, you are doing something to make a difference and that is beautiful and something to be proud of.