Started to feel really underconfident.

DasGoff
DasGoff Posts: 55
in Motivation and Support
Apologies in advance for my depressing post.

I haven't been able to properly track for a few days because my internet has been down and the app on my phone wouldn't load properly (kept just getting a black screen).

Anyway I am beginning to lose confidence in myself, I've noticed I am becoming more lethargic and am having a seriously hard time getting myself to do anything. A few weeks ago I was absolutely fine; doing exercise, eating well and feeling more and more confident as the days went by. Then suddenly about four days ago I have became really self conscious. I look at myself and can no longer see the changes I could see previously. It feels like my effort is reversing and whenever I look at myself all I can see is my stomach sticking out and my thighs pressing together. I don't wan't anyone to see me, I don't want to leave my house and when I eat I start feeling disgusted with myself how I used to when I was younger. (I am a fully recovered anorexic it's been 8 years since my recovery and in that time I ended up going the opposite way into overweightness)

It's really beginning to worry me.

Replies

  • spoiledpuppies
    spoiledpuppies Posts: 675 Member
    I'm not sure that anorexia is something you ever fully recover from. I have a friend who relapsed like 15-20 years later--bad, like we truly thought she was going to die. She was very aware of her problem, but couldn't stop herself. She talked a lot about how it's something she'll deal with forever.

    I recommend talking to someone now, while you're recognizing these feelings as destructive.
  • fatoldladyonamission
    fatoldladyonamission Posts: 581 Member
    I have no experience with anorexia, however couldn't just read and run. Do you have a friend you can talk to and boost your confidence again? If not what about speaking to your gp and asking for help?
  • LearnFromTheRed
    LearnFromTheRed Posts: 294 Member
    When I started reading I wondered whether you were perhaps going through some hormonal 'stuff', or just having to re-adjust to eating less/differently. but your last couple of sentences changed my mind. Do you still have a support network, or a GP you could talk to?
  • dazzer1975
    dazzer1975 Posts: 104 Member
    When I started reading I wondered whether you were perhaps going through some hormonal 'stuff', or just having to re-adjust to eating less/differently. but your last couple of sentences changed my mind. Do you still have a support network, or a GP you could talk to?

    This.

    I used to have a close friend who had anorexia, i felt so helpless, I wanted to take it all away but as an onlooker you cant.

    I wish you every success and all the positivity and love and care in the world, I was going to say just carry on eating right and doing what you are doing to live a healthy life...forget the scales, forget the mirror, just do the right thing, and maybe your mind will catch up and reap the rewards, but as above, I think if you don't currently, then you should definitely, at the very least talk with a doctor about your thoughts and feelings and see wether there is some underlying issue raising it's head etc.


    Take care and best wishes
  • DasGoff
    DasGoff Posts: 55
    I spoke to my GP about my periods of what felt like depressive/destructive behavior a few months back and got referred to a psychiatrist who pretty much said that what I was doing was for attention (I didn't open up much because he had a psychiatry student in the room with him and it made me feel really uncomfortable.

    I have no contact with a support group and the only friend I have who claims to have had anorexia in the past but when I have tried to speak to her about how I feel she turns it into a one-upping match where rather than offer support she goes on about how much worse she's suffered, which doesn't help.

    I don't really know anyone who I can relate to in regards to how I feel, I have my boyfriend who tries to understand and show support but you can see he is at a loss on how to help.

    By fully recovered I meant strictly on a "I am no longer underweight and refusing to eat" basis, I still have a very negative approach to my body image, which is something I have never been able to fully get over.
  • chayrie27
    chayrie27 Posts: 14 Member
    Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get an opinion from a different psychiatrist who understands your problem. I know it's not a nice journey to go out there and look for the right psychiatrist, but it sounds like you could really benefit from it.

    If you feel the urge to talk to somebody; there are different support groups on MFP about eating disorders, depression and so on.
    Sometimes it's easier to share one's thoughts with strangers in a similar situation...

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