How do I support my wife?
jernah
Posts: 1
How do I support my wife and her weight loss goals? It is something which she has struggled with and continues to struggle with. I know I don't have a clue where to start. I am really looking for help.
Any ideas, advice, or anything would help.
Any ideas, advice, or anything would help.
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Replies
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First of all - it's great that you want to support her. Depending on how much weight she has to lose, she's going to have to make some significant and permanent lifestyle changes. These changes will no doubt involve/affect you too.
So, for the first step, is she set up on this site? One of the great features of MFP is to determine the proper caloric range a person should be eating to lose weight.
Once she knows this information - she's going to have to start adjusting her food intake/meals to stay within her suggested range. This may mean a change in what types of foods she'll want to eat so that they are less 'calorie dense' options. Does your wife prepare the food in your home? Do you? Do you tend to eat out a lot? If meals are prepared at home, new recipes may need to be considered. If you eat out a lot - you may want to look for different choices that have healthy options.
I personally found that planning/cooking/tracking takes quite a bit of time and dedication. One of the things my husband has done to help support me was to offer to take over some of the tasks that I typically managed -specifically, grocery shopping and some meal preparation.
Your wife may also need assistance in determining what type of exercise she's going to build into her program - a very important part of weight loss. This will also take additional time and energy.0 -
Whenever you figure this out, be sure to let me know.0
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She's the only one who can answer that, because there's different ways that people prefer support. Some like tough love, some want hand-holding, some want encouragement, some want a workout partner, some want exercise to be alone-time.0
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Have you asked her what kind of support she wants?
Some people want you to call them out when they're making poor choices, some people want a workout buddy, some people want you to just encourage. I think step 1 is asking her what she needs.0 -
Keep temptations out of the house. If those foods are there, or you are eating them in front of her, it will make it much harder on her. My husband is not dieting (and I have kids) -- they eat their dessert when I am exercising so that I don't see it. As far as snacks, I try to get them things that I can eat too (without too much guilt).
Are you interested in exercising with her? It could be fun spending that time together....and it will show your support.0 -
lol @ MoreBean and LorinaLynn-- it's like you guys are on each others' friend lists or something.0
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Even though you don't have much weight to lose, keep tracking your nutrition once your reach your goal. Try to get her to sign up. You can do it together - logging, meal planning, cooking, weighing/measuring your food (and your bodies!), eating and exercising. I just started in April & I've lost over 40 pounds. I'm never hungry unless I go too long without eating, so I plan snacks into my day. I'm on about 1500 calories/day plus more for exercise (I eat about half my exercise calories back). My husband just joined about two weeks ago after seeing my results. He only has about 30# to lose so he chose 1/2#/week goal, whereas I have 135# to lose so I am being aggressive with losing 2-2 1/2#/week. We swim & hike together and he "cheats" a little by copying my diary for our dinners. He also frequently asks if I would like to "burn 25 or 30 calories" - sexy, right!?! Make it fun & be supportive. Do it for your health, the weight loss is a bonus!0
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You should sit down and have a talk with her about what kind of support she wants. Another great way of supporting her is joining her. You can help each other by researching different exercise and nutrition plans and see what best fits your individual needs. There's no one size fits all, and so it's important you plan out the proper nutrition and workouts to reach your optimum goals. I'm currently organizing a fitness group if you and your wife would like to join. In it we can help each other with motivation and accountability. You'll also get some great tips on what and how to eat and the types of exercise routines you can try at home. You can add me as a friend...good luck!
fb.com/onemoreletsgo0 -
She's the only one who can answer that, because there's different ways that people prefer support. Some like tough love, some want hand-holding, some want encouragement, some want a workout partner, some want exercise to be alone-time.
This. We are all motivated in different ways. Have a heart to heart with her and find out what she needs from you and then do your best to support her in the ways that she needs. Kudos to you for seeking out ways to support her, she's blessed to have such a loving husband.0 -
Best advice i can give is don't ever say anything negative. Ever. Even if you think you're helping. She has to do this for herself, so the rest is beyond your help.0
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How do I support my wife and her weight loss goals? It is something which she has struggled with and continues to struggle with. I know I don't have a clue where to start. I am really looking for help.
Any ideas, advice, or anything would help.
I know where you are coming from here. I actually had to do my best to convince my wife at the start that she was strong enough to do this sort of thing. I started the cleaner eating with her. I actually ended up making all the meals since i love to cook and well shes not very good at it. She decided to take the big plunge and commit to 6 days a week walking no matter what 4.2km. I do this with her also and slowly it starts to take effect. She has lost 9lbs now in about 6 weeks tomorrow and she couldn't be happier. She doesn't like the social scene of the MFP board so i usually am the one thats active on it. Shes a very private person for some reason. Walking together will really bring you a lot closer. I wouldn't have thought that possible but it did for us. If she doesn't meet her goals, over eats, cheats on the so called diet. Its ok, just support her and explain that this doesn't happen over night. Understand if shes grumpy and barks at you. Not happy with what the scale says. Just be there to support her as she needs it.0 -
My husband became a member here, even though he's not overweight. He is also tracking his food and using the opportunity to train for a marathon and lifting weights to get stronger. People can always make a commitment to get healthier, even if they aren't overweight.
Before I joined, all I wanted from my husband was for him to listen and understand. "Tough love" doesn't work for me. As others have said, ask her what she wants from you. I think it's FANTASTIC that you want to support her. You're clearly a "keeper".
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I agree with asking her what kind of support she wants/needs. Here's what my husband does.
1.) Limits junk food in the house, and what is here, is on what I call "the off-limits shelf." That works for me--I can just tell myself to not even consider anything there (but it's usually just tortilla chips and Oreos). He's offered to keep junk food at work, but the off-limits shelf works for me for now. I did tell him that we can't have Little Debbie Nutty Bars because I just love them too much. And if he has ice cream, it has to be kinds I don't like.
2.) Accommodates my limited dining out options. We used to go to a lot of buffets, which he loves. He knows I can't go now. He knows that before we go somewhere, I'm going to look up the menu to check my options. And maybe I say we can't go there. After we arrive somewhere (like earlier today), I might still double-check the online nutrition chart before I can order. He's patient through all of this. So grateful.
3.) He goes out to eat by himself if needed. I told him to please feel free to do this if he needs one of his buffets or has a craving that I can't join in on. He does sometimes. Today, he said, "I think I'm going to go deal with a food thing." It would have been fine if he had gone alone, but we talked about where he might go and whether I could accompany him. We ended up agreeing on a place. He was going to run to his mom's this morning (about 45 minutes away). He loves to go out for breakfast, and I never have. I was going to go with to his mom's place, but I ended up saying, "If you want to go by yourself and go out to breakfast with her, that works for me." I ended up going with him because he said he didn't need breakfast out, but I wanted to make sure it was on the table.
4.) We've always been really good about eating together. We maybe didn't always eat the same thing, but we would time our meal prep so that we'd eat together/wait for each other. I told him that I can't necessarily do that now that I'm not snacking. If he's snacked in the afternoon and is out doing yard work in the evening, I may have to go ahead and eat dinner without him because I'm hungry. He understands this.
5.) He deals with me being on this site a lot! And he listens when I tell him about posts, success stories, etc. (I try to limit this--mostly just tell him the really cool things!)
He's being kind of awesome about this. It's wonderful that you're even asking what you can do to help. You will make a big difference to her success!0 -
Have you asked her what kind of support she wants?
Some people want you to call them out when they're making poor choices, some people want a workout buddy, some people want you to just encourage. I think step 1 is asking her what she needs.
I agree. Different people want and need different things. I would add that just working together, being on the same page (whatever that mean to the two of you) is probably the biggest thing. And it sounds like you're willing to do that. Hoping the best for both of you.0 -
How do you support her in other areas or your life together? If she is the type of person who just wants you to listen while she rants or who likes you to call her on it when she is being unrealistic or unreasonable then she will probably want that same type of support in losing weight loss.
One thing I would say is to let her know that you love her as she is and will continue to love her as she changes. Do little things that remind her that she might be doing this to get healthier now but that you recognize that she is adding years to the time you get to spend together as a couple.0 -
How do I support my wife and her weight loss goals? It is something which she has struggled with and continues to struggle with. I know I don't have a clue where to start. I am really looking for help.
Any ideas, advice, or anything would help.
First of all, you're amazing and wonderful - your wife is so lucky to have you on her side! I hope she manages it.
All I can tell you is what my husband does for me and he's a hero and wonderful! If any of this works for your wife too, good luck to you both!
• He doesn't judge me - he manages to give me encouragement without judging - What I mean by that is, he doesn't say anything that suggests I was fat or unhealthy before, but he does say I'm looking good now, it's doing me good, it's worth it, I'm able to walk faster and further, stuff like that.
• He's honest - I have just over another stone to lose to reach a healthy weight, and some people are telling me I've lost enough already. I was asking him his opinion today and he agrees I could lose a little bit more. But he manages to say this without saying anything negative. He wouldn't ever have volunteered that, but I pressed and he was honest, and I appreciated that.
• He asks me what I want to eat, and listens to me when I talk about my choices, and what's good.
• He still offers me "naughty" things like biscuits and cakes - so I don't feel like I'm being protected or managed like an invalid or an addict or something, but he doesn't push them. And only with our morning cup of coffee. What I mean is, he doesn't try to manage my diet, he leaves me fully in control and supports my choices, and he treats me like a normal person (as he should)
• I don’t particularly have any problem foods, I can ignore sweet and fatty things in the house, so I don’t have an issue with temptation. If I did, I know I could ask him to keep those things out of the house and he would.
• He gave me gift vouchers for clothes for my birthday because he knew things weren't fitting me anymore, so I could buy new jeans and things.
• He appreciates the new me, and shows it - tells me I look good, tells me things he likes in me. Again, he does this in a way that's not referring back to how I was, he doesn't say things that make me feel bad about how I was, he doesn't compare, he just enjoys what I am like now and shows me that he does.
• He eats with me - he might add bread or extra potatoes or whatever he wants, which I'll leave out because of the calories but we eat the same food and he'll help me by suggesting the lower calorie things sometimes like noodles instead of potatoes, or fish instead of pasta.
• When he cooks he tries to remember to weigh things so I can log what I've eaten, and tells me patiently what he's put in the food.
• He listens to me, when I talk about how I felt before and how I feel now, and what I think, and what I hope and everything, he just listens. He's never been overweight, in fact he's always been really skinny. So he doesn't try to "know" what I'm talking about, but just accepts what I'm saying.
• He just treats me as normal and loves me and supports me when things are difficult in life, and laughs with me and enjoys my company and is generally a great friend.0 -
I think it is a case of `does my bum look big in this` you are damned if you do and damned if if you don`t give the correct answer..
My opinion just be there and don`t give advice. unless you are doing exactly the same diet and exercise, then you can share.0 -
What a wonderful question! Thank you for asking it.
This is what works for me:
1. Join in. I lost 70 pounds back in high school JUST by eating whatever my parents were making while they were losing weight. As a family, we lost infinitely more than we could have on our own. Just joining in is the best support. Exercise especially is WAY easier to do with a friend than it is alone!
2. NEVER police food. Don't say, "should you be eating that", or "that's not on your plan", or anything negative at all. For me, I actually count into my diet a few things like a glass of wine at the end of the day. Also, I'm sensitive, so "should you eat that?" turns into "you look terrible" in my head.
3. Reward and congratulate. If she picks a salad instead of a burger, tell her she's great. If she goes for a walk instead of watching tv, go with her and tell her you love the together time. When she tells you she has lost weight, tell her you could tell because of how happy and glowing she looks. Celebrate the little successes together, and it will be easier to feel like she is making progress.
4. Don't ever say "I told you so" or make negative comments if she has a misstep. This is an extension of the never police food thing, but is really, really important. So what if she ate cake, and didn't lose the weight she'd hoped this week? Tell her that she's doing great, she looks great, and you are proud of her, no matter what.
5. If she seems to lose motivation, try to get motivated yourself. Change things up by going on a date, going away for the weekend, changing your schedules, or organizing something involving physical activity (like going to a batting cage, or to a climbing wall). Actions speak louder than words, and this will be a much healthier way to motivate her, rather than saying "shouldn't you be exercising?"
Good luck!0 -
I think it is a case of `does my bum look big in this` you are damned if you do and damned if if you don`t give the correct answer..
My opinion just be there and don`t give advice. unless you are doing exactly the same diet and exercise, then you can share.
No. The correct answer is "You look beautiful and I love you and I am proud of how hard you are working!" (best said while giving her a big hug).0 -
You mean the right answer to, "Does my butt look big in these pants?", isn't "not as big as it USED TO!" ? ? ?0
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Ba ha ha ha ha..... It might just be me but, I would like this answer!0
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Your wife may have her own thoughts on the matter. The support that would work for me would be for my husband to eat the same meals that I do, especially since I cook them, keep high calories temptations out of sight, or, better yet, out of the house, and to go hiking and biking with me. I get most of that support, and I've learned to live with my husband having some food around the house, out of sight, that I can't eat.
Oh, and my husband compliments me all the time, which he did before I lost weight, so it's not a big change, but the point is that he didn't stop doing something that was already working.0
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