mom passed away & struggling....need help, pls!

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annbillingsley
annbillingsley Posts: 60 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi all!

My name is Ann and I am a 38 yr old mother of two wonderful boys age 6 and 12. In the last 3.5 years, I have had several devastating life changes occur and I am finding it difficult to get back on the wagon to a healthier and fitter me. April of 2010 my father, who was my hero, passed away at the age of 64 due to a heart attack. January of 2011, my mentally/emotionally abusive husband of 10.5 years left me for another woman and has been using the children as leverage and a tool of control since he left. and August 15, just 1.5 weeks ago, my mother passed after years of suffering.

At this point, I don't feel like doing anything, cooking anything, and certainly do not feel like measuring everything out and recording it.

I am reaching out for friends right now, because I took a few months off during the summer and my friends list dwindled. I need the help and encouragement, but be warned it may take me a bit to be as active on your profiles as you are on mine. I am sorry about that in advance!

Thanks to everyone!
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Replies

  • emmy_lu12
    emmy_lu12 Posts: 2
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    That sounds really harsh :( Losing someone you love is REALLY hard. I know how you feel. I recently lost my grandpa one month ago from cancer. My grandpa raised me my entire life since my parents didnt. He was a father to me. Its a terrible feeling! Stay strong :) Being in an abusive relationship sounds really hard :( Thats really too bad that he is doing that to you. Abusive never ends and is a vicious cycle. I have a cousin thats in the same situation as you!!! Its really sick and twisted what they come up with.
  • Renegade706
    Renegade706 Posts: 209
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    Im so sorry you have went through all that. IT sounds like your ready to make life better though so congratulations on having a fighting spirit. You can change your habits and reach your goals. Honor your parents and be a positive example to your kids by getting healthy and making new habits! Feel free to add me will encourage you all I can. Good luck and God bless
  • CompressedCarbon
    CompressedCarbon Posts: 357 Member
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    Ann, you've been through one huge storm after another and sound like you're still in the middle of one. Even posting this shows a great deal of strength and a great attitude. Making even small steps to regain control is a great start. You should be proud of yourself for deciding to become more healthy. If you are like I was in the middle of one of my storms, some days will be ok and others not so great. Feel free to FR me. Be gentle with yourself and just keep reaching out. You'll be great.
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    It is a lot for one person to take. Can you talk to a professional? I know it saved me when I went thru my child custody crap.

    I would say just try to do one thing for your health every day. Just small goal such as I went fora walk for 20 minutes or I didn't eat the whole tub of ice cream.

    Good luck dear
  • mike_usmc
    mike_usmc Posts: 105 Member
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    Sounds like you have went through a lot lately. The fact you are here and pushing through should show yourself and everyone your a strong person. I understand your going through hard times, and you'll hear it all the time but...Things will get better, and do get better.

    "Be strong. things will get better. It might be stormy now but rain does not last forever."

    If not for lifes hardships we wouldn't be the strong people we are now.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    Very sorry you went through so much.
    We just survived a few rough years.
    I don't know how to help, but welcome.
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
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    Ouch...you've been through a lot. As suggested, talking to a professional might be something to consider to help you sort though everything. Feel free to friend me and I hope you get the break in life that you deserve!
  • Booboomyers
    Booboomyers Posts: 11 Member
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    ~Hi hunni. Sorry to hear your news. im in a similar position. I lost my Auntie July 2010, my Dad to cancer Oct 2010, my uncle July 2011 to cancer and my Mum Oct 2011 to cancer. Been through a really dark side lately. Put over a stone on after finding out I have been made redundant. This weekend thought I need to get a grip as this is making me even more unhappy. I fiind taking my anger out on exercise helps. Im going for a run in the morning to let of some steam. And as for weighing food. Just eat mountains of veg then you don't have to bother. Hope things look up for you soon. Take care xxx
  • glamasjr
    glamasjr Posts: 31 Member
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    Ann, so terribly sorry for your loss and struggles. You will gain a supportive family here on MFP. Please add me as a friend and I'll walk beside you.

    Hugs from Dallas...: )
  • lizziecheek
    lizziecheek Posts: 65 Member
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    Thanks for reaching out. It shows how courageous you are to ask for help. I am so sorry for your losses. Losing your dad who sounds like he was your rock had to shake your very foundation. Being in an abusive relationship for the amount of years you were it is amazing you have been able to leave that situation. I am so glad you did. I find abusive men and women for that matter abhorrent! What he is doing to your children sounds to me like child abuse. I know the criminal justice system is not always fair, or just but protecting yourself and your beautiful children is your right.

    It sounds like your mother suffered a long time. Losing her after a long illness by no way lessons your pain. Losing ones mother and father when you are so young is heartbreaking.

    I understand how difficult grief can be. I am sure it takes every ounce of energy just to care for your children and then there is nothing left for you. The end of 2005 and beginning of 2007 my boyfriend died unexpectedly and mother died days after she was diagnosed with lung cancer.

    I am here for you to support you any way I can. Please feel free to add me to friend list.

    Liz
  • rikwaynik
    rikwaynik Posts: 724 Member
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    So sorry for your loss. I agree with Renegade and also those who suggested counseling. In grief counseling you would be able to talk through all of your losses. All the best to you.
  • xwaitxwhatx
    xwaitxwhatx Posts: 10 Member
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    Im sorry to hear about your struggles while theres nothing i can say to help you per-say, you should look at this and tell yourself look what life is throwing at me, and im still here im dealing with it, im strong enough to deal with it. see we can suprise ourselves and not even know it the moment thats the hardest for us is a challenge a test of willpower, all the advice i can give is to tell yourself you can handle it you're strong enough to over come it and when you do it will simply be a challenge you conqured.
  • EvelynBfly78
    EvelynBfly78 Posts: 240 Member
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    Sorry for your losses. I also agree with going for grief counseling. When I lost my husband 3-1/2 years ago I went to a bereavement group sponsored by a local hospital. I built a support group & that was a help too. I'm glad you are reaching out to us on mfp. Friend me. I want to part of your support group.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Wow, so sorry to hear all of that. I don't know what your religious views are, but I believe that God has a plan for all of us and never gives us more than we can handle. Doing something for yourself like getting in shape will hopefully lift your spirits.
  • SouthernCountryGirl
    SouthernCountryGirl Posts: 195 Member
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    Everyone is offering sympathies, I offer mine as well. The road you've traveled, whether you wanted to or not, has been a rough one. I've survived divorce, alcoholism, and most recently the death of my father. I've come back and fought harder than ever for myself, my kids and especially my dad because I know he's watching me. I'd be happy to be a friend and help you through all of your trials and tribulations, because it's not over, as I'm sure you know. But it does get better. You taking the first step here is proof of that!!
  • jadethief
    jadethief Posts: 266 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. If all you can do right now is to put one foot in front of the other, then that's enough. I agree that some counseling might be beneficial in order to deal with the ex and your grief. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your wonderful children. Add me if you want.
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
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    Each person has to find their own internal motivation but I will share what has helped me during the harder times. I love music and find I can tune out the world with ear buds in and I walk, I find a new neighborhood where I'm not known and just go until I feel exhausted then take a nice shower and life seems easier. As for cooking set yourself up with a day of it each week, make sauces, pasta, rice, steam and chop veggies and sort them into individual meals for yourself. You're more likely to just grab a container and eat it than to cook especially on evenings or days with no kids. Use the crock pot too, coming home to the smell of a good meal can bring comfort.
    Be the best YOU that you can be, give your kids a mom to look up too, someone that treats herself well and they'll help get you through it.
  • jenjen828
    jenjen828 Posts: 58 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss. All you can do is the best that you can do and take care of yourself. I agree that counseling could give you some perspective in what you are going through. Sometimes we all need someone to listen and give us wise advise on how to cope with everything life is throwing at us. If you want to add me as a friend, please do. I am on here logging every day and would be glad to encourage or help you in any way that I can.
  • mmccance123
    mmccance123 Posts: 8
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    Hi Ann,

    You have my deepest sympathy in the passing of your Mom.

    It is not easy, but you are not alone.

    One of the things I kind of do is "isolate" and I'm in the process of coming out of that place now. I've been trying different things to help support and motivate me to not only lose weight but to participate in my own life again and, oddly, one of the things that helps me are written reminders that I place around the house on little business sized cards. I make them myself and print them out on business card stock.

    The one that touches my heart the most are the words "I am loved, and I am worthwhile" which reflect that God loves me and I am worthwhile because Jesus is my Savior -- He did what He did for me.

    I don't know if you are a Christian (I obviously am) but I do know that remembering that you are loved and you only have to "do today" helps me. Today is the only day I can actually do anything. Worrying about the future (or the past) will not make you feel good, but by letting go of those things which you cannot change anyway you will feel the relief from the burden.

    If you know the Serenity Prayer -- (you can do a search for it) and then put your faith in the One who can truly help you get through this day -- you will make it through.

    Sometimes we simply have to encourage ourselves with what we know is the real truth. Count your blessings and remember them. You will have more of them!!

    You are loved

    You are worthwhile

    Hugs,
    Marcia
  • sjdesr
    sjdesr Posts: 2
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    That is an awful lot to go through in such a short time. I am so sorry for your losses. Definitely take one day at a time. I do wish the best for you and would love to support you.

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