I could really use some validation

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whitlisd
whitlisd Posts: 85
in Motivation and Support
My partner and I were entertaining on Friday evening and all was going well (although we have discussed splitting up recently). Our company was departing and our dog followed her outside as we were saying goodbye. All of a sudden there is a commotion and he got sprayed in the face by a skunk. My partner, for whatever reason, decided it was a good idea to put him in the house to see if he was injured. Upon inspection, I felt he was okay, so I let him out the back door into the yard and googled a home remedy as it was already 11 pm.

Partner comes inside and asks where the dog is. I said he was outside, for which I got a glare and then it was determined that someone had to go pick up something to bathe him with. I was basically "instructed" to get the dog in the house because he was "SCARED". By this time, I had a towel over my nose and was just about to throw up and I said "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? He just got sprayed by a SKUNK!!!" THEEE worst smell on the planet by the way. It permeated the entire house and everything in it in a matter of seconds.

I was so angry and sick at the smell, that I left the dog in the house and had to go sit in my car because the smell was even too horrible to bear in the back yard. Partner gets home, sees me in my car and walks by, bathes the dog and goes to bed. I fell asleep in the car for about 3 hours and woke up freezing as I had to strip down because now my car reeked. I went inside, opened the window of my bedroom, turned on the fan, sprayed copious amounts of air freshener, pulled the covers over my head and tried to sit there with an aromatherapy jar with me and the smell was STILL too powerful.

We got into a HUGE fight in the morning as supposedly I am to blame for not caring about the dog and not helping to bathe him. This has NOTHING to do with my feelings for the dog...He had just been sprayed by a SKUNK!!!! Someone, please PLEASE tell me I am not wrong by wanting to keep him in the yard until we got stuff to bathe him with!!!!! Would you let your dog into the house after being SPRAYED??????

Thanks for listening.
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Replies

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    You were both wrong. Seek couples therapy.
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
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    What kind of dog? Different people have different dogs, and the type of dog they have is a window into their personality type. I'm a Lab/Retriever guy, so if my dog get's sprayed, I hose her down and bathe her outside. My aunt has a couple Pomeranians, if they get sprayed my uncle is sleeping outside and incurring the wrath in the morning much like you did.

    I'm willing to bet based on your story that your husband is a "girly-man" and your dog likely weighs less than 20 pounds and might even have curly hair. If this is the case, you're not really right or wrong, you're just the man in the relationship so to speak.

    Now, if you have a big dog, you're definitely right in my book, though you should have helped bathe the dog either way, even if you disagree with the place it's being done. Your dog shouldn't suffer because of your troubles with your SO.

    Rigger
  • whitlisd
    whitlisd Posts: 85
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    I agree 100% that I should have helped bathe the dog. It was the fact that I couldn't handle the smell and it was a beautiful evening outside, so he would have been fine on the deck. My dog is a golden retriever and a lovely gent. I love him to pieces, but this was just over the top stupid!! My house still smells 3 days later and for me, it didn't have to turn out that way if we could have just washed him outside.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I think you both handled it wrong. Honestly letting the dog in at the last minute or not would not have made a difference, the house would have stunk anyway. I would have bathed him outside, but I would definitely have helped. The bottom line is that you're pissed that the house stank (I would be too) and he's pissed that he had to handle washing the dog alone (I would be too).

    Bottom line, you guys handled it poorly and would probably benefit from couple counseling. I'm not judging though, my husband and I have handled some emergency situations pretty badly too.

    ETA: read your last post, yeah, if he didn't want to wash him outside I'd be extremely pissed too!
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
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    Well, if you have a retriever then you're right in my book and your husband is a bit of a girl. No offense.

    Rigger
  • beekay70
    beekay70 Posts: 214 Member
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    Well, if you have a retriever then you're right in my book and your husband is a bit of a girl. No offense.

    Rigger

    Why the assumption that her partner isn't a woman?

    Edited to add that I did not intend to imply anything other than assumptions can lead to offense.
  • whitlisd
    whitlisd Posts: 85
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    Well, if you have a retriever then you're right in my book and your husband is a bit of a girl. No offense.

    Rigger

    Why the assumption that her partner isn't a woman?


    Very perceptive of you beekay! :flowerforyou:
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I just assumed too, lol, although I had doubts :p
  • lavaughan69
    lavaughan69 Posts: 459 Member
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    Oh, I'm so sorry your dog got skunked! My black lab has been sprayed three times in her ten year life, I hope never again!!

    First, I only wish my husband were home during a spraying, unfortunately he travels a lot for work so has had the good fortune of missing every spraying. I definitely never let her in the house. If I open the door and I smell skunk then she's outside until I gather the stuff needed to bath her. We have a kiddie pool for her to lay in so I use that to bath her in. I start first with a dry paper towel and blot at the skunk oils on her head and then follow-up with peroxide, gently wiping her face. After that it's a full on tomato juice bath. That makes the smell tolerable and that's when I let her in the house. Grudgingly!

    I think it's pretty crazy to let a skunked dog in the house before you attempt to get all the smell out, but I think your reaction was a bit over the top too. I know that feeling of not being able to get the smell out of your nose once you it's in there, but to sleep in the car seems rather excessive. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to try and bath my dog by myself and would give anything for my husband to have been home to help. I was often left feeling exhausted and frustrated at doing it alone. When times are tough that is when you should be able to rely on each other the most, so it's a shame that instead it caused you to move farther apart. There's clearly more going on in your relationship that you need to look at.

    I wish you luck in airing out your house!
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
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    Well, if you have a retriever then you're right in my book and your husband is a bit of a girl. No offense.

    Rigger

    Why the assumption that her partner isn't a woman?


    Very perceptive of you beekay! :flowerforyou:

    Oops, for some reason I thought I read "he" in there somewhere, sorry about that. It makes sense though now that I think about it. In any case, what I said still stands regardless of sex.

    ETA: After reading that again the dog was the "he" I saw. Again, apologies.

    Rigger
  • Bubba_Furley
    Bubba_Furley Posts: 31 Member
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    You are both wrong and need to communicate. Don't think this has anything to do with the dog.

    But... putting your dog into the backyard while you figure out what to do is smart. Your dog is safe in your yard and its a DOG! I have 2 dogs which I have had for 10+ year and I love them dearly. But they can sit outside while you figure out what to do. Like I said though this is bigger than the dog/skunk issue.
  • whitlisd
    whitlisd Posts: 85
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    You are both wrong and need to communicate. Don't think this has anything to do with the dog.

    But... putting your dog into the backyard while you figure out what to do is smart. Your dog is safe in your yard and its a DOG! I have 2 dogs which I have had for 10+ year and I love them dearly. But they can sit outside while you figure out what to do. Like I said though this is bigger than the dog/skunk issue.

    Yep, absolutely bigger than a skunk issue. It's just kind of the straw the broke the camel's back unfortunately. We were at the point of seeking counseling, but now...I dunno. I guess what I did could have been seen as over reactive, but I have a very sensitive stomach. I just wanted to deal with it in the fresh air, rather than the confinement of the house. Oh well, you live and learn I suppose.
  • Bubba_Furley
    Bubba_Furley Posts: 31 Member
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    Honestly if it was me in my relationship I would tell her sorry for not helping her bathe the dog and tell her how the situation made me feel. Just be honest and explain yourself and understand where she is coming from. If anything it will open the communication and you can figure out where to go from there.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    Humans > dogs. Sorry dog people. The dog would have stayed outside until he was cleaned up, for sure. Luckily my boyfriend would have completely agreed with me.
  • alglenn2013
    alglenn2013 Posts: 97 Member
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    You were definitely not wrong to want to put the dog in the backyard. That is only common sense! I worked as a veterinary technician for over 10 years for an emergency clinic. We had to deal with this all the time, and if the dog wasn't bleeding we didn't even let it in the hospital! Any treatment that needed to be done could be done in the parking lot for obvious reason. If we were lucky the client would call when they were on the way and we would do a little phone triage, and they were instructed to LEAVE THE DOG IN THE CAR! When the client arrived a tech would follow them out to their car immediately and assess the situation. If the weather was too hot, or the animal was in distress they got to come inside, but if the dog was happy and safe, but very stinky, they got to wait outside. There is nothing wrong with that. If this had been my husband he would have been instructed to go out and comfort the dog then, and I would go to the store, but the stinky little beast was to stay out! It's easier to de-stink your dog than it is your sofa!

    Great de-skunking recipe: Dawn dish soap + hydrogen peroxide (fresh is best as it loses its potency over time) + baking soda. Mix and apply while very active (avoid the mucous membranes like the eyes, mouth etc) and allow to stand for 10 minutes. Rinse then repeat if necessary.
  • whitlisd
    whitlisd Posts: 85
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    You were definitely not wrong to want to put the dog in the backyard. That is only common sense! I worked as a veterinary technician for over 10 years for an emergency clinic. We had to deal with this all the time, and if the dog wasn't bleeding we didn't even let it in the hospital! Any treatment that needed to be done could be done in the parking lot for obvious reason. If we were lucky the client would call when they were on the way and we would do a little phone triage, and they were instructed to LEAVE THE DOG IN THE CAR! When the client arrived a tech would follow them out to their car immediately and assess the situation. If the weather was too hot, or the animal was in distress they got to come inside, but if the dog was happy and safe, but very stinky, they got to wait outside. There is nothing wrong with that. If this had been my husband he would have been instructed to go out and comfort the dog then, and I would go to the store, but the stinky little beast was to stay out! It's easier to de-stink your dog than it is your sofa!

    Great de-skunking recipe: Dawn dish soap + hydrogen peroxide (fresh is best as it loses its potency over time) + baking soda. Mix and apply while very active (avoid the mucous membranes like the eyes, mouth etc) and allow to stand for 10 minutes. Rinse then repeat if necessary.

    This was the remedy we found and it worked great....Unfortunately, the smell got on everything else before it was applied. Thank you for your voice of reason!!!
  • sabbrown40
    sabbrown40 Posts: 41
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    Well coming from I'm from, a small rural town in SC, the majority of the dogs we own are outdoor pets. I honestly do not think that you were wrong at all. I would have def. left the dog outside. There is no telling how sick either of you could have become from inhaling the fumes from the skunk. As you mentioned it was a nice night temperature wise and I am sure that he could have been secured long enough for you to get the things you needed to wash him up. Taking him back outside was def. not a horrible thing and waiting until you felt comfortable enough and not sick to wash him would not have hurt either...just my opinion.
  • TechOutside
    TechOutside Posts: 101 Member
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    What's with the, "You're both wrong" statements. The problem we have today is that people are willing to walk around without accepting blame for their actions with absolutely no personal responsibility. Then, when the next silly emotional outbreak occurs, the people feel that they can get away with it, and the other will just have to accept their bad behavior. After all, they can't help themselves and we are both wrong all the time. Utter nonsense.

    Note to others, there are people out there that need a bit of introspection or they will continue with bad behavior. There are people out there who will continue to take more than their 50% of their relationship until told "No".

    The smelly dog should have been left outside to be washed. if you don't allow them to defecate in your home, then you certainly aren't going to allow a smelly skunk sprayed dog into your home.

    Let's also be clear. It is a dog. If it weren't for your caring, it would be outside and happy to be there. It is an animal that has instincts for being outside naturally.

    I love dogs, and I understand the human/dog relationship. However, dogs are not human, they wash themselves with their tongue, they have emotions but not to the extent as yours or mine, they have feelings, but not as intense as yours or mine. They do not have the same capacity and range of emotions that you and I have. You wouldn't have hurt it's feelings by keeping it outside while you washed it before you brought it back into the house. It would have shown the same love and affection the next day whether or not you washed it inside or outside.

    If it ran through a cow pasture, with mud and manure, would you wash the dog outside before it came into the house? If your partner ran through the mud, would you ask them to take their shoes off and undress before they came into the house? If the answer is yes, then you have your answer.

    Someone was looking for a fight, they found the trigger with the dog issue and used it to promote the fight.

    You have deeper issues going on than the dog. Seeking counselling is not always the best solution either, I have met a few counselors with their own emotional baggage, willing to find themselves in your relationship and continue to perpetuate their own problems.

    Find yourself, know what you want, and demand that you are treated fairly. If you want 50% of the relationship and the respect, you have to have 50% of the responsibility to demand it.

    Just my two cents.. It was free to ignore.
  • NomadicFlame
    NomadicFlame Posts: 74
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    Your partner was an idiot.

    She sounds like she just wanted you to suffer the stench until she got back with the stuff to clean the dog. Its a dog, it can survive outside. Even if it had been a human being it could have survived outside. Bringing the stinking thing inside and leaving it there on its own was achieving screw all aside from stinking the house up.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    What's with the, "You're both wrong" statements. The problem we have today is that people are willing to walk around without accepting blame for their actions with absolutely no personal responsibility. Then, when the next silly emotional outbreak occurs, the people feel that they can get away with it, and the other will just have to accept their bad behavior. After all, they can't help themselves and we are both wrong all the time. Utter nonsense.

    Note to others, there are people out there that need a bit of introspection or they will continue with bad behavior. There are people out there who will continue to take more than their 50% of their relationship until told "No".

    The smelly dog should have been left outside to be washed. if you don't allow them to defecate in your home, then you certainly aren't going to allow a smelly skunk sprayed dog into your home.

    Let's also be clear. It is a dog. If it weren't for your caring, it would be outside and happy to be there. It is an animal that has instincts for being outside naturally.

    I love dogs, and I understand the human/dog relationship. However, dogs are not human, they wash themselves with their tongue, they have emotions but not to the extent as yours or mine, they have feelings, but not as intense as yours or mine. They do not have the same capacity and range of emotions that you and I have. You wouldn't have hurt it's feelings by keeping it outside while you washed it before you brought it back into the house. It would have shown the same love and affection the next day whether or not you washed it inside or outside.

    If it ran through a cow pasture, with mud and manure, would you wash the dog outside before it came into the house? If your partner ran through the mud, would you ask them to take their shoes off and undress before they came into the house? If the answer is yes, then you have your answer.

    Someone was looking for a fight, they found the trigger with the dog issue and used it to promote the fight.

    You have deeper issues going on than the dog. Seeking counselling is not always the best solution either, I have met a few counselors with their own emotional baggage, willing to find themselves in your relationship and continue to perpetuate their own problems.

    Find yourself, know what you want, and demand that you are treated fairly. If you want 50% of the relationship and the respect, you have to have 50% of the responsibility to demand it.

    Just my two cents.. It was free to ignore.

    These were my thoughts entirely on the subject.

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