Ugly

SoonToBeSmokinHot
SoonToBeSmokinHot Posts: 7
in Motivation and Support
I have always thought of myself as ugly (it didn't help to have a brother who constantly told me that I am). It isn't something that you get over quickly.
Then this morning I realised how often I am told that my daughter looks like I did when I was a child. I could never believe it because there is no doubting that my daughter is objectively beautiful (plus there are plenty of boys who tell her she is). I didn't see it until two photographs of us were put together. Other than being a smaller version of me, we're very similar. Then a comparison photograph of myself and my mother. Once again, there is no doubting the family resemblance. The photograph was of my mother winning a beauty contest (of course she was a lot skinnier than I was).
Maybe, just maybe I'm not ugly. Maybe I should kick the *kitten* of all those people who told me that I was. Maybe I should kick my own *kitten*. But it is something that I have been accepting for the last thirty-three years. How is that something that you get over?

Anyone else finding this difficult?

Replies

  • ButterflyDame
    ButterflyDame Posts: 111 Member
    Boo to your brother!!!! Sorry you had to go through that :(. As a child I thought I was ugly :( my mother didn't take care of me so I felt really ugly. I was the dag of the school :( Just before adulthood I realized I wasn't, the attention I received indicated otherwise :). It's a really hard place to be in especially as a child. Hugs girl x x
  • SoonToBeSmokinHot
    SoonToBeSmokinHot Posts: 7
    Thank-you. I'm sorry that you felt the same thing. Families, huh. I'm glad you found out the truth! It's a hard road to go down, to realise that you've been wrong for so long (at least that is what I am telling myself!).
  • Mslmesq
    Mslmesq Posts: 1,000 Member
    Your brother sucks! And he was just jealous!

    Sorry you have had to deal with that! Hugs!
  • lolsauce
    lolsauce Posts: 36 Member
    I understand. Throughout my life, I've had people call me ugly and I've had people call me beautiful. Unfortunately, the negative comments tend to resonate with me while the positive comments tend to go in one ear and out the other. Like you, I've gone my whole life feeling ugly. Then, I had a baby sister who I love deeply and is the most beautiful thing in this world to me. Many people, including my mom, always comment on the striking similarities she has with me. It's funny how that works. I think we tend to be so overcritical towards ourselves that we fail to realize that we are all beautiful in some way.
  • Mouse_Potato
    Mouse_Potato Posts: 1,513 Member
    Welcome to the ugly duckling club. :flowerforyou: I heard all my life that I was ugly. I was the little girl the boys chose when they played the "you have a crush on <UgliestGirlInSchool>" game. I had friends dump me because I was just too "uncool" to be around. I was awkward and unfashionable and I hit puberty before I hit Junior High and it took me years to realize that maybe I wasn't quite as hideous as I'd been led to believe. Maybe I was even kind of cute. Maybe my boyfriend wasn't lying when he called me "hot." I'm still working on it some days.
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    I think you need to settle the fact your brother was a very convincing liar. Hugs!
  • MsMimidoll
    MsMimidoll Posts: 249 Member
    I remember my mom telling me I would be really pretty if I was skinny...i was like 12 at the time...not that she was...but o well, she doesn't see why it bothers me to this day
  • ChristinaR720
    ChristinaR720 Posts: 1,186
    I am so sorry you had to deal with those hurtful comments from your brother. When you hear something enough, it's difficult to not believe it to be true.

    I, honestly, fight this battle with myself on a daily basis. I was always the ugly duckling in my family, and it only became worse as I gained weight. I married into a family where everyone is gorgeous, fashionable, and well-liked. Aaand, then there's me...

    Now that I have lost most of the weight I carried around for 10 years, I am working on building my confidence and just being happy with who I am. There will absolutely be days where I'll hate a certain feature or body part, but I'm learning not to hate myself anymore. It's definitely a work in progress, but I'm getting there!
  • AndyBloot
    AndyBloot Posts: 31
    Unfortunately families can suck and set you up for a very difficult life of self doubt and self loathing (that's cheery)
    But all of the put downs etc is about them and really nothing to do with you
    Any comments, feelings, opinions, come from their own self loathing that they need to project onto others

    Getting over this crap is a work in progress as said before
    Some days are great and others not so much

    The proof that all this ugly business is just a bunch of brain washing lies is in front of you
    Ignore the voice of your poxy brother, and believe the truth at every opportunity
  • SoonToBeSmokinHot
    SoonToBeSmokinHot Posts: 7
    Thank-you all. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself, just realising that it is a part of me that needs some fixing. Funny thing is, I haven't paid any attention to my brother in a long time since I realised that he had no idea what he was talking about!

    @lolsauce: There is some psychological process that makes us remember the negative more than the positive (I should remember what it is called because that's what I'm studying, but I don't!). I'm glad you found you realised your beauty!

    @MsMimidoll: I think overweight mother's push their issues onto their daughters. They are the ones that create overweight children in the first place and then make them feel bad about being that way!

    @AndyBloot: Families, huh. We really mess each other up!
  • autumnsquirrel
    autumnsquirrel Posts: 258 Member
    I have always thought of myself as ugly (it didn't help to have a brother who constantly told me that I am). It isn't something that you get over quickly.
    Then this morning I realised how often I am told that my daughter looks like I did when I was a child. I could never believe it because there is no doubting that my daughter is objectively beautiful (plus there are plenty of boys who tell her she is). I didn't see it until two photographs of us were put together. Other than being a smaller version of me, we're very similar. Then a comparison photograph of myself and my mother. Once again, there is no doubting the family resemblance. The photograph was of my mother winning a beauty contest (of course she was a lot skinnier than I was).
    Maybe, just maybe I'm not ugly. Maybe I should kick the *kitten* of all those people who told me that I was. Maybe I should kick my own *kitten*. But it is something that I have been accepting for the last thirty-three years. How is that something that you get over?

    Anyone else finding this difficult?
    When someone says says derogatory things about another's appearance, the problem lies within themselves.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    It is a very hard thing to deal with. I think that after hearing it so much from the same person or people we start to accept it as the truth even though it is just a lie said to hurt the other person.

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