Spiralled out of control....

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ellelit
ellelit Posts: 806 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
well i am trying to crawl out of a month long binge-fest and the pits of depression. i haven't been on in a while, and the main reason is because i was so ashamed by my actions that i didn't want to post. things were bad. very bad. i gained almost all of the weight i lost back. none of my clothes fit anymore, so i had to go up to a 26, which i haven't been at in over a year. i don't recognize myself when i look in the mirror, and when i see the reflection of my body, i am disgusted.

life is one of those tranisent things that can honeslty pass you by if you don't pay attention. i barely remember the last month because i've been in a stupor of self-hate, depression and eating. i hit rock bottom.

i read sonewhere once, that you can't fully attempt the process of recovery until you've hit rock bottom. now that i've hit it, and hit it hard... it's time to start over.

thank you to everyone who insipired me, checked up on me and made sure i was doing ok. there is nowhere to go but up (and down, weightwise).

Replies

  • ellelit
    ellelit Posts: 806 Member
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    well i am trying to crawl out of a month long binge-fest and the pits of depression. i haven't been on in a while, and the main reason is because i was so ashamed by my actions that i didn't want to post. things were bad. very bad. i gained almost all of the weight i lost back. none of my clothes fit anymore, so i had to go up to a 26, which i haven't been at in over a year. i don't recognize myself when i look in the mirror, and when i see the reflection of my body, i am disgusted.

    life is one of those tranisent things that can honeslty pass you by if you don't pay attention. i barely remember the last month because i've been in a stupor of self-hate, depression and eating. i hit rock bottom.

    i read sonewhere once, that you can't fully attempt the process of recovery until you've hit rock bottom. now that i've hit it, and hit it hard... it's time to start over.

    thank you to everyone who insipired me, checked up on me and made sure i was doing ok. there is nowhere to go but up (and down, weightwise).
  • age1389
    age1389 Posts: 1,160 Member
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    Sorry you had a rough month... but now that's behind you. I hope things are looking up for you.
    Welcome back:flowerforyou:


    -Adrienne:heart:
  • Katy009
    Katy009 Posts: 579 Member
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    Welcome back!!!! I am soooooo happy to see you here!
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
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    Hi!! I don't think we have interacted really but I just wanted to say you are in my prayers! Please don't give up on yourself. You deserve to be healthy and happy and feel good about yourself. Trust me, I KNOW how you feel. I was there myself and pray every night that I can continue to have success with weight-loss and keep it off once I reach my goal.

    I am convinced that weight-loss (even a lot of it) can be done with just eating right and exercise. Of course you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it that way. I remember before I started this...I would think "I am so tired of dieting, I just want to enjoy life!! I don't want to get a salad when everyone else is getting nachos!..I don't want to miss out on life!!"...

    Then it hit me! I was avoiding the beach with my son, I was avoiding family photos, I was avoiding even really looking at myself in the mirror...and that is when I realized that THAT is truly missing out on life. I was letting food control me! And letting it win! I have completely changed my relationship with food. I look at it as fuel for my body, something to contribute to my overall health. Yes, I enjoy myself and eat things that taste good but I don't let it consume my day. It's all about you getting to that point where enough is enough and then it will happen. I am down 99 lbs since September 6, 2007 and I haven't felt deprived ONE day. I constantly change things up, make sure I eat things to keep me satisfied and simply look at things differently.

    I just want to help everyone I can because I KNOW it's possible. I am at the point that if I knew it could be this easy, I would have done it a long time ago and kept it off because this is the first time I have done it healthy. I used to think it would take so long so I avoided it....but the time goes by no matter what. The days and weeks and months will pass ANYWAY, might as well lose weight slow and healthy with them. :)

    Good luck hun!! You have a lot of support here. Let me know if you need anything.

    -Tami
  • sapphyre0702
    sapphyre0702 Posts: 68
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    Welcome back! I am sorry you have hit rock bottom but you CAN get past it.

    My mental motto is "one day at a time". If you slip up one day, it's okay, because tomorrow is a new fresh day.

    Best of luck!
  • AugustBaby1973
    AugustBaby1973 Posts: 144
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    Girl, I feel you! I have had my moments of binging and feeling a bit overwhelmed with life myself! But, you know what? What's important is that you've picked up your bootstraps and you're back on track!:flowerforyou: Just keep in mind that you didn't gain weight overnight, and it will take time, patience and perseverance to lose it. :wink: Transition slowly and you'll get better results that will last longer! And, you have your pals here, so you're not alone!:happy: And here are some tips I've used for myself:

    Journal your feelings and daily activities every day.
    When you feel like a binge is coming on, go for a walk or immediately start singing your favorite song and dance by yourself! If you have a partner, that's even better!
    Take daily walks, if you can, and just breathe in deeply and thank goodness you're not homeless, starving or living somewhere that doesn't have a toilet!!! :bigsmile:

    :heart: Button
  • EllaBella
    EllaBella Posts: 140
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    Hey! I totally agree with Button. If there is a certain time of the day that you really feel like eating everything and anything in sight (been there many a time:smile: ), Then hit the pavement and walk, or ride bike--get away from food. Eventually you will be able to resist these temptations but it will take time. SOOOOO in the meantime you might as well do something that builds up your confidence--a feel good exercise or activity--so after you are done with the activity you can pat yourself on the back and be proud of resisting the temptation!!:happy: Good luck!!
  • Kimlane70
    Kimlane70 Posts: 117
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    You're not alone. Alot of people have been where you are. So don't beat yourself up, it happens to the best of us. But see you came back. Just know that everyone here wants to see you succeed at all your goals and are here for you. When my daughter falls down or gets hurt I tell her to shake it off, shake it off. And then give her lots of hugs. So I'll tell you the same thing. Shake it off girly and here's a bunch of hugs comin atcha from me. KIM
  • raincloud
    raincloud Posts: 405 Member
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    I am so sorry you've had such a hard time. I don't have great words of wisdom like some of this people, but know that I am here if you ever need to vent.

    I find that coming on here takes up my time that I would normally want to sit and much. It keeps me busy and entertained and I realized I don't need food to do that for me! Try to figure out what you can do to keep you away from snacking when you don't need to eat. I also plan out my daily food the night before. Sometimes I even have a few days ahead planned out, helps me keep on track.

    Good luck starting over, I know you can do it!
  • briblue72
    briblue72 Posts: 672 Member
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    ...The days and weeks and months will pass ANYWAY, might as well lose weight slow and healthy with them. :)...

    Amen!

    Welcome back! We're all here to help you to your success story!:flowerforyou:
  • lmr9
    lmr9 Posts: 628 Member
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    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • TashaKnight
    TashaKnight Posts: 50 Member
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    sorry to hear you were feeling bad hon,
    but it's lovely to hear you're getting back on track.
    take care and all the best :happy:
  • pmkelly409
    pmkelly409 Posts: 1,653 Member
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    I am so glad you are back. i have really missed your posts and reading your daily diary. I was hoping you were just on vacation - summertime is hard - so many people disappear for vacations, but I feel terrible that you were suffering so during this time.

    I hope you are doing all that you can to get the help you need and surround yourself with positive, supportive people and experiences.

    I am very glad you posted, i know that must have been difficult for you, but you have friends here who want to support you.

    all our love,
    :heart: Tricia
  • GravyGurl
    GravyGurl Posts: 1,070
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    You were in my thoughts alot wondering how you were because I didn't see you around. I know you had said that you needed time to yourself the last time I had posted and asked where you were. I am glad that you are back with us so that we can help you through the best that we can. We are behind you no matter what your actions are or how you feel.

    Welcome back !! :flowerforyou:
  • shashod
    shashod Posts: 103
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    Welcome back and good luck :flowerforyou:
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Offer ((HUGS))
    I just wanted to let you know I always read your posts and hope you are doing well
    You can do it....
    Please find the support you need (through family, friends and your on-line friends)

    Kim

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