Too Ashamed of Being Fat to go to the Doctor
1yoyoKAT
Posts: 206 Member
I want to share my story in hopes that it will help and motivate others. My highest weight was 306, and I’m only 5’1” tall, that is a BMI of 57.8. I carried all that weight pretty well, I don’t think most people ever suspected that I was in the high 200’s. I tried to avoid mirrors and social situations, because I felt so awkward and ashamed. I sedated myself with comfort food and excelled at avoiding all my issues, weight and otherwise.
Even when I felt ill, I was so ashamed to go to the doctor’s office that I would only go if it was urgent. It was not only sitting in the waiting room and feeling like the fattest one there, hips being squished by the chair handles, uncomfortably holding my arms across my girth trying to stay in my own personal space; but also knowing I was going to step onto the scale and have to confront the humiliating fact that I was so desperately trying to avoid: I was morbidly obese and it was my own fault. Watching the nurse move the weights: the 150 pound bar, the 200 pound bar, the 250 pound bar, the 300 pound bar. And sometimes I could swear I could see an almost imperceptible look of shock on her face as she advanced to the next highest weight bracket. How incompetent and idiotic I felt knowing that most of my health issues were due to something I was doing to myself, and not feeling like I could control it. I feared the judgment, but in thinking back, it wasn’t the judgment of others so much as it was the judgment from myself that I was being forced to stare in the face.
I’m still obese, but I have turned things around and am in the process of reclaiming my life. I posted the yearlong mark of my journey here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1075986-55-years-old-1-year-126-pounds-lost
My focus is on my health, emotional and physical, so as part of my metamorphosis, I’ve caught up on all the doctor visits that I had put off for so long. I am now an involved patient who takes responsibility for my own health, I feel empowered and in control (most of the time).
The one visit I want to highlight is my colonoscopy, because it doesn’t take much to want to avoid that one. When you hit 50 years old, it’s time to have a routine colonoscopy. I let that slide. I turned 51, 52, 53, 54, 55; all the years went by, and though I felt twinges of guilt, I rationalized the procrastination and I steered clear from thinking about it. I put it off until it was the last test left that needed.
I finally had it done last month. They found two polyps, which they removed for biopsy. One was benign, but the other was precancerous. I’m here to tell you that I’m lucky, because it was PREcancerous and the doctor removed it all.
For all my friends on MFP, and anyone reading this who is that magical age when you should be having a colonoscopy but maybe like me, you’re avoiding it because you’re just not comfortable going to the doctor. PLEASE get it done. It wasn’t that bad, and the benefits are well worth it.
I realize now how foolish I was to put this test off and to avoid seeking medical care in general. Is avoiding confronting my own problems worth losing my life? Not anymore for me, and I hope not for you either. It takes a while to lose weight, but it just takes one second and one decision to reclaim a focus on our own health. Just because we’re "fat", doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be healthy. :flowerforyou:
Even when I felt ill, I was so ashamed to go to the doctor’s office that I would only go if it was urgent. It was not only sitting in the waiting room and feeling like the fattest one there, hips being squished by the chair handles, uncomfortably holding my arms across my girth trying to stay in my own personal space; but also knowing I was going to step onto the scale and have to confront the humiliating fact that I was so desperately trying to avoid: I was morbidly obese and it was my own fault. Watching the nurse move the weights: the 150 pound bar, the 200 pound bar, the 250 pound bar, the 300 pound bar. And sometimes I could swear I could see an almost imperceptible look of shock on her face as she advanced to the next highest weight bracket. How incompetent and idiotic I felt knowing that most of my health issues were due to something I was doing to myself, and not feeling like I could control it. I feared the judgment, but in thinking back, it wasn’t the judgment of others so much as it was the judgment from myself that I was being forced to stare in the face.
I’m still obese, but I have turned things around and am in the process of reclaiming my life. I posted the yearlong mark of my journey here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1075986-55-years-old-1-year-126-pounds-lost
My focus is on my health, emotional and physical, so as part of my metamorphosis, I’ve caught up on all the doctor visits that I had put off for so long. I am now an involved patient who takes responsibility for my own health, I feel empowered and in control (most of the time).
The one visit I want to highlight is my colonoscopy, because it doesn’t take much to want to avoid that one. When you hit 50 years old, it’s time to have a routine colonoscopy. I let that slide. I turned 51, 52, 53, 54, 55; all the years went by, and though I felt twinges of guilt, I rationalized the procrastination and I steered clear from thinking about it. I put it off until it was the last test left that needed.
I finally had it done last month. They found two polyps, which they removed for biopsy. One was benign, but the other was precancerous. I’m here to tell you that I’m lucky, because it was PREcancerous and the doctor removed it all.
For all my friends on MFP, and anyone reading this who is that magical age when you should be having a colonoscopy but maybe like me, you’re avoiding it because you’re just not comfortable going to the doctor. PLEASE get it done. It wasn’t that bad, and the benefits are well worth it.
I realize now how foolish I was to put this test off and to avoid seeking medical care in general. Is avoiding confronting my own problems worth losing my life? Not anymore for me, and I hope not for you either. It takes a while to lose weight, but it just takes one second and one decision to reclaim a focus on our own health. Just because we’re "fat", doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be healthy. :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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Hey good for you! Its nice to face the doctor and have that taken care of...
I too was ashamed to go to the doctor, i did not go because i gained weight, and i had been losing (last year) but gained it all back plus.
so i know exactly how it may have felt to you about the fear of the doctor... i am glad you got that done.
My dentist asked me if i had gone for that exam too, i said no, he said to me dont be a baby - he said it in a nice way, but it was enough for me to think that I'm not a baby - i'lll show him.. so that worked for me! and then i went back and proudly told him his simple chide challenged me to go for it.0 -
well done you, thank you for sharing your story. All the very best for your future.
like you I have battled with my weight. Only a couple of years ago did I find out about salicylate and that for some it is toxic. and when my health was very hard pressed I tried avoiding it. it is in many herbs, fruits and vegetables, cleaning products both personal and household. It has been a long road because I gave up pain relief when I felt worse having taken some several times. Since then (years ago) I have come down from 20 stone give or take to 14 on the way to good health. Even now I am living, spending days working in the garden whereas before I could barely move and life was such an effort.
all the best0 -
What an inspirational story and some wise words for all of us!! Great job!!! BRAVO0
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Inspiring reading Kat. You're 100% right though. Nobody should feel too embarrassed to get themselves checked out. Doctors have seen it all before remember! Glad you're going to be OK.0
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Thanks for sharing! I can relate to not wanting to go to the doctor, I have done the same thing. Avoided having my Type 2 diabetes checked. Avoided my yearly physical and on and on. Just because I got fat! You are an inspiration to all of us on MFP, keep up the good work! and THANK YOU!0
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Nice reading this. Even though I haven't done that myself I know what you mean. Sometimes doctors can be so almost belittling. I went to the doctors a few months back maybe more then a few I am not sure and I had lost about 30 pounds total at that point. That wasn't why I was going but I was somewhat excited to see what the doctor would say to me because he is always talking about how I needed to diet and all this stuff. So anyway put me on the scale and then into the room and then the doctors comes in and we talk about my ear pain. Then he says to me and Linsey you really need to start losing weight. You are really getting up there and I could give you some food plans to follow. And I said I am dieting I should be down from last visit... aren't I? He turns though the pages and says yes you are down about 30 pounds wow great job. It just like they don't take the time to see what people are trying and obese is like any other disease.0
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Thank you for sharing your story, Kat. :flowerforyou:
I hadn't gone for a pap smear in over 10 years because I was also too ashamed to go. Finally, my doctor insisted and it's a good thing I did. The test showed precancerous cells which were removed in a very simple operation. I got lucky, too.
When it was time to have a colonoscopy at 50, I had learned my lesson and promptly had it done. Thankfully, I had no polyps and everything was all clear.0 -
What a great story. Thanks for the inspiration!0
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Thank you for being open and sharing!!0
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WERK IT!!!just so people have at least 1 thing to see before leaving.
Aspirational lol0 -
I went about a year and a half without seeing my PCP during my weight loss. I saw him right before I started, at 335 lbs, and then after 75 pounds of weight loss. He honestly did not believe it was the same person at first.0
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Thanks for sharing your story, very inspirational. And congratulations on all the weight you've lost thus far. What an accomplishment!!0
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Thanks for sharing. My brother is like you were because his doctor is critical of his weight so he just doesn't go. I'm so glad you started taking care of yourself. You've done wonderful!0
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Being ashamed to go to the doctor due to obesity is a major problem. Most doctors have no idea how to help obese people, and therefore just offer up the advice of eat a healthy diet and get more exercise.
My fear of the doctor has more to do with the cost than being negatively judged. I had a foot injury recently. I called several clinics in my area to get an idea as how much money I needed to bring with me. All of them answered with either "I don't know" or a number so high it was more than I earn in a month. So I sought help via YouTube and doctored my own foot. I will have to get in for a tetanus shot by next year, but luckily I've had one within the last decade (2004).
Be thankful that you can afford the medical care you need. I'm sure doctors want to help their patients. If you can afford the medical care, definitely get it!0 -
Inspirational OP. It is really frustrating, because doctors can be so useless and they have no idea how to care for you!
I found an awesome doctor a few years ago. She is prescriptive towards me, and encourages healthy eating and other natural methods to deal with health issues. Lucky for me, I am pretty healthy. I am hypothyroid, but all of my other markers are good to excellent. So basically, there isn't some big pressing need for me to lose weight based on health, other than possibly some menstrual issues.
Unfortunately, my doctor has her own small practice, so she has limited hours. A few years ago, I hurt my toe getting off the bus. Well basically a woman in some hefty boots basically jumped on my toe when she exited. The pain was excruciating, and I hobbled home one block away. I got some ice and advil, called the nurse line and asked what to do. They said rest and ice, and call your doctor if the pain continues tomorrow.
After a restless night, I tried to head over to my doctor, but it was once of her off days and she recommended care at another in-network hospital. I scheduled the appointment first thing. It was a stressful day because my toe was killing me, and I had tons of work deadlines due that day! So I go to the doctor, and let's just say he sucked. They did the typical stuff, and my blood pressure reading was high that day. (No Duh!) Anyway, without asking me any medical history questions or anything, the doctor diagnosed me with high blood pressure, told me to lose weight and ordered immediate blood tests. Then after all of that, finally ex-rayed my toe. Turns out my toe had a small fracture, but the remedies weren't very helpful. I was encourage to wear comfy shoes and let it heal. The location wasn't ideal for a brace and it wouldn't have helped.
It turned out, I was due for some thyroid blood tests anyway, so that doctors tests were tacked on to my existing lab order. A week or so later I went to review the results with my doctor, and she gave me a puzzled look "why did you take all of these tests, you didn't need them." I told her the story and she was sympathetic about the poor treatment from the other doctor. And not surprisingly, my blood pressure was back to normal and all of the other results were fine.
I later realized that doctor didn't really want to see past my weight in order to treat my symptoms. #fail
*** my toe was slightly sore for the next six months when there was pressure on the top half of my big toe, and I couldn't stand for many hours, and had to wear flats. After that things returned to normal.0 -
As always I appreciate you sharing your experience. I haven't reach that age yet, but there are other tests that I should've had by now that have been putting off for being ashamed, embarrassed or would rather not think about. But it's time and after reading this, its just another reminder of my need to simply get it done. Well done for making the decision to transform your life...0
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You rock! You have done so amazingly well. And by taking the time to write this post, you might actually be saving somebody's life.0
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I "only" lost 8 pounds in the last 3 month period between doctor's visits. His attitude was, "Wow, you lost again!" He was happy for me. Our doctors are happy to see us try. He made me assure him I wouldn't try anything foolish and I told him that, indeed, I was the opposite. I was the obnoxious know-it-all who got on the forums to tell people not to do the foolish things and why. (For example, the HCG diet can kill you.) He reached out and shook my hand.
So, go to your doctor. Let him/her share in your struggles and your successes, no matter how slight.0 -
Thanks for sharing your story, yet again, with us!
My doctor's office has little indicators that are located outside of each patient room, little levers that the nurse uses to indicate whether the patient inside is morbidly obese, obese, overweight, normal weight, or underweight. I know this because I checked them out one day. How embarrassing is that!0 -
I can totally relate to this. I avoided going to the doctor for years unless I was very ill. I did not have my yearly exams, no mammograms, nothing, until I went to the initial appointment for my WLS. It is really ironic that those of us who are obese & more prone to health problems are kept away from doctors by our shame. For me, the decision to have the WLS was really the turning point in taking care of my health in all ways. Luckily, I didn't have any issues that weren't caught while I avoided the doctor.0
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Just remember that the doctor sees people who are obese all the time. And if they didn't say something about it, then they probably wouldn't be a very good doctor! Just remember that this is a normal situation for them. I used to work at a harm reduction clinic and saw people on every known drug to man. But I'd still have to built rapport with the patients to make them comfortable enough to tell me about their drug habits. It wasn't shocking or unsettling to me-just another day at the clinic.0
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The problem is, many doctors don't have the training on bedside manner. It is acceptable for your doctor to discuss your weight and potential issues with you. It is not acceptable to shame you, berate you, or blame your issues on your weight when they are not remotely related. The problem is that there are many doctors that respond in the following way:
Patient: I am experiencing <insert issue here>
Doctor: It is likely related to your weight, lose XXXXX.
Patient: This issue just started yesterday, I have been feeling fine prior to this.
Doctor: Well those issues can just jump up out of the blue. Eat less, move more. The pounds should come off. Bye.
(months later)
Patient: I have been working to lose weight, but this <your issue> persists
Doctor: lose more weight, you haven't lost enough yet
Patient: leaves feeling disheartened, and still hasn't resolved the issue.
(months later)
Patient: still have the issue
Doctor: (after running tests). Oh you have issue XXX. Here is a treatment plan. Luckily we caught this now, it could have been much worse.
Unfortunately the scenario above happens entirely too frequently. With sometimes serious consequences.0 -
I, also, avoid the doctor due to fear of her saying anything to me about my weight! I have to go every three months but sometimes I stretch it as far as I can before I HAVE TO GO! Someday, I will feel comfortable about myself and I am well on my way! :blushing:0
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