IRL issues, suggestions?
So I'm a student, 20 years old turning 21 in November.. I live with my sisters and mother, sometimes go to my dad's place when I'm not busy with assignments/tests/exams. My sisters are 22 and 26, both still staying at my mom. My oldest sister plans to move out some time soon in the future with her girlfriend, as soon as they can find a decent place for a decent price.
Anyway, we have recently taken in my cousin, who has lived in England most of his life, and has come back home (South Africa) he has been staying with his mom and step-father.. But recently, his step father has told him to get out of the house, he doesn't want him around because he's done nothing in life productive and should be married, with kids (he has 1), with a qualification and a real job. He's 42 or so.
He decided upon coming home, to study a sound engineering course or something, and now wants to be a DJ (at his age).
So anyway, he is now staying with my mother (her and her sister are very close and do anything for each other, hence taking in my cousin) He now lives with us, eats our food, sleeps in our spare bedroom, provides no income or buying any food for himself. On top of it, I've caught my mother buying him cigarettes on occasion, even in times when she has told me she's struggling with money for the month.
He currently only has about 1-2 'gigs' a month, where he expects others to take him. He often also hints that he needs to get places so he can organise future gigs etc.
I can go on and on about things he does, but it's really bugging me that he lives off of other people and my mother. It's hard to talk to him about it, because it's simply awkward as hell.
I need some suggestions what I can do.. The man is 41-44 years old and is living off other people, has no real job, no qualifications, his past work experience is either a barman or a casino dealer, that's it.
Suggestions?
(sorry if posting in the wrong place I couldn't find where to post)
Anyway, we have recently taken in my cousin, who has lived in England most of his life, and has come back home (South Africa) he has been staying with his mom and step-father.. But recently, his step father has told him to get out of the house, he doesn't want him around because he's done nothing in life productive and should be married, with kids (he has 1), with a qualification and a real job. He's 42 or so.
He decided upon coming home, to study a sound engineering course or something, and now wants to be a DJ (at his age).
So anyway, he is now staying with my mother (her and her sister are very close and do anything for each other, hence taking in my cousin) He now lives with us, eats our food, sleeps in our spare bedroom, provides no income or buying any food for himself. On top of it, I've caught my mother buying him cigarettes on occasion, even in times when she has told me she's struggling with money for the month.
He currently only has about 1-2 'gigs' a month, where he expects others to take him. He often also hints that he needs to get places so he can organise future gigs etc.
I can go on and on about things he does, but it's really bugging me that he lives off of other people and my mother. It's hard to talk to him about it, because it's simply awkward as hell.
I need some suggestions what I can do.. The man is 41-44 years old and is living off other people, has no real job, no qualifications, his past work experience is either a barman or a casino dealer, that's it.
Suggestions?
(sorry if posting in the wrong place I couldn't find where to post)
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Replies
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It actually is my problem, because when she's struggling, he still sits and leeches off of her. She hasn't got the will power to say 'No.'0
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Meaning she will house a serial rapist if he asked nice enough.0
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It actually is my problem, because when she's struggling, he still sits and leeches off of her. She hasn't got the will power to say 'No.'
Her choice. Everyone has the power to say no.0 -
It actually is my problem, because when she's struggling, he still sits and leeches off of her. She hasn't got the will power to say 'No.'
Her choice. Everyone has the power to say no.
That's an opinion, not everyone has the power to say no, you're very mistaken.0 -
It actually is my problem, because when she's struggling, he still sits and leeches off of her. She hasn't got the will power to say 'No.'
Her choice. Everyone has the power to say no.
That's an opinion, not everyone has the power to say no, you're very mistaken.
in most situations, poeple have a choice - sometimes a really hard choice, but its still a choice.
unfortunately its your mums house, so up to her who she invites to stay rent free.0 -
I'm afraid I didn't make it clear, that my mother can't say no... I could ask her to sign surety for a business plan of 2mil and she woundn't say no... It's that bad.. It's a weakness or a psychological problem, not simply saying yes because she's a nice person..
Do I just let him live off of her, finishing her food daily, making her drive him around when he wants to go places, buy him cigarettes etc.. ?0 -
Do I just let him live off of her, finishing her food daily, making her drive him around when he wants to go places, buy him cigarettes etc.. ?
whats the alternative??0 -
Are you and your sisters also helping your mum out since you also live there?
I don't think you can say anything if you aren't.
How do your sisters feel about it? Do they feel the same as you?
It's kinda sad that a grown man is living off his aunty, I can see why his step father threw him out. If he isn't going to find a job to support his 'dream' and help out your mum then I think he needs to move out. He's in his 40s!
You say he has a child? How is he providing for him/her with no money?0 -
I'm not so sure, that's why I ask for help :laugh: I've tried a few things that have failed... Such as making sure there's no food so he can't eat any.. He just waits endlessly until there is :indifferent: I've tried ignoring him, but he ensures you know he's there...0
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I'm not so sure, that's why I ask for help :laugh: I've tried a few things that have failed... Such as making sure there's no food so he can't eat any.. He just waits endlessly until there is :indifferent: I've tried ignoring him, but he ensures you know he's there...
as i and others have said, its up to your mum, yes, she has poor judgement, yes a 40 year old man should contribute to the household, yes its a crappy situation for you, but there is nothing you can do, apart from move out and then its not your problem!0 -
My oldest sister does help, pays her 'rent' for staying in one of the rooms at her age, my 2nd oldest sister stays 40km away in a flat that my dad has provided for her for her studies.. Myself, I try stay independent, not asking but taking what I am offered rather.. I plan to start a business after my studies soon after my qualification, whereby then I'll be moving out..Are you and your sisters also helping your mum out since you also live there?
I don't think you can say anything if you aren't.
How do your sisters feel about it? Do they feel the same as you?
It's kinda sad that a grown man is living off his aunty, I can see why his step father threw him out. If he isn't going to find a job to support his 'dream' and help out your mum then I think he needs to move out. He's in his 40s!
You say he has a child? How is he providing for him/her with no money?
His child, I don't think he's seen him more than 3 times since he's been back.. He does not provide for the child in any sort of way, the child's mother does that all.. The boy is now 14 if I'm not mistaken.. Not to mention, he was named after his dad's favourite football team.. 'Aston' for Aston Villa..0 -
Stop hating and do you.0
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he was named after his dad's favourite football team.. 'Aston' for Aston Villa..
totally of topic, but thats brilliant...
this is why i am not having kids - my husband would want to name them tottenham hotspur!!!0 -
I just looked it up, and Aston Villa is soccer not football?0
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I just looked it up, and Aston Villa is soccer not football?
football in the uk!0 -
it's called football in most of the world. what you call football, we call American football.I just looked it up, and Aston Villa is soccer not football?0 -
it's called football in most of the world. what you call football, we call American football.I just looked it up, and Aston Villa is soccer not football?
I know it's called football in most of the world, because it is football and it is American. What does that have to do with Aston Villa being soccer?0 -
the situation blows but there is nothing much you can do.
it's her house and you don't have the right to override that.
I would be making life there hell for him though,
confronting him with his inadequacy constantly.0 -
no, what you call soccer is called football in the rest of the world. sheesh!
it's called football in most of the world. what you call football, we call American football.I just looked it up, and Aston Villa is soccer not football?
I know it's called football in most of the world, because it is football and it is American. What does that have to do with Aston Villa being soccer?0 -
American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.0 -
American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.0 -
you actually made it very clear. it's not that your mother has a physical incapability of uttering the "no" word. it's that when she is faced with two alternatives - say "no" or let 42 YO loser mooch off of you - she CHOOSES (yes, you can protest al you want but she is choosing) the latter. this is a choice that she is making. unless your cousin is holding a gun to her head, this is a choice.I'm afraid I didn't make it clear, that my mother can't say no... I could ask her to sign surety for a business plan of 2mil and she woundn't say no... It's that bad.. It's a weakness or a psychological problem, not simply saying yes because she's a nice person..
Do I just let him live off of her, finishing her food daily, making her drive him around when he wants to go places, buy him cigarettes etc.. ?
this isnt' even a question of "do i just let him do this and that". this isn't *your* issue to *let* or *refuse*. YOU don't have a stand here.
ALL you can do is tell your mother ONCE that you are unhappy, explain why, and if nothing changes then you can move out (to your dad's or to your own place).
If you have a fear that your mother has some kind of mental incapability then you can call your local social services and have a social worker assess the situation.0 -
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
0 -
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
I didn't know we had a team.. Are you sure?0 -
your 'merican football team. whatever one you follow.
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
I didn't know we had a team.. Are you sure?
actually, you do enter the football (soccer) world cup. not won yet though.0 -
you actually made it very clear. it's not that your mother has a physical incapability of uttering the "no" word. it's that when she is faced with two alternatives - say "no" or let 42 YO loser mooch off of you - she CHOOSES (yes, you can protest al you want but she is choosing) the latter. this is a choice that she is making. unless your cousin is holding a gun to her head, this is a choice.I'm afraid I didn't make it clear, that my mother can't say no... I could ask her to sign surety for a business plan of 2mil and she woundn't say no... It's that bad.. It's a weakness or a psychological problem, not simply saying yes because she's a nice person..
Do I just let him live off of her, finishing her food daily, making her drive him around when he wants to go places, buy him cigarettes etc.. ?
this isnt' even a question of "do i just let him do this and that". this isn't *your* issue to *let* or *refuse*. YOU don't have a stand here.
ALL you can do is tell your mother ONCE that you are unhappy, explain why, and if nothing changes then you can move out (to your dad's or to your own place).
If you have a fear that your mother has some kind of mental incapability then you can call your local social services and have a social worker assess the situation.
Read and acknowledged.. Thank you for the advice 0 -
your 'merican football team. whatever one you follow.
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
I didn't know we had a team.. Are you sure?
actually, you do enter the football (soccer) world cup. not won yet though.
I thought that the Cowboys didn't play foreign teams because the rest of the world is physically inferior to Americans.0 -
seeing as you're, what, 99.9% populated from the rest of the world... how would that work? roids in mcfries?
your 'merican football team. whatever one you follow.
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
I didn't know we had a team.. Are you sure?
actually, you do enter the football (soccer) world cup. not won yet though.
I thought that the Cowboys didn't play foreign teams because the rest of the world is physically inferior to Americans.0 -
seeing as you're, what, 99.9% populated from the rest of the world... how would that work? roids in mcfries?
your 'merican football team. whatever one you follow.
if you think about it, how often do you see your team playing a foreign one?American football never really took off in the rest of the world.
football (what you & ozzies call soccer) seems to be popular pretty much everywhere.
...football (soccer) was football before American football was invented.
o weird.
Soccer isn't popular in America.
football (soccer)... I suspect it's the most popular sport in the world.
the world cup really is a global event.
also, I hate bloody football
I didn't know we had a team.. Are you sure?
actually, you do enter the football (soccer) world cup. not won yet though.
I thought that the Cowboys didn't play foreign teams because the rest of the world is physically inferior to Americans.
We only accept the best genetics. Duh0 -
I think the only thing you can do is murder him. I see no other alternative.0
This discussion has been closed.
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