Tips for Adding Friends. Your Suggestions Welcome.
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Everlearn
Posts: 30 Member
Of course, this whole forum is about finding friends to help you in this wild, crazy world of MFP. That's really one of the great motivators available to us.
I've been on MFP twice now, and have loved meeting people along the way. Some in the same boat as me, some in much smaller boats, some in much larger, some trying to tread water with no boat at all. It's all good. And throughout it all, I often come to the "Introduce Yourself" section every few days just to scroll through and find out who's new. Part of the reason why is because I remember what it was like, first starting out. Those first few days and weeks, you kinda feel lost and on your own, and it's nice to connect with other people. Part of the reason why is because, frankly, you see old friends drop out and disappear, and you want to add interesting new people to your news feed. At least, that's what motivates me.
So in the interest of offering some friendly advice to those posting an introduction, I thought it would be nice to just hear from some established members about what strikes them...or doesn't strike them. Feel free to add your thoughts on, er, adding.
A couple things off the top of my head:
1) Spend a bit of time on your MFP profile before you post a request for friends. Really. I click through to read more about you, and I'm guessing most people click through to read more about you. If I see a lot of "I haven't filled out this section yet" stuff on your profile, it says to me that you haven't put a lot of thought into WHY you're here. Or it means you're not serious. Or it means you might be somewhat transient in nature. If you can't take the time to put something on your profile, it might suggest you can't take the time to log, or interact. None of that may be true...but for me, that's the impression it gives.
2) Upload a photo. For some of the same reasons. I don't know that any of us like dealing with faceless entities. Sure, I suppose it can be a photo of your kids. Or your pet. Or some snarky quip. Or an avatar. But upload something.
3) Don't be desperate. Look, I realize most of us are here because this is a lifeline for us. We've tried many other things to get in shape, and secretly, we fear this is doomed to failure as well. I get that. But if you post a plea for friends that says "I NEED HELP!!!" or "SAVE ME!!!" or "SO FRUSTRATED!!!" or the like, I'm more likely to think you're just a dumpster fire that's only going to suck up anything encouraging I have to say...then beg for more. Just tell me a bit about some of your goals, some of your interests, the type(s) of friends you're hoping to find, what motivates you, and so on.
I'm sure others have thoughts. Feel free to add them.
I've been on MFP twice now, and have loved meeting people along the way. Some in the same boat as me, some in much smaller boats, some in much larger, some trying to tread water with no boat at all. It's all good. And throughout it all, I often come to the "Introduce Yourself" section every few days just to scroll through and find out who's new. Part of the reason why is because I remember what it was like, first starting out. Those first few days and weeks, you kinda feel lost and on your own, and it's nice to connect with other people. Part of the reason why is because, frankly, you see old friends drop out and disappear, and you want to add interesting new people to your news feed. At least, that's what motivates me.
So in the interest of offering some friendly advice to those posting an introduction, I thought it would be nice to just hear from some established members about what strikes them...or doesn't strike them. Feel free to add your thoughts on, er, adding.
A couple things off the top of my head:
1) Spend a bit of time on your MFP profile before you post a request for friends. Really. I click through to read more about you, and I'm guessing most people click through to read more about you. If I see a lot of "I haven't filled out this section yet" stuff on your profile, it says to me that you haven't put a lot of thought into WHY you're here. Or it means you're not serious. Or it means you might be somewhat transient in nature. If you can't take the time to put something on your profile, it might suggest you can't take the time to log, or interact. None of that may be true...but for me, that's the impression it gives.
2) Upload a photo. For some of the same reasons. I don't know that any of us like dealing with faceless entities. Sure, I suppose it can be a photo of your kids. Or your pet. Or some snarky quip. Or an avatar. But upload something.
3) Don't be desperate. Look, I realize most of us are here because this is a lifeline for us. We've tried many other things to get in shape, and secretly, we fear this is doomed to failure as well. I get that. But if you post a plea for friends that says "I NEED HELP!!!" or "SAVE ME!!!" or "SO FRUSTRATED!!!" or the like, I'm more likely to think you're just a dumpster fire that's only going to suck up anything encouraging I have to say...then beg for more. Just tell me a bit about some of your goals, some of your interests, the type(s) of friends you're hoping to find, what motivates you, and so on.
I'm sure others have thoughts. Feel free to add them.
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Replies
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Well... I'm new to the "community" aspect of MFP.. but what I've already learned is this. I will not becollected. If I look on your profile & your a dude, & 46 out of your 48 friends are women.. no thanks. I'm all set. Other than that, I just want to talk to people who want to be healthy like me.0
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CAN I GET AN AMEN! You took the words right out of my mouth. What is the point of having people as ones "friends" on here if they log on everyday & never say an effing word? LMAO I understand people get busy but damn. If I don't receive some communication at least occasionally, you get canned. That's just the way it is and I have no remorse. It might make me sound like a ***** but whatev's. Ha! I'm too awesome to put up with that shiz
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I generally just hate filling out profiles...0
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I will echo Everlearn's three suggestions:
1) Write something on your profile. I always read people's profiles before adding them to my friends list. The profile serves as another way for you to introduce yourself to MFP members, above and beyond your "Introduce Yourself" thread. This page is also helpful to MFP members who may find you via other means (e.g. if you are a friend of a friend, or if they have read one of your posts on the MFP forums).
2) Upload a photo. It really doesn't have to be a picture of yourself. Just about anything is better than the default MFP outline figure.
3) Desperation is not attractive. Being an MFPal is a two-way street. While you may need support, you should be prepared to offer support as well. Feel free to roll your eyes, if you hate aphorisms, but, like your mother always told you, to have a friend you must be a friend.
and I will add:
4) Don't go overboard with specific requirements for your potential new pal, e.g. "I'm a breast-feeding, Paleo-eating, 5'7", 15-stone, lesbian mum in Norfolk trying to lose 5 stone and seeking pals who are likewise". It is fine to put that description of yourself in your introduction thread or in your profile, but don't rule out folks who don't meet all the specific criteria you have in mind. You may very well find that a childless, 59-year-old, straight, male, healthy-weight, vegetarian fire-fighter in Kalispell has a lot of great information and support to share and may indeed become your best MFPal. Have an open mind and be prepared to receive friendship from those who are willing to offer it.
5) Originality and/or humor attract attention, at least they attract my attention. Try to come up with a thread title that is a bit more ambitious than "Hi, I'm new here." (Just don't violate #4, above.)0 -
^^ SO many good tips - these are all good! :happy:0
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As a newbie, thank you for the suggestions!0
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What helped me was finding threads with women similar to myself, who identified as "plus sized". These women have similar beliefs to mine about positive body image, but have been through similar struggles to me too. Threads like this can be helpful in finding people similar to you, who will hopefully be in it for the long haul. I would also recommending searching for support with various health conditions and finding new friends from there, or groups like "Eat More To Weigh Less" and "In Place of a Road Map", where I've found great people with similar approaches to food to me. In saying this, not everyone on my friends list is similar to each other. I get inspiration and motivation and I learn a lot, from a diverse group of people. For me it is about how they "fit", their attitudes, and their honesty.0
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I would like to add also, once you have been added as a friend. interact and comments on your friends' posts. This is a place for support and its not a one way street. If you keep getting motivational comments and never respond to your friends' then at some point they will probably remove you, because like you they need your support and acknowledgment as well.0
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These are all great suggestions..
Whenever I get a friend request, I always check out there profile. I find that I am more attracted to those that are honest, funny and true to who they are. I go through my friends list periodically and will cut the dead weight. Those that used to be active and comment that no longer are will be removed without hesitation.
One other thing, when sending a request to someone... Write a quick message. Do you share common friends? Have you read some of their posts and found them inspiring? Funny? Someone you can relate too?0 -
^^^^ This is great advice.
Also, when you are 100% sure of your FL and some are already linked, build the network still further by adding from their FL building a solid group. Make sure you ask them first though!! LOL0 -
I agree with a lot of the opinions here. If you want support you should be willing to give it. If you give support just because
they respond to your posts and don't give support because they don't respond to your posts, then as far as I am concerned
you are not a good friend. We should be there for one another cause we care and want to help. I do understand not wanting to comment on a dairy that you can't see, How can you tell someone how well they have done if you don't know what they had for the day. Just because they are under their calorie goal doesn't mean what they had was healthy. We are here to be truthful with ourselves and the people we befriend. What good is it to have someone tell you how good you are doing when you know it's not true. Anyway I want friends that need and want help and is willing to help me. I am here because everything else I've tried failed, I need this to work and for that to happen, I need people I can depend on. Anyone that reads this and feel as I do, please add me. We can be there for each other.0 -
I do understand not wanting to comment on a dairy that you can't see, How can you tell someone how well they have done if you don't know what they had for the day. Just because they are under their calorie goal doesn't mean what they had was healthy. We are here to be truthful with ourselves and the people we befriend. What good is it to have someone tell you how good you are doing when you know it's not true.
YES!!! Thank you so much for this thought, cuz I was about to post something similar. I know we aren't here to judge each other. Those of us trying to lost weight probably have experienced plenty of that from the outside world. However, I have a problem with people who post about themselves all the time and how they eat right and are doing the right things but won't make their diary available to friends. I don't want to encourage someone to "keep it up" if they might be doing real harm to themselves or if they have an eating disorder.
I've only been here a few weeks and have already noticed those friends collectors and me, me, me people. I don't have time for that. While personally I don't need a "WTG" every time I come in under calorie, I understand that some others might need it and that's fine. What I don't care for are those who appear to need more specialized assistance that should perhaps be sought through a counselor or therapist. This is NOT the forum for that type of stuff...and someone of questionable mental health could end up getting some really bad advice. Be careful out there, folks. And keep it funny!0 -
Of course, this whole forum is about finding friends to help you in this wild, crazy world of MFP. That's really one of the great motivators available to us.
I've been on MFP twice now, and have loved meeting people along the way. Some in the same boat as me, some in much smaller boats, some in much larger, some trying to tread water with no boat at all. It's all good. And throughout it all, I often come to the "Introduce Yourself" section every few days just to scroll through and find out who's new. Part of the reason why is because I remember what it was like, first starting out. Those first few days and weeks, you kinda feel lost and on your own, and it's nice to connect with other people. Part of the reason why is because, frankly, you see old friends drop out and disappear, and you want to add interesting new people to your news feed. At least, that's what motivates me.
So in the interest of offering some friendly advice to those posting an introduction, I thought it would be nice to just hear from some established members about what strikes them...or doesn't strike them. Feel free to add your thoughts on, er, adding.
A couple things off the top of my head:
1) Spend a bit of time on your MFP profile before you post a request for friends. Really. I click through to read more about you, and I'm guessing most people click through to read more about you. If I see a lot of "I haven't filled out this section yet" stuff on your profile, it says to me that you haven't put a lot of thought into WHY you're here. Or it means you're not serious. Or it means you might be somewhat transient in nature. If you can't take the time to put something on your profile, it might suggest you can't take the time to log, or interact. None of that may be true...but for me, that's the impression it gives.
2) Upload a photo. For some of the same reasons. I don't know that any of us like dealing with faceless entities. Sure, I suppose it can be a photo of your kids. Or your pet. Or some snarky quip. Or an avatar. But upload something.
3) Don't be desperate. Look, I realize most of us are here because this is a lifeline for us. We've tried many other things to get in shape, and secretly, we fear this is doomed to failure as well. I get that. But if you post a plea for friends that says "I NEED HELP!!!" or "SAVE ME!!!" or "SO FRUSTRATED!!!" or the like, I'm more likely to think you're just a dumpster fire that's only going to suck up anything encouraging I have to say...then beg for more. Just tell me a bit about some of your goals, some of your interests, the type(s) of friends you're hoping to find, what motivates you, and so on.
I'm sure others have thoughts. Feel free to add them.
All of ^this^ YES!!0 -
4) Don't go overboard with specific requirements for your potential new pal, e.g. "I'm a breast-feeding, Paleo-eating, 5'7", 15-stone, lesbian mum in Norfolk trying to lose 5 stone and seeking pals who are likewise". It is fine to put that description of yourself in your introduction thread or in your profile, but don't rule out folks who don't meet all the specific criteria you have in mind. You may very well find that a childless, 59-year-old, straight, male, healthy-weight, vegetarian fire-fighter in Kalispell has a lot of great information and support to share and may indeed become your best MFPal. Have an open mind and be prepared to receive friendship from those who are willing to offer it.
^^^^^ OMG THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS.
My FL is about as diverse as you can get and I wouldn't have it any other way. I will rarely send a FR myself but may post an offer to have someone send a FR to me on occasion. Usually they come out of the blue. But it drives me nuts to see the "ISMs" gone amuk here on the intro section. Age-ism. Gender-ism. National-ism. On and on. My FL has people from a dozen or more countries, from 5 continents, various religions or no religion at all, gay and straight, young and old, men and women. It makes no difference. Why in the world would you think that only someone who is in exactly the same situation as you might have something to offer you. And why in the world would you think that only someone like you might be someone you can enjoy talking with and learning from. The international and multi-cultural nature of these message boards has been one of the bigest shocks and greatest joys of being here. Having friends in New Zealand saying they can't go outside because it's snowing while we're having a heat wave. Knowing you'll have some friend on-line pretty much 24X7 because you have friends all around the world.
I try to learn from all my friends. Hopefully I can offer something to all my friends, be it a piece of knowledge I have picked up along the way, a word of encouragement, a shoulder to cry on or a good swift kick in the *kitten* when that is what they need. I am open to pretty much anyone except those who routinely and consistently stay well below 1200 calories (eating at 600-800 calories on a routine basis isn't healthy in my book). I'm a late middle-aged gay man and I'm about as up front about that as you could be about that. First line in my profile. So anyone asking me isn't surprised.
I think in the end, the best way to put it is really quite simple: to have a friend, be a friend. When you send a friend request, send something a bit about yourself in your request, where you found them at least (if someone referred you), why you'd like to be friends. And then just join in the conversation. And be open and grow. You never know what you might learn.0 -
^^^ Well said, Lee.0
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For me, I can tell if you're just trying to collect people to boost your friends list or if you're really trying to do this.
Don't add someone and then fall off the face of the earth. I know the wagon is bumpy and uncomfortable, but damn. I hope the people I add pop their heads in sometimes (even once a month is great!) because I will be commenting and supporting you, too. If I don't see you even trying to be support, I will not hesitate to delete you. It's a two-way street here. Weight loss is the game and support should be mutually traded.
Yes, filled out profiles are great. I get it, it's tedious. It only needs to get done once, though! I don't accept those with a blank profile. You could be a wonderful support but I don't know this because you haven't provided anything.0 -
Bump0
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I'm bumping this post because this advice bears repeating:I will echo Everlearn's three suggestions:
1) Write something on your profile. I always read people's profiles before adding them to my friends list. The profile serves as another way for you to introduce yourself to MFP members, above and beyond your "Introduce Yourself" thread. This page is also helpful to MFP members who may find you via other means (e.g. if you are a friend of a friend, or if they have read one of your posts on the MFP forums).
2) Upload a photo. It really doesn't have to be a picture of yourself. Just about anything is better than the default MFP outline figure.
3) Desperation is not attractive. Being an MFPal is a two-way street. While you may need support, you should be prepared to offer support as well. Feel free to roll your eyes, if you hate aphorisms, but, like your mother always told you, to have a friend you must be a friend.
and I will add:
4) Don't go overboard with specific requirements for your potential new pal, e.g. "I'm a breast-feeding, Paleo-eating, 5'7", 15-stone, lesbian mum in Norfolk trying to lose 5 stone and seeking pals who are likewise". It is fine to put that description of yourself in your introduction thread or in your profile, but don't rule out folks who don't meet all the specific criteria you have in mind. You may very well find that a childless, 59-year-old, straight, male, healthy-weight, vegetarian fire-fighter in Kalispell has a lot of great information and support to share and may indeed become your best MFPal. Have an open mind and be prepared to receive friendship from those who are willing to offer it.
5) Originality and/or humor attract attention, at least they attract my attention. Try to come up with a thread title that is a bit more ambitious than "Hi, I'm new here." (Just don't violate #4, above.)
Also, if it wasn't made clear enough in item #1 of this list: OPEN your profile. It's the friendly thing to do. If your profile is closed, then people can't read your description of yourself, or peruse your posts on the forum. An information void makes it difficult for potential pals to assess whether they would like to add you as a friend.0 -
All of this is completely helpful. I joined MFP about 11 days ago and I am looking to have a community of people who WANT to succeed and who are interactive in doing so. There is nothing worse than posting something and having no one say anything back - especially when you have a bunch of friends! I'm looking for people to motivate me and BE motivated by me.0
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I pretty much add anyone looking for MFP pals. If you don't say anything, that's your prerogative; I happen to say a lot however and maybe my words will bring someone out of their shell.
F|37|keto0
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