NSV - 1/3 Body Weight GONE -- and new Revelations

Well, no weight loss again this week. BUT I forgot to post a SUPER NSV last week when I did have a loss. My NSV is.......as of now, I have LOST 1/3 of my body weight! Shock AND Awe! And while that is so amazing and gratifying, it also has its grave revelation. When I started this, I had a goal weight of 145 on mfp--it sounded good. However, In my head, I always said that 80 pounds would be my real goal--that 80 pounds would be enough. I could be happy with that. I started at 255. 80 sounded frightening but do-able. 80 sounded like I really wasn't THAT overweight. I didn't let myself go THAT bad. Well, folks--Iit's hard to believe that I have lost 86 pounds--I am surprised every time I see it. And I am nowhere near where I need to be.

I am thrilled with the loss, but stupidly shocked to realize that I am still very much in the obese category. I am still very far from that 35 inch waist that spells huge viseral fat around my organs. I am still unhealthy even though I can hit the gym for 2 1/2 hours nonstop. Now, when I do the math, I can see what I refused to see at the beginning. I always DID need to loose over 100 pounds. I did not join the "over 100 pounds to lose' group because "I" did not belong there. "I" didn't need to lose that much.
"I" didn't let myself gain over 100 pounds. and THAT, my friends is one of the things we tell ourselves when we cannot face the truth.

I cannot believe it took 1 1/2 years and 86 pounds for me to face my truth. Yep, I can add and subtract. So even though I knew my weight never topped 130 until after I was 30...I still managed to do funny math (guess I shoulda been a politician). My 'funny math' was that 255 minus 80 would be normal/skinny. My 'funny math' was that I never let myself go so bad that I needed to drop over 100 pounds. Well, at 86 down, there is no more funny math. I have to hit 153 to no longer be obese. I don't think my waist will be below 35 at that weight. I hope so, but I don't think so.

So, BIG relevations. I have LOST 1/3 of my starting body weight!!!!! And NOW, I know how to subtract.....and I realize I DID let myself gain over 100 pounds. YAYAYAY...and..OUCH.

I will succeed. My current goal is 23 lbs by end of November. Very aggressive and hard to do as i drop very very slowly. According to my track record, almost impossible even when I had more to lose. But I may have to have back surgery in early December. I DON"T want to be obese for the surgery. I am praying I won't need it, but I want to prepare. If I have the surgery, I won't be able to really work out for 2 months. I cannot do that still obese. If I can get out of that category, I pray I will have the willpower to STAY. I need that for the motivation to stay NORMAL.

Being no longer MORBIDLY Obese was a huge NSV. It was a huge boulder off my shoulders. Technically, it was a huge boulder of pure fat off my bones! It was an amazing boost to my ego and a strong foundation for my will to continue the journey. Next step...NO longer obese.

NORMAL is something my family and friends will tell you is most definitely NOT me !!!! Ok, I accept that -- haha. But I just want to be in the normal weight category--forget about my mentaility!

So now that I've rambled, I guess I need to get back to the NSV -- 1/3 body fat GONE !!!! And a lesson in math.....
1/3 FAT GONE. Pretty darn cool. And stronger determination to continue to HEALTH.


'Great Possibilities Come with Control"

God bless us all and keep us on our wonderful journeys!