A MUST READ, I need advice

When you start talking/thinking negative things about yourself put a stop to it and replace it with something positive. Try to say something nice about yourself to yourself everyday. I know sounds silly, but I believe it helps.

I think its less about starting to love yourself because you are thinner, its about loving yourself no matter what.. At least for me, when i think bad about myself, even in the past tense... like 'Ick I was so fat" is being cruel to yourself and adding to how you can't realize how awesome you look now. an acting teacher of mine literally made us take time in the morning to hug ourselves and thank ourselves and think about all the reasons we are awesome. It's corny and cheesy and HARD to do at first. but I found it really helped me LIKE myself (and I was much heavier then). I truly believe that loving yourself NO matter what is the only way to get rid of that mentality because once you take off the fat girl glasses, you will see yourself for the way you look right now, and you will love that!

I think I know how you feel... I've always been a bigger girl and I was at my largest in collage at about 195 lbs (I'm 5'3") I found a great guy who lives a pretty active lifestyle and has always been tiny. He doesn't have problems with over-eating nor does he have any desire to over indulge in sweets like myself. After being together for awhile he brought up how he'd like it if I were more active and if I lost a little weight. Completely shocked and saddened I decided to prove him wrong and I've lost nearly 60 pounds - more than he says he ever expected. Now I enjoy doing things I didn't do before and look forward to more activities like bike riding, hiking, etc. Things I'd never in my life done before, never even tried.. I look back and know I have made a change and I was just lazy before. I'm still stuck with the thought that my boyfriend thinks I'm too fat. (although he doesn't and never has said so) When I look at my body I don't feel like I see a lot of a difference.. my belly seems so large and I don't remember it being larger even though I know my measuring it's at least 5 inches smaller. I also don't see myself getting much smaller... but I'm not entirely happy with the way I look. I guess I'm saying you're not alone and I'm searching for answers on getting past these fat feelings too. Congrats on your loss! You look great!

It's important to learn to divorce yourself from what the scale says. Scales measure your muscles, organs, bones, water, undigested food, etc. They don't measure your self-worth as a person or how well you've behaved.

Some people can work that through without outside help, but it's hard. Some people need therapy. Others have found Overeaters Anonymous to be helpful.

I think its less about starting to love yourself because you are thinner, its about loving yourself no matter what..

This.

Now... how to do that... I don't know. I *should* know, I suppose... but I don't. I think that is part of the reason I'm here with all of this extra weight to begin with... and I am hoping I'll figure it out along the weight loss journey. Starting now with the fact that I am important enough to invest the time to help me get healthier.

I also have to say that I think it is normal to lose weight and still feel like you look the same. I lost about 25 pounds last time I tried to lose weight (that is the picture in my profile right now)... I thought I still looked the same. *Now* I just wish I looked like that!

While I do not have advice, I want to thank you for posting this. I feel the exact same way! I have always been the funny, fat friend, and part of me fears that I don't know who I will be if I lose the weight. Or even more silly, that my friends won't like me...almost as if they are my friends because they feel sorry for me being the fat girl. I know this is totally unhealthy and has caused me to sabotage my previous weight loss efforts once I got down to a certain weight and people were noticing. I am currently at my all time heaviest and cannot stand how uncomfortable I am in my own skin. If anyone else has some ideas of how to deal with the fear of losing weight, I would love to hear more. At a minimum, I think the support of others is what I will rely on for this journey, and admitting my fear is a big first step for me.

Good luck in your journey too!

Thanks for being so honest. I find this thread really interesting. I'm down 57.6lbs (just short of half of what I need to get off) and I'm noticing differences but still feel I look huge and find it hard to see the difference when just looking at myself in the mirror. I don't know how I'll feel when I get closer, but I hope it's ok. I never thought about friends not liking me, or not knowing who I am, who knows? But I think the thought of people treating me differently and being different is what excites and motivates me.

I have a theory. My theory is that everyone has a mental image of themselves and that image is of them at a certain weight and age. My mental image is of a 145 lb. 35 year old!

So, when I was over 200 lb., I would look in the mirror and I wouldn't see 225 lb. I would see that I was fatter than I liked, but only looking at a photograph would really show me how fat I really was. Then, when I lost weight, I just felt like I was looking more like myself. I still thought I looked much better than I did because I was thinking I looked a lot more like my mental image. Again, pictures would bring me up short because I'd be heavier in them than I expected.

At some point, I got thinner than my mental image. That was the point where I would look in the mirror or at photos and instead of being shocked that I was fatter than I thought, I'd be shocked that I was thinner than I though. To this day, a year after getting to goal, I tend to think of my middle as being about 10 lb. fatter than it really is.

As for the age thing... heh, let's not go there, okay? :laugh:

You may not be the 145# you were in high school but you an absolutely beautiful 164# mother of a beautiful little girl. You have a curvy figure that most of your female counterparts would LOVE to have. Some women look better with a little meat on their bones (take Star Jones for example!) And I'm not calling you fat by any means, but you have to realize that you are now HEALTHY. You can't rely on a number on the scale. You look amazing - I'm sure you feel a hell of a lot more amazing since losing 70#! Stressing out about not being the same weight you were when you and Dave met is ridiculous. Dave thinks you are the sexiest thing alive. Love what you have and what you've accomplished.