How to eat well without support from spouse?

My wife really isn't into the eating healthy thing and is getting frustrated/annoyed with me.

Replies

  • Don't push her. She'll come around like mine did.
  • kowajenn
    kowajenn Posts: 274 Member
    My husband is very physically fit but his diet is not. He humors me with healthier meals and then eats 500 calories worth of dessert every day.

    I'm currently in a smoothie phase and he's begrudgingly drinking one for breakfast. It feels like a victory!
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Is she getting annoyed because of what you're eating, or because you're trying to get her to get with the program, too?
  • Is she getting annoyed because of what you're eating, or because you're trying to get her to get with the program, too?

    Because of my eating.
  • kowajenn
    kowajenn Posts: 274 Member
    Is she big? I can't imagine why else she would resent your diet choices.
  • magerum
    magerum Posts: 12,589 Member
    Make your own food.
  • jdm_taco
    jdm_taco Posts: 999 Member
    Explain to her that part of the reason you are doing this is so that you want to enjoy a long and healthy life with her.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Is she getting annoyed because of what you're eating, or because you're trying to get her to get with the program, too?

    Because of my eating.

    Have you asked her why she gets upset with your new way of eating? That would be a good place to start.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Is she getting annoyed because of what you're eating, or because you're trying to get her to get with the program, too?

    Because of my eating.

    I'm confused by this, can you elaborate on how it manifests? Like, she makes her own meal, you make your own meal, and while you're eating she complains that she doesn't like the food that you're eating....? Like that?

    Have you asked her why she is getting annoyed? Or more exactly - have you told her that you get the feeling that she is annoyed, and that you're wondering why?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,782 Member
    Easy as 1,2,3.

    1. Do your own shopping.
    2. Do your own cooking.
    3. Do your own eating.
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
    Easy as 1,2,3.

    1. Do your own shopping.
    2. Do your own cooking.
    3. Do your own eating.

    Mightn't not be that easy. I'm thinking maybe they used to enjoy dining out and now hubby doesn't want to?

    I'm hoping the OP offers more info on exactly what is annoying his wife ~ at this point we'd just be jumping to an assumption that it's because he doesn't shop/cook.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    What is she annoyed about....and why would it affect your healthy eating?
  • This content has been removed.
  • hungryhobbit1
    hungryhobbit1 Posts: 259 Member
    You've given us very little information about what is really going on, but in my house I know it helps to continue the eating schedule that the whole family is familiar with: breakfast, lunch, and dinner and to make smaller portions of whatever I am making for them rather than trying to eat some 6-small-meals-a-day-with-protein-shakes type diet that costs a fortune and annoys everyone.

    Ultimately, I think it's better for me too because it's more sustainable. What exactly is it that you are eating/not eating that annoys your wife, and why?
  • tlharin
    tlharin Posts: 143 Member
    I have a similar "problem": my fiance is a great guy but not a great cook...or a cook at all, really. He can maybe make an egg is what I'm trying to say ;) So I'm the cook and completely control our meals. He is concurrently amazingly compliant and blessedly willing to try just about anything: kale, tofu, soups, curries, the man isn't picky at all. BUT: he will not be more active at all. No exercising, no walks/jogs together, no classes, no nothing. We own a pretty expensive elliptical: I'm the only one who uses it.

    I know the immediate response most will give, and you're right: one's fitness is up to oneself, you can accomplish a lot on your own regardless of what your partner does--or does not--do. But a support structure at home *would* be nice, wouldn't it?

    Regarding meals together, though: compromise can be best. Perhaps you can have your own breakfasts/lunches, and share a (somewhat less healthy) meal for dinner that she likes, but keep careful watch of your own portion of it. And/or: if you're also playing chef, you really can modify many recipes in ways that will satisfy "conventional" taste while also fulfilling your healthier nutritional needs. I make my fiance mac and cheese using pureed fall squash mixed with almond milk, garlic powder, and some salt and pepper...there isn't actually any cheese in it, and he couldn't care less. Maybe I'll tell him some day...maybe...
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
    Don't push her. She'll come around like mine did.
    ...unless she doesn't.

    Either way, your wife doesn't have to support you for you to do something that's good for you.

    Make your own food if you must, and choose healthier options if you eat out.
  • Easy as 1,2,3.

    1. Do your own shopping.
    2. Do your own cooking.
    3. Do your own eating.

    Mightn't not be that easy. I'm thinking maybe they used to enjoy dining out and now hubby doesn't want to?

    I'm hoping the OP offers more info on exactly what is annoying his wife ~ at this point we'd just be jumping to an assumption that it's because he doesn't shop/cook.

    You are pretty much on the right track. We used to go out a lot, get pizza, grab a few beers, desserts, etc. Also, at home we ate like crap a lot of the time too (hence why I'm on this site!). Now I'm eating healthy and she's not all in. We have busy lives so it's hard to make separate meals. Also I did a lot of the cooking in the past so now I'm making healthy meals.
  • DatMurse
    DatMurse Posts: 1,501 Member
    Easy as 1,2,3.

    1. Do your own shopping.
    2. Do your own cooking.
    3. Do your own eating.

    Mightn't not be that easy. I'm thinking maybe they used to enjoy dining out and now hubby doesn't want to?

    I'm hoping the OP offers more info on exactly what is annoying his wife ~ at this point we'd just be jumping to an assumption that it's because he doesn't shop/cook.

    You are pretty much on the right track. We used to go out a lot, get pizza, grab a few beers, desserts, etc. Also, at home we ate like crap a lot of the time too (hence why I'm on this site!). Now I'm eating healthy and she's not all in. We have busy lives so it's hard to make separate meals. Also I did a lot of the cooking in the past so now I'm making healthy meals.

    why not learn to make healthy tasty meals? eat 2 meals a day and have those meals with her?
    I drink beer even when I cut. I get tipsy faster due to the lack off food rofl
  • Find recipes for things like you used to eat - pizza, fried chicken, burgers, macaroni and cheese, etcetera - that are healthier. Cauliflower or whole wheat crust pizzas; panko breaded chicken; lean meats with the fat squished out, or turkey or bison burgers; soy or fat free cheeses. Anything that tastes and looks the same, but is actually healthy. She'll feel like you're back on her side and no longer disrupting the standard ecosystem; you'll be eating healthily and helping her health, too.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I would be pretty pissed if hubby started demanding we eat boiled chicken and steamed broccoli for dinner every night, but I wouldn't think twice about him having smaller portions or asking me to hold the butter till the table etc. Is it possible you've done a nutritional 180 and she's feeling overwhelmed? Remember, you can still eat everything you loved before you decided to be mindful of your intake.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    My husband wasn't into the healthy eating thing either, but I cooked healthy things that he likes, and the problem resolved itself over time.
  • HeyGoRun
    HeyGoRun Posts: 550 Member
    Treat her like a child, you say "If I make the food you will eat what I made", nobody got time to be making everyone separate meals (unless its a medical need)..if she dont like it then let her see what she eats.
  • emmysusanne
    emmysusanne Posts: 34 Member
    My other half is similar. "Where's the chips" is his usual reaction to a healthy dinner! I just cook separately for myself now, sometimes will make enough for two days in a row, however I will try and fuse our different meals over time - he could do with eating more healthy too!
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Treat her like a child, you say "If I make the food you will eat what I made", nobody got time to be making everyone separate meals (unless its a medical need)..if she dont like it then let her see what she eats.

    :huh:

    OP: Why not talk to your spouse about this?
  • scookiemonster
    scookiemonster Posts: 175 Member
    Well, I think it's kind of understandable that she'd be annoyed that you've suddenly turned the family's eating habits upside down and are taking her along for the ride whether she likes it or not, especially if it makes things more complicated or difficult. Perhaps she needs a bit more of a transition - find ways to eat out occasionally still and just learn to order more healthfully, find healthier take-out alternatives, and find ways to make healthy meals that you can both enjoy. What did you cook before? What are you cooking now? What does she like to eat? Can you find healthier ways to make her favorite foods, or to get her involved in cooking with you?
  • Just_Scott
    Just_Scott Posts: 1,766 Member
    Okay Brother another oarsman is joining in....my wife and I both work. I make about half of my own foods during the week, and she or may not eat them. To balance things out I'll cook two evening meals twice a week for her and the kiddos, what they want not what I'll probably eat.

    You can start in several ways; first though have the conversation about what tempts you--baked goods for example--two weeks ago kid's made brownies, left half a pan out, and I threw them away. So, start with the things you know to avoid. Second, start having conversations about healthier options-baked steel cut oats instead of cereal, and see what happens.

    WHo knows maybe she'll start with a small goal of her own, and she may join you in your lifestyle change; good luck, but just in case, make sure the man cave has cable, air conditioning, protein, you know, the essentials.
  • suelegal
    suelegal Posts: 1,282 Member
    Treat her like a child, you say "If I make the food you will eat what I made", nobody got time to be making everyone separate meals (unless its a medical need)..if she dont like it then let her see what she eats.

    Hope this wasn't serious.

    My hubby isn't quite there yet, and not sure he ever will be - I make some healthy options for him, he makes what he wants on other nights. Sometimes, there isn't an easy way out but maybe talking will find a happy medium somewhere.
  • 0somuchbetter0
    0somuchbetter0 Posts: 1,335 Member
    My husband loves my cooking, healthy or not. Problem is when dinner's over he starts grazing in the kitchen. I've gotten rid of 99% of unhealthy stuff in the house, but he finds ways. i.e. the other night I sauteed some chicken breasts & vegs in olive oil, garlic, Worcestershire sauce. After dinner he took some sandwich bread and wiped the pot clean with with it....like 3 or 4 slices of bread. He's active duty Army and very fit because he has to be, but I'm afraid that when he retires he's going to blow up like a balloon!

    OP: just how bad is your wife's diet, and how extreme are the changes you've made to yours? Could be she's just having trouble adjusting.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    Easy as 1,2,3.

    1. Do your own shopping.
    2. Do your own cooking.
    3. Do your own eating.

    Mightn't not be that easy. I'm thinking maybe they used to enjoy dining out and now hubby doesn't want to?

    I'm hoping the OP offers more info on exactly what is annoying his wife ~ at this point we'd just be jumping to an assumption that it's because he doesn't shop/cook.

    You are pretty much on the right track. We used to go out a lot, get pizza, grab a few beers, desserts, etc. Also, at home we ate like crap a lot of the time too (hence why I'm on this site!). Now I'm eating healthy and she's not all in. We have busy lives so it's hard to make separate meals. Also I did a lot of the cooking in the past so now I'm making healthy meals.


    Unfortunately.... this looks like a maturity issue. Sometimes it takes a health scare to bring some people around.

    I would just keep doing what you're doing, be nice but don't apologize for choosing health, and hope she will come around.
  • monbot
    monbot Posts: 97 Member
    Has anyone considered that it's not what is being eaten, it's the fact that they don't go out for dinner at all anymore, and spend that time bonding together?

    Go to restaurants with healthy choices or find other activities to do together. Changes are hard for everyone - help her accept the change in your lifestyle.