Do you experience this and how do you deal with it??

Tarynavry
Tarynavry Posts: 8
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
Hi, I am new to the forums and fairly new to the site. I have been on and off this site for about a year and a half. Anyway, I guess I live in "fat fantasyland" where I am just clearly bigger in real life than I allow myself to believe in my head or mirror.

I relocated 7 years ago to WNY. I am from NYC. I went home about a week ago to visit my mom, former in-laws, friends, etc. And just about everyone told me how "great" I looked and wanted to take all these pics.

I have been avoiding cameras since I hit my biggest (this time) of 241 back in December 2011. I am now down to 223 but I just feel like I really don't like when people tell me I look great and I look like a small yacht. After viewing those pics, all my fears were confirmed. I am huge and look bigger in the pics than I thought I looked and will not post a pic on FB or anywhere else. But how is it that they (everyone else) tells me how "great" I look. The last time they saw me I was about 180lbs, before I got pregnant with my youngest daughter. So I was way smaller than am I now.

Even one my supervisors tells me how great I look and she sees me everyday and knows I haven't lost a pound since March.

Does that happen to anyone else and how do you deal with it? Do people tell you that you look "great" when you know or feel that you look terrible? Is it people's way of trying to tell you they notice you gained weight? How do you respond? I would have rather my friends and fam just told me they were happy to see me instead of making me feel self conscious. IDK my it is just my mind playing tricks on me, but I certainly feel even worse. Today is my Day 1.

Replies

  • skygoddess86
    skygoddess86 Posts: 487 Member
    Maybe they aren't talking about your weight. Maybe you are just beautiful.
  • Akjenn89
    Akjenn89 Posts: 265 Member
    "You look great" i don't think is just a statement about your weight. It could be a statement about your overall mood and how happy you look, it could be a statement about your clothes/outfit that day, etc. We are always harshest on ourselves and self-conscious about things that other people don't really notice as much.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    In your profile pic you look fine, I'm guessing you have a terrific personality, a beautiful face and a gorgeous lush/curvy body? that's how the folks around you see you, maybe you should just start to believe in that yourself :)

    People generally wont say things to hurt people they care about. These folk go out of their way to compliment you so that means you are doing something right, the genuinely don't think you need to change anything about yourself, and that's good! :)

    Enjoy all the attention and if you deep down aren't happy with how you look then you know what you have to do...your here on MFP, you have all the information at your fingertips and its just a matter of putting it into practice.

    You can do this, you can get to the point where you KNOW you look great yourself and not just hear it from others.

    I get a lot of compliments especially since I lost weight but I do feel people are genuine when they say nice things in general, else why would they say it?
  • celadontea
    celadontea Posts: 335 Member
    You're a cynic like me, but I'm going to tell you that they aren't just talking about your weight. They might be talking about a multitude of things that adds to your attractiveness.
  • raelloyd1975
    raelloyd1975 Posts: 7
    hi there,

    I get this too, photos are not too much to sweat over as they always make you look bigger. today in work every one said I looked like I had lost weight when I know I have not lost any in the last week or so I have been 12st 5 for at least 3 weeks now.

    If you want to get your head around your size take a piece of clothing that fits you and hold it up and take in the size of the clothes that should bring the reality of your size back to you. works for me I was a size 18-20 and when I hold up my jeans size 20 I realised that I was getting big so made an effort to cut down on the bad stuff and get a bit more exercise I am now a size 16 and hope to be a size 14 by the time I have reached the goal weight 10st. finger crossed.

    the secret is to be happy and make little changes that way there is not a culture shock to deal with by completely changing your life style or routine, stressing over your weight will only make you more self conscious and unhappy.

    hang in there :wink:
  • crysmiss86
    crysmiss86 Posts: 67 Member
    In response to the (and I'm paraphrasing here) "I look horrible in pictures and it doesn't match what is in my head" situation, I feel that all the time. It simply comes down to confidence (for me anyways). I have no advice but I can tell you that there are others like you :)
  • janinab75
    janinab75 Posts: 147 Member
    I got that too, at my heaviest. And it was in reference to my weight. I think people were just trying to be polite. It was mainly from people who hadn't seen me in a while. I saw the surprise on their face when they first saw me, then they said, wow, you look...great! Um... ya right! I also got, Did you lose weight? Uh, hell no! Nice try! What do you say to that. No, actually, I got fatter? Finally I had enough, when I saw myself in pictures, saw myself trying to wear a jacket in a picture that was actually too small, talk about embarrassing. So here I am, try number 2.5 on MFP.
  • xSTx
    xSTx Posts: 56 Member
    They may be noticing small or big changes in you and are complementing you on it. May be due to weight loss, you could have better looking skin,hair, clothes may look a bit better on you etc, etc, after losing over 162 lbs I can say that yes at times it may get a bit confusing when you might not feel the way others say you look but the complements never get old. I still feel bigger than I am.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I don't know, it just sounds like your family loves you and thinks you are beautiful. Why not just accept their compliments at face value?
  • Tarynavry
    Tarynavry Posts: 8
    Thank you for all the responses and as I stated it could all be in my head. I am extremely uncomfortable and self-conscious about my weight and I guess I let it extend into all facets of my life. Like another poster mentioned, you are saying I look great but I can see in your face you are shocked. I will really try to enjoy the compliments going forward, while I do the necessary things to lose the amount of weight I want to lose. Thank you all again, I appreciate the time you took to respond to me.
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