introducing new eating lifestyle to family members

RAGGEDYANN1970 · September 2013

my husband & i recently started a new eating lifestyle (similar to paleo, we modified it a bit) but it is EXTREMELY different from the way we were raised. we are slowly changing our children's eating habits as well (we have a young daughter and have read that it is best not to go "cold turkey" with the younger children) - anyway, how do we enforce this with others, namely grandparents? i was raised on having brownies for breakfast, honey buns and chips for snacks and VERY sweet southern sweet tea and bread/butter at dinner every night. my dad actually argued with me today about how "Chocolate is healthier than cheese" - i feel like i'm up against a wall with them. i know our daughter won't eat 100% healthy every single time she is away from home, but we would like to be supported in our lifestyle, especially where we are concerned. we feel that we aren't being heard, and arguments seem to arise where our diet is concerned (i use the term "diet" as a way of eating, not a weight-loss scam or plan) - in fact, our scale is broken and i have stopped weighing, concentrating more on a healthy lifestyle.

my mom had a heart attack and stroke 10 years ago, and was just diagnosed with another heart condition, as well as being on diabetes medications. even with all this, she still will not follow dr's orders, and does not support our healthy eating habits, especially where our daughter is concerned. she thinks chips and pudding, other snacks are a "must" for children, and even asked me today, "so what do you eat now? only meat?"

Hungry_Gurl · September 2013

It is very hard to change the views of the people that raised you. I would also like to hear ways people made it work.

thepetiterunner · September 2013

I think it's great that you and your husband have made decisions to change your eating habits in the best healthiest way that you see fit. I'm sure you're doing it in the absolute best interest for you and your family.

Having said that, it can be very very difficult, if not impossible, to change the habits of other people, particularly those that raised you. I'm not entirely sure how these conversations go, so I don't know what misunderstandings/misinterpretations may be going on. Sometimes when you make a change, other people view it as an attack on the way THEY eat/drink/live, even if that is completely unintentional.

You can ask your parents/grandparents to respect your wishes, but in the end, you may have to accept that when your daughter is with them, she might eat a few sticky buns here or there. Then you get to decide if it's better for her to eat the way you want her to, or if you want her to have a relationship with your grandparents. Alternatively, your daughter could learn to say no to them, couldn't she? If that's what she really wanted, she could always ask them for the "treats" that you usually give her. Then it's not a confrontation between you and them, it's a choice and a request made by your daughter.

jdm_taco · September 2013

Adults that need to change their eating habits are well aware that what they are doing is not good for them just like smokers are well aware of the risks of smoking.

They will change if they want. You can try, but usually its a waste of time.

RAGGEDYANN1970 · September 2013

i am not trying to change what they do at all, my only intention is to get respect for what WE choose to do, and not feel like i have to defend myself. we need support in helping our daughter to make healthy choices (she just turned 5) and i feel like they completely ignore our requests and indulge anything and everything she wants. i'm fine with her having an occasional snack at their house, but she has come home that past 2 times of visiting and had bad stomach cramps and diarrhea.

lsmsrbls · September 2013

If I were in your position, I would tell my parents that my husband and I had come to our decision after careful consideration and that it was very important to us that our wishes were respected. And please not to feed our daughter any food other than the ones that we send with her.

Then you can send snacks and food for meals along with her when she visits. That way there is no confusion (real or feigned) as to what is allowed.

I don't see anything wrong with the statement that chocolate is more healthful than cheese, though. Dark chocolate is really nutritious.

edited for clarity

RAGGEDYANN1970 · September 2013

If I were in your position, I would tell my parents that my husband and I had come to our decision after careful consideration and that it was very important to us that our wishes were respected. And please not to feed our daughter any food other than the ones that we send with her.

Then you can send snacks and food for meals along with her when she visits. That way there is no confusion (real or feigned) as to what is allowed.

I don't see anything wrong with the statement that chocolate is more healthful than cheese, though. Dark chocolate is really nutritious.

edited for clarity

well, i suppose when you are talking about 75% cocoa chocolate being as healthy or healthier than cheese, then perhaps, but that is not what they buy for her. they buy snickers or hershey kisses or pudding - something that has no nutritional value whatsoever. if i thought he was giving her "healthy chocolate" i would agree.

jynxxxed · September 2013

I would be blunt, personally. I would point out the health issues throughout your family (that are diet related) and explain how you are working on avoiding this going forward. Explain exactly what you DO eat and make it clear that you don't care whether or not they choose to change or eat 'their' food infront of you, it's just a personal decision you've made for your family.

Usually when you bring in medical conditions and serious factors people will understand quickly. It's not about depriving your daughter of sweets, it's about being healthy overall and they just struggle to understand that I'm guessing.

Hildy_J · September 2013

Sometimes when you make a change, other people view it as an attack on the way THEY eat/drink/live, even if that is completely unintentional.

Yes. In their minds, it invalidates THEIR choices.

lsmsrbls · September 2013

If I were in your position, I would tell my parents that my husband and I had come to our decision after careful consideration and that it was very important to us that our wishes were respected. And please not to feed our daughter any food other than the ones that we send with her.

Then you can send snacks and food for meals along with her when she visits. That way there is no confusion (real or feigned) as to what is allowed.

I don't see anything wrong with the statement that chocolate is more healthful than cheese, though. Dark chocolate is really nutritious.

edited for clarity

well, i suppose when you are talking about 75% cocoa chocolate being as healthy or healthier than cheese, then perhaps, but that is not what they buy for her. they buy snickers or hershey kisses or pudding - something that has no nutritional value whatsoever. if i thought he was giving her "healthy chocolate" i would agree.

Okay, yeah. Snickers may be delicious, but they obviously aren't nutrient rich! : )

RAGGEDYANN1970 · September 2013

Sometimes when you make a change, other people view it as an attack on the way THEY eat/drink/live, even if that is completely unintentional.

Yes. In their minds, it invalidates THEIR choices.

i totally see this point. that is very true - makes it seem as if i am attacking their ways, even if i'm not.

CollieFit · September 2013

Sometimes when you make a change, other people view it as an attack on the way THEY eat/drink/live, even if that is completely unintentional.

Yes. In their minds, it invalidates THEIR choices.

Indeed. I have that issue with my parents and often they interpret it as not only a criticism of their choices but a criticism of the choices they made AS PARENTS, basically as if you're implying your upbringing wasn't up to scratch (no matter how true or not).

I remember an old argument with my parents whether, if I had children, I would let them babysit if they carried on smoking. My stance was that I wouldn't and they were quite offended by that... and then you get all this "it didn't do you any harm" (erm really?!). My mother never stopped smoking all through her pregnancy. I spent hours as a toddler in a car with the windows up and two adults having one cigarette after another, but they thought that's ok. I don't. My mother is currently in end-stage COPD!! Probably has a year to live, if that. She's in her early 60s.

My point is, your child - your rules!!

They have to like it or lump it.

introducing new eating lifestyle to family members

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