Feel uncomfortable when family compliments weight loss

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ThePinkPenguin
ThePinkPenguin Posts: 138
in Health and Weight Loss
Anyone else?

I've lost about 20 pounds so far on this journey...I was hoping to have lost more at this point but have kind of plateaued/fallen off track, so I'm trying to get back on. Ah well.

Anyway, my problem is that when I see my dad's side of the family, I feel uncomfortable when the first thing they are commenting on when they see me is my weight loss/how my body looks. I almost wonder if they think of me as some object they can look over and scrutinize. I walked in the door of a family gathering on Saturday, and people immediately started fawning over me...my dad even was like "Wow! Holy s**t!" He has lost a ton of weight himself and does 5Ks and looks great! Even though everyone was telling me I look great, I felt weird. I also have an aunt who is REALLY touchy feely (she plays with my hair without my permission too) and grabbed my sides and gave them a little squeeze. But people were telling me to go outside and show off and things, and it just makes me feel weird, especially since I'm still kind of struggling with feeling happy with my new body. Plus, I was kind of down from being stalled in my loss.

My mom said I need to learn how to take a compliment, and I appreciate when someone says you look great, but I don't really like everyone being loud about it and making a huge show. I don't yet feel comfortable flaunting my body to everyone either. Hell, I'm a Zumba instructor and there is NO way I would even wear a tank top in class like my perfectly toned instructor because I still have arm flab and most tank tops, especially those from Zumba (which tend to run small), don't really flatter me.

Is there any way I can ask my family to tone it down with the mentions of my weight loss, especially when it comes to Touchy Feely Aunt? I mean, I'd appreciate being asked how the rest of my life is going and not just people focusing on my body. My friends will tell me I look good and we talk about working out sometimes, but it doesn't take over the conversation or anything. I guess I just need some boundaries, but what should I do?

Replies

  • shannashannabobana
    shannashannabobana Posts: 625 Member
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    I think you're overthinking it. When it doubt, I just smile and nod. Most people mean well, and family usually feels more free to go overboard. I would take it as a compliment and move on. (Sidenote: Plateau's are normal. Don't let stuff like TBL warp your brain about the whole thing. I think of it as your body getting used to it's new size before you can move on!)

    As for your aunt, is it creepy touchy feely or is that just the way she is and it's you who is taking it strangely? I would respond differently depending on the answer. For instance, my family hugs when we say hello/goodbye etc, but when I went to school some of my friends parents kiss on the cheek. It felt weird to me but it was obviously just cultural/how they were and meant nothing bad. If it's like that, I would let it go. If she creeps you out, I would probably avoid her.

    Congrats on your weight loss! Once you settle in, I think you will start feeling more comfortable with it, but I wish you the best of luck.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Own it.

    Honestly I get more annoyed now when people say stuff because I have pretty much been maintaining for over a year (which I guess is a feat in and of itself).
  • PriceK01
    PriceK01 Posts: 834 Member
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    I love when people notice and it makes me feel accomplished. But every once in a while you get someone who goes overboard and it is very uncomfortable for me. Makes me think, "Wow, he/she must have thought I really looked like **** before."
  • RAGGEDYANN1970
    RAGGEDYANN1970 Posts: 115 Member
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    OWN IT! you've worked hard. take the compliments, say "thank you, i FEEL AMAZING" and talk about how you feel vs. your looks and then move on. as for your aunt, next time, just say, "thanks" and use your hands to move hers off of your body or hair. i don't like to be touched by anyone except my husband, that's just me. people will only learn boundaries from you. :smile:
  • SailorKnightWing
    SailorKnightWing Posts: 875 Member
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    They see how hard you've been working and want you to know they're proud of you. No one is trying to objectify you, just trying to encourage your work and acknowledge it.

    That being said, I agree with the person who said try turning the conversation to how you're feeling rather than how you look.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    Use humor .. or "humor"

    When your Aunt touches you, say loudly "I need an adult!" or something designed to be a little uncomfortable. and laugh.

    I agree though .. there is nothing more horrifying than being the center of attention. I hate it. When someone tries to make the the center of attention my defense mechanism is .. "oh. no. WE are going to be the center of attention. On my terms. You probably won't like this."
  • ThePinkPenguin
    ThePinkPenguin Posts: 138
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    I think you're overthinking it. When it doubt, I just smile and nod. Most people mean well, and family usually feels more free to go overboard. I would take it as a compliment and move on. (Sidenote: Plateau's are normal. Don't let stuff like TBL warp your brain about the whole thing. I think of it as your body getting used to it's new size before you can move on!)

    As for your aunt, is it creepy touchy feely or is that just the way she is and it's you who is taking it strangely? I would respond differently depending on the answer. For instance, my family hugs when we say hello/goodbye etc, but when I went to school some of my friends parents kiss on the cheek. It felt weird to me but it was obviously just cultural/how they were and meant nothing bad. If it's like that, I would let it go. If she creeps you out, I would probably avoid her.

    Congrats on your weight loss! Once you settle in, I think you will start feeling more comfortable with it, but I wish you the best of luck.

    Sorry I guess I must be a little clueless today. What is TBL?
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,969 Member
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    TBL is The Biggest Loser
  • pinkledoodledoo
    pinkledoodledoo Posts: 290 Member
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    I wish I had some good advice for you but I'm sort of in the same boat, though not currently. In the past when I've lost weight it seems like everyone wants to jump on complimenting me. This is especially true of my husband's family. I'm a long time yo-yo dieter so there have been plenty of times when I've gained weight back and whenever I'm not losing weight I feel really anxious about going to family functions because I know that everyone will be judging my inability to keep the weight off. That anxiety has actually kept me from attending some functions where I know certain people will be. I hope that you're braver than I am... interested in reading the responses here on how to handle it.
  • shannashannabobana
    shannashannabobana Posts: 625 Member
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    I think you're overthinking it. When it doubt, I just smile and nod. Most people mean well, and family usually feels more free to go overboard. I would take it as a compliment and move on. (Sidenote: Plateau's are normal. Don't let stuff like TBL warp your brain about the whole thing. I think of it as your body getting used to it's new size before you can move on!)

    As for your aunt, is it creepy touchy feely or is that just the way she is and it's you who is taking it strangely? I would respond differently depending on the answer. For instance, my family hugs when we say hello/goodbye etc, but when I went to school some of my friends parents kiss on the cheek. It felt weird to me but it was obviously just cultural/how they were and meant nothing bad. If it's like that, I would let it go. If she creeps you out, I would probably avoid her.

    Congrats on your weight loss! Once you settle in, I think you will start feeling more comfortable with it, but I wish you the best of luck.

    Sorry I guess I must be a little clueless today. What is TBL?
    The biggest loser - sorry! Where they lose a million pounds every week and cry if they only lost 5. Crazy, that show.
  • Hildy_J
    Hildy_J Posts: 1,050 Member
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    Your aunt sounds like she thinks of you as a little girl, still.

    I'm the same about being touched - I just say: 'don't touch me' and glare. Plus some foul language, if it's a stranger.
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
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    I'm hearing two (related) problems, that probably need two different approaches.

    1. You're uncomfortable with body talk. Especially when it's about your body.
    2. You have a relative you touches you more than you'd like.

    I think the second one probably needs a direct resolution. It doesn't mean your aunt is a bad person, she just has a different approach to personal space, etc., but I think your best bet with her is to quietly, privately if possible, just tell her you don't like to be touched, could she please stop. After that, she'll probably keep doing it, and need a few gentle reminders AT THE TIME SHE DOES IT (just like dog training ... just no rolled up newspaper). "Oh Aunt Sally -- remember I told you that I get uncomfortable when people touch me? Knock it off, lady, or why don't you molest my husband for a change, he likes it HAHAHAHA!" If she loves you, it'll sink in eventually.

    The first one, well, you might need to make some compromises because it's more about YOU than them. Like your mom says, sometimes you just need to take a compliment. I'm curious about whether the conversation goes ON and ON and ON and ON or if it's just general "Wow!" when they first see you, then conversation naturally shifts. My guess is it's the latter? If so, complaining and flinching will probably just make it go on longer.

    But acknowledging the compliment (and then pointing out somebody else's success!) is usually the best way to end the conversation. "Thanks! I FEEL great! But isn't DAD just so impressive? I'm so proud of him!"

    One thing I've found is that there are a lot of people who are very, very fascinated with weight loss and fitness, and LOOOOOVE to talk about it. Their own, if they have success, or other people's the rest of the time. Hence the popularity of shows like the Biggest Loser. I used to work in an office where the women all talked about calories and carbs and cleanses and crunches all freaking day long. It drove me nuts, but I came to recognize that's sometimes just how people connect.

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