Anyone else struggle with rejecting idealized bodies and wan

Delindy · December 2007

I am a feminist who has struggled with whether or not I need/should lose weight. The reasons that I chose NOT to make an effort to lose weight in the past is I WANT to reject media's pressure on women to have idealized bodies in order to please men in bed (a bit of an exaggeration, but sadly TRUE at times!). I want to accept my body and looks and know that I am beautiful. I don't want to compare myself to unrealistic bodies of models/celebs/etc. Not to mention, I want to focus on improving my inner strength and abilities and find those ideals more rewarding.

But as I gain weight I realize I am pushing into obesity and setting myself up for serious health risks later on in life.

I want to be healthy...and in order for me to be healthy...I DO NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. There...I said it.

When I am searching for weightloss information I scoff at the cover of fitness magazines with airbrushed bikini wearing (and possibly surgically altered) women and overly hyped and peppy (possibly speed/coccaine addicts?..hahaha) fitness experts on workout videos.

Where's the balance!???

ANY OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS?

Delindy · December 2007

I am a feminist who has struggled with whether or not I need/should lose weight. The reasons that I chose NOT to make an effort to lose weight in the past is I WANT to reject media's pressure on women to have idealized bodies in order to please men in bed (a bit of an exaggeration, but sadly TRUE at times!). I want to accept my body and looks and know that I am beautiful. I don't want to compare myself to unrealistic bodies of models/celebs/etc. Not to mention, I want to focus on improving my inner strength and abilities and find those ideals more rewarding.

But as I gain weight I realize I am pushing into obesity and setting myself up for serious health risks later on in life.

I want to be healthy...and in order for me to be healthy...I DO NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. There...I said it.

When I am searching for weightloss information I scoff at the cover of fitness magazines with airbrushed bikini wearing (and possibly surgically altered) women and overly hyped and peppy (possibly speed/coccaine addicts?..hahaha) fitness experts on workout videos.

Where's the balance!???

ANY OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE STRUGGLE WITH THIS?

loreeb18 · December 2007

I would never try to lose weight for a guy. I would lose weight for myself -- for my health and my self-esteem -- and if my husband likes it, bonus. I agree that a woman doesn't have to be 100 pounds to be beautiful. Whatever weight your body is when you eat right and excercise is beautiful.

I have a weight goal in mind but even more so, I want to get in shape, to be healthy, and to feel strong.

lotusfromthemud · December 2007

absolutely I have struggled with this.

One of my current struggles is that I actually have a large frame (this was done with a consultation with a doctor to determine a healthy goal weight) (yep, I'm big boned) so even when I'm very slender I'm larger than a lot of ladies at the gym (or on the street). Accepting this has been difficult for me.

I am currently thinking that a HEALTHY body weight is a feminist issue. Most female celebs are underweight, some seriously so. But,being seriously overweight is a health issue; extra weight equals more strain on our bodies, pure and simple. That being said, I am not underweight, and know that I'm in better shape than some people who are just plain skinny.

I have discovered that for me, it is a matter of allowing my body to be fit and strong. To not hate our bodies is a feminist triumph!

I have also found that both yoga and bellydance have allowed me to love and trust my body more.

Now I'm just rambling, but know that you're not alone. :flowerforyou:

flachix · December 2007

YES!! I have had the same issues. being a happy fat chick most of my life, with a loving husband who adores BBW I have dieted off and on with moderate success. and it was usually for a reason, a wedding, an event. But now at an older age, its harder to get up off the floor, my knees hurt more, climbing stairs makes me huff and puff. all things that didn't happen being fat 5 years ago.
I realize, as you do, that fat is the last acceptable prejudice, and I resent being treated differently than skinny people. and it does happen. I've been turned down for jobs, promotions, etc. Now insurance companies are jumping on the bandwagon and its becoming a form of child abuse to have fat children. So, I agree with you completely regarding the pressure to be a 100 pound stick just to fit someones idea of what is pretty or acceptable. But it is a health issue as well for me now. I am very fortunate and don't have high blood pressure, diabetes, cholestoral, and am not on any medications. I want to keep it that way. So, if you want to lose weight to see what its like to be thin. great. and you are not putting off your life until you get skinny. (you have heard those women, oh, I could get a husband, or my life would be so much better and I would be so much happier when I am thin, I am going on a long cruise when I am thin, I am going to........when I am thin. and that's just sad.) do it for yourself. do it for your own reasons, just for you. and If not, there is no crime in being a happy fat person. and I will help support you all the way kiddo. go for it. life is too short.

remember you have to love WHO you are, not how you are.

Nich0le · December 2007

its not a matter of looking good for the opposite sex it is a matter of health. There are a lot of people out there that just figure they are over weight when in reality they are obese or morbidly obese. You should stay at a healthy weight for you, your pride and your longevity.

Feminist or not, fat is not pretty, big is not beautiful. These are just other MEDIA ways of getting big girls to feel ok enough to go out and spend a lot of money on clothes that do not look good on fat girls. The models are a whopping size 12 for Lane Giant and other stores with similar target groups. Healthy is best. YOu don't have to be skinny, or look like a bag of bones but you should strive to exercise and eat right and keep yourself in a healthy weight range!

fatgal · December 2007

I have struggled to lose weight for a while almost a year now. I would like to get down to 125 pounds. Right now I weigh 148 pounds. That is to much for my frame. I am 5'2. So I am short.

jlong71 · December 2007

Being A man I would tell you that you should not try to look good for anyone but rather try to be as healthy as possible. I would recommend not to make a decision to lose or for that matter not to lose weight based on not wanting to conform or wanting to conform to society because either way you lose the battle as society is controling you. Do what is healthy for you forget about society and be happy.

Delindy · December 2007

I disagree with mnbarnum and the fact that fat women can't be beautiful. This "media" (which is certainly NOT mainstream) I believe IS positive...although it may not be encouraging women to lose weight....women need confidence that go against the grain. I love to hear about fat-positive women's groups. They are challenging what people think of beauty. But I do think there needs to be a link to these groups and healthy ways to lose weight and reachable weight loss goals.

Before you can improve yourself...you have to accept yourself and tell yourself you ARE beautiful.

Statements like "BIG IS NOT BEAUTIFUL" attacks any woman who may think she is not at an ideal weight and reaffirms an idealistic view of beauty.

Delindy · December 2007

Do what is healthy for you forget about society and be happy.

This is VERY hard to do...considering women ARE apart of society and faced constantly through TV, magazines, conversations, etc with what beauty is. It's something that men do not have to struggle with near as much (not to deny the significant amount of men who suffer from eating disorders).

At times...main stream media even ENCOURAGES men to eat large amounts of food and that being fat is charming. Fat men are funny! Fat women are ugly.

alymarest · December 2007

I don't understand what you are trying to lose weight for, if it is for your health then that has nothing to do with conforming to what the media thinks is pretty or skinny. If you are here just to get healthy then i don't think you plan on being as small as a super model. So why are you worried about it?

flachix · December 2007

delindy,
google BBW and sit back and what the sites pop up. there are calendars, meetings, even 'stars' in that area. most are in their 20ish age groups and some are very sexy. one lady was on Miami Ink and is somewhat famous for her size and has a great website. There is no shame in being a fat girl. the shame is falling for the propaganda that being fat makes you less of a person. not every one likes skinny girls. :flowerforyou: but most importantly you need to understand that by getting healthier for youself you are not selling out to the media hype. you are chosing health. and when you get thin and you don't like it, chunk back up and relax and enjoy life. :laugh: remember life is short. ride it all the way to the edge, be fat, be thin, be loud, be shy, be everything you can before it ends. try everything. and remember, you are not alone.

jessjess · December 2007

Delindy,
Who CARES what the media deems as beautiful? Why is that even an issue for you? I couldn't care less what other people's ideas of beauty are. You can't please everyone. Try making yourself happy, and dealing with your own inner demons before you try to tackle "the world's" opinions.

This site is about working-out and getting fit, and nutrition. It's not a "who can be the skinniest" contest. Everyone here is just trying to make healthier decisions in life and finding their inner strength.

"Skinny is beautiful...fat is beautiful"...whatever. What do YOU think is beautiful???

While you are focusing all of your energy on beauty, I'll be focusing on not ending up with high blood pressure or diabetes, and being able to run up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

sanlin20 · December 2007

I'll second what reesejd said. Settling with one's own demons sounds like a good advice, especially in this case.

oldandbroke · December 2007

I'm a guy. Us guys sometimes talk about how women look. The guys I normally talk to usaully agree that a woman that looks healthy and happy and carries herself with confidence is very attractive. It does not matter what size she is or how old or what color.

Having the commitment and self discipline to monitor your diet to the degree that you are actually meeting your own goals should build that confidence and esteem.

My guess is that there are a lot of beautiful women of all sizes logging on to this site.

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!

advance4000 · December 2007

I try ti stay fit fro my health. A few years ago my doc told me that according to my numbers from blood test and such Ihad "heart attack" numbers! Very scary stuff! So I took control and made some changes not only in the way I ate but relationship wise as well.

From a guys point of view, we all see the toned male models and there is that pressure for us too! Some just don't admit it. Personally, I don't care. Those guys workout all the time and probably have a personal chef metering out portions of food for them as well! Their looks are their business ande livelyhood!

I'm doing what I'm doing for me! When people say I look great and happier I know why! Mostly because my doc tells I look like a different person and my numbers are all now in the norm! My health comes first not what someone thinks about my looks! I have dated women who are a little heavey yet they carried themselves well. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hope I made my point!

Delindy · December 2007

Thanks for...what I think is.,..mostly support.

I was trying to reach out to women who also struggle with this issue.

I felt a little bit attacked when some users said things like "WHO CARES" ... it felt a little bit like a "WELL JUST GET OVER IT!" method...which isn't really helpful. And others seem to give advice like...JUST FORGET ABOUT IT! IT DOESNT EXIST!. Well...it does. But lets support each other and reaffirm the truth!

Having an idealized body is not an obsession for me. I feel like I am a balanced person who is mostly wanting to lose weight to be healthier and live longer. BUT I wanted to reach out to women who might have felt those pressures and felt guilty for going on a "diet" because they were saying their body is NOT beautiful and they DO want to look like that chick on the cover of SHAPE magazine.

Believe me...I try every day to reject lies in the main stream media every day and I still have struggles.
So lets try to be really uplifting in our support to each other. There is too much bringing us down.

neverbeenskinny · December 2007

Here's my 2 cents worth...
We all have an idea of what beauty is. For some it's the media's version, for others it's what's inside a person that matters, and yet there are those who thinks Big is Beautiful. There are a million opinions out there, and they are all right. There is no wrong. It's what you, yourself thinks that matters. Look inside yourself, are you doing this to for health reasons, to please others or to please yourself? Again, there's no wrong answer. The right answer is what you think. We all diet or workout or watch what we eat for our own reasons. I don't care what you reason is...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

I am 5'2" on a good day, I'm 47 years old and I am 160 pounds. Please don't think that I'm over weight. Yes, I've never been skinny and I'll never be skinny. But I only have 10 more pounds to loose, I'll never get down to the 105 pounds that insurance and the media thinks a 5'2" female should be. But then again, I only carry 18% bodyfat (athletic for a female), and I wear size 6 to 8 jeans. At 160 pounds...am I fat???

Happy New Year everyone.

Nich0le · December 2007

I apologize if my quote was mis-interpretted. There are a lot of beautiful overweight women in the world however fat is not beautiful. Keep in mind that it has been about 20 years since the "big is beautiful" campaign by retailers started. The retailers of large sizes wanted big women to feel good enough about their growing waist lines to go out and shop for expensive clothing. This is, whether you like it or not, a twist of the retail marketing media to get women to shop.

Like I stated before, the average size of a plus size model is a size 12..whoopdie doo! I think most women would be happy to be a size 12. The models look like women, they look healthy and they do exercise and watch what they eat. Emme, a famous plus size model was the first to say she had to "keep in shape" in order to maintain her super plus size model status. She was 5'11" and a whole 175 lbs.

Look the ultimate goal is to be healthy for you. If healthy and happy for you is a size 16 then that is what is right for you. But you have already admitted that you know you are not just overweight anymore you are headed for obesity and regardless of the media or your feminist ideals you still need to be healthy for you and only you, so lets get to that january challenge from your other post and get healthy once and for all.

lessertess · December 2007

Delindy,

I've struggled with this as well. I've even struggled with defining myself as a "feminist" or any other label that in some way limits me. I've managed to reconcile it by understanding that my choices are my own, for my own reasons, and not becasue the rest of the world expects it or even because I'm fighting what the rest of the world expects. We don't owe anyone any explanations.

I have to agree with flachix about obesity being the last acceptable prejudice. In general, I think that is is somewhat acceptable to treat fat people, and especially women, as second class citizens. There are some statistical studies out there that clearly demonstrate that fat men and women are usually paid less for the same jobs and are less likely to get promotions. And, don't even get me started on the treatment of fat women in movies and on TV.

That being said, I'm trying to loose weight both because I want to be healthier and because I want to look better. For me.

baylou · December 2007

hi
I love my husband cause I was 140 when we marryed he said I was beatifull 4 years later he still says I am beatifull at 179 I look at my body and say ugly how can you say beatifull and sexy you have to see what Iam looking at MY BODY he says you are looking at you in a different way then Iam I see what is inside that is the beauty that I se

icandoit · December 2007

I am in it for me. I can care the least what other people think of the way I look. I think that people are not to be judge by the cover of the book.
The only way to make it to your goal is to do it for yourself. If you do it to please another, I think you are setting up for failure. Love yourself and remember that those women on the mag covers are loaded up with makeup (tons) and the airbrushing. So they are not perfect too. Have you seen Pamela Anderson without makeup??
I will say that I would love to turn some heads and look hot at the beach, and when I reach my goal, I will.
Just remember to do it for yourself.

cmriverside · January 2008

Yikes, you guys. Chill.

Good luck to you Delindy, whatever you do......but I'm not really posting.....nobody saw this. I'm on sabbatical.

Delindy · January 2008

I've even struggled with defining myself as a "feminist" or any other label that in some way limits me.

Defining myself as a feminist never limits! It liberates! Yes...the term has many meanings to many people, but if more people WOULD take on the definition we can get rid of a bad rep.

A feminist is a woman who wants to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.

Just thought I would give MY (and also bell hooks') definition to clear things up.

Delindy · January 2008

In general, I think that is is somewhat acceptable to treat fat people, and especially women, as second class citizens.

Oh and...WHAT? Am I reading this wrong?

Anna_Banana · January 2008

You need to forget media and just go by what is healthy. Like if you start breathing hard putting on your shoes or walking across the house you are out of shape and should probably start some sort of exercise routine. Also you need to make good choices in what you eat. If you are making good choices in what you eat and staying fit, you will probably slim down, and it won't be because society wants you to be thin, but because you are healthy.

jessjess · January 2008

Delindy,
I in no way meant to sound as if I was "attacking" you by my previous comment, and seeming unsupportive. I definitely applaude you for wanting to make healthier decisions in your life.

The media is an ugly, ugly monster. I just hate to hear of others letting the media influence their thoughts/emotions/decisions in life. I came across a little harsh. I apologize for that.

"icandoit" said it right...."Do it for yourself. If you do it to please another, I think you are setting yourself up for failure. Love yourself."

amandastamey · January 2008

I think its great that you decided you needed to get healthy and I hate the fact that society thinks that a waif figure is what is healthy, but in my eyes women who are into lifting weights and getting strong are my idols (well who I look to for inspiration). I feel like I need to have a stong muscular build not a skin n bones look. ewww .....

Anyone else struggle with rejecting idealized bodies and wan

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