Mother of binges

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Ellyouseewhy
Ellyouseewhy Posts: 23
in Motivation and Support
Yesterday was a pure binge day as I had a 16 hour shoot the day before; I always binge when I'm exhausted.
Now I'm more or less ready to top myself because I can feel the blobby fat growing all over me.

When I say binge I'm not talking three slices of nutella toast like I hear people moan about on here, I'm talking
haribos
leftover chocolate santas
pringles
two packets of special k cracker crisps
ham ( I don't eat red meat)
six pieces of white bread
nutella
squares bar
Cadbury's mini roll
frube yoghurt
chocolate hob nob
green thai curry with noodles
bowl of porridge
magnum ice cream
two nak'd bars
two packets of intu chocolate edamame
turkey chuncks

I forget the rest but I can eat any overweight man under the table from all the stretching I've put my stomach through, I know I need professional help I just don't want to admit it to my family as they think I've recovered. anyone expierenced this level of bulimia and/or binge eating?

Oh and I didn't purge a single thing hense the guilt today

Replies

  • roxylola
    roxylola Posts: 540 Member
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    So, you ate a lot in 1 day. It's just a day. Just 1 day, 24 hours of your life. It means nothing. Today is a fresh day, tomorrow is another one.

    You said you had a shoot, I guess you model? I do a bit and it is exhausting, it is hard work on your body and mind, and personally I tend not to eat much when I shoot as it shows - not a lot of body fat to start with means you can pretty much measure my waist and tell me the size of the meal I just ate. Also I am careful of what I eat for a few days leading up to it. So of course I am hungry afterwards. So I eat. I suspect I am older than you and my binges tend to be pasta and whole wheat toast more than sweets but that is just because I won't buy sweets lol.

    Yesterday is gone, learn from it and move on. You clearly needed the fuel, you ate, maybe you overate, maybe you didn't but ultimately what you ate made you feel bad. So next time take your time, enjoy the food you are eating, maybe go for a meal as a treat for yourself. Try not to deny yourself moderate amounts of treats on a day to day basis, if things are not forbidden then they are not such a draw. Enjoy quality food rather than stress about quantity. And think about today rather than beat yourself up about anything in the past.

    Also, well done for not purging. Don't be too hard on yourself
  • kelly_lake
    kelly_lake Posts: 25 Member
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    roxylola gives really good advice. You did really really well not to purge - you should be feeling proud of that, not guilty.

    My best friend modelled for years and also suffered from bulimia for years. She managed to kick the purging after she was hospitalised, but it took time to break the binge mentality. She went to OA meetings regularly which really was the key for her. She is in awesome shape now, all the stuff like secret eating and compulsive exercising are in the past for her now and she has a healthy relationship with food and with her body. There is hope,but you'll need support. I'm not very knowledgeable but I'm sure there are people here who are.

    Peace and strength to you x
  • harleygroomer
    harleygroomer Posts: 373 Member
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    well????? that is a binge. Just get over it and go on--a day is only a day. BUT---you eat ham? That is a processed meat with lots and lots of chemicals. Find the some roasted meats to enjoy.
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
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    I forget the rest but I can eat any overweight man under the table from all the stretching I've put my stomach through, I know I need professional help I just don't want to admit it to my family as they think I've recovered. anyone expierenced this level of bulimia and/or binge eating?

    Oh and I didn't purge a single thing hense the guilt today

    It sounds like a good time to chat with your family. If you do not feel comfortable doing so, is there anybody else (trusted friend or adult) that you can chat with to help/support you through recovery? You admit "I need professional help" and I hope you seek it, for the sake of your health.
  • stumegsmum
    stumegsmum Posts: 34
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    you shouldn't feel guilty about not purging, that's a major positive. Hard as it is, try to move on and get back to eating normally. I know it's easy for me to say, but you know what, somedays I used to eat that much on a normal day on top of my meals.

    You're doing well to handle things, don't beat yourself up over one day

    On a lighter note, how the heck do you have Xmas choccies left ??
  • Ellyouseewhy
    Ellyouseewhy Posts: 23
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    Thanks everyone,
    I wish I could see it as just another day but it isn't, it is the end of my world everytime it happens and I can't think straight for days because everyone is looking at all the weight I've gained and I'm back to square one.

    I'm so frustrated
  • danarandallreed
    danarandallreed Posts: 132 Member
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    We all have those days and exhaustion is one of the biggest triggers. You can't avoid exhaustion, it just happens sometimes. So move on. No one could be looking at any weight you have gained, because you don't gain from one meal. You might be a bit bloated, which can be relieved by drinking lots of water, working up a good sweat and eating some fiber. You can get passed this one binge event. It does now own you or define you. Shaking it off is not easy, but you can do it.
  • roxylola
    roxylola Posts: 540 Member
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    To say you "can't" see it as another day is wrong. You choose not to. You and you alone choose how you think about anything including yourself and food. No amount of professional help in the world can make you change the way you think. Fact, it is just 1 day, fact, you overate, fact, today is a different day, fact, you did not gain weight over night. You made your choise about the food you ate. Now make your choice about how big a deal it really is in the over all scheme of things.

    Choose wisely :happy:
  • abtsdiet
    abtsdiet Posts: 39 Member
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    Does your family have to know you are getting therapy?
  • raggleraccoon
    raggleraccoon Posts: 7
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    It's great that you didn't purge. Move on, tommorow is another chance & you learn from your mistakes. Was not purging that food unusual for you? If so, then you ARE making positive steps forward. You won't gain weight from one day...just get back on track tommorow.

    Sorry, can't give you much advice. Hope you feel better soon.

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