Reasons for losing weight

Hi guys,

I sympathise with you about being lonely. I can imagine how you must feel. I am lucky enough to have a loving husband who has loved me through all of my sizes and three beautiful children who have that unique unconditional love for their seriously stuffed up mum. I wish you well in your quest for love and companionship. However I can't leave it without saying the old cliché of you need to love yourself first. I know it's easy to say, for I do not love myself, but only then will you find someone who truly sees the inner beauty of you.
My reasons for losing weight? I am sick of living like this. I am sick of having to sit down to tie my shoelaces. I am sick of hating the reflection in the mirror. I am sick of not being able to do things with my kids. The moment that spurred me on to start this journey finally was taking my kids to a theme park. they wanted me to go on a ride with them. I protested, but they insisted. Then the most embarrassing thing happened. I was too big to fit. The harness would not go around me, so I had to do the walk of shame. That wasn't the worst part. When my kids got off the ride they actually came and apologized to me for me not fitting on the ride... What the????? How had I sunk this low to have my kids apologize to me for my weight problem?? That was it. The start of this incredible journey. It has only just begun and it will be a long ride, but it will be worth it in the end

I'm losing weight so my hubby and I can start a family. I currently can't get pregnant and I'm guessing it is due to my weight.

...if I wasn't so heavy, I'd get some attention. I'm lonely as heck, and have been on some unsuccessful dates recently. It's frustrating for me, and I feel that some girls who are good for nothing, but are smaller and look better are getting attention that isn't deserved...

I've been slim my entire life and I get almost zero attention. I can count the number of men who have approached me romantically on one hand. I'm pretty sure this is because I put out a hard vibe. It radiates "I'm not available" and maybe even a little "Get the hell away from me" LOL. :laugh: I'm actually very nice, but just not approachable in that way. I'm married to one of the brave souls who dared...

So maybe you aren't sending out the right signals. Honestly, I think it's mostly just attitude. If you put out the right vibes (confidence and energy) I think you'll get some attention. People are more attracted to people with good self esteem. Maybe you aren't radiating confidence yet. I see girls of ALL types getting men. Most of the women I know are on the heavy side and they all found love. Try not to focus on whether you think other people deserve attention. Just focus on you and when you start truly believing that YOU deserve attention, you'll probably get some. Besides, the guys who are giving "undeserving" girls attention probably aren't the kind of guy you'd want anyway. :flowerforyou:

There are fit single girls who are frustrated, too.
Your happiness is not bound up in another person.

the hard cold truth is that people are visual and they judge. when a woman is thin she will be more attractive to a larger pool of men. there is always the exceptions..but rare. it is a cruel fact of life. initial attraction is superficial and true blind love grows from that..not the other way around.

it isn't you..it is just human nature. if you want to meet the right man for you; improve your odds by attracting as many as you can so you can find the right one. and that means making yourself as attractive as possible and losing the weight.

i admire you for admitting how you feel.

Believe me, even skinny girls have their fair share of issues. It's not fair to say their attention isn't deserved or that they're good for nothing. Everyone is deserving of love.....and a lot of the attention they get isn't love (just like the attention you get)....it's physical. I'm sure there are so many skinny girls that are asking the same questions as you.

TBF she didn't say that, she said "some". Her frustration is that, as she sees it, it's easier for "good for nothing" skinny girls to find love and get attention than it is for bigger girls who have lots to offer but get ignored.

I have to say, it's also true that there are plenty of glorious bigger women who do get attention and love. It seems to me that confidence and self esteem are the issue here. OP you have to love yourself in order to be lovable. That's what makes you attractive, not your figure or shape or size! The shallow men who prefer the shallow skinny girlies will never look at you, but you wouldn't want them to. Flowers don't have to go hunting for bees - they just bloom, they just radiate colour and perfume from deep inside themselves, and the bees find them.

I received MORE romantic attention when living in the Washington D.C area at a size 22/24 than at my current 8/10 in Pennsylvania. How about them apples?! Have you tried online dating? Perhaps you need to find a site that reflects your goals and interests when searching for a mate. Best of luck to you!

Lisa

I just wish people would actually see me for who and what I am. Not for my outside appearance.

You can't fight biology, hun.

Physical attraction is a big, big deal for most men and if you've got rolls that makes it look like you have three sets of breasts under your shirt that's going to be a turn-off for a lot of men. Not all, but a lot.

That's why we are here.

most of us have shallow tendencies whether we can admit it or not, and chances are, we probably don't start paying attention to someone without first being physically drawn to them. There is always the version where people who have been hanging out a long time being exposed to each others "inner beauty" will hook up, and have a relationship, but a cold call walk-in-and-be-captivated-by-someone usually doesn't involve any of that inner beauty. it is purely physical. OP I would suggest finding a social group that fits your personal interests and start hanging out with those people. (preferably something co-ed, for obvious reasons) but the other posters are right.....the attention you get from outer beauty will only lead to future posts where you complain about men being a bunch of pigs because they never looked at you while heavy, and now that you are thin you get all this "creepy, pervy" attention from guys only interested in your body.

whether you are light, heavy, or in between, taking pride in yourself is something most people look for. also most people looking for a mate, will focus on aspects that they feel show values similar to their own, or that they wish to have in their life. Ask yourself what parts of your physical appearance show your values, and if you are happy with how they represent you, being a work in progress means that you think you are worth it. taking pride in your self at whatever size you are and showcasing your self respect and confidence is a bigger turn on and mark of attractiveness to most men than actual size.