The gym comes first
SummerNights32
Posts: 86 Member
I have always wanted to date a guy that loves to work out. I don't need a guy with a perfect body or a guy that eats steroids for breakfast, but instead just a guy that enjoys working out as much as I do. Well, I may have found him! But...he may be a bit more than I bargened for haha.
First of all, he is a body builder. I am definitely not!! In fact, I am not even skinny....but not overly large either. I consider myself more curvy than anything, but "stereotypically" I am not what I imagined he would like physically. When I told him my goal was to lose 30 more pounds, he was a bit annoyed. He prefers women with some meat, and he keeps warning me not to get too skinny lol. What the heck is going on!!!! He says its ok to get fit and concentrate on getting more lean, but he would prefer if I didn't just focus on losing weight. Don't get me wrong...he is not at all telling me what to do, and I wouldn't let him do that. In his own words, he likes that I work out a lot and stay active, but that I still have curves like a woman haha.
Anyhow, through all of this though, I have realized how self-conscious he is about his own body. That is party why I find it strange that he prefers women who are not stick thin. He spends about 3 hours a day in the gym, and it seems as if the gym will always come first. For example, I was going to cook for him for the first time last week, and he ended up not coming over because it was too late after he got out of the gym. Honestly, I was a bit annoyed. He wants us to work out together, but I haven't gotten the courage up to do that yet. I work out a lot, but nothing like him....especially not in the body building world.
I don't really know what to think of the whole situation right now. We are doing really well on every other side of things, and I think it could turn in to something more serious in time. But, with him being so self-conscious, it gets to be a lot to handle. He is always tearing himself down, worrying about his diet and planning his day around his trip to the gym. I wish I could just get him to settle down a bit, and learn to appreciate the hard work he has already put in. Trust me when I say, it shows!
First of all, he is a body builder. I am definitely not!! In fact, I am not even skinny....but not overly large either. I consider myself more curvy than anything, but "stereotypically" I am not what I imagined he would like physically. When I told him my goal was to lose 30 more pounds, he was a bit annoyed. He prefers women with some meat, and he keeps warning me not to get too skinny lol. What the heck is going on!!!! He says its ok to get fit and concentrate on getting more lean, but he would prefer if I didn't just focus on losing weight. Don't get me wrong...he is not at all telling me what to do, and I wouldn't let him do that. In his own words, he likes that I work out a lot and stay active, but that I still have curves like a woman haha.
Anyhow, through all of this though, I have realized how self-conscious he is about his own body. That is party why I find it strange that he prefers women who are not stick thin. He spends about 3 hours a day in the gym, and it seems as if the gym will always come first. For example, I was going to cook for him for the first time last week, and he ended up not coming over because it was too late after he got out of the gym. Honestly, I was a bit annoyed. He wants us to work out together, but I haven't gotten the courage up to do that yet. I work out a lot, but nothing like him....especially not in the body building world.
I don't really know what to think of the whole situation right now. We are doing really well on every other side of things, and I think it could turn in to something more serious in time. But, with him being so self-conscious, it gets to be a lot to handle. He is always tearing himself down, worrying about his diet and planning his day around his trip to the gym. I wish I could just get him to settle down a bit, and learn to appreciate the hard work he has already put in. Trust me when I say, it shows!
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Replies
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"and it seems as if the gym will always come first."
In a relationship, there are gonna be times when YOU will need to come first. Don't forget or ignore that.0 -
I'm really hoping you mean self-conscious rather than subconscious - otherwise he really is working out far too hard!0
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I'm really hoping you mean self-conscious rather than subconscious - otherwise he really is working out far too hard!
LoL oh h*ll, and I am teacher!!! Yes, thank you for the correction. I am not sure what I was thinking, but obviously it wasn't too clear. Haha I appreciate it!0 -
Umm what did you expect by dating a body builder?0
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Seriously though, perhaps the real reason he'd like you to work out together is so that you get that time together too so he feels less guilty about enjoying his training. I very much doubt he expects you to match his efforts.
Also, a lot of women do seem to strive for movie star thinness rather than just being a healthy weight. Perhaps he just likes you as you are, which is great, as long as he doesn't have an aversion to the body type you are striving towards. You cannot assume that bodybuilders all want slim little women, there's a very muscle bound man at our gym who is happily dating a woman as tall as him and probably a fair bit heavier.0 -
"and it seems as if the gym will always come first."
In a relationship, there are gonna be times when YOU will need to come first. Don't forget or ignore that.
It seems like they haven't been together that long (unless I'm missing something). And already you want her to start putting the lock-down?
OP, give it a little more time. You still need to figure out your groove together.0 -
edit; wizard ^0
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"and it seems as if the gym will always come first."
In a relationship, there are gonna be times when YOU will need to come first. Don't forget or ignore that.
It seems like they haven't been together that long (unless I'm missing something). And already you want her to start putting the lock-down?
This! Thank you for putting it far more eloquently than I would have.0 -
is it really that hard to believe that a person wants their body to look a certain way, but wants their SO's body to look another?
and as far as working out with him... well, if he spend 3 hours a day in the gym, you don't have a lot of options. talk to him about your work out goals and maybe he can teach you a few things. but if you go to the gym together for him to teach you, then he has to know that its not for his work out. besides, i doubt that even if you went to the gym together, you wouldn't be working out side by side the entire time. maybe warm up together, then go off in your seperate ways and then when you're done you say "bye, i'll see you in two hours."0 -
My Son is/was a personal trainer and he tells me all the time to stop focusing on weight loss and focus on getting healthy . He says the scale is not a sign of health it is just a number . So maybe people who are 'REALLY INTO FITNESS" don't obcess over the scale like me.lol
I try really hard to listen to him but I want the scale to go down so badly hahaha.
I wish my hubby would work out with me also . Just for the companionship to share something that makes me feel so very good. Maybe it will happen someday - when we have our own equipment in our home.
I think since this guy is a body builder ,yes the gym will always be important so he definitely wants you to be part of it and I'm sure taht he knows you won't be working out like him and he doesnt mind that...
Amy0 -
I do that with my girlfriend lol... I will never not go to gym and make it first.
It's his passion and he loves it, so leave him to it and never interfere.. If you do, he'll probably rage at you or be really pissed for some time until you drop it and let him do his thang.
He is also a bodybuilder, meaning he HAS to be strict on himself. If not, he won't get anywhere in the sport.0 -
bump0
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"and it seems as if the gym will always come first."
In a relationship, there are gonna be times when YOU will need to come first. Don't forget or ignore that.
It seems like they haven't been together that long (unless I'm missing something). And already you want her to start putting the lock-down?
This! Thank you for putting it far more eloquently than I would have.
I don't think she mean't anything by "relationship". But yes, we are just in the getting to know you phase and enjoying our time. I don't know what the future holds, but we have only been dating a month so only time will tell. I just wrote the post because it was something I noticed about him.0 -
I love women with a little meat on their bones with some really nice curves and fit. But what I really love is a women who is happy the way she is, but is always willing and wanting to improve herself inside, and out.0
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I do that with my girlfriend lol... I will never not go to gym and make it first.
It's his passion and he loves it, so leave him to it and never interfere.. If you do, he'll probably rage at you or be really pissed for some time until you drop it and let him do his thang.
He is also a bodybuilder, meaning he HAS to be strict on himself. If not, he won't get anywhere in the sport.
He doesn't actually compete, he just does it because he likes to. He really should compete if you ask me though, especially since he is putting the time in haha. And yeah, I would never make him stop...and know I couldn't even if I tried. We both work out five days a week, we just work out differently. I run more than anything, and lift heavy a few times during the week. He lifts all five days, and adds cardio one of those days. I think we might meet up a few times a week and somewhat combine our workouts....do some cardio and some lifting. I will bring my own car though haha, he wont be ready to leave when I am. And, if I try and lift like him, I won't be able to lift my arms enough to drive
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You should let him know that he's not doing himself any favours working out for 3 hours at a time. Anything over 60 minutes and he's getting diminishing returns. Even pro builders know this, unless he's on roids then he can get more results over an hour.0
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When I told him my goal was to lose 30 more pounds, he was a bit annoyed... He says its ok to get fit and concentrate on getting more lean, but he would prefer...
Red Flag! This has all the warning signs of a guy with control issues. He'll start by gently criticizing your goals and it will end with you walking on eggshells and afraid to say or do anything for fear of his disapproval.
Not every Red Flag is a sign of sure doom, but I would be remiss if I didn't warn you to stay vigilant. You must, must, must keep your own best interests in sight.
Been there, done that, and the road to recovery is long and lonely.0 -
You should let him know that he's not doing himself any favours working out for 3 hours at a time. Anything over 60 minutes and he's getting diminishing returns. Even pro builders know this, unless he's on roids then he can get more results over an hour.
Very interesting discussion. Sorry to interject, but what about someone who goes to the gym a few times a day for an hour or hour and 1/2 each time? Am I the only one who thinks that's excessive? I'm speaking about my ex whom I just saw last week. He's lost a good amount of weight. I'll admit he looked better before maybe 30 lbs heavier. He diets also and says "I guess my stomach shrunk because I can't eat as much now" so I feel like he isn't replacing the calories burned with calories he's eating. I liked how he looked before and now he looks a lot smaller. 3 times a day though?? Sheesh!!0 -
You should let him know that he's not doing himself any favours working out for 3 hours at a time. Anything over 60 minutes and he's getting diminishing returns. Even pro builders know this, unless he's on roids then he can get more results over an hour.
o rly?0 -
Totally false. But, 3 hrs is a bit much. If i was going to spend 3hrs in the gym i would break it into 2, 1 1/2 hr sessions.You should let him know that he's not doing himself any favours working out for 3 hours at a time. Anything over 60 minutes and he's getting diminishing returns. Even pro builders know this, unless he's on roids then he can get more results over an hour.0
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