Admitting I Have A Disorder

mruntidy
mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
in Motivation and Support
Realising i have an eating disorder on Friday was not my revelation, admitting it was.

My next steps are going to be probably harder than any workout ive done so advice from anyone would be good

I don't really know what my disorder is, i don't hide food, or purge, i see what i see in the mirror but i don't think its body dismorphia, i get told i don't eat enough so thats my first goal to change this week.

Its a difficult post to write so there isn't much by way of content and selfishly i think im writing it more for me as a confession to mark the date than anything

Replies

  • JoAnn3189
    JoAnn3189 Posts: 17
    Well, I wouldn't know how to help you, but I wanted to say that you are not alone in having a disorder of any sort. I have a panic disorder that runs my entire life. It's not easy getting help, it is SOOO expensive even with insurance.
  • Ekoria
    Ekoria Posts: 262 Member
    Good job in recognising your disorder. I am not qualified to help and I'm not on here any where near enough to help but I would suggest reading up on EDNOS http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_disorder_not_otherwise_specified Good luck on your journey to recovery x
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
    Thanks, I think the biggest thing for me is acknowledging it, I think advice was maybe too strong a word to use especially on here but I had a long chat about it with my wife earlier today and we have a plan we are putting together where we discuss my workouts and what I'm eating as well - it's harder for me to come to terms with because I see it as a weakness in me where I'm suppose to be the level headed one.
  • nerakma
    nerakma Posts: 77 Member
    Hi, I see you have an open food diary and I haven't looked back very far, but from what I can see, you have some great days, even eating back your exercise calories, and some very low calorie days.

    I wonder what the factor is on those low calories days that makes you restrict your food intake. It could be stress, or feeling you have been lazy/sedentary that day, or feeling you over-indulged the day/week before, or perhaps you feel you are losing control of some things and so food represents something you can control?

    Maybe if you can identify that, you will be able to unravel your relationship with food. Or I could be barking up the wrong tree entirely!

    It's great that you can talk to your wife about this. Good luck.
  • eryquem
    eryquem Posts: 66 Member
    Umm...

    Has an actual doctor or nutritionist confirmed that you actually have an eating disorder? From what I can see from your diary, you're eating plenty most days. From your photos you look slim, but not underweight.

    I'm wondering if you're being pushed into accepting this idea just because someone doesn't like the way you eat.
  • bulimiargh
    bulimiargh Posts: 15
    Umm...

    Has an actual doctor or nutritionist confirmed that you actually have an eating disorder? From what I can see from your diary, you're eating plenty most days. From your photos you look slim, but not underweight.

    I'm wondering if you're being pushed into accepting this idea just because someone doesn't like the way you eat.

    You can't tell if someone has an eating disorder just by looking at them.

    Also, I eat on average 1,500 calories a day, and I'm anorexic - it's another stereotype that everyone with ED just starves themselves or subsists on only celery and diet coke.

    OP, if you ever need to talk about restriction or compulsive exercise, feel free to send me a friend request :)
  • nerakma
    nerakma Posts: 77 Member
    Umm...

    Has an actual doctor or nutritionist confirmed that you actually have an eating disorder? From what I can see from your diary, you're eating plenty most days. From your photos you look slim, but not underweight.

    I'm wondering if you're being pushed into accepting this idea just because someone doesn't like the way you eat.

    You can't tell if someone has an eating disorder just by looking at them.

    Also, I eat on average 1,500 calories a day, and I'm anorexic - it's another stereotype that everyone with ED just starves themselves or subsists on only celery and diet coke.

    OP, if you ever need to talk about restriction or compulsive exercise, feel free to send me a friend request :)

    ^^This.
    And it is possible to have disordered eating, which is not the same as an eating disorder (confusing, I know). I am not an expert, but I believe this means your view of food has changed from what is classed as 'normal'. For example, someone could eat 2,000 calories a day, which on the face of it would be perfectly acceptable. But, if in order to eat those calories, they felt they had to "earn them" first through excessive exercising; would that still be 'normal'?
  • bulimiargh
    bulimiargh Posts: 15
    For example, someone could eat 2,000 calories a day, which on the face of it would be perfectly acceptable. But, if in order to eat those calories, they felt they had to "earn them" first through excessive exercising; would that still be 'normal'?

    I think that would technically be either EDNOS or anorexia athletica.
  • nerakma
    nerakma Posts: 77 Member
    For example, someone could eat 2,000 calories a day, which on the face of it would be perfectly acceptable. But, if in order to eat those calories, they felt they had to "earn them" first through excessive exercising; would that still be 'normal'?

    I think that would technically be either EDNOS or anorexia athletica.

    That's the one, EDNOS. I couldn't remember the name, but I have read something saying it is disordered eating rather than an eating disorder (fine line, I say).
  • eryquem
    eryquem Posts: 66 Member
    Umm...

    Has an actual doctor or nutritionist confirmed that you actually have an eating disorder? From what I can see from your diary, you're eating plenty most days. From your photos you look slim, but not underweight.

    I'm wondering if you're being pushed into accepting this idea just because someone doesn't like the way you eat.

    You can't tell if someone has an eating disorder just by looking at them.

    Also, I eat on average 1,500 calories a day, and I'm anorexic - it's another stereotype that everyone with ED just starves themselves or subsists on only celery and diet coke.

    OP, if you ever need to talk about restriction or compulsive exercise, feel free to send me a friend request :)

    I totally respect your point. You clearly have more knowledge of EDs than I do, and I won't in any way discount that. To be clear, I wasn't saying to the OP that he didn't have an ED, just suggesting that he get confirmation from a professional. And I wouldn't have even said that if it wasn't clear from his post that he doesn't exactly think he has a problem himself.

    Just out of honest curiosity, if someone is at a healthy weight, and eats a reasonable amount of calories on a normal day, in what way can that be defined as a disorder? I mean, I get that people can have unhealthy relationships with food, and perhaps need psychological help to overcome that, but what is the actual definition of an eating disorder?

    To the original poster: If you really do feel that you have a problem with food, then please ignore my original post and continue to get the help you need.
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
    No i totally appreciate what you're saying - and, as difficult as it is to say (fotunately no one in my local area knows me on here) it is something that came up with a professional in an almost out of the blue way.

    I think in all honesty i needed to be pushed into accepting something, im still not sure what it is as yet and i think that is going to be the first part of coming to terms or recovering from it.

    A lot of what has been said has actually made sense;

    I see food as fuel but in my head it isnt because I am fuelling 'just enough' it's because I see it as fuel to batter myself in the gym

    I have an unhealthy relationship with food - eating a high protein diet particularly before I injured my arm in late June again I think rationalising it with it being a cutting/muscle building diet but i wasnt putting enough back in the pot to keep a strong balance. My clockwork regime suffered massively as a result of tendonitis in my arm and a strained IT band in my leg which basically took away my two modes of exercise so I was devastated.

    As well as a lot of other things in particular earning food struck a chord - I didnt see it as excessive exercising I saw it as pushing myself to my limits, challenging myself or trying to beat my last time etc so I tended to eat to say 1500 to 1750 calories a day but not eating back calories necessarily.

    I think I will bring up EDNOS next week - it isnt very hard for me to talk about any topic, its hard for me to deal with it if that makes sense? Particualrly as I see (for my own reasons) any kind of mental disorder, which being honest with myself is what it is, as a weakness.
  • annakow
    annakow Posts: 385 Member
    I have cleaning disorder, thats all..doing my floors with chlorine every morning and vaccum cleaning 4-5 times a day
  • elsdonward
    elsdonward Posts: 81 Member
    Look - What on earth makes you think that you have an eating disorder? From what I can see you are young and in shape. Yes it sounds as though your current problem is one of anxiety and delusion. One way that you may help yourself with this is to fully realise that it is not so much the food because food is food - it may be more anxiety about your physical state and getting injured that may be the problem.

    If you try and understand food - that is the difference between real and junk foods, the levels of protein and carbs. You definitely need carbs particularly starch like potatoes and rice. Too much protein can poison you, and meats carry anti biotics and other additives - dairy also has hazards. Read up about food and stick to a diet of real food - no pepsi!! no sweeteners etc.

    You also can have too many protein shakes.

    If you strengthen your knowledge about food - you can come back and exercise sensibly.
  • JorisSt
    JorisSt Posts: 36
    How can you have to many proteins? can you explain this to me?

    Joris S.
    musclemaximum.org
  • AmandaAnne307
    AmandaAnne307 Posts: 113 Member
    You can't say someone is 'young and in shape' so they don't have an ED. I am young and chunky and I have struggled with an eating disorder for almost 10 years. As another poster said - just because someone doesn't look too thin and sick doesn't mean there isn't a problem.

    OP: it sounds like you are working with someone, keep it up. It's hard to work through - but so worth it! You are worth the work. Good luck, I'm wishing you the best.

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