Remember this while hiding from the camera

reposted from http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/


Listen. I hear you. You’re a few pounds heavier than you like (or a 100lbs heavier than you like). I completely understand how you feel. I get that same blah feeling about myself when I think about booking new head shots or long overdue pictures of me and Justin. Precious, I even picked a career that has me permanently behind the camera rather than in front of it. Seeing myself in pictures actually produces the faintest sick feeling in my stomach. Isn’t it amazing we can see the beauty in our best friends, sisters, mothers, and aunts without the slightest thought to their flaws . . . but can obsess for hours on our own imperfections? We fixate on our flaws to the point we shirk at any documentation that our round faces and curvy bodies ever walked the earth. No pictures to show how we LOVE, how we laugh, how we are treasured by our families. How is it possible that a double chin can overpower the beauty of a mother cuddling her child? How does arm fat distract from the perfect shot of a spontaneous hug? I swear y’all . . . how is it that we can put more value on a TUMMY ROLL than the captivating way you throw yourself into a roar of laughter during a shoot?

In our warped minds pictures become frozen mirrors that we can stare at as we pick apart our features over and over again.
I know girl. I know.

My personal duck-and-cover (or signature “make a funny face”) approach to having pictures of myself changed completely when I had a serious car accident last year (and started over). In the flash of a second (or a flash of the text message the young woman was reading) my entire life changed. I nearly left this earth with no physical evidence of the goofy, wide open and loud love I have for my life, my husband, my family and friends. I haven’t had professional pictures done since our wedding in 2006 . . . always waiting for this elusive moment where I would be thin enough (pretty enough) to have such a permanent record of me. Because, you know, HEAVEN FORBID there be any proof that I look the way I actually look.

So here is the harsh truth y’all. Listen good. Our vanity is no longer enough of a reason to avoid the camera. Life doesn’t wait until you “get thin” enough to capture it. Life is happening . . . it is happening right now and the only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are living. I shudder at the thought of leaving behind no pictures of my life with ME in it. My mom says of the accident she is “just glad that we’re still a whole family.” My gift to her this Christmas was a family portrait showing just that, 9 months post-accident . . . a whole family.

So You're Feeling Too Fat for Pictures? My Friend Teresa Photography Puts it All in Perspective.

Do you know what my mom sees when she looks at this picture? Her beautiful family all together.
Do you know what my husband sees? The family he gained the moment he met me (and how much he looks like my dad…)
Do you know what my dad sees? The happy family he has worked for every day of his life.
Do you know what my brother sees? That he got away with wearing shorts… :)

Shocker: No one is looking at how fat I look.



Can we agree to put the value of family over the value of fat? Can we just accept that the weight you’ve been trying to lose for 5 years might actually just be a part of what you look like . . . and that if this magical day does come when you’re acceptably thin you’ll STILL regret not having any pictures of you with your kids from ages 5 – 10? Can we acknowledge that the insecurities we have in our heads will never be a part of how our children, husbands, and friends see us? Can we just please let our loved ones remember the YOU they love?

Your children want pictures with their mom.

Your husband wants pictures with his beautiful wife.

Your mom and dad want pictures of the happy, successful, amazing woman they raised (ok, and more pictures of the grandkids while you’re at it)

And if you’re thinking that high school friend on Facebook will say to herself (“wow she has gained weight”) then . . . newsflash you DID. You gained weight. Shed a tear. Read a book. Drink a Sweet Tea. Watch Oprah. Whatever it takes. Accept this reality . . . YOU GAINED WEIGHT. The truth is you’ve gained a lot of other things too (a career, a family, some kids, a house, a love for travel, the ability to coordinate your separetes . . . ) and that girl from high school is going to spend a lot more time hating on those things then she ever will on your double chin.

So you’re feeling too fat to be photographed? . . . Ok. But you’re the only one who notices. The rest of us are too caught up in loving you.
«1

Replies

  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    When we lost my mom, it was so hard to find pictures of her. She was the most amazing woman, but she hid. Don't hide.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    In my 20s my ex took not so flattering pix of my backside at every function. I guess he thought it was hilarious, as he was mean like that. We had 3 kids so I was always bent over a cake, present, child or pumpkin. Never a nice face shot of me laughing with the kiddos as he sat in the sidelines. Nope just my fat azz.

    Then in my 30s I gained, saw a pic that horrified me, and started to avoid pictures like the plague. OMG was that ME? Could I LOOK like that really???

    About 7-8 yrs went by and I was speaking to my older, larger, neighbor friend. She told me it didn't matter what I looked like...........I looked like LOVE to those who cared.

    Yeah-right

    Then she left a Dear Abby column on my windshield that had me taking my OWN pictures of myself!

    It was a letter from a 15 yr old kid whose mother had passed and they had no pictures of her. None. Family pix out the wazoo but none of their dear mother who:

    Bent over the birthday cakes, the children, the pumpkins, the presents under the tree. They were so sad to not see her again.

    So even when I was my heaviest, and God willing I will be my oldest and wrinkliest, I will take my pictures. I want my kids to say "OMG did mom REALLY take this shot!!???":laugh:
  • LosinItAll2012
    LosinItAll2012 Posts: 238 Member
    I was the same... Always the photographer... taking endless snaps of My husband enjoying time with our boys....

    I read an article a while back about keeping Mom in the picture...and I have made a point of handing the camera to hubby and getting in my own shots having fun and enjoying life with my awesome boys!! I realized that they absolutely ADORE their mom...and they deserve to have pics of me in their lives...

    Thanks for this post Hoss..... You are awesome ...as usual... and sorry you don't have many pics of your mom, as I'm sure she was an amazing person. :heart: :heart:
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
    I wonder how close to home this post hits for so many of us, even after we've worked so hard to get healthier. When I looked at pictures from a recent family gathering, all I could think was, "Crap, I still look pretty chubby..." this after a fifty pound loss---went from a size twenty to almost a size ten!

    We need to be able to look at ourselves with more love and respect if that's how we want to be viewed by the rest of the world.:heart:
  • jenniferg83
    jenniferg83 Posts: 278 Member
    wow, eye opener :)
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Thank you for the re-post. It's eye-opening and so true.

    Thank you.:flowerforyou:
  • workout_ninja
    workout_ninja Posts: 524 Member
    This is so true! I have a picture of me and my mum, my mum is giving me a spontaneous cuddle while i am sitting down and we both looked at the camera and smiled. Its a wonderful photo but all I see is my double chin. To everyone else, it just a photo of love between a mother and daughter.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Yes, great reminder! :flowerforyou:
  • emilyc85
    emilyc85 Posts: 450 Member
    This made me cry. I love it! This is too true!
  • DEEDLYNN
    DEEDLYNN Posts: 235 Member
    good point.....very very good post.....I will think about this, because while I do get my picture taken....I also pick myself apart. I also try to hide in the picture...just letting my face peep over someone else.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    WOW, that really hits close to home with me as well. There are very few pics of me out there. Especially not in the past 10 yrs. And when I look at them, all I see is how huge I was. How selfish of me not to see my smiling daughter on her graduation day, and my mother (who is now gone) looking so proud beside us.

    Thanks for the smack to the head!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I wonder how close to home this post hits for so many of us, even after we've worked so hard to get healthier. When I looked at pictures from a recent family gathering, all I could think was, "Crap, I still look pretty chubby..." this after a fifty pound loss---went from a size twenty to almost a size ten!

    We need to be able to look at ourselves with more love and respect if that's how we want to be viewed by the rest of the world.:heart:

    It takes awhile for your mind to catch up with your body

    I will say I am 139, have lost the better part of 30+ pounds and still think I am ginormous. But YET I look at another woman my size and think she is beautiful and perfect. Go figure
  • annarouni
    annarouni Posts: 127 Member
    This was brilliant. Just wish I'd read it a week ago. I went to my nephew's wedding last week. I successfully managed to avoid the 3 different photographers they had circulating. Until the one with the video camera caught me introducing myself to the bride's mother. Red Alert!! I waved at him to stop, which he did. Nice man.

    While the photographer was taking a photograph of the couple, Steve looked at me and whispered, "You look beautiful today, Auntie." Later while they were on the way to the airport for the honeymoon he sent me an SMS, "I missed seeing you for so long. Thanks for coming today. That dress you wore was gorgeous!"

    Now I wish I hadn't been so successful at evading the lenses. :frown:
  • Meamo
    Meamo Posts: 89 Member
    thanks for sharing
  • minnie503
    minnie503 Posts: 50 Member
    I'm a hider. Thanks for the wake up call. My son (6) is always trying to take pics of me and I try not to. I will let him from now on.
  • AngCS16
    AngCS16 Posts: 17 Member
    Thank-you.
  • Zalli
    Zalli Posts: 132 Member
    Beautiful though-provoking post....
  • nicoleashley_24
    nicoleashley_24 Posts: 144 Member
    I love that.

    It's true too. My mom died three years ago in October and of the "things" I have of hers, it's the photos I cherish. Every one of them, whether it was before I was born or after, with me or without me, I love knowing who she was and remembering exactly what she looked like. I have memories, yes, but holding a photo of a memory frozen in time is just so special.

    When I noticed I was hiding more, that's when I knew I needed to do something because it's always been a point of mine to be photographed for my daughter's sake. With that said, I still regret hiding... I'm proud of my weight loss but there's a good hunk of time it seems like I didn't exist. Now that I think about it though, that's sort of how it was... I existed but I wasn't truly living.
  • kowajenn
    kowajenn Posts: 274 Member
    I've never been comfortable in my own skin, even when I was younger and a normal weight. I am incredibly self conscious and hide from cameras most of the time.

    I've always had the thought that I want my family to have pictures of me should I die. They would want pictures of me. I make a point on every holiday, vacation, or special occasion to get in a few pictures. Just in case. I have noticed that I mind this much less after losing some weight.

    I never post pictures of myself online. One of my goals, when I'm finished with the loss, is to post one on FB.
  • sanndandi
    sanndandi Posts: 300 Member
    I wonder how close to home this post hits for so many of us, even after we've worked so hard to get healthier. When I looked at pictures from a recent family gathering, all I could think was, "Crap, I still look pretty chubby..." this after a fifty pound loss---went from a size twenty to almost a size ten!

    We need to be able to look at ourselves with more love and respect if that's how we want to be viewed by the rest of the world.:heart:

    I feel the same way. And I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment. :flowerforyou:
  • Zonny
    Zonny Posts: 9 Member
    Yep, me too.

    My mother passed away in late July, and the family was going through some older pics. She always thought she was too fat, but she was just a big, strong woman - like me!

    When I saw those pics of her where she would have been unhappy with how heavy she was, and compared them with the reality that was my mother in the past year or so, with wrists and legs that were nothing but bones and tendons, a sunken face...even she would have realized she looked SO much better with some meat on her bones.

    Now if only I could get that message through my own thick skull. I'm always behind the camera, rarely in front.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Love this Hoss, thanks for posting.
  • igypsy
    igypsy Posts: 64 Member
    :heart: :heart:
  • Wilhellmina
    Wilhellmina Posts: 757 Member
    In all honesty I had exactly the oposite. I have been modeling a bit for some bands when I was weighing around 90 kilos (about 198.5 lbs), but the more weight I started to loose, the less confident I became and stopped making pictures. I felt like I looked so much older in the face all of a sudden, felt too old for it over all.
  • scubabetty
    scubabetty Posts: 22 Member
    This gave me goosebumps. I've been telling myself something similar a lot recently. You can't wait for life to start once you get fit, loose x pounds, have visible triceps, etc. Life is happening, so just get in there.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 650 Member
    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for reposting this Hoss!!!

    HUGE eye opener!!!
  • farmboyphotography
    farmboyphotography Posts: 181 Member
    I was the same... Always the photographer... taking endless snaps of My husband enjoying time with our boys....

    Are you still the photographer taking endless pictures of your mate, but not getting in the viewfinder? Just curious. I admit that I am like that. Guess its time to change my ways. I 'shutter' at the very thought.


    (and by the way, hello from another pro photographer. I like the way you framed your comments. This idea about not hiding behind the camera needed more exposure or it would probably remain out of focus. I know, bad, bad, bad. But HI anyway!) :happy:
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,535 Member
    Meh...I always said when I get in my twilight years, I want to look back and see how YOUNG and WRINKLE FREE all those pictures are! :laugh: :laugh:

    How many grandma's out there say "Oh I looked so fat?" Nooooo, they say "Why, gosh I look pretty good in this one" heheheheheh.....no wrinkles....
  • KellySue67
    KellySue67 Posts: 1,006 Member
    WOW, just WOW!! Thanks for sharing.
  • amymt10
    amymt10 Posts: 271 Member
    Thanks for writing this. My dad is overweight and he refuses to have pics taken and lots of times refuses to go to family functions "Cause I dont want anyone to see me this way" he says all the time. We try telling him relatives want to see him, they love him. I copied & pasted what you said and inserted it into an email for him to read. I hope he listens.