Am I a failure? Where's my mojo gone?

sukifr
sukifr Posts: 70 Member
in Motivation and Support
Seriously I would appreciate any helpful advice.

I joined MFP over 300 days ago, and I've not missed a login day - I am very committed to it, and have gone out of my way at certain times to maintain my login, as I feel true to the fact that I want to lose weight.

One of the main reasons for joining was that I could be a better mum to my children, by showing them that life doesn't have to be fat. My youngest daughter is 21yrs old and has just been to stay for the summer, she has gained even more weight since the last time I saw her. I am fortunate to have my own gym at home and on the second day of her stay she used it - woohoo I thought, she's ready to change and start a healthier lifestyle. But no, she never set foot in my gym after that - not once! I did mention to her about you know, if she started to make changes now then by the time of her graduation next July she would feel and look better about herself but her reply to me was that she would rather spend her time studying and get a first rather than going to the gym every day and get a 2:2.
i told her I fully understand and left it at that!
What I understood from the conversation was that she wasn't ready to lose weight, and would rather eat junk and until she is ready there's nothing I can say or do th change her mind.
Was I right to just leave it? Should I have nagged her? Am I a bad example myself?

I am certainly not the role model I want to be for her - I feel a failure!!!! :brokenheart:

I have lost my mojo and I don't know how to get it back.

I log in daily, though with work committments it is difficult to comment on all my friends daily progress.

I've stopped logging food down and can't get motivated to go to my gym - although I know deep down that when I do exercises I feel a lot better.
How on earth do I start again? How do I get that feeling back that I had over 300 days ago when MFP, healthy eating and exercise where my reason for being?

I am tired all the time, I don't sleep well as it is and have a damaged spine, so my activites are limited.
I try to stay as active as I can, but I have been eating more than my alotted daily allowance lately - much more. Enjoying a glass of wine or two hasn't helped as I seem to lose my inhibititions with food then, and it turns into a free for all. :drinker:

Replies

  • SpookyElectric
    SpookyElectric Posts: 56 Member
    It can be so bad when you totally lose your own motivation, but you're right - losing weight and adopting a healthier lifestyle is something only you can do when the time feels right for you - it can't be forced. Much like it wouldn't work for your daughter right now as she wouldn't be committed to anything.

    Try just a couple of little steps at first to get you back into that great feeling of losing a little weight or an inch here or there. Maybe slip in a couple of healthy meals a week, take some long walks.... sneak some good habits into your lifestyle!

    Personally, I love listening to Audiobooks when I'm walking - you get lost in the story and before you know it, you've covered quite a distance!

    Small steps that will lead to youregaining a positive attitude. Don't give up!
  • sukifr
    sukifr Posts: 70 Member
    thankyou for your kind words :flowerforyou:
  • sumeetg37
    sumeetg37 Posts: 108 Member
    Being a good example doesn't necessarily mean succeeding or being perfect *all the time*. Sometimes it can be how you deal with the failures, and get back on the right track. This is a perfect moment for you to continue setting a good example and show her how to deal with the failures in life which we all have at one point or another... Or that's how I might approach it anyway... hope that helps :smile:
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    Great advice.
    It helps me to break things down into babysteps, if I tell myself I have to exercise at leadt 10 mins a day it is easier to get started then if I say I have to exercise for 90 mins but once I get started I usually end up doing at least 60-90 mins.why is it so hard to start.

    also try to just look at the next 5 or 10 lbs

    log everyday no matter what....I hope this helps and you sound like a great mom nagging usually doesnt work, when she is ready she will know what to do by example
  • bestjuneever
    bestjuneever Posts: 33 Member
    I think the fact that you hoped your daughter would join in the health kick but did not kind of through you off. Along with believing you are not a good role model. I only say that because I am that way so I could be wrong. When I went home to see my mom after losing 30 lbs or so, she looked at me as if I had not lost a thing. I thought she figured I'd look a lot smaller at our visit. (I moved with my cousin cause she is a gym instructor and was helping me lose weight). As soon as my cousin and I left my mom's I just could not be motivated. I guess subconsciously you can tell yourself "whatever" and lose motivation. I started drinking sodas and going to the 7/11 and getting treats as I stayed up in the night skyping with friends. It was just awful.

    But then I lost 70 lbs after that and the next time I came home she didn't recognize me. Even though I gained it all back and a little more a year later (happily with my boyfriend) I'm still in it to win it!

    Negativity will get us nowhere. You can do anything you want!
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
    I just went through that phase. The summer was rough with picking beans or canning for at least an hour ot two every day. It's hard to fit in exercise with it.

    I started a new class at the gym. ( I'm terrible about exercising at home. I either need someone else working out with me or some kind of obvious goal/ finish etc..) I think that helped some.

    Having the school require my kids to do AT LEAST 1 hour of activity EVERY day makes me get out and do something though.

    I've learned you can't make someone do something they are not ready for. I have had so many people comment on my weight loss and they say they want to lose too, but always decline when I tell them to come work out with me. I think the subtle hints are more important than nagging- which will make them run away from the idea. Don't let it get you down. She knows where to go when she decides she is ready for a change.
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
    I agree that you're still showing her a very good example!

    Here's another great behaviour you showed your daughter: You didn't push the issue of exercise/weight loss with her when she told you she was more concerned with school at this point. So many mothers get way too caught up in their daughter's bodies, and it's really unhealthy and disturbing.

    Well done.

    :drinker:
  • sukifr
    sukifr Posts: 70 Member
    Thankyou all very much for you support and positive comments. I have taken all this on board and appreciate the time you have taken to help me :flowerforyou:
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    Everyone has to find their own way and be ready to change. Setting a good example is something that you can do to help your daughter. When she is ready, she may ask for advice.

    Unsolicited advice can be a very poor motivator and even taken as criticism, and it may cause resentment even.

    You are doing the right thing, IMHO. Just keep up your detemination to improve yourself. Your daughter will see the effort and success that you are achieving and make her own choices about her self.

    Continued success to you!

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