So Freaking Depressed

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jeniferwills
jeniferwills Posts: 12
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
I know that people post on here all the time about having a hard time, but man - I'm having a hard time.

I injured my back last spring. I've had a bulging disk siting on a nerve root for quite some time. As recently as last Tuesday, I had surgery for this. Since the time I originally injured this thing I have gained 16 lbs. Before this, I had lost 39. I am 5'2" and I was down to 124. Now I am at 140. Gaining this much weight back has really messed with my self-esteem. The worst part is that since the injury, I haven't been able to exercise at peak. And since having the surgery, I cannot exercise at all. I can only walk - but still not very well. I am waiting for clearance from my doctor. The depression makes me just want to eat more, I guess for comfort. I feel as though my body is completely out of control. I feel out of control of my world. I just want to get better and be able to establish a regular workout regimen again and shed the weight that I have gained back.

I guess I am looking to meet some people who have sustained injuries and have come back from them, or people who are working on coming back from an injury.

I've started tracking calories again as of today. I know I can take some of the weight off without exercise. But I also know that a healthy outlook on life and good self-esteem, for me - is based on regular exercise.

Anyone have any advice or encouragement, or want to be friends?

Jen
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Replies

  • Sassyallday
    Sassyallday Posts: 136 Member
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    I feel you. I had two surgeries this year (in April and May). Afterward, I was nauseous a lot of the time and barely had an appetite. So, imagine my surprise when, a few days after the second procedure, they weighed me and told me that I had gained 14 pounds! BUT, they said it was a normal response for my body to have after the sudden cease of activity that recuperative resting required.

    So, I trusted them and, while hospitalized, I ate healthy meals, drank lots of water and limited snacks to occasional fruit, yogurt and, okay, baked cheetos ( a girl's gotta' have some fun :)). I started physical therapy as soon as permitted and got up and moved around as much as my health and energy level would allow. I have lost 13 of those pounds! Now, I am continuing my effort by journaling here and reading others' posts to learn how to make better and better (and more delicioius) food choices.

    It is frustrating but you have to make adjustments during a time of healing. For a while, that has to be the priority over weight loss. But, as you heal, your ability to control the factors that impact your weight will increase. You will get past this. I did. You can too!
  • dohmenb
    dohmenb Posts: 14 Member
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    Hang in there!
    I was in an ATV accident over Labor Day weekend, luckily no broken bones but I feel like there is. I have major muscle trauma and have done Nothing for exercises. I am hoping to feel better next week, but earlier this week I felt exactly how you do!! I am stretching and thinking positive!! Stay Strong!! Good Luck!
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I can only imagine how you feel. My exercise has suffered a little this week due to minor surgery, and even that is driving me nuts. Hang in there.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I have had numerous surgeries and every time I gained weight during recovery time. But I always lost it when I got back on my feet again. Don't use it as an excuse to pig out on everything you can, but don't stress over the gain either. Your body is healing. You will get back to yourself again in a couple of months.

    I had my back surgery in 95, while my brother was off on a ski trip. I made my goal to be able to go on trip the next year and finally learn to ski. I did it, and I loved skiing!

    Now, 5 yrs later, after re-injuring my back AGAIN, I found out I had a chronic inflammatory disease of my spinal cord and ended up in a wheelchair for a few years. And I packed on A LOT of weight over 7-8 yrs. But I am much better now, and am in the process of getting the weight off.

    Depression is normal after surgery. But this is only temporary. You WILL recover and feel like yourself again in a few weeks. Hang in there!
  • THenry8
    THenry8 Posts: 62 Member
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    Don't give up on yourself! I know you can do it. I thought I could not lose weight for a long time. I just had surgery on my stomach to decrease my hunger, because I was almost to 500 pounds. I had the Gastric Sleeve Surgery three months ago in June.

    But I never gave up and I had a little inspiration to lift my strength and my courage up, and now I am doing all I can to lose weight. I'm now down to 292.2 pounds and I feel lighter, healthier, and stronger. I know you will lose weight, but it will just take a little time. However, it's all up to you to make the effort in your weight loss.

    Stay strong, be positive, and live a healthy life! Maybe we could be friends one day.
  • graysmom2005
    graysmom2005 Posts: 1,882 Member
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    Just wanted to send a virtual hug. Injuries are the WORST. Especially when you are one of the minority who are actually trying to live an active and healthy lifestyle. You will get through this. Cut yourself some slack, maybe treat yourself to a pedicure..massage...something. I hope you feel better SOON!:flowerforyou:
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    Hey! No surgeries here, but yes to arthritis & tendinosis in multiple joints. It sucks. I'm often jealous of people who can just oh I don't know, run for the bus, no problem. It is super frustrating not to be able to engage in physical and even social activities in the way you'd like, which is the way 'everyone else' does & can. High pain / low mobility days are the worst, so isolating... I have spent many months angry with my stupid body and with the doctors who haven't helped.

    That's been the most annoying: accepting that this body that I'm living in has these problems and I can't just get away from them. Like, I love dancing, so much. Now I can only do it for a little while (like 1 hour of very limited movements - with breaks - vs 4 hours of being a maniac on the floor). Even today, I saw a sign for a new recreational rowing league, and for a second I was like - crap YES all about it. And then I remembered that nope that's a bad idea for me right now.

    BUT a new focus for me (really new, like a couple of weeks) has been committing to rehab/prehab, in a serious way. That is my new goal: to get to the highest level of function I can.

    I just started physical therapy with someone I trust. Man, both were hard to come by, the PT and the trust.

    I did a lot of reading around my issues, and discovered that there are many, many misinformed rehab professionals out there. (There have been developments in research in some areas, and some of those folks were trained in older models.) Then there are those who just don't care to stay up to date on best-evidence treatments, because patients give them money for doing whatever, anyway.

    So after all that reading, I had a ton of questions for prospective PTs. I wanted to know they a) understood my problems really well and b) they'd use the most appropriate treatment for them.

    And after a long while, I lucked into finding someone really great! I am optimistic about what she can do for me. That helps, too, after feeling disappointed so often. When I'm done with this, I'll be moving onto Pilates.

    I guess my advice is, 1) try to accept your new limitations, with a view toward reducing them as much as poss, and 2) fight as hard as you have to to be your own advocate.
  • thisgirlsonfire
    thisgirlsonfire Posts: 34 Member
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    All will be okay, good your tracking again. Sending a big warm hug and friendship.
  • shortchick19
    shortchick19 Posts: 6 Member
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    I really feel you on this. In 2004, I had an accident where I broke one leg, and sprained pretty much everything that could be sprained in the other. (Note to fellow MFPers, do not try to go down 3 flights of stairs on your butt, your butt will lose.) I was juuust under 160 at the time, and feeling so happy because it was the lightest I'd been as an adult.

    As you can imagine, when you don't have a good leg to stand on (har har), there really isn't much you can do in terms of mobility, and the depression that came with it wasn't treated, just the injuries. Ben and Jerry became my best friends, and here I am, 9 years later, still dealing with the consequences of eating 4-5 pints of ice cream a week.

    It will get better, but make sure you talk with someone about any depression you feel so you don't end up keeping it down with food like I did. :flowerforyou:
  • swinler
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    Hey there, your story resonated with me. I had a disc removed from my spine that was also pressing on my nerves and severely affecting my walking.

    I too just had back surgery (June this year) and used it as a catalyst to do something about my weight. So I decided that when I went back to work in August (2 months post-op medical leave) I was going to get serious about it.

    As of now, I can only walk - cannot run, jump or do much else as my leg muscles are still recovering. I bought a fitbit and make sure I do at least 10,000 steps a day. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to do them and you don't have to do them in one go.

    This, along with calorie counting and eating at a deficit has led me to lose more than 12kg in the last month. So if I can do it - anyone can!
  • elsdonward
    elsdonward Posts: 81 Member
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    Yes

    You can walk - walking will burn calories and also strengthen your legs and back. It is your only weapon right now. Do not confuse your injury with food intake. Calories out - calories in definitely works. You must find your maintenance level then make sure that you are under this each day. The depression is making you want to give up. Fight it.

    Yesterday I only ate 500 calories, and tested the weight loss - it works everything else is bull**** - you can lose even with your injury so why not get back on the wagon and try again. I had to and now I am back losing. Walking will get you back on the road to recovery.

    Just remember - no junk foods, no sweeteners in drinks - log everything very accurately measure portion size. it is just for you no-one else. The sooner you start the sooner you can be the new person - back to your spirit body. I know that you will do this.

    Good Luck
    Elsdon
  • landodewd
    landodewd Posts: 43 Member
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    Surgery is a nightmare! My bottom discs are fused together and the doctor said they could operate and fix or I could just deal with the pinched nerve every once in a while. I had my last heart surgery in 08 and had to go back to work 2 days later luckily the mine superintendent was a good guy and made me just relax till I felt better. I have had depression for a while and thought life was pointless and after I hurt my back last winter I gave up. But I found MFP started tracking cals and am having a blast. I feel you on the walking. Luckily I haven't had to have surgery on my back or knees but my heart doctor is always telling me take it easy and slow and it is very depressing. I exercise to feel good my body hurts like hell but my mind feels great. Just take it slow and heal and keep working back up to feeling good. It sucks starting over but at least you are becoming healthy! Hope all goes well keep it up! :happy:
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
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    I had a serious problem with my right hip (serious overuse injury) which caused me to have sacroiliac joint problems and a lot of pain.

    The blimmin thing took well over a year to come right. Spent a fortune on physio & osteopath. Couldn't run, couldn't cycle, couldn't lift, couldn't walk hills, could just about swim...

    I ate... a lot. I ate the same portions I could get away with when I was very active and piled on 40lb.

    It only made recovering from my injuries worse as there was more strain on my joints from the added weight.

    Try to stay positive. Do what you can... walk, swim, pilates... Don't "comfort" eat... it's an obvious misnomer! It won't bring comfort and you'll hate yourself for it.

    Be strong. x :flowerforyou:
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    3 back surgeries, and the last one was a fusion. In the last 3 years since, I got up to 190 lbs. I know this is some people's goal weight, but I am a pretty small guy. My optimum BMI weight is 155. 35x30 pants was not a good look on me. That was in June. Bought 30x30 a couple of days ago. The feeling good thing isn't just physical. No one said anything about my size, except the mirror, I finally started to listen to it. I feel better about myself all the way around. From Jan to April, I helped my father in law loose 60 lbs. I guess I wasn't ready to work on myself. I know how to modify all sorts of ways of cooking things, I just needed to do it. The 6 months I spent cooking through "Mastering the Art of French Cooking Vol. I & II" didn't help. I did enjoy it though.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    Then almost exactly a year to the day after surgery, I was hurt in a work accident, which isn't easy considering I work in IT.
  • tcb4tlc
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    Yes, I know how you feel! I'm in a similar situation but it is not a new one. I have had same back problem and disc removal, both knees replaced and more. Currently it's my hip. The depression does more physical damage. So try to laugh and feel better. Also the best thing for me has been joining an arthritis foundation water exercises class. Doing the right kind of exercise in the water is fantastic! Plus you meet people who are in the same boat. Watch a funny movie. :)
  • jetlag
    jetlag Posts: 800 Member
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    Slipped disc in February 2009. No surgery (I refused it). It's taken until now to be able to live for any period of time without pain. I have restarted yoga and lifting (dumbells only) and even started running again this week.

    It will come, but it will take time. Do not push yourself too soon, as I did. You will just set yourself back.
  • TripleJ3
    TripleJ3 Posts: 945 Member
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    I do know how you feel. I had an injury that had me in severe pain for almost 6 months. I still had to work and even at 32 hours a week it was all the energy I had to give. Everything suffered, especially my kids. I was so down about not even able to keep up with my kids (I am normally a very active person) I just gave up. I would grab a box of crackers and since it would hurt too much to put them back, I'd just sit there and eat them.

    Eventually things got better and now I look back and think how I should have just concentrated on my food intake. Your food intake is what controls your weight. You lose weight in the kitchen, get fit in the gym. Focus on your calories and worry about the exercise when you are able to start it back up.

    At the time it felt like that was it,that was my life. I was 28 and couldn't even keep up with mall walkers in their 70's. I went to several doctors and chiros and no one really had an answer. Even if that was the case, that I would never go back to my old self, I should have not been "punishing" my body by drowning it in food I didn't really even want.

    You are in pain and it just plain sucks. I hope for you that you will heal in all aspects and are able to get back in the exercise game. This is a bump in the road and soon enough it will be over. Concentrate on what you can do. You can control your food choices and amounts. Do this as a favor to your self. You deserve it. If you screw up at lunch time, there is always your next meal. If you trip up on Saturday, there is Saturday night or Sunday. Just keep trucking along and know that you are doing the best you can for this day.
  • jeniferwills
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    I just came back today and found all of these nice messages. I've pulled my head out of my *kitten*. I am tracking again. I have stopped pity eating, comfort eating, and just plain over-eating.

    I realize that the only way I am going to be healthy again is to take charge of my health myself. The doctors mean well, but they are so busy. And they push a lot of pills.

    I am starting by walking as much as possible. I'm going to start doing a gentle yoga class, and I'm going to start lifting light weights. I am also going to get into physical therapy.

    I really appreciate everyone's comments. It's nice to know that I am not alone, and I realize that I could have it much, much worse. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

    Thank you all so much for the uplifting comments.

    Jen
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
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    That is so great to hear! Really glad you're ready to take it on :)

    Keep us updated :)

    (even if you feel sad and frustrated again, really. and definitely when you don't, too :) )
This discussion has been closed.