Struggling and NEED some advice

Britt2Fitjrny
Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
in Motivation and Support
So after many years of struggling I have come to realize that I have an eating disorder. Over the last year I feel as those my eating habits/issues have become harder to manage and I feel like I’m losing myself! I want to feel like I have control again! And I’m afraid that if I don’t take care of this issue now, then things will only get worse as I continue to gain. Over the past three year I lost a total of 50 pounds. I was at 175 and got all the way down to 125 and that felt amazing… then I don’t know what happened. I had a few major changes in my life (new job, changes in my relationship, and a family member passing) and during this last year I managed to gain back 25-30 pounds. I am now currently at 152 (as of this morning) and I am so upset with myself! I want so badly to get back down to at least 135 but I feel like I’m totally out of control and I’m so mad/confused as to why my mindset has changed! Where did my motivation go? Why don’t I believe in myself all the time like I use to in the past? Why is it so easy to say “F*** it” to my goal when I’m having a good time with friends and family! It’s like one minute I look in the mirror and I feel like I look good and then after eating one bad meal I look in the mirror and feel 30 pounds bigger! It just doesn’t make sense. So last weekend I decided to go get help and I went to my first OA (over eaters anonymous) meeting. It felt good to talk to people who can relate to my issues and struggles and I finally for once didn’t feel like I was alone with my struggles. I felt that if I didn’t get help (or at least talk to someone) about my issues that things were only going to get worse because my choices have made me sick to my stomach and sometime I just want to throw up! I know its discussing and I wish I didn’t feel this way… I’m just wondering if anyone can give me advice or support and help me get through this and get me back on the straight and narrow. I’m sick and tired of being at war with myself! If you think what I’m going though is stupid and you don’t respect how I feel than please don’t comment (I was once in your shoes). If you would like to give me words of advice, help me out, or relate to me in any way then please comment and feel free to friend request me! Thank you for taking time out of your day and reading all of this! I appreciate it. :flowerforyou:

Sincerely,

A girl looking for someone to inspire her

Replies

  • pawtrout
    pawtrout Posts: 4
    We all go through the same things; you just have to get up every morning and keep trying to make the best choices. We all slip occasionally. I have done the same thing as you, lost about 20 lbs. and now have it back on and it seems impossible. I just made myself go to the gym and am trying to eat better every day! Hang in there!!!!
  • larsensue
    larsensue Posts: 461 Member
    you have taken the BEST and first step in your recovery: admitting you have a problem. secondly you are asking for help! AWESOME JOB!!!! I would suggest that you keep going to the group, get some friends who will help not hinder, go to your doctor and get medical advice and help, keep positive! you can get through this, you are strong. no one can do it right all the time. I have never been in your situation but can see you are smart and strong and willing to do what is right for you. Good luck!
  • 3sixtyFit
    3sixtyFit Posts: 42
    I was kind of in your shoes at one point with lack of motivation and battling back and forth with my weight. I got "comfy" in the relationship that i was in, had a job that didn't involve much activity and i just gained a lot of weight from it all. What made me finally made me want to get back into shape was thinking about all of the what ifs. Like what if my gf broke up w me? I would be out of shape and single and that would make me feel worse about myself. What if i wanted to go to the beach with my friends and they all felt comfortable taking their shirts off but i wouldn't. Then i took a look at myself in the mirror and was not happy at all and just said **** it i gotta do something. Different things motivate different ppl and you gotta figure out what motivates you to do something and then just go with it.
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
    Hiya

    I would really recommend you stick with OA and get into the programme if you can. There are underlying reasons for us to develop damaging behavior (I have my own variant which I've beat with another 12 step programme). Even after I stopped the damaging behavior I still needed to understand why it was attractive to me and how I could live in a way which was better for me (without the damaging behavior). For me, athough the overt problem was something (which I no longer go near with a bargepole) there were underlying factors that needed to be sorted out. And they are sortable even if we don't thick they are. Good luck :-)
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
    PS please feel free to IM me on MFP, I don't mind talking more but sometimes its not good to have these conversations on a public board :-) up to you and good luck whatever you do
  • Lucy_6678
    Lucy_6678 Posts: 63 Member
    Oh my god I am in the exact same position as you. I literally hear the internal conflict inside my head daily! I wake up every morning telling myself I will make good choices. By 10 pm I am on the couch drinking a beer and binging. I am fairly active and will walk 4 miles or ride my bike for an hour but I can't stand myself!

    Currently I am 166, my heaviest was 173. My goal is 130-135. PLease friend me, I don't think you are nuts! I never thought of going to oa however. I have wondered about my beer intake :( I have many many stressors in my personal life, I know they play a big role also.

    I fight with myself so much I think I am going crazy!
  • 1princesswarrior
    1princesswarrior Posts: 1,242 Member
    First off, like someone else already said, you have taken the biggest and most difficult step: admitting you have a problem and doing something about it. While I have not walked in your shoes I know exactly what it feels like to be completely out of control at times. I learned to meditate and practice deep breathing. It does not always work for me but it may help you out.

    Keep going to those meetings. Surround yourself with a strong support structure, they do not have to understand but do need to just listen to you. Work on figuring out those underlying issues and dealing with them and then rebuilding your self-esteem.

    Feel free to PM or add me if you want or anytime.
    Belinda
  • WinwillLose
    WinwillLose Posts: 101
    I have lost 240 pounds, or the same 60 pounds 4 times. The first two time because I let my pregnancies give me an excuse, and the second two times because I let life be my excuse. It has taken me two years to lose the weight this time, and I'm not doing it again. I have made working out a way of coping with stress, built a support center at my gym and most of all changed my life style. Saturday night is not a reason to eat and drink excessive calories, or my BDay or Christmas (it's a day not a season).


    You haven't gained it all back, and you realized you need to gain control. You can do it. Make a few changes, mainly how you deal with stress. Clean out your pantry, and plan for a fresh start. I don't think you have an eating disorder, I think you need to figure out how to manage stress without food. Yoga, kickboxing, pilates, Zumba, walking or running...find something you love and makes you feel good and let that get you through the stress. Kickboxing after a stressful day is great, kettle bell classes are also amazing. Find something that works for you.
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    We all go through the same things; you just have to get up every morning and keep trying to make the best choices. We all slip occasionally. I have done the same thing as you, lost about 20 lbs. and now have it back on and it seems impossible. I just made myself go to the gym and am trying to eat better every day! Hang in there!!!!

    Thank you! I guess I'm just scared that I will get bigger and bigger! I know what I need to do I just need to keep that motivation all the time and sometimes I swear I just let my totally forget about why I’m doing this in the first place! I just want to feel like I did before and I want to know that it's possible to get back to that mindset!
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    you have taken the BEST and first step in your recovery: admitting you have a problem. secondly you are asking for help! AWESOME JOB!!!! I would suggest that you keep going to the group, get some friends who will help not hinder, go to your doctor and get medical advice and help, keep positive! you can get through this, you are strong. no one can do it right all the time. I have never been in your situation but can see you are smart and strong and willing to do what is right for you. Good luck!

    Thank you! Yes, I think that by going to more meetings it will help me out a lot. I've only gone to one, so maybe after a few more I will start to feel like I'm gaining more control of myself! Thank you for the positive words of encouragement! I appreciate the support!
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
    I've been there too. Right now is the first time in my life that I felt I have power over food instead of it having power over me. This is after a year and a half of soul searching, learning about food and myself, learning to love exercise, understanding why I chose food over health, learning to be more conscious of my choices, and a plethora of other discoveries. My best advice is to tell yourself the truth. Be honest with yourself about how you're feeling and why you're feeling that way. Find other ways to relieve whatever emotions drive you to food.

    You can overcome this. We are designed to eat for fuel and health, we 'learn' to eat for our emotions so we can 'unlearn' those behaviors. Do not beat yourself up. Accepting and acknowledging you have a problem is the first step in any treatment program but you have to forgive yourself too.

    Feel free to friend me. You can private message me any questions you have too.
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    I was kind of in your shoes at one point with lack of motivation and battling back and forth with my weight. I got "comfy" in the relationship that i was in, had a job that didn't involve much activity and i just gained a lot of weight from it all. What made me finally made me want to get back into shape was thinking about all of the what ifs. Like what if my gf broke up w me? I would be out of shape and single and that would make me feel worse about myself. What if i wanted to go to the beach with my friends and they all felt comfortable taking their shirts off but i wouldn't. Then i took a look at myself in the mirror and was not happy at all and just said **** it i gotta do something. Different things motivate different ppl and you gotta figure out what motivates you to do something and then just go with it.

    I agree, I have also gotten "comfy" in my relationship (it’s been four years) and thankfully, the one I love doesn’t care what I look like. But sometimes.... I wish he did... maybe I don't wish that on myself because I’ve very lucky to have someone who loves me for me and not how I look. Unfortunately I don’t feel that way about myself. I mean, yes, I love myself. I'm a good person with good morals and a good heart but sometimes I just get so upset with myself because I throw away what I want most for just one night of fun, and that's just crazy! It makes absolutely no sense. I’m hoping that over time I’ll learn more about myself so that I can gain more control and reach my goals! There are so many reason as to why I want to lose this weight again but for some reason it’s like I'm mentally blinded every once and a while and I totally forget about all of my goals and reasons... I don’t forget but instead just choose not to think about them because I’m so focused on what I "can't"/"shouldn't" have. You are right though! I need to find what motivates me and just do everything I can to not lose sight of why I want this for myself.
    Thanks so much for commenting!
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    Hiya

    I would really recommend you stick with OA and get into the programme if you can. There are underlying reasons for us to develop damaging behavior (I have my own variant which I've beat with another 12 step programme). Even after I stopped the damaging behavior I still needed to understand why it was attractive to me and how I could live in a way which was better for me (without the damaging behavior). For me, athough the overt problem was something (which I no longer go near with a bargepole) there were underlying factors that needed to be sorted out. And they are sortable even if we don't thick they are. Good luck :-)

    Thank you! I plan on attending a lot more OA meetings in hopes that it will help me get to the bottom of this nasty cycle! Thanks for the advice!
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    Oh my god I am in the exact same position as you. I literally hear the internal conflict inside my head daily! I wake up every morning telling myself I will make good choices. By 10 pm I am on the couch drinking a beer and binging. I am fairly active and will walk 4 miles or ride my bike for an hour but I can't stand myself!

    Currently I am 166, my heaviest was 173. My goal is 130-135. PLease friend me, I don't think you are nuts! I never thought of going to oa however. I have wondered about my beer intake :( I have many many stressors in my personal life, I know they play a big role also.

    I fight with myself so much I think I am going crazy!

    This sounds exactly like me, although I have been lacking exercise lately and I think that's also making me feel worse about myself. I have a desk job to so after all day of sitting on my a**... I just feel so sluggish that all I want to do is continue sitting on my a**. I need to find a hobby, I try lots of different types of exercise and I love all of them but I get bored and end up not going. I wish there was something that I didn’t get bored with!
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    First off, like someone else already said, you have taken the biggest and most difficult step: admitting you have a problem and doing something about it. While I have not walked in your shoes I know exactly what it feels like to be completely out of control at times. I learned to meditate and practice deep breathing. It does not always work for me but it may help you out.

    Keep going to those meetings. Surround yourself with a strong support structure, they do not have to understand but do need to just listen to you. Work on figuring out those underlying issues and dealing with them and then rebuilding your self-esteem.

    Feel free to PM or add me if you want or anytime.
    Belinda

    Thank you very much. I may look into meditation. Hey! I'll give anything a try! and I will continue going to meetings. Thank you for the advice! I appreciate it!
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Yup, I was there.. frustrated "just can't take it anymore!" thoughts. One day I said to myself "I'm done, I don't want to be like this anymore." Instead of fighting myself I worked with myself to see what I could do to change for the better. I made a plan and found MFP- the rest is history. The dedication I have learned and the commitment I have decided to make have now become second nature. No one but ME can stop that now. You need to decide if you want to be rid of your demons or let it destroy you. Take a breath and take the first step, I feel that you really want to move things forward but are stuck. You CAN do this. Did you take that step yet?

    Good luck Britt2Fitjrny
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
    First off, congratulations on acknowledging that you have some disordered eating and asking for help! Like many others, I agree that you should continue on with meeting and find real life support.

    I am without a doubt an emotional eater. I can eat when I'm happy, sad, angry, stressed, content, restless....you name an emotion, I can eat because of it. I have always struggled with my weight because of it. Gained, lost, gained, lost.....the same roller coaster as many others. This time I went into it with a different mindset. I thought to myself "What do I have to do to succeed this time? What can my lifestyle support?" So rather than just going super low calorie, restricting tons of foods and adhering to silly myths, I started educating myself.

    I love to have a snack at night, after my daughter goes to bed while I'm watching my shows. So I would make sure to allow calories for something. I would plan ahead. If I knew I was going to have a meal out, I would go online to check the menu. Sometimes there is nutritional information and sometimes there isn't. Doing this can still help you make an educated choice. I started paying attention to my protein intake and realizing that "fat" isn't bad. I started thinking about what exercise I enjoy....I tried different things.

    Amazingly enough, through all of this....through creating new habits.....I learned how to deal with stress better. I learned that eating that McMeal actually made me feel like crap....it accomplished nothing. I learned that being healthy and making good, sounds choices makes me feel badass and like I can do anything.

    I have deadlifted 170lbs, I have ran 10k, and last Saturday I celebrated my 2 year anniversary of changing my lifestyle; today was the day that I realized that I have not gained the weight back. I have never accomplished this. THAT feeling is priceless :happy:

    Keep at it girl :) You totally got this.....:flowerforyou:
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Set some other goals instead of just "losing weight". You know how to lose weight, you have done it before. Look for a new interest/goal, like running a 5k, lifting your own body weight at the gym, biking or swimming a certain distance, hiking a mountain, whatever it is. When you have a new goal, you will start to think differently about food.
  • Britt2Fitjrny
    Britt2Fitjrny Posts: 558 Member
    I have lost 240 pounds, or the same 60 pounds 4 times. The first two time because I let my pregnancies give me an excuse, and the second two times because I let life be my excuse. It has taken me two years to lose the weight this time, and I'm not doing it again. I have made working out a way of coping with stress, built a support center at my gym and most of all changed my life style. Saturday night is not a reason to eat and drink excessive calories, or my BDay or Christmas (it's a day not a season).


    You haven't gained it all back, and you realized you need to gain control. You can do it. Make a few changes, mainly how you deal with stress. Clean out your pantry, and plan for a fresh start. I don't think you have an eating disorder, I think you need to figure out how to manage stress without food. Yoga, kickboxing, pilates, Zumba, walking or running...find something you love and makes you feel good and let that get you through the stress. Kickboxing after a stressful day is great, kettle bell classes are also amazing. Find something that works for you.

    I love the way you started that! And congrats on having the motivation to lose the weight four times! I actually needed to hear that! I needed to know that getting that motivation back was/is possible so thank you! and the whole "Saturday night" mentality is totally me and I’m really trying to change that! It's so hard but I know it's possible because I’ve done it in the past. Congrats to you on all of your success. it sounds like you really have a great handle on things this time around! I WANT that confidence again! I think your right about my relationship with stress and food and I am also working on that. I just haven't found another way to cope with it really. I've just been trying to resist the urges. I find that I binge eat a lot more when I’m happy though, which is really strange and I wish I understood why I sabotage myself like that, hopefully one day I will. I love all types of work outs but I get bored easily so after about a month it starts to feel more like an obligation rather than something fun! Thank you for commenting and giving me so advice!
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Set some other goals instead of just "losing weight". You know how to lose weight, you have done it before. Look for a new interest/goal, like running a 5k, lifting your own body weight at the gym, biking or swimming a certain distance, hiking a mountain, whatever it is. When you have a new goal, you will start to think differently about food.

    i agree with this.
  • clownfear_7
    clownfear_7 Posts: 59
    I heard once (and have quoted many times) that failure is not falling down, it's staying down. Every second, minute, hour, and day presents a completely new opportunity to make a better choice.
    You have already made one great choice by seeking help with OA. I would also suggest that maybe due to the loss of a family member and the other changes that you might benefit from counseling (with a therapist). You may be in a bit of a depression and that will fight you every step of the way to stay motivated.
    Some things that I do to help keep me on track are that I know the times of the day that I am weak and wanting to eat because I'm bored. I put post-its around me with reminders like, “No snacks until 10:30am”, or “Drink more Water!” Something that I implemented last night is that if I have a craving I do 10 push ups first. The distraction, the rush of endorphins and oxygen make it so that I don’t want a snack afterwards.
    I hope any of this helps. Good luck!
  • Inshape13
    Inshape13 Posts: 680 Member
    I think that the hardest thing for me to deal with along this weight loss over the last year and half(1 year to lose and 6 months maintaining) is that one bad day does not make you a bad person.....one single action does not define who you are. You may overeat at times, but that does not define you as a person who cannot eat healthy. Every single day you have to get up and look at yourself and be kind enough to say....."you know what, yesterday may have sucked in regards to what I ate but that is not who I am.....it was one day and I am CHOOSING to make great choices TODAY." The only day that you can control is the day that you are currently living and the meal that you are currently eating. The past months are done and there is no changing what happened. You are doing great seeing exactly where you are right now and knowing that you want to change yourself for the better.

    It will be rough in the beginning because there is always your inner critic that will say that you can't do it or that it is not worth it in the beginning. You have to know better than that critic and just picture it like this-If you took your inner critic and looked at them as a friend rather than what you are telling yourself, there is no way that you would put up with a friend like that who is not supportive and talks down to you. You deserve to have support and kindness so every single time you find yourself judging you or being negative just let it go and think of something kind instead. There will be up days and down days, but over time there will be more up days and when you get into the habit of being positive and overly kind to yourself you will find it less difficult to fight the urge to eat.

    I wish you the best along this weight loss and you are strong enough to get through this.

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