Why dopeople react to hubby's weight loss and not mine!

Love_Is_My_Fuel
Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
in Motivation and Support
So it's been 9 months since my husband and I started losing weight by changing our lifestyles. I did the research and cook the healthy meals each day,,make his lunch and snacks to bring with him for the day willingly and enjoy doing that for him. Don't mean to sound selfish here but...I feel like I'm doing all the work for us and he's getting the rewards when people notice us. It's beginning to frustrate me when we see people we haven't seen in awhile and they automatically react to my husband commenting on his incredible weight loss. He then points at me and says "look at her, she's lost more". He's lost 50 lb's and is at his goal basically...I've lost 70 lbs. and still have a way's to go. I think maybe that's why people don't comment on me as much or react to him first,,,because I still have weight to lose?? Just curious if anyone else has experienced mixed reactions from people on your journey. I'm so lucky to have an incredibly supportive husband that praises me along the way.....what matters the most to me are the reactions from him and my family and not random people but was just curious if anyone else dealt with something similar :drinker: cheers

This was my husbands facebook status this morning,,he's my biggest fan :heart:

There is one thing i would like to say....I really like hearing how well we're doing with our weight loss. How proud people are on how we look, and how we are bettering our live's for our kids. But i would like to say... Thank you to my wife,, If it wasn't for her healthy meals and great dedication for us , to stick with our goals, we would never look like this.. I have lost about 50 pounds , which is good, But My Wife has lost 70 Pounds and counting. So when you see me, look at her... she is working a hell of a lot harder then me, and she deserves all the credit . xoxo

Replies

  • FP4HSharon
    FP4HSharon Posts: 664 Member
    Awww...sounds like the most important person is noticing & appreciating you. But on the others...I think people hesitate to say anything to women about weight loss, even if they notice. Because then you're basically saying, "I noticed you were fat before, and now, not so much." And women tend to be more sensitive about their weight & appearance. Even though I've lost a good amount, & know how much those compliments mean to me, I hesitate to say anything to other women. Also if you ask if they've lost weight & they haven't, or aren't trying, then there's also that semi-insult that you thought they were fat before. So sometimes rather than making a direct comment, I'll just say something like, "Wow, every time I see you, you seem to get skinnier & skinnier." So I don't think people are being mean, I think they're just avoiding saying something that would hurt your feelings. Be proud of your accomplishment! And be thankful for a supportive husband who appreciates you. ;-)
  • maybeazure
    maybeazure Posts: 301 Member
    I have been experiencing that too. I have lost 43 pounds. He has lost 30. He actually has more to lose still than me. I think that maybe it shows more on him because most of his weight is in his stomach and mine is spread all over. Eventually I think though that people will have to start noticing.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Maybe they comment on his loss because it's more striking to them visually than yours is.

    Sounds like you both work hard and are on the right track. Good luck.
  • GormanGhaste
    GormanGhaste Posts: 430 Member
    Who's your husband's biggest fan?

    Why did you decide to lose weight?
  • taeliesyn
    taeliesyn Posts: 1,116 Member
    It's less scary and more acceptable to comment on a guys weightloss than a female. The possible implied complications are huge unfortunately.
    I know I would comment on a fellow male work colleges weight loss, but no way in the world will I make any weight related comments to a female, even if it's extremely noticeable. Just no worth the risk.
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
    Some people don't like commenting on women's weight loss because so many take it the wrong way... Someone says "wow you lost a lot of weight" and they hear "Wow you used to be even fatter!"

    His weight loss, considering he is now at his goal, might just be more obvious or maybe he has changed in other ways that people pick up, like maybe he looks really well and healthy?
  • Love_Is_My_Fuel
    Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
    Wow I never really thought about most of that before...it makes sense I guess that women are more sensitive to weight issues. My husband looks amazing and I'm proud when people comment on his transformation. Guess it's harder for people to come up with something to say about my "progress" because it's ongoing.
  • Love_Is_My_Fuel
    Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
    Who's your husband's biggest fan?

    Why did you decide to lose weight?

    I know I'm also his biggest fan and we agreed to lose weight together for the future of our family....the bigger picture... I want to be an active healthy happy family :) I think the main thing I need to work on is not caring so much what people say or think. It's hard though lol
  • bradsb2g
    bradsb2g Posts: 3 Member
    This is exactly correct. Don't be offended.
  • binor
    binor Posts: 77 Member
    I understand. This is my second time at weight loss. About two years ago I lost thirty pounds and my husband lost forty without even trying. The only thing he did different is eat the food I purchased and cooked. I was devastated that even my mother and sister notices him and not me. I actually went on maintenance for a while. Since being on here I have lost fifteen pounds again he does nothing but eat what I purchase and has lost another thirty pounds. Ugh!!!
    It is so frustrating. But I am doing this for me not everyone else so I just keep plugging along with my 1 pound a week loss and eventually I will look amazing and be able to fit into the cute clothes. Also, I feel so much better and life is so much easier. Just remember why you are doing this.
  • benjicloverdale
    benjicloverdale Posts: 92 Member
    Awww...sounds like the most important person is noticing & appreciating you. But on the others...I think people hesitate to say anything to women about weight loss, even if they notice. Because then you're basically saying, "I noticed you were fat before, and now, not so much." And women tend to be more sensitive about their weight & appearance. Even though I've lost a good amount, & know how much those compliments mean to me, I hesitate to say anything to other women. Also if you ask if they've lost weight & they haven't, or aren't trying, then there's also that semi-insult that you thought they were fat before. So sometimes rather than making a direct comment, I'll just say something like, "Wow, every time I see you, you seem to get skinnier & skinnier." So I don't think people are being mean, I think they're just avoiding saying something that would hurt your feelings. Be proud of your accomplishment! And be thankful for a supportive husband who appreciates you. ;-)

    Agree w/ this ^^^^ 100%. I'm sure people notice and are thinking happy thoughts for you...but just afraid to say the wrong thing, or have their compliments interpreted the wrong way. Like this person said about the "noticed you were fat before, and now, not so much,"....even if people leave the weight issue out of it and just said, "Wow! You look great!"...that could be taken as "So what, I looked terrible before?"

    Just be confident in knowing that they notice...and care about your feelings so as not to say the wrong thing. You are doing great, and keep up the good work!
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member

    I think the main thing I need to work on is not caring so much what people say or think. It's hard though lol

    It is hard, but it's what needs to be done, because it puts the power in other people's hands. You know what you are doing and that you are doing an amazing job. That has got to be enough. Plus that fact that your biggest fan is supporting you, is awesome. Keep up the great work.
  • hisbeautifulangel
    hisbeautifulangel Posts: 91 Member
    I agree with others that maybe they feel if they commented on your weight maybe you would get offended in some way.

    And your husband is such a sweet and supporting man! You are so lucky to have him! I get excited about my weight loss and my husband just says in a idc tone "good job" and then goes on with what he is doing. Lol. You have a great husband and a great person to help motivate you!
  • spatulathumbs
    spatulathumbs Posts: 125 Member
    Well, I will say it - you look great!

    Sounds like you have him cheering you on, and that's the most important thing. :)
  • MicheleWE
    MicheleWE Posts: 179 Member
    Don't worry your time is coming, just keep up the good work. I work with the public and have always been very open and hope my experiences with losing weight can help someone else. I lost 85 lbs and for a long while people didn't say anything, then it got to the point that I would talk to people when I was out around town and they wouldn't recognize me (I live in a small town so pretty much everyone at least knows of everyone else). Then all the comments started and because I think that losing is just what people expected of me they continued to comment even when I started gaining again. There was a time that I enjoyed it, but then there was a time when I wished people would notice the other more important things about me instead of my ability to lose weight. Then once the comments tapered off I missed them. Us women are awful funny creatures! So, I'd say enjoy the process where ever you are because it will change. Most importantly is focusing on why you are doing this.
  • Diggedydog
    Diggedydog Posts: 32
    Wow I never really thought about most of that before...it makes sense I guess that women are more sensitive to weight issues. My husband looks amazing and I'm proud when people comment on his transformation. Guess it's harder for people to come up with something to say about my "progress" because it's ongoing.

    With you doing so much hard work for both you and your husband, and him acknowledging that fact, take some credit for him, too. When someone compliments his weight loss say, " Thanks. We've done a lt of hard work together. "And realize that it is you and him who matter most and it sunds like you got a keeper there. :)
  • Diggedydog
    Diggedydog Posts: 32
    Wow I never really thought about most of that before...it makes sense I guess that women are more sensitive to weight issues. My husband looks amazing and I'm proud when people comment on his transformation. Guess it's harder for people to come up with something to say about my "progress" because it's ongoing.

    With you doing so much hard work for both you and your husband, and him acknowledging that fact, take some credit for him, too. When someone compliments his weight loss say, " Thanks. We've done a lot of hard work together. "And realize that it is you and him who matter most. It sounds like you got a keeper there. :)
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    Your husband is adorable. Congrats on the 70+ loss, and taking the time to learn about eating healthy. Great job girl!
  • jaecamp1
    jaecamp1 Posts: 120 Member
    The same thing happens with my husband and me. I think a lot of it has to do with women being more sensitive, but if you haven't actually got some new clothes that could be part of it too. I definitely get more comments whenever I transition to the next size down. Even if I have been that size and just wearing baggy clothes for a while.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,953 Member
    People are going to notice what they will and there isn't much we can do about it. Just be glad your husband works hard to make sure you get some credit. :)

    My husband hasn't done anything to work on health or fitness just yet. He did finally agree to join a gym with me and we'll be working out together so I'm excited about that and I do realize I'll probably be in the same situation as you since he'll lean up so much faster. I plan to enjoy all his hard work and try not to let it bother me.

    Something funny along these lines; the other day he had a woman at church come over and comment on how much his face is thinning down. She was exclaiming about how good he's looking and how he's probably thinning down in other areas too. We just laughed. All he's done? He's growing a beard and it makes his face look thinner! I told him I'm going to quick working out and stop plucking and tweezing everything since apparently it'll have a greater effect. :laugh:
  • KathleenKP
    KathleenKP Posts: 580 Member
    You have a GREAT husband! I will echo everyone in saying people are more hesitant to comment on a lady. I got the most comments when I started dressing differently and with smaller clothes.
  • Love_Is_My_Fuel
    Love_Is_My_Fuel Posts: 211 Member
    People are going to notice what they will and there isn't much we can do about it. Just be glad your husband works hard to make sure you get some credit. :)

    My husband hasn't done anything to work on health or fitness just yet. He did finally agree to join a gym with me and we'll be working out together so I'm excited about that and I do realize I'll probably be in the same situation as you since he'll lean up so much faster. I plan to enjoy all his hard work and try not to let it bother me.

    Something funny along these lines; the other day he had a woman at church come over and comment on how much his face is thinning down. She was exclaiming about how good he's looking and how he's probably thinning down in other areas too. We just laughed. All he's done? He's growing a beard and it makes his face look thinner! I told him I'm going to quick working out and stop plucking and tweezing everything since apparently it'll have a greater effect. :laugh:


    Hahahaha winter is coming lol we need our winter fir

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