Question about ED Recovery...?

Mouseanonymous802
Mouseanonymous802 Posts: 76
in Motivation and Support
I have been underweight and eating 500 calories a day to bulimic now but getting better. When I am not binging I eat 1300 calories plus exercise cals and feel great, not hungry or tired. But I feel guilty for not feeling bad, if that makes sense, I feel like I should be cold, tired, and miserable to lose weight and feel bad for not feeling bad. Has anyone else had this feeling? Will it go away? I also hate eating in public and it gets 10x worse in front of the opposite sex, I feel judged for eating. Any help? :(

Replies

  • All4Norma
    All4Norma Posts: 25 Member
    ED's suck! I'm a binge eater who purges occasionally, but doesn't seem I got as far into it as you've been so I don't have much advice..but I want to give as much support to others as possible. Do you have any personal supporters in you life you can talk to? I know my best friend has been a great supporter in my eating issues and it's nice to have someone in REAL life to talk to about things. He is the only one who knows about my issues outside of this site (besides my doctor) and I don't think I could have started recovering if not for having him. Also, talk to a doctor love. I was so far in depression and bingeing that suicide seemed like a wonderful way out so I finally set up an appointment with a doctor. She put me on Prozac and my god has it helped! I've been on it for about 7 months and only have had one binge since (only lasting a couple days instead of my usual months). So my biggest advice is open up to someone in real life...if you don't have someone you feel comfortable doing that with find more supporters here. It's a hard road to recovery but you are not alone. Hang in there!!!
  • naturenurture
    naturenurture Posts: 8 Member
    I can relate to this. I struggled with EDNOS and bulimia during high school and college. For me it was related to depression and self-harming tendencies, and I felt that I deserved to feel bad all the time. Things like low heart rate, poor circulation, etc. I took as signs that I was doing something right.

    I'm 3-4 years into my recovery now, and I can say that for me those thoughts absolutely have lessened. It took time though, and the thoughts lingered long after the behaviors stopped. One thing that helped me, especially in the early stages of my recovery, was being more critical about the media I was consuming. I stayed off ED-related message boards all together and also avoided women's "health" magazines as I found they were reinforcing a lot of negative thought patterns that I had. I started reading more feminist-oriented websites and generally worked on improving my self-esteem.

    Recovery isn't really a linear process though. There were some setbacks along the way, and I still occasionally find myself slipping into old thoughts and behaviors. Usually this happens when I'm under a lot of stress or otherwise in a bad place emotionally, but I've learned to recognize the signs of relapse and reach out for support when I can.

    Oh, and the eating in public thing will get better with time as well. Sometimes you have to push past the discomfort and "fake it till you make it."

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