A very, VERY personal question...

noonespecial1975
noonespecial1975 Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
I will start out by saying that I have lost 70 lbs in the last year. I am a 30+ female, married with 2 beautiful kids.

The problem is that for the last couple of months, it seems like I am struggling to "make the fireworks happen" in bed. My husband is incredible in this department and I have never had issues before. We have a great relationship and a great family. I consider myself extremely lucky to have what we have. We have been married for 17 years, and we have always had a strong love life. We have never gone more than a week without it. We are both very much attracted to each other, even more so now that I have lost so much weight.

So why is this happening? My mind is not other places, there are no stresses interfering, he's not doing anything wrong. I can only suspect it's hormonal but my desire has only increased? But, on the other hand, I am looking 40 right in the face. Could it be that I exercise too much? I exercise at least an hour each day. I run, I bike, I lift, I do aerobics, I'm always changing it up and I really, really enjoy exercising. Am I getting too many "feel good hormones" from exercise that there aren't any left for him? I just don't understand. Has anyone else experienced this?

P.S. Yes I created a fake profile because I was too embarrassed to ask in my real one. I have family members as friends.
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Replies

  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
    It's probably hormonal but I doubt it's exercise related. Get thee to your doctor so he//she can run some tests.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    It could be a combination of things. Hormones but also staring at the number 40 fast approaching. My husband and I find time to get away. We leave the kids with relatives for a few days and spend some alone time. I log my food but don't mind going a little over and don't worry about exercise. It helps us refocus on each other.
    The hormones maybe because you are no longer in prime baby making years. I experienced a drop and pre menopausal symptoms around 40.
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
    How is he in the department of looks etc.. Is he fit, is he on the same journey as you .. Does he or have you caught him maybe even subconsciously sabotaging your efforts ?


    Lets be real for a moment..

    Are you Actually really attracted to him ? I mean really.. Go ahead and say so.. You love him but it doesn't make you a bad person if you aren't attracted to him ..

    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I know a lot of questions... And maybe it is hormonal .. maybe you are getting your dopamine hit from your work outs and he just isn't doing it for you so you have nothing left in your proverbial tank.

    Does he ask you for sex when you turn him down.. and if you do turn him down does he get all pissy and pouts ? Has he tried to sit down and talk to you about y'alls sex life ?


    This is what I suggest.. First answer my questions you can PM it to me if you want.. but I think since you are already anon just answer here..

    Also I suggest he go check out this web site.. marriedmansexlife . com Check out the book Married Man Sex Life Primer its only like 10 bucks.. hell If you want I will give you a copy of it for free ( just a Ebook ) and you he or both of you read it.
  • noonespecial1975
    noonespecial1975 Posts: 4
    How is he in the department of looks etc.. Is he fit, is he on the same journey as you .. Does he or have you caught him maybe even subconsciously sabotaging your efforts ?


    Lets be real for a moment..

    Are you Actually really attracted to him ? I mean really.. Go ahead and say so.. You love him but it doesn't make you a bad person if you aren't attracted to him ..

    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I know a lot of questions... And maybe it is hormonal .. maybe you are getting your dopamine hit from your work outs and he just isn't doing it for you so you have nothing left in your proverbial tank.

    Does he ask you for sex when you turn him down.. and if you do turn him down does he get all pissy and pouts ? Has he tried to sit down and talk to you about y'alls sex life ?


    This is what I suggest.. First answer my questions you can PM it to me if you want.. but I think since you are already anon just answer here..

    Also I suggest he go check out this web site.. marriedmansexlife . com Check out the book Married Man Sex Life Primer its only like 10 bucks.. hell If you want I will give you a copy of it for free ( just a Ebook ) and you he or both of you read it.

    You do ask a lot of questions but that's ok. :) My husband is fit and always has been active. He is muscular from a physical job for many years. He has many times told me how proud he is of me and my accomplishment and tells me I look good and things like that. I am very attracted to him, both physically and attracted to the man he is.

    Our sex life is exciting and routine at the same time. We know what works and stick to that a lot, but we also change it up from time to time. Being spontanious is difficult with the kids around, but we still manage.

    Neither one of us rarely turns the other down and he does not get upset if I do turn him down. Usually it's the other way around. I am usually initiating it more than he. But when I get upset I blame my past insecurities about my body on that. When he turns me down I feel like he sees the fat me, which is crazy because he never did. He was always attracted to me, heavy or light.

    I have not talked to him about this at all. I'm not sure why, I guess I don't want to hurt his ego.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
    Fair enough ... Are you sexually fulfilled? Have you been involved in any type of emotional affair or physical affair ? What about your Husband ?

    WHat is the big white elephant in the room in your relationship no one speaks about?

    So you initiate more ?
  • admegamo
    admegamo Posts: 175 Member
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?

    This is what I was wondering too.
  • noonespecial1975
    noonespecial1975 Posts: 4
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?

    Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. My apologies for not being clear. I wasn't sure saying that would be allowed in the forums so I used "fireworks" instead.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?

    Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. My apologies for not being clear. I wasn't sure saying that would be allowed in the forums so I used "fireworks" instead.

    Here's an article about decreased orgasm sensitivity related to bike riding: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=84072
  • noonespecial1975
    noonespecial1975 Posts: 4
    Fair enough ... Are you sexually fulfilled? Have you been involved in any type of emotional affair or physical affair ? What about your Husband ?

    WHat is the big white elephant in the room in your relationship no one speaks about?

    So you initiate more ?

    Yes, I am fulfilled. No affairs, physical or emotional by either party. No white elephant that I am aware of and yes, I initiate more. But I always have so that is not new.

    He's doing everything right. He listens to me and reacts to my reactions. Sometimes it's like he's in my head reading my mind. I'm just having trouble reaching "O". And sometimes I get so close and then for whatever reason I can't and then I'm an emotional mess after because I was wound so tight and couldn't let go. (Now I'm getting extremely personal and embarrassing, so I greatly apologize.)
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
    they say that regular exercises actually enhances your sex life, rather than taking away from it.

    It could be hormonal, you are "staring at 40", like you said, and hormones are weird little things. Estrogen is stored in fat, so when you lose fat, you release estrogen. (and forgive me if i'm wrong here) i think testosterone is the one that accounts for sex drive, even in women. So you could have an imbalance of hormones going on.

    I'd check with your dr, if i were you. Be open with hubby, let him know what's going on, and that you're as disappointed in it as he may be, and that you're checking things out. I hope he's patient with you.
  • jennyrebekka
    jennyrebekka Posts: 626 Member
    happens to me when i take vicodin......you taking any numbing-type medication, by chance?
  • amyisme
    amyisme Posts: 20
    [

    I have not talked to him about this at all. I'm not sure why, I guess I don't want to hurt his ego.
    [/quote]

    This is what caught my eye. You have to keep the lines of communication open on something like this. If you don't talk about it and let him know what is happening then there is no way that it's ever going to get better.
  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?

    Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. My apologies for not being clear. I wasn't sure saying that would be allowed in the forums so I used "fireworks" instead.

    My guess is hormones... you need to go to the doctor and get him to run some blood work. If your hormones are out of wack then that could be a very easy fix and no more stressing over... uh.... not being able to relieve your stress :wink:
  • ToFatT0B3S1ck
    ToFatT0B3S1ck Posts: 194 Member
    Talk to him about it. I was having the exact same problem with my husband and it took me about a year to bring it up. I wrote him a letter and explained everything. The next night, he took what I was saying into consideration. It worked. It is NOT an easy conversation and it does hurt his ego. Do you want to go say for the rest of your life being NOT satisfied sexually? I didn't hence the letter and then conversation.
  • gabbygirl78
    gabbygirl78 Posts: 936 Member
    Try it in the pooper. That should fix things right up.

    omg lol I was eating and almost choked to death :laugh:

    :drinker: :laugh:
  • sobriquet84
    sobriquet84 Posts: 607 Member
    I don't understand the question. You say you're still very much attracted to each other and your "desire has only increased"...does that mean you're only having a problem reaching the big O?

    Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. My apologies for not being clear. I wasn't sure saying that would be allowed in the forums so I used "fireworks" instead.

    could be a number of things. if you're emotionally satisfied and stress is eliminated as a factor, it could simply be biological. regular excercise is supposed to INCREASE your chances of climax as well as the intensity of climax. how long ago did you have your last child, and if it was recent, was it a vaginal birth? that's a common thing for mothers. could also be hormonal. could be related to regularly riding a bike. could be a combination of things. don't be scared to ask your doc about it.
  • Salt_Sand_Sun
    Salt_Sand_Sun Posts: 415 Member
    Look into Dhea (you can get it at Vitamin Shoppe or GNC or similar).

    I had the some similar issues last year, before I lost weight and even after the inital weight loss. I starte Dhea and now.... I will continue to use it. :) *wink*

    And like others have said - talk to him. Try new things. If you are attracted to each other and all works well in teh bedroom then I'm certain you can relight the fireworks
  • staplebug
    staplebug Posts: 189
    Maybe it's hormones like you said? Your body will have ups and downs as you age for no apparent reason. I feel your frustration, although I am pregnant so I'm blaming those hormones for now. Hopefully things get back on track when my body is "back to normal" if I can really get there after the baby. I've found a lot of comfort in talking to my hubby, though it was really hard to bring up at first. He was very understanding and we've found a way to make it work, it just took time and was not the normal "routine." Communicate. Then ask your doc or maybe buy a couple of books.
  • nicolebeck89
    nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
    Sometimes my fiancé has this problem when he is to stressed or if he is emotionally having a difficult time. He just can't get into it. It's happened everyone in awhile since I've known him.
  • AndiGirl70
    AndiGirl70 Posts: 542 Member
    Open honest communication. You have to have it to overcome this hurdle. Talk it out with him. I think most men want to please and are open to suggestions to make it stellar. Sex mostly happens in the mind so something must trigger just shy of that fireworks moment. What about using toys together or him trying other appendages to get you there even after he's shot his bottle rocket? No one said you had to have fireworks at the same time to keep sex satisfying. Good luck, I hope you figure it out.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    Look into Dhea (you can get it at Vitamin Shoppe or GNC or similar).

    I had the some similar issues last year, before I lost weight and even after the inital weight loss. I starte Dhea and now.... I will continue to use it. :) *wink*

    And like others have said - talk to him. Try new things. If you are attracted to each other and all works well in teh bedroom then I'm certain you can relight the fireworks

    Lucky Nauti!!!
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    any medications you are taking? that was my problem for years, and i didn't even realize it: as soon as i was off the ssri i went from very rarely 'getting there' to being a 'regular visitor', so to speak.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Are you in the "super mommy" phase? The stress can definitely manifest in the bedroom even if you don't notice it. Runnning kids here and there and getting in your own workouts and trying to be the perfect mom. It can hold hidden stress you don't even realize.
  • Drgnfli8
    Drgnfli8 Posts: 1
    You might be stressing yourself for nothing hun.
    This might sound silly but . . . sometimes it is okay for your body to not crave sex.
    It doesn't mean anything is wrong, it doesn't mean anything has changed. Sometimes you just don't realize, a break is okay.
  • annakow
    annakow Posts: 385 Member
    security matter..i keep asking my guy if he likes me now all the time, all the time..i am not sure, maybe i lost to much..it's new you in new body, it brings fear too.
  • mcibty
    mcibty Posts: 1,252 Member
    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.
  • jenns1964
    jenns1964 Posts: 384 Member
    Staring 40 is a good thing for your sex drive so don't stress about that!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.
  • ayanna32
    ayanna32 Posts: 83 Member
    Sometimes going hard on my excercising kills it for me, not much else I want to do but eat, gym, sleep. I'm 40 as well and trust me it only gets better, try Yohimbe.

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