Is there a such thing as to much motivation??

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nicolebeck89
nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok to all you people with husbands, boyfriends, partners, whatever!!! Do any of you have a spouse who is never happy with life!! Like never satisfied, always wants more money, better job, higher degrees!! That's how my fiancé is!! I love him to pieces but man I wish he would just be satisfied for like 1 day with what he has and what he has accomplished!! I don't think in the entire time I have known him he has ever been ok with his life! He gets Very angry with me sometimes because I am not constantly pushing myself for more!! And get frustrated with our motivation differences! I'm all for motivation and I'm so happy to have someone by my side who wants the best, however is there a point where you can be to motivated!! What do you guys think??

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  • ladynocturne
    ladynocturne Posts: 865 Member
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    I'm not sure if it's motivation or just lack of contentment.

    There is a word in Sanskrit I like to refer to in my own personal life: Santosha

    "The definition of santosha is being content with what you have and where you are at instead of wishing for things you don’t have or daydreaming of the future. It is living in the present and feeling true satisfaction. And here’s the kicker: When you have this kind of contentment, supreme joy is attained.

    You have to be real careful with your interpretation of contentment, though. For some people, contentment is the way they feel after eating a four-course gourmet meal with wine perfectly paired to each course or after some awesome sex, chocolate—you get the idea. Those types of contentment fall more along the lines of satisfaction. Real honest-to-goodness contentment means just to be as we are without going to food, sex, chocolate, or other “things” for our happiness.


    Live in the present moment without regretting the past or anticipating the future.

    The thing about santosha is that it is a key element in living a spiritual life. If you cannot be happy with yourself and where you are in life, you are going to have a helluva long road ahead on your spiritual journey. Dissatisfaction with life has many horrible symptoms, such as psychic infirmity, complexes, and high blood pressure. I’d rather strive for the symptoms of contentment in life: happiness, peace, and the ultimate…supreme joy."

    http://dailydownwarddog.com/words-i-love-santosha/

    I believe that this is a personal lesson and journey to discover, he will hopefully find it sooner rather than later for the sake of your relationship lol. =)
  • _liftnlove
    _liftnlove Posts: 194
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    Isn't that what we all strive for...to be happy and content in the present, while still always pushing and wanting to be better? It's a tough balance to strike for anyone.

    He is who he is, and you're gonna have to take it or leave it. However, same thing for him--you are who YOU are, and he has no right to be pushing you and getting angry at you because you have different goals or ambitions.
  • nicolebeck89
    nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
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    Our relationship is good!! And I have excepted that this is the way he is!!! I am glad he is always pushing for our lives to be better!! He just gets extremely stressed out about not achieving what he wants, if we don't have as much money as he would like, or things are not running to perfection!!! He stresses and dwells over things to the point of making himself sick.
  • christinemac17
    christinemac17 Posts: 56 Member
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    Ok to all you people with husbands, boyfriends, partners, whatever!!! Do any of you have a spouse who is never happy with life!! Like never satisfied, always wants more money, better job, higher degrees!! That's how my fiancé is!! I love him to pieces but man I wish he would just be satisfied for like 1 day with what he has and what he has accomplished!! I don't think in the entire time I have known him he has ever been ok with his life! He gets Very angry with me sometimes because I am not constantly pushing myself for more!! And get frustrated with our motivation differences! I'm all for motivation and I'm so happy to have someone by my side who wants the best, however is there a point where you can be to motivated!! What do you guys think??

    Please forgive me if you think I'm way off base, but this eerily reminds me of my (now ex) step father and his relationship with my mother. He was never happy with his life... exactly as you described above; which did eventually turned into him being angry with my mother for her "lackadaisical" (his interpretation) attitude toward life -- all of which was completely unwarranted. She worked her tail off.

    This actually became a form of emotional abuse, his frustration with her "lack of motivation", became anger which included him berating and belittling her. I believe it was his immature way of dealing with his own self esteem problems. Again, please accept my apology if my interpretation of your situation is skewed, but my advice is to be wary.
  • nicolebeck89
    nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
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    I understand this situation. My fiancé ( as of yet ) has never I feel emotionally abused me. However I have seen him get somewhat emotionally mean to others in his family that he feels is not " progressing" in life the way he feels it should be done!! I hope that this never becomes the issue with us!! And I am in no way trying to say he is not a great person and fiancé because he is awesome!! I just wanted some thought from people who have dealt with this type of personality before! I don't know if this was the case with your ex step father but it seems to get worse as he ages!!
  • Aleyria
    Aleyria Posts: 7 Member
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    This is kind of me.

    I need to constantly be moving forward. I need a goal or project to tackle. I HATE feeling stagnant in life. HATE!!! Part of it is my A-type personality and part of it is the manic side of my bi-polar disorder. Yes I am medicated but no it doesn't erase all the depression/anxiety/mania.

    Now that I'm properly medicated I'm much less manic and that burning desire to constantly moving forward has diminished somewhat but it's still there. Most of the time it's a good thing but sometimes it drives my husband nuts. Especially since he is much more of an easy going guy.

    My advice would be to make sure there aren't any underlying mental health issues at play. I would also suggest taking a hard look at yourself. Is there any truth to his annoyance? Are you generally unmotivated to improve yourself or move forward in life? Are you saying you are committed to certain goals but don't actually work to attain them? Do you two see eye to eye on the future and where you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years? Do you work equally hard to make those dreams a reality?

    I know I get annoyed with my husband when we set certain goals for ourselves and I think he's not doing his best to get us there. I also get annoyed with my husband just because I'm generally frustrated with a situation and I'm human and I take things out unfairly on innocent people at times. Of course when this is the case I apologize and we have a good long talk and then I feel better :)
  • nicolebeck89
    nicolebeck89 Posts: 68 Member
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    Thank you!!!

    I am a motivated to our goals!! Not nearly as much as he is and I understand that. I want us to move forward. However I think because I do not dwell on it every second of every day he feels that I don't care as much!! I do need to improve my skills in some things. I am not perfect of course! Neither is he!! Your post is kinda exactly what I wanted. To here from someone with this type of personality.
  • XxAngry_Pixi
    XxAngry_Pixi Posts: 236 Member
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    Ok to all you people with husbands, boyfriends, partners, whatever!!! Do any of you have a spouse who is never happy with life!! Like never satisfied, always wants more money, better job, higher degrees!! That's how my fiancé is!! I love him to pieces but man I wish he would just be satisfied for like 1 day with what he has and what he has accomplished!! I don't think in the entire time I have known him he has ever been ok with his life! He gets Very angry with me sometimes because I am not constantly pushing myself for more!! And get frustrated with our motivation differences! I'm all for motivation and I'm so happy to have someone by my side who wants the best, however is there a point where you can be to motivated!! What do you guys think??

    This is my husband. Just without the motivation to do anything about it. I am happy with our lot in life, and like to work towards my goals like my weight loss. I think he thinks I am crazy to not want more and more.

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