shoulda' woulda' coulda'

sofatimgross
sofatimgross Posts: 5
in Introduce Yourself
I wish I could go back in time 20 years... I recently saw a picture of my 16 year old self. Back then, I was obsessed with the idea that I was fat, mostly because I was a ballet dancer and I was the biggest girl in my class. I'd love to go back and introduce myself so that my 16 year old self could see what fat looks like.
Don't pity me fair reader, I have done this to myself, and suffer through a vicious cycle of trying to lose weight, failing, getting depressed about failing, eating more, gaining more weight and then wallowing in self pity for a while. So you see, I have enough pity to go around. I'm a giant one person pity party really. Do I have faith that an on-line community of strangers will be able to help me? Who knows. I do know one thing - I'm tired of my own father being ashamed of me. I'm tired of my five year old daughter asking my why I want to be fat. I'm tired of having sex fully dressed cause I can't stand for my husband to see me naked. I guess I'm just tired. Something's gotta give, and eventually, something's gotta work - why not this.
So here goes - one last time? Commence "life style change" NOW!

Replies

  • AZhappy1
    AZhappy1 Posts: 11
    I'm right there with you!!!! I have thought all those thoughts... It's weird to think a group of strangers can bond together and help each other through this journey - but we are all in the same boat. I need to lose 114 lbs. I've done the whole yoyo thing MORE times than I can say.... I'm ashamed to tell people I'm yet, once again, "Trying something new!!" I'll be 50 in December, I don't want to be fat and depressed over it anymore.... I, too, wish I could go back 20 years... heck 30 years... explain to myself the heartache I'M going to cause my own self... Please add me... my profile tells my story.... We can encourage each other...
  • sofatimgross
    sofatimgross Posts: 5
    I've never known anyone other then myself who was ashamed to tell people I was - once again - starting to try to lose weight! I'm so embarrassed to tell people because I've failed so many times! I say lets work on this together and prove them all wrong! lol
  • AZhappy1
    AZhappy1 Posts: 11
    Yep!!! I've been on MFP for about a month now... and STILL haven't mentioned it on FB. I am a Social Media Junkie!! lol and it kills me NOT to say what I'm doing.... Sure I put "just finished an hr on the stationary bike..woot woot" .... but that's about it for now. PLUS OMG... what if they all joined MFP too!!! And read my profile to find out I need to lose 114 lbs... In 30 years I just now for the first time told my husband - I have 114 lbs to lose... but he still doesn't know what I weigh... or what my goal weight actually is...
    Girl the stories I could tell you about all I have tried... And I'm just sick of it... No more fads no more programs. Just going to track my intake and my exercise. I just want to feel good about myself.

    WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!

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