A very, VERY personal question...

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24

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  • AndiGirl70
    AndiGirl70 Posts: 542 Member
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    Open honest communication. You have to have it to overcome this hurdle. Talk it out with him. I think most men want to please and are open to suggestions to make it stellar. Sex mostly happens in the mind so something must trigger just shy of that fireworks moment. What about using toys together or him trying other appendages to get you there even after he's shot his bottle rocket? No one said you had to have fireworks at the same time to keep sex satisfying. Good luck, I hope you figure it out.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
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    Look into Dhea (you can get it at Vitamin Shoppe or GNC or similar).

    I had the some similar issues last year, before I lost weight and even after the inital weight loss. I starte Dhea and now.... I will continue to use it. :) *wink*

    And like others have said - talk to him. Try new things. If you are attracted to each other and all works well in teh bedroom then I'm certain you can relight the fireworks

    Lucky Nauti!!!
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
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    any medications you are taking? that was my problem for years, and i didn't even realize it: as soon as i was off the ssri i went from very rarely 'getting there' to being a 'regular visitor', so to speak.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
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    Are you in the "super mommy" phase? The stress can definitely manifest in the bedroom even if you don't notice it. Runnning kids here and there and getting in your own workouts and trying to be the perfect mom. It can hold hidden stress you don't even realize.
  • Drgnfli8
    Drgnfli8 Posts: 1
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    You might be stressing yourself for nothing hun.
    This might sound silly but . . . sometimes it is okay for your body to not crave sex.
    It doesn't mean anything is wrong, it doesn't mean anything has changed. Sometimes you just don't realize, a break is okay.
  • annakow
    annakow Posts: 385 Member
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    security matter..i keep asking my guy if he likes me now all the time, all the time..i am not sure, maybe i lost to much..it's new you in new body, it brings fear too.
  • mcibty
    mcibty Posts: 1,252 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.
  • jenns1964
    jenns1964 Posts: 384 Member
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    Staring 40 is a good thing for your sex drive so don't stress about that!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.
  • ayanna32
    ayanna32 Posts: 83 Member
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    Sometimes going hard on my excercising kills it for me, not much else I want to do but eat, gym, sleep. I'm 40 as well and trust me it only gets better, try Yohimbe.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.


    while I understand the primal nature of it- I'm kind of leaning toward you- it's a not a one way street.... and there isn't ONE way to do things. And it's incredibly personal- some people do not LIKE to be tossed about... some people LIKE being tossed and some like to do the tossing.

    I think saying- "like a man should" is just narrow minded.

    OP I am not sure I have any help for you other than maybe time to try new things- go hit up Adam and Eve and see if anything sparks your fancy.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.
  • Fullsterkur_woman
    Fullsterkur_woman Posts: 2,712 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.
    Y'all expressed my disgusted sentiments perfectly.

    My opinion is that you have had a little bit of difficulty with stress, fatigue or whatever that caused you to miss a couple of Os and now it's been built up into a "thing" in your mind, which is why you get stressed about not being able to just let go. It's now a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think the thing to do is probably spend a little bit of alone time "greasing the groove", just like lifting weights. You'll get your form back, you'll feel better and more relaxed, and you can enjoy your together time with your husband whether you "get there" or not. If you relax about "making it happen", eventually it'll start happening on its own again.
  • JessieMaeH82
    JessieMaeH82 Posts: 79 Member
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    Well your profile name might be the issue............................... hows your confidence level?
  • JessieMaeH82
    JessieMaeH82 Posts: 79 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.
    Y'all expressed my disgusted sentiments perfectly.

    My opinion is that you have had a little bit of difficulty with stress, fatigue or whatever that caused you to miss a couple of Os and now it's been built up into a "thing" in your mind, which is why you get stressed about not being able to just let go. It's now a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think the thing to do is probably spend a little bit of alone time "greasing the groove", just like lifting weights. You'll get your form back, you'll feel better and more relaxed, and you can enjoy your together time with your husband whether you "get there" or not. If you relax about "making it happen", eventually it'll start happening on its own again.


    And I'm with the original of this---I want a man to TAKE ME
    don't act shy just do it!!! If not I am sOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO turned off
  • CassandraBurgos83
    CassandraBurgos83 Posts: 544 Member
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    I'm loving this thread...very informative, I love all the input here :)
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    I'm going to say hormones as well. With your age and your massive weight loss over the year, that's two big changes possibly affecting the way your body could be dealing with/producing hormones. Try talking to a doctor. Blood work might help you figure the whole thing out really easily.
  • SuperSexyDork
    SuperSexyDork Posts: 1,669 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.

    So, if I or any woman likes it rougher and the guy behaves that way, they don't deserve any???

    What you said is as close-minded as the "like a man should" statement. Some women (like myself) absolutely do like it rough (and even very rough at that).
  • JessieMaeH82
    JessieMaeH82 Posts: 79 Member
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    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.

    So, if I or any woman likes it rougher and the guy behaves that way, they don't deserve any???

    What you said is as close-minded as the "like a man should" statement. Some women (like myself) absolutely do like it rough (and even very rough at that).


    AMEN
  • jrbb03092
    jrbb03092 Posts: 198 Member
    Options
    Is sex exciting ? Does he take you like a man should take a woman or is he timid ?

    I don't think I could hate this sentence more.

    I'm with you on that one.



    I'm with you on that one, also the same poster's " throw you around the bed".... Guys, if you're too rough, you're not going to get ANY, nor do you deserve to.
    Y'all expressed my disgusted sentiments perfectly.

    My opinion is that you have had a little bit of difficulty with stress, fatigue or whatever that caused you to miss a couple of Os and now it's been built up into a "thing" in your mind, which is why you get stressed about not being able to just let go. It's now a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think the thing to do is probably spend a little bit of alone time "greasing the groove", just like lifting weights. You'll get your form back, you'll feel better and more relaxed, and you can enjoy your together time with your husband whether you "get there" or not. If you relax about "making it happen", eventually it'll start happening on its own again.

    So agreed on that "take you like a man" bit.

    But this too. Have you become so conscious about this that every time it happens, it just confirms that you're having issues and your brain and body are primed to have issues before you even get there?

    Spend a little time alone, making sure you can reach orgasm on your own (which, if you can't, might be a HUGE reason to see a doctor and find out if it IS hormones) and otherwise, I know you said you do everything but does he (I don't know if I can get away with this on board) use his hands or his mouth on you? Or are you guys just go straight to it and you're using to being able to reach the big O that way. Maybe he needs to take a little time after or maybe you need to just relax and let go of that as the end goal for a bit. Play with some toys.

    Also, maybe talk to him. Tell him what you've told us. How hot you stil find him. How much you enjoy sex with him but you're just not getting /there/. Of course, since it might become an issue for him as well (not in a bad way but in a determined one which might make things worse), maybe try the other stuff first.

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