How can I break a 36 year mindset regarding food?

Beachbean77
Beachbean77 Posts: 83 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Here is my back story.. chime in with comments and advice if you can help!!

As a child I grew up in a household that didn't always have food. Many, many nights my older brother and I didn't have dinner or if we did it was twinkies or cookie dough! Our dad would take us to the bar once in a while with him where we'd get some pizza. Lunch at school was pretty much the most consistent meal we could rely on. So needless to say when food was available we ate it, no matter what it was and we ate it fast. Every summer we were sent to stay with our grandparents where we had 3 nutritious meals a day, fresh veggies from the garden, snacks and never worried about being hungry. Until we went back home and the hunger game started back up again.

Now as a stable adult, with two children of my own... I find the habits of my past have become a thoughtless pattern in my daily life. I have struggled with my weight since the age of 24 (when I got married and started my family). Life became stable and routine as I prepared meals for my family and went grocery shopping regularly. Without thinking about it, I would fill the house with snacks and foods I enjoyed eating... no regard to its health value or calorie content. When the weight would escalate I would "diet" and try to be healthier. So 10-12 years of yo-yo'ing in weight and I've realized that some attributes of my past hold me back from living healthier.

1) When food is offered or available I will eat it. I lack the power to say "NO"... even though I may not be hungry, the food may not be healthy, and I know I'll have the chance to eat later... I still gobble up the offered food as if it's never gonna be there again. I don't question it.. I just eat and then regret after.

2) I eat FAST! again, I eat as if it won't be there or that someone else may eat it before I can. I take huge bites, barely chew, swallow and repeat all without putting the food or fork down! I've tried to tell myself to put it down, chew slowly... but it has to be my only thought. I can't carry on a conversation or be distracted or I'll mindlessly just inhale the food.

3) When given the choice (say on a menu when eating out) I will choose the foods that sound the yummiest because I may not get the chance to eat them again. These choices obviously are probably not the healthiest... but if I go with the healthy (low fat/low calorie) options I feel deprived and not satisfied. And sadly this vicious cycle starts because I LOVE to eat out because I love the unhealthy foods... the foods that are prepared for me and cleaned up after me! Hey, being honest... I love to cook and bake but my young daughters are so picky and don't like to try things so I get discouraged, and upset when I spend time preparing stuff and they just grumble and complain. It's easier to eat out when we can all pick our own foods. And yes I know I need to set a good eating example for them and expose them to healthy foods... it's just such a pain to keep fighting that battle.

4) If no one sees me eat it, it doesn't count! Probably the worst of my habit... I will sneak in the kitchen and eat some cookies or whatever. I eat them quietly and quickly. I don't think about it.. just open cabinet, grab food, insert into mouth and bolt before the kids find out and ask for some.

Mindless, selfish eating habits!! So how do I overcome them?? How do I break these habits?? I'm so tired of being overweight. So tired of feeling unhealthy and lethargic. So tired of fighting the food wars at home. Please help!!

Replies

  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    Probably not what you want to hear but some counseling might be your biggest help. Your issue go way back and until you learn how to deal with them it's going to be a constant battle. You've already figured out the problem so a professional could probably give you some steps to work towards controlling your issues. My only other advice is just plain old willpower. You have to want it bad enough to change. Habits are hard to break and it takes a lot of inner strength to just do it cold turkey. Food is always around so you can't just say you'll avoid food like alcohol or cigarettes but maybe start by not having trigger snacks in the house. Be more mindful when you shop.
  • traceyjolli
    traceyjolli Posts: 60
    Wow.... I know exactly how you feel.... becuase I do exactly the same!!

    I also realise it stems from the same sort of background of not knowing when my next meal would arrive and some days of eating only one meal as a child!!

    I am only happy when my cupboards are fully stocked! whether its eaten or not

    And like you this has led to my yo yoing bad eating habits for thirty years!!

    I am still struggling to lose the weight and maintain it when I do.

    I have no advice.... i just keep trying!!

    Good luck xx
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
    You say you have no control over your actions in regard to food due to deprivation in your childhood.
    I, too had some of these same issues growing up. It took me a while and some intense talk therapy to overcome these issues. I had to realize that as an adult I have power and control over my own life and of course what I buy and feed myself.
    I had to come to fully realize that I was no longer deprived and that I could nurture myself beautifully.
    It took a while (and lots of tears) to come to believe I was deserving of good nutrition and even a good and satisfying life.
    It may help you to get into some therapy either individual or group or maybe Overeaters Anonymous.
    Take heart, your issues can be overcome!
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    Probably not what you want to hear but some counseling might be your biggest help. Your issue go way back and until you learn how to deal with them it's going to be a constant battle. You've already figured out the problem so a professional could probably give you some steps to work towards controlling your issues. My only other advice is just plain old willpower. You have to want it bad enough to change. Habits are hard to break and it takes a lot of inner strength to just do it cold turkey. Food is always around so you can't just say you'll avoid food like alcohol or cigarettes but maybe start by not having trigger snacks in the house. Be more mindful when you shop.

    ^ This.

    I think therapy could be incredibly helpful for you. You had a seemingly traumatic upbringing, and it's reflected in the way you view food now. My parents, who came as immigrants with nothing more than a suitcase 40 years ago, tend to hoard things around the house now because they spent so many years going without. I think it's a natural, sort of post-traumatic stress way of coping. However, it still doesn't make it the healthiest way to live. It's great that you recognize this. Awareness and a willingness and desire to change are the first steps. Keep going.
  • lcfairbairn74
    lcfairbairn74 Posts: 412 Member
    I think cognitive behavioral therapy would be extremely useful for you. Therapy-wise, or there are a number of self-help books, cds and groups out there if you would rather attempt to tackle it on your own initially.

    Your story echos my mum's childhood and subsequent eating patterns closely. The only thing that really helps her is not to bring anything into the house that is high calorie yumminess. For example, keep your cupboards full, which puts your mind at ease, but keep them full of dried fruits and low calorie snacks. That way, at least when the secret eating binges strike, you won't consume the huge amount of calories that you are at the moment.

    Best of luck! :flowerforyou:
  • crackur
    crackur Posts: 473 Member
    cognitive behavioral therapy
    this

    My preferred theory of counseling.

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