Terrified to ask, but getting frustrated

While I agree that healthy eating is essential for long term health, for an obese person who has struggled for years to lose and keep it off, I think it is important to take baby steps towards the ultimate goal. The single, biggest factor in starting a weight loss plan is SUSTAINABILITY.

Things like Whole 30, paleo, etc are great and I'm not slagging the value of good, healthy, home-cooked foods. But it is hard enough for someone struggling with weight and overeating just to log their intake and stick to a limit. Telling them that they also have to change the way they eat, give up foods they love, etc. is, IMHO, way too much at once and just setting them up to fail.

I did Paleo for a year, lost a bunch of weight effortlessly, no calorie counting, etc. But I could not sustain such a dramatic change in diet. I missed "normal" foods and eventually I fell off the wagon, felt guilty, and gave up gaining it all back and then some. Too big a change in lifestyle never works, and I'd rather see someone take it slowly than start off with too much and give up or quit.

So let them eat their Lean Cuisine's and their chocolate bars, so long as they are sticking to their caloric goals give them a "high five" and shut up about what they are eating. When they reach their goals, feel fabulous and KNOW they can DO IT, then I believe their thoughts will naturally turn to slowly improving diet. When you feel great and start exercising, you naturally want to fuel your body with good stuff.

Two things that push me ahead:

1. Increase intensity when exercising. If I can have a nice conversation less than 1 minute after I finish a workout, I am not working hard enough. Work hard, sweat a lot, and be breathless. Oxygen burns fat. You need to be breathing hard to burn fat.

2. Homemade foods trump anything from a restaurant or package. Use the 80/20 rule of food. 80% of your calories (or more) need to come from your own kitchen. Even if that food isn't very healthy, if you cooked it at home, you are going to be head and shoulders above anything you get from the pick-up window or out of a package from the grocery store.

If you really want to fine tune your program, watch your micro-nutrients as well as your macros. Check out your nutrient summary to make sure you are getting all of the necessary vitamins and minerals. I find that when I'm under on something like Vitamin A or Magnesium I will binge on chocolate. Bingeing is the body's way of telling you that you are suffering from malnourishment. Listen to what your body needs. Get all of your nutrients and you will feel much, much better.

Have you gotten your metabolism tested? You might consider seeing a nutritionist and doing the MedGem - it'll tell you what your actual metabolism is and that might help. Mine is on the very low side, so I have to eat to compensate for that.

With all due respect, when you hear hoof beats your first thought should be horses, not zebras. It is significantly more likely that she has her calorie goal incorrectly calculated, is over logging exercise, or is under logging food. It's only when all those things are eliminated that anyone should consider metabolic disorders.