should I forget him?

Options
sabineh12
sabineh12 Posts: 16
in Motivation and Support
I am glad that I am doing mfp for myself and not anyone else now and I can really feel my own motivation. But there is still some stuff that is really giving me a hard time in being focused on me and my weight loss. It is this guy who is working sort of next door (in my free time I am working in an artist collective where he is working full-time) and I was quite into him and he seemed to be interested in me too, invited me to have tea/a drink and lunch/dinner (but mostly at work, but also sometimes at his apartment) but then he wouldn't call or anything for weeks if we haven't seen each other and sometimes when we see each other he is friendly but more reserved. we are definately on a different level of interaction than I am with the other people in the artist collective and he is making jokes and quips (not sure if that is the right word?!) with me but then when I ask him if he would like to meet or do something together he is just telling me that he is tired/meeting a friend/...
I don't know what to do, I will see him at least once a week but the thought of not knowing whats going on beetween us just make sit harder to focus on other things. I don't know how to ask him or if I should ask him at all what kind of feelings he has.... arrggghhh... when I don't see him for long I think that I am over him, but as soon as I stumble into him all my good resolutions are gone... and if he invites me for lunch/dinner I would eat even if I am not hungry...

Replies

  • Frozen300
    Frozen300 Posts: 223 Member
    Options
    Sorry about this, but it sounds like he's just not into you. Not the end of the world, people don't always connect like we hope. Reduce your interactions with him as much as possible and move on as best you can.

    Keep your focus on bettering yourself and your confidence will increase.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Options
    "We pursue that which retreats from us."
  • sabineh12
    sabineh12 Posts: 16
    Options
    Yes, you are right. It is hard though. once i distance myself he tries to connect again... I sould be more consistent and not fall for these attempts to interact more...
  • sazrina
    sazrina Posts: 99 Member
    Options
    I think some men like to keep women on a string and when you start to pull away they get interested again. I started watching what I eat and going to the gym because of a man but I've realised you really have to do this for yourself for it to work.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Options
    I agree with the other posters. He is not that into you, but likes to keep you on the hook just enough so that you will run when he calls. You are an extremely pretty girl and certainly have no need to put up with the likes of him! Although I am not big on revenge, my all time favorite saying/attitude during my dating years was 'The best revenge is to live well and ignore them.'
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    "We pursue that which retreats from us."

    I agree with this, no chasing :smile:
  • slim4health56
    slim4health56 Posts: 439 Member
    Options
    This is a game the emotionally immature play. Rise above, be nice, move on.
  • brraanndi
    brraanndi Posts: 325 Member
    Options
    If you want him as a friend, by all means continue to get coffee/tea but if he was into you, there wouldn't be a discussion, it would be clear(er).

    I vote moving on unless you don't mind having him as a friend only.
  • PiercedLibrarian
    PiercedLibrarian Posts: 7 Member
    Options
    Sadly, I just removed myself from a year long relationship that is a mirror of what you are sharing. From what you wrote, I sense that you are a warm, giving, intelligent woman who would be an amazingly committed partner. This fella is probably a good man, but he is not good for you.
    When someone is gobsmacked with you- you know it. They feel and behave towards you just like you behave towards this fella. He is luke-warm at best towards you. You deserve so much more.

    To save your sweet heart and not get your energetic nets tangled anymore with his-I would suggest continuing to interact with him cordially, but do not go out of your way to see or talk to him. When you do interact you extract yourself from the conversation first. Accept no more invites to anything- coffee, brunch, and god-forbid his apartment. This is not a gaming ploy, this is so you can re-acclimate to not being at his whim. Each interaction you have with him brings more ammunition to your hope arsenal. "Oh, he invited me over! Maybe he does like me! He came over to talk to me, he does like me!" You know in your gut that he is merely entertaining himself or you wouldn't have posted. You are looking for an emotional GPS check, but you are intuitive enough to know what the truth is.
    So, you dis-engaging completely is to re-empower you and to send a clear message that you have energetically stepped away from this. He probably enjoys the attention (who doesn't) and is flattered and is toying with the idea of you because you are there, there is easy access (meaning you see each other often), and he will probably pursue you a little after you pull away, because no one likes to lose the attentions of being adored, even if they aren't reciprocating.
    Be kind to you and hold out for the fella who will make you feel solid and special, instead of insecure and unsteady.
    peace.
    p.s. I was writing this almost as much to remind myself as to head you off from a mediocre experience:)
  • Zaria_Athena
    Zaria_Athena Posts: 56 Member
    Options
    Don't make someone a priority who makes you an option.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Options
    Move on. It sounds like he's only into you when he thinks you're unavailable. If he was into you, he'd make it happen. Sorry xxx
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Options
    Sadly, I just removed myself from a year long relationship that is a mirror of what you are sharing. From what you wrote, I sense that you are a warm, giving, intelligent woman who would be an amazingly committed partner. This fella is probably a good man, but he is not good for you.
    When someone is gobsmacked with you- you know it. They feel and behave towards you just like you behave towards this fella. He is luke-warm at best towards you. You deserve so much more.

    To save your sweet heart and not get your energetic nets tangled anymore with his-I would suggest continuing to interact with him cordially, but do not go out of your way to see or talk to him. When you do interact you extract yourself from the conversation first. Accept no more invites to anything- coffee, brunch, and god-forbid his apartment. This is not a gaming ploy, this is so you can re-acclimate to not being at his whim. Each interaction you have with him brings more ammunition to your hope arsenal. "Oh, he invited me over! Maybe he does like me! He came over to talk to me, he does like me!" You know in your gut that he is merely entertaining himself or you wouldn't have posted. You are looking for an emotional GPS check, but you are intuitive enough to know what the truth is.
    So, you dis-engaging completely is to re-empower you and to send a clear message that you have energetically stepped away from this. He probably enjoys the attention (who doesn't) and is flattered and is toying with the idea of you because you are there, there is easy access (meaning you see each other often), and he will probably pursue you a little after you pull away, because no one likes to lose the attentions of being adored, even if they aren't reciprocating.
    Be kind to you and hold out for the fella who will make you feel solid and special, instead of insecure and unsteady.
    peace.
    p.s. I was writing this almost as much to remind myself as to head you off from a mediocre experience:)

    This is some absolute truth right here :smile:
  • Gigsluvscw
    Gigsluvscw Posts: 139 Member
    Options
    Don't make someone a priority who makes you an option.

    ^^^This is GENIUS!^^^
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    Options
    SAME EXACT SITUATION HERE!!!! It took reading your post to realize that I NEED to step away, also. Only the guy I like is just out of a 6 year on and off relationship...so I KNOW I shouldn't really pursue. I see him maybe once a month. I think we both need to find other guys to get our minds off these current ones. :flowerforyou: And yes...it does suck.
  • mhoeff1
    mhoeff1 Posts: 163 Member
    Options
    great advice ^ forget about him and move on and yes less interaction wiht him .
  • sabineh12
    sabineh12 Posts: 16
    Options
    Thank you all, you are so right and I have now realized that I deserve better.

Categories