Why "support" is not always support

1PatientBear
1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've seen a number of people, primarily new MFPers, come on the forums looking for support and asking for only input from people who agree with whatever premise they are posting about. Regardless of whether we are talking about running a 5K or weight loss surgery or a VLCD, it seems to me that many people are SO uncomfortable with an opposing point of view that they refuse to even consider the other side or information that conflicts what they already "know."

Guess what? The world ain't flat. Sometimes we have to challenge what we THINK we know in order to truly improve. It may be that additional information supports our original premise or it may be that we actually learn something that allows us to reach our goals more efficiently.

I have never been "obese" and consider myself very fortunate. However, I learn from my friends on MFP every day. I was definitely a cardio bunny, running, running, running and, occasionally, throwing in some biking or swimming. I lost weight, but I was well on my way to "skinny fat." Since incorporating lifting on a regular basis (about 2 months ago), I have ALREADY noticed changes in my body. The scale came up, but my clothes still fit better, so I don't care about the scale (another thing I learned from my friends).

In short, people are smart. We all are experts in something, but very few of us are experts in weight loss and/or fitness when we first start on MFP. Open your mind. Read both sides. Consider the opposing view. Or, pretend the world is flat and hope that the sea monsters don't get you.
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Replies

  • Rompers616
    Rompers616 Posts: 307
    Well said. I certainly had ideas that I knew what I was supposed to do when I started here. Stick to 1200, lots of cardio. I'm glad I listened to people who knew better.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    Nothing holds you back more than a closed mind, I agree.
  • juiletflt
    juiletflt Posts: 159
    Thank you! I completely agree, but I still have sympathy for those folks.

    Today marks one year of MFP for me, and I cannot believe what all I have learned here over that year. Coming in I already "knew" everything I needed to know. I'd lost weight before, I already knew how it worked and what to do. Oh, but wait... It came back on again. Yeah, but that's just because I was lazy, I still knew what I needed to do. I have now learned that yes, what I did worked, but it was hard to sustain and there are a lot of better ways out there.

    I think everyone (almost) that enters here goes on that journey of thinking they know, then learning a little something, then throwing that out the window, then more and more, until finally you eat more and start picking heavy things up and then ask "why didn't I do that sooner?" I think it is a process most of us need to go through to truly understand.

    It's just frustrating for those of us who have been here for a few months because we see it over and over again.
  • Melissa22G
    Melissa22G Posts: 847 Member
    I thought this was a "what's the best sports bra" thread.


    Leaving disappointed.
  • theoriginaljayne
    theoriginaljayne Posts: 559 Member
    Sometimes we have to challenge what we THINK we know in order to truly improve.

    +1
  • Kimdbro
    Kimdbro Posts: 922 Member
    I thought this thread was going to be about a good sports bra, and I need a new sports bra... so you know I checked. But nope, just another one of "those" threads. Carry on.
  • KathleenMurry
    KathleenMurry Posts: 448 Member
    ALSO - a different kind of "support" that erks me.

    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    HELLO? Are you reading their diary. Someone who didn't eat one vegetable or fruit and just had bread and cereal all day long did not have a great day - nutritionally speaking. Someone who stayed under but only ate Special K and a peach did NOT have a great day. This is not support! This encourages people to keep up the bad habits.

    One day, all I ate was a protein bar and a whole bag of old dutch chips (the big bag). I was first to comment on my diary by acknowledging I ate poorly and had a very stressful day with lack of a healthy appetite. Still, the comments came in "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!" Ugh..go away.

    I am one of the few who will actually go through a diary and make constructive comments (I don't just get mean and say "ewww how could you eat like that") but I try to be helpful.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I'm still reeling about the fact that the world isn't flat.












    :laugh:
    In all seriousness... I look forward to people kicking my *kitten* and holding me accountable.
    I'll be the first to admit, I haven't a hot clue what I am doing half the time.

    I am no expert. I just work hard.
    So I cherish any input I get to work smarter and get the same results.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    I can't pass up this opportunity to pass along one of my favorite quotes...


    “We find comfort among those who agree with us -- growth among those who don't.” - Frank A Clark
  • da_bears10089
    da_bears10089 Posts: 1,791 Member
    ALSO - a different kind of "support" that erks me.

    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    HELLO? Are you reading their diary. Someone who didn't eat one vegetable or fruit and just had bread and cereal all day long did not have a great day - nutritionally speaking. Someone who stayed under but only ate Special K and a peach did NOT have a great day. This is not support! This encourages people to keep up the bad habits.

    One day, all I ate was a protein bar and a whole bag of old dutch chips (the big bag). I was first to comment on my diary by acknowledging I ate poorly and had a very stressful day with lack of a healthy appetite. Still, the comments came in "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!" Ugh..go away.

    I am one of the few who will actually go through a diary and make constructive comments (I don't just get mean and say "ewww how could you eat like that") but I try to be helpful.

    I understand exactly what you mean. I don't comment on diaries often. I will usually offer up constructive criticism. "why is your protein so low" There will never be a "good job" for a piss poor diary coming from me.
  • calliekitten9
    calliekitten9 Posts: 148 Member
    In all seriousness... I look forward to people kicking my *kitten* and holding me accountable.
    I'll be the first to admit, I haven't a hot clue what I am doing half the time.

    I am no expert. I just work hard.
    So I cherish any input I get to work smarter and get the same results.

    I agree....which is why I just opened up my diary. I want people to keep me accountable as well. :)
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    I've seen a number of people, primarily new MFPers, come on the forums looking for support and asking for only input from people who agree with whatever premise they are posting about. Regardless of whether we are talking about running a 5K or weight loss surgery or a VLCD, it seems to me that many people are SO uncomfortable with an opposing point of view that they refuse to even consider the other side or information that conflicts what they already "know."

    Guess what? The world ain't flat. Sometimes we have to challenge what we THINK we know in order to truly improve. It may be that additional information supports our original premise or it may be that we actually learn something that allows us to reach our goals more efficiently.

    I have never been "obese" and consider myself very fortunate. However, I learn from my friends on MFP every day. I was definitely a cardio bunny, running, running, running and, occasionally, throwing in some biking or swimming. I lost weight, but I was well on my way to "skinny fat." Since incorporating lifting on a regular basis (about 2 months ago), I have ALREADY noticed changes in my body. The scale came up, but my clothes still fit better, so I don't care about the scale (another thing I learned from my friends).

    In short, people are smart. We all are experts in something, but very few of us are experts in weight loss and/or fitness when we first start on MFP. Open your mind. Read both sides. Consider the opposing view. Or, pretend the world is flat and hope that the sea monsters don't get you.

    You're wrong. :laugh:
  • katebigue
    katebigue Posts: 48 Member
    I agree. I've had to delete so many people because all they want to talk. Or they give any and I mean NO Support. Which sucks for me since I need support negative or positive because it will kick me in the *kitten* or gives me the support to kick my own *kitten*. So if anyone wants to add me they can.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    you sir are making waaaaaaaay too much sense to be in the forums
    enough-internet-cat.gif \m/
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
    In all seriousness... I look forward to people kicking my *kitten* and holding me accountable.

    Not me. I don't give a damn what the rest of you think.


    And I don't worry about what other people are doing. If it's working for them, great; if not, some random internet commenter isn't going to motivate them. If I have a specific tip I can offer, I do that sometimes, if you don't follow it, no biggie. Everyone is trying to muddle through the best they can. The fact they're posting on this site means they're at least trying, which is more than you can say about most people you see on the street. I'm not going to tell someone they're doing it wrong. I'll celebrate their success, but I'm not gonna worry about how they get there.

    If you can lose 40 pounds on a potato chip and beer diet, more power to ya.
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    Where do these comments even show up? Under the Food Diary? The Home page? Maybe people are leaving me comments and I don't even know it.
  • KathleenMurry
    KathleenMurry Posts: 448 Member
    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    Where do these comments even show up? Under the Food Diary? The Home page? Maybe people are leaving me comments and I don't even know it.

    When people finish logging for the day, you get a notice in your news feed and people can comment on that notice.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    Where do these comments even show up? Under the Food Diary? The Home page? Maybe people are leaving me comments and I don't even know it.

    Depending on your settings, when you complete your diary, it posts on your wall... so and so completed their diary for such and such a date and was under their calorie goal. View Diary.

    Many don't actually look at the diary. They just see "under" and go "Great Day!"
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    Where do these comments even show up? Under the Food Diary? The Home page? Maybe people are leaving me comments and I don't even know it.

    Why does it matter? To quote YOU.....

    Not me. I don't give a damn what the rest of you think.

    Maybe you care a little more than you are willing to admit.....
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    There's a reason I tend not to comment on food diaries. I'm no saint myself. What I say about other peoples food choices has no bearing - they've already eaten it, they're the ones who have to live with their choices.

    Thankfully I have a pretty kickass selection of friends, though.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    I learn the most from people who point out what I'm missing or don't realize. I learn nothing from a chorus of "you go girl ". There's a time and place for that too, but not she. I'm embarking on a stupid path. Being that I'm more mature than a typical adolescent, I'd love to learn from others ' wisdom and avoid (more) unnecessary mistakes.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    Mental note: OP is one of the "mean people" of MFP.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
    I thought this was a "what's the best sports bra" thread.


    Leaving disappointed.

    Go to Nordstrom. Seriously.
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
    When people finish logging for the day, you get a notice in your news feed and people can comment on that notice.

    Huh. Nobody loves me. I guess it's a good thing I don't care.
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
    Maybe you care a little more than you are willing to admit.....

    Dang. You're on to me.
  • professorRAT
    professorRAT Posts: 690 Member
    Sometimes we have to challenge what we THINK we know in order to truly improve.

    +1

    So true. I tell my students that I prefer it when they get things wrong because THAT is truly when I have an opportunity to teach them something. I have learned lots from the "mean" crowd on MFP. I am astonished, however, at how many people have no interest in learning anything. It is mind boggling how many people seem to prefer willful ignorance.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    When people finish logging for the day, you get a notice in your news feed and people can comment on that notice.

    Huh. Nobody loves me. I guess it's a good thing I don't care.

    you have 4 people on your friend's list.. odds are they didn't see it. lol
  • HOPEPATRICK74
    HOPEPATRICK74 Posts: 54 Member
    I WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND!
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    Agreed! It plucks my nerves when someone says something as simple as "muscle weighs more than fat". When I try to correct that simple flawed thinking, people get defensive. I just gave up on trying to help others.
  • Lucy3410
    Lucy3410 Posts: 35
    I agree, but then again after thinking about it, I'm sort of the reverse side of "dish it out but can't take it." It does get a little repetitive seeing the same (and not only on my updates) chorus of "way to go", "good job staying under". Then I look at their food diary and, while staying under on calories, they've eaten stuff loaded with sugar, etc. And I'm definitely no fitness/diet expert, I'm guilty of a lot of bad eating habits, but I guess that's I don't have the nerve to comment with a "dang, girl, ease up on the sugar!" But, at the same time, I'd love some constructive criticism. I mean, that's why we are all here, right? For support, and to give support!!

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