Why "support" is not always support

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  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    I learn the most from people who point out what I'm missing or don't realize. I learn nothing from a chorus of "you go girl ". There's a time and place for that too, but not she. I'm embarking on a stupid path. Being that I'm more mature than a typical adolescent, I'd love to learn from others ' wisdom and avoid (more) unnecessary mistakes.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
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    Mental note: OP is one of the "mean people" of MFP.
  • jetscreaminagain
    jetscreaminagain Posts: 1,130 Member
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    I thought this was a "what's the best sports bra" thread.


    Leaving disappointed.

    Go to Nordstrom. Seriously.
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
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    When people finish logging for the day, you get a notice in your news feed and people can comment on that notice.

    Huh. Nobody loves me. I guess it's a good thing I don't care.
  • PaulHalicki
    PaulHalicki Posts: 576 Member
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    Maybe you care a little more than you are willing to admit.....

    Dang. You're on to me.
  • professorRAT
    professorRAT Posts: 690 Member
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    Sometimes we have to challenge what we THINK we know in order to truly improve.

    +1

    So true. I tell my students that I prefer it when they get things wrong because THAT is truly when I have an opportunity to teach them something. I have learned lots from the "mean" crowd on MFP. I am astonished, however, at how many people have no interest in learning anything. It is mind boggling how many people seem to prefer willful ignorance.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    When people finish logging for the day, you get a notice in your news feed and people can comment on that notice.

    Huh. Nobody loves me. I guess it's a good thing I don't care.

    you have 4 people on your friend's list.. odds are they didn't see it. lol
  • HOPEPATRICK74
    HOPEPATRICK74 Posts: 54 Member
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    I WANT YOU TO BE MY FRIEND!
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
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    Agreed! It plucks my nerves when someone says something as simple as "muscle weighs more than fat". When I try to correct that simple flawed thinking, people get defensive. I just gave up on trying to help others.
  • Lucy3410
    Lucy3410 Posts: 35
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    I agree, but then again after thinking about it, I'm sort of the reverse side of "dish it out but can't take it." It does get a little repetitive seeing the same (and not only on my updates) chorus of "way to go", "good job staying under". Then I look at their food diary and, while staying under on calories, they've eaten stuff loaded with sugar, etc. And I'm definitely no fitness/diet expert, I'm guilty of a lot of bad eating habits, but I guess that's I don't have the nerve to comment with a "dang, girl, ease up on the sugar!" But, at the same time, I'd love some constructive criticism. I mean, that's why we are all here, right? For support, and to give support!!
  • bergamese
    bergamese Posts: 36 Member
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    In all seriousness... I look forward to people kicking my *kitten* and holding me accountable.

    Not me. I don't give a damn what the rest of you think.


    And I don't worry about what other people are doing. If it's working for them, great; if not, some random internet commenter isn't going to motivate them. If I have a specific tip I can offer, I do that sometimes, if you don't follow it, no biggie. Everyone is trying to muddle through the best they can. The fact they're posting on this site means they're at least trying, which is more than you can say about most people you see on the street. I'm not going to tell someone they're doing it wrong. I'll celebrate their success, but I'm not gonna worry about how they get there.

    If you can lose 40 pounds on a potato chip and beer diet, more power to ya.

    I completely agree. Everyone is on a different "plan" and it's up to them to make it work, or try whatever they want until they find something that works.

    It would tick me off if someone eating Paleo commented on my pasta consumption...or whatever. Support doesn't equal agreement, but get off the soapbox already.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
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    I like the "potato chip and beer" diet.:)
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    I like the "potato chip and beer" diet.:)

    Mmmmm.....beer......
  • amberkeever1
    amberkeever1 Posts: 34 Member
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    ALSO - a different kind of "support" that erks me.

    I see this all the time. People complete their diary, under their calorie goal or not, they eat complete garbage OR don't eat more than 800 calories (I see this with women all the time) and they get 15 comments saying "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!"

    HELLO? Are you reading their diary. Someone who didn't eat one vegetable or fruit and just had bread and cereal all day long did not have a great day - nutritionally speaking. Someone who stayed under but only ate Special K and a peach did NOT have a great day. This is not support! This encourages people to keep up the bad habits.

    One day, all I ate was a protein bar and a whole bag of old dutch chips (the big bag). I was first to comment on my diary by acknowledging I ate poorly and had a very stressful day with lack of a healthy appetite. Still, the comments came in "Great day!" "Way to go!" "Good job staying under!" Ugh..go away.

    I am one of the few who will actually go through a diary and make constructive comments (I don't just get mean and say "ewww how could you eat like that") but I try to be helpful.

    A thousand times this!!! I'll never understand how people can say good day when the diary has absolutely zero to too few vegetables and waaaaay too much animal fats and breads! Ugh!
  • mimiteh35
    mimiteh35 Posts: 486 Member
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    I haven't read all the comments, but I will say that myself, being a person who IS overweight and wanting to change that, I am a sponge when it comes to info. When I ask a question, I LOVE LOVE LOVE when someone gives me links to places to read up on things so I can get as much information as possible.

    At least you tried and were willing to share and support, and that's the best you can do for someone else.
  • iheartbiology
    iheartbiology Posts: 104 Member
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    I'm new here, and I STILL agree! There are as many fad diets as there is mountains of data opposing it. I think the best advice is to simply K.I.S.S. The crazier the plan, the less likely it will be stuck to and the least likely the success from it.
  • WenHurley
    WenHurley Posts: 166 Member
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    I can't pass up this opportunity to pass along one of my favorite quotes...


    “We find comfort among those who agree with us -- growth among those who don't.” - Frank A Clark

    I like that quote. Thanks for sharing.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
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    you sir are making waaaaaaaay too much sense to be in the forums
    enough-internet-cat.gif \m/

    I couldn't stop watching this.
  • TamiBarnes66
    TamiBarnes66 Posts: 34 Member
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    I try to review the open food and exercise diaries of others before posting a comment and watch to see if I see a consistent trend like lack of veggies or fruit, or significant low calorie diet before posting. I mean everyone has a bad eating day or two. I also try to post something positive to reinforce that, before posting any criticism. Sometimes I will post a positive comment such as "way to keep tracking(journaling)" that way I am able to give them some positive feedback.

    I have had one lady ask me before commenting on my food journal if I was open to some advice. Which I find was very respectful. And made me much more open to hearing what she had to say. I find that a lot of people can be very sensitive and not knowing what all is going on in their life, I wouldn't want to cause them any grief or discomfort which could cause them to give up on their trying to have a healthy lifestyle. I have seen some people here on MFP commenting in a way that wasn't very respectful, and sometimes even very mean. I want to encourage support and not discourage anyone. Not everyone is open to advice so I now try to ask if they would be open to some before giving any feedback that they might see as negative.
  • EmmaOnTrack
    EmmaOnTrack Posts: 425 Member
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    A little off topic but...

    The new information I've gleaned since boarding the MFP Train 3 months ago has been incredible. I had NO IDEA how much I didn't know about losing weight and getting fitter the healthy way. Unfortunately it's also turned me into one of those annoying types evangelist types.

    One of my close friends announced on FB yesterday that she wants to lose weight - so went out and paid a stupid amount for some "magic skinny powder" or something. I immediately jumped on my "MFP Will Change Your Life" soapbox and her response was "that takes spare time, of which I have about 30mins, and that's used for drinking wine". There are so many things wrong with that statement that I didn't have the energy to respond. Think I'll leave her to her magic powder for now...but I'll be here with the BEST back-up plan ever when she finally sees the light.

    Amen. :tongue:

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