How can i change the way i feel about myself...? :(
brianafaye2
Posts: 166 Member
So my boyfriend isn't the kind of person who believes in labeling people with conditions. Even tho he's usually against it, he told me that he thinks I have some sort of body morphic disorder. The other day I recorded myself singing, and I started crying so hard I almost made myself sick, because I hated the way my lips moved.. I also wear clothes 2 sizes too big for me most of the time, and nick said that's why people don't understand how much weight I've lost. I'm always thinking people are looking at how ugly I am. When I take pictures, I don't think I look like what's in them. My boyfriend said I was crazy, because I do. I can point out what I hate about every inch of my entire body. I've always been like this. I blame my insecurities on what I went through as a child, and seeing my mother always saying how fat and ugly she was. Which is crazy, because she is extremely beautiful! The other day, nick told me to repeat that I love myself. After the 5th time, I exploded with tears, and I had a panick attack. How am I suppose to know if ," I see myself differently then how other ppl see me" like that conditon says.. if I don't really know how ppl see me?? Idk, I think I just have low self esteem. This is how normal girls feel right?.... its taken a toll on me through my life tho.. how can I change it? Sorry I wrote so much, I'm venting I guess. I've never ever told anyone this, but maybe this is the first step to changing things. I want to love myself! I've been trying to tell myself possitive affirmations daily. I started to get a little bit of confidence, then someone put me down. Now I'm back in the same place. Ugh. Can any of you relate? If you overcame your low self esteem, what helped you do it? Sorry again for venting so much! I just really need someone right now 
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Replies
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You do sound like you have extremely low self esteem, and it sounds like the foundation of these insecurities is the fact you expect yourself to look perfect. If even something as minor as your lips moving 'funny' sets you off.
No one can diagnose you online, and guessing wouldn't help you. I'd suggest visiting a psychologist so they can officially diagnose you.
Chances are it's nothing as extreme as B.D.D. *fingers crossed*
I have B.D.D.
Anything regarding my body is just agony for me. I don't want to look at myself. I don't have a connection with my body, I feel like it's just this lump of ugliness attached to me.
I live in my mind.
I've tried to get help for this, but I don't even like talking about it. I've never known what it was like to feel pretty, regardless of what other people say to me.0 -
So my boyfriend isn't the kind of person who believes in labeling people with conditions. Even tho he's usually against it, he told me that he thinks I have some sort of body morphic disorder. The other day I recorded myself singing, and I started crying so hard I almost made myself sick, because I hated the way my lips moved.. I also wear clothes 2 sizes too big for me most of the time, and nick said that's why people don't understand how much weight I've lost. I'm always thinking people are looking at how ugly I am. When I take pictures, I don't think I look like what's in them. My boyfriend said I was crazy, because I do. I can point out what I hate about every inch of my entire body. I've always been like this. I blame my insecurities on what I went through as a child, and seeing my mother always saying how fat and ugly she was. Which is crazy, because she is extremely beautiful! The other day, nick told me to repeat that I love myself. After the 5th time, I exploded with tears, and I had a panick attack. How am I suppose to know if ," I see myself differently then how other ppl see me" like that conditon says.. if I don't really know how ppl see me?? Idk, I think I just have low self esteem. This is how normal girls feel right?.... its taken a toll on me through my life tho.. how can I change it? Sorry I wrote so much, I'm venting I guess. I've never ever told anyone this, but maybe this is the first step to changing things. I want to love myself! I've been trying to tell myself possitive affirmations daily. I started to get a little bit of confidence, then someone put me down. Now I'm back in the same place. Ugh. Can any of you relate? If you overcame your low self esteem, what helped you do it? Sorry again for venting so much! I just really need someone right now.
Some teenagers do this more than others - I think it starts as habit and then they start to believe in it.
But the thing is: imagine you're God. You don't need to believe in God to do this, just imagine there is a God, and he's looking down on the world. He's seeing wars, he's seeing famines. He's seeing murders, beatings, slayings. He's seeing child abuse, he's seeing spouse abuse. He's seeing theft, and misery and penury.
And then he sees you. How do you think he perceives you, in all of this?
Be honest, and be fair. Think about this carefully, and don't kneejerk into a reactionary 'oh i hate myself' response. Think about it.
Everyone has insecurities but if you accept yourself within the context of the rest of the world you can get rid of them. Don't become a slave to them. Don't let them dominate you: dominate them. and you do this by seeing the bigger picture. Stepping back and seeing the bigger picture.
Good luck. 0 -
Someday you may look back on this as the day you changed your life.
No one here will be able to accurately put a label on you and it's not very productive anyway. It's the last thing you should be worried about.
I HIGHLY recommend that you seek some professional counseling. You're so young and you have so much time to be the person you can be. Please don't hesitate to take this next step. It can change your life.0 -
This link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhPeA5LaEiI is to the Dove "Real Beauty" sketches. Watch it and see people are harder on themselves, than those close to them.
Being here on MFP and working to be a healthier you is going to bring other positive changes to your life. Your confidence will grow as you see yourself improve. You will find new energy. You just need to persevere.
Your boyfriend is right repeating positive affirmations will change your mental state. Continue to do this and reprogram your mind. It will take a while so persevere.0 -
You are all amazing people. Thank you so much for the great advice, I appreciate it more than you know.
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I think many (maybe most) teenagers experience feelings like that. I was self-conscious as a teen. As an adult, I look back at pictures of myself back then, and think, 'oh, i wasn't bad at all!'.
Part of the problem, which other posters have talked about, is the kind of value judgement you're placing on yourself, your face, your looks, and that comes from the standards of beauty you're comparing yourself to, your ideal self. So one approach might be to change the standard a little. Are there celebrities who look like you, who you think are beautiful? How do they get their beauty across?
The other part of the problem, is the simple fact of paying attention to yourself. One thing that has always worked for me to reduce those kinds of feelings of self-consciousness, and many other negative feelings, is putting my attention towards something that is outside of myself.
(I might still be doing something kind of 'for' myself, like reading, but it's got to be something that doesn't involve thinking about 'me', as an object. It might also be something for or involving another person, of course.)
Usually, the kinds of things that hold my attention best are things that I find so interesting, I forget everything else. Activities. Anything can work -- cooking, writing, playing an instrument, playing a sport - it's just got to end with an -ing. A lot of people find taking care of animals helps pull them out of themselves.
If it helps at all, though, you are beautiful 0 -
This linkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhPeA5LaEiI is to the Dove "Real Beauty" sketches. Watch it and see people are harder on themselves, than those close to them.
Being here on MFP and working to be a healthier you is going to bring other positive changes to your life. Your confidence will grow as you see yourself improve. You will find new energy. You just need to persevere.
Your boyfriend is right repeating positive affirmations will change your mental state. Continue to do this and reprogram your mind. It will take a while so persevere.
Thank you so much , from the bottom of my heart, for showing me this link. It brought tears to my eyes, but for once, they were happy tears. I really do have to focus on the happy things in life. I have to love myself for who I am. I'm so happy I opened up on this post, this will be the day that changes my life. I will make sure of it! 0 -
I think many (maybe most) teenagers experience feelings like that. I was self-conscious as a teen. As an adult, I look back at pictures of myself back then, and think, 'oh, i wasn't bad at all!'.
Part of the problem, which other posters have talked about, is the kind of value judgement you're placing on yourself, your face, your looks, and that comes from the standards of beauty you're comparing yourself to, your ideal self. So one approach might be to change the standard a little. Are there celebrities who look like you, who you think are beautiful? How do they get their beauty across?
The other part of the problem, is the simple fact of paying attention to yourself. One thing that has always worked for me to reduce those kinds of feelings of self-consciousness, and many other negative feelings, is putting my attention towards something that is outside of myself.
(I might still be doing something kind of 'for' myself, like reading, but it's got to be something that doesn't involve thinking about 'me', as an object. It might also be something for or involving another person, of course.)
Usually, the kinds of things that hold my attention best are things that I find so interesting, I forget everything else. Activities. Anything can work -- cooking, writing, playing an instrument, playing a sport - it's just got to end with an -ing. A lot of people find taking care of animals helps pull them out of themselves.
If it helps at all, though, you are beautiful
Thank you do much! I love art, and animals. I will try to focus more of my time on the great things in my life. I'm so happy to know that there are genuine, kind hearted people in this world. 0 -
I second Shaky's advice. Some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy would help you so much - it would absolutely change your life. Why don't you think about making an appointment with your GP to be referred to a psychiatrist. That is a label in itself but don't be frightened, psychiatrists are there to help everyday folk deal with everyday issues. Shaky is right, you are so young and should be living a young life, not the one you're currently steeped in. A book that might help is "Brilliant Positive Psychology" written by Charlotte Style. Read it slowly and take it in. But do go for counselling. When you meet your GP don't be fobbed off by anti-depressants, they are sticking plasters. CBT will crack it really quickly, I'm sure. Good luck to you, I'm sure you're breathtakingly beautiful, inside and out.0
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I just ordered the book off of Amazon.. Thank you for referring it to me, and thank you for being kind! I cannot afford to see anyone at this moment, but I have an old high school counsilor, that helped me through a lot. I think I am going to contact her and see if she will talk to me. She is very smart, and has been through a lot. If anyone can help me, I'm sure she can 0
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A little bit of kindness goes a long way and it costs nothing. And - you're worth it. See, being kind to you has made me feel good !!!. It's important for you to know that you're not on your own. You're in for a bit of a marathon, not a quick sprint and it doesn't matter how long it takes. When you cross that finishing line you will feel euphoric (not crazy-euphoric) and then you'll be able to help other folks. I found a poem in a church in Rye, East Sussex, UK. I learnt it off by heart and recite it to myself now and then. It was written in the 15th Century by an unknown author which goes to show that feelings such as yours/mine have been around since ad infinitum:
Nil desperandum at the wreckage of thy yesterday,
Design the structure for tomorrow,
Lay corner stones of purpose and prepare
Great blocks of wisdom cut from past despair,
Shape mighty pillars of stone to set,
Deep in the tear wet mortar of regret,
Work on with wisdom though thy toil be slow,
Yet day by day thy edifice will grow,
Believe in good, in thine own self believe,
All that thou desirest thou shalt achieve.
You can do it.
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I completely understand and empathize with what you're going through. It can be very difficult when your body doesn't fit what you think it should be. This is fairly common when people lose a lot of weight, gain a lot of muscle, etc.
A licensed therapist would be great, but hopefully your school counselor can also help. Be careful not to let this become an eating disorder, and be aware of the risks for this condition.
I have a body dysphoria condition as well.0 -
Being a CBT counselor/psychologist, I would recommended seeing someone professional if you need someone's reflection. If you are motivated and don't need help with reassurance then read about CBT and faulty thinking/cognitive issues.
The problem with most people including myself is that we know our thinking is faulty when we examine it but we don't change it.
Simple stuff and works wonders if you are willing to let yourself do it.0 -
I hope that you will find it in your heart to make friends with your body, your physical self. The contempt you feel for her is palpable and it's not really fair to her, is it? She's done a beautiful job of being your body all this time and responds to everything you do for her, or to her with the only way a body knows how to respond. She is uniquely yours and totally dependent on you for both sustenance and approval/acceptance. She doesn't understand why you're so upset?
You can no longer live in your head. You need to make friends with your body. Buy mirrors and put them everywhere. Every time you pass one, look at the person inside with the same love, compassion and forgiveness that you would your best friend, your daughter, your sister, your mother ... give her the same benefit of the doubt and quit hating her for not being someone else. She doesn't deserve it.
The more you pass these mirrors and the more kindly you regard the woman who looks back at you, the more peace and love and enjoyment you will find in your own skin. I am losing weight now and in some ways mourning the loss of my beloved belly, who protected me for so many years from so many scary things, and only did exactly what I instructed with every bite that I ate.
Give that relationship a chance to grow. Get to know each other. See how very interconnected you really are.
It will change your life. 0 -
Read this book - Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Saying i found it really helpful would be an understatement.0
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bumping for later read0
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You are beautiful and you just don't know it! You will always be your own worst critic and trust me, the flaws that you see are not even close to what others see in you. We are always so harsh on ourselves when, what we really need to be saying is, "My body is not perfect but it is MINE and I LOVE it. My legs and arms function and I have my health and the ability to be healthy... and I have the ability to be the best version of me." Don't wait for "perfection" to start loving yourself. There is no such thing as perfection and to constantly strive for it is unrealistic. It is easy to say, "I would be so happy if only I were thin or if I only had that six pack!" Instead of focusing on finding reasons to delay your happiness...choose happiness now! Easier said than done, but you can do it. The first step is recognizing that change needs to be made, so let this be the day that you start a new chapter.0
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Actually for a man--he seems to be right. My daughter went thru a devastating divorce and has gain a horrible amount so she too is on this journey with me. Every morning when she gets up, she sits on her bed and repeats her montra--I am beautiful, I am kind and I am a success..... I love seeing her attitude change and she is becoming the beautiful woman I KNOW SHE IS. You are beautiful too, set a small goal and then another and then another and then another and they will start to run together into a very happy life for you...0
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Someday you may look back on this as the day you changed your life.
No one here will be able to accurately put a label on you and it's not very productive anyway. It's the last thing you should be worried about.
I HIGHLY recommend that you seek some professional counseling. You're so young and you have so much time to be the person you can be. Please don't hesitate to take this next step. It can change your life.
Exactly what he said. You need to seek help while you're young. Please don't waste your life hating yourself... life is too short. You are a precious gift from God. He loves you and expects you to love yourself too...0 -
Try this website: http://www.mybodygallery.com/
You can input the stats you want to see. Like height, weight, pant & shirt sizes. Then it gives you pictures of women who entered those.
I did it in the past when a friend of mine suggested that I seem to completely overestimate my size, seemingly she was correct.. I still check the site now and then when I feel crappy about my body. When I see pictures of all the other women with my "measurements", I have always felt that they actually have quite nice bodies and I use that as an incentive to feel better about myself. Maybe it's worth a try for you as well. 0 -
I'm glad that everyone has been so nice and helpful for you. All I can do is let you know something that helps me out, which is exercise. Have you considered increasing/starting to exercise? It always makes me feel better (yay endorphins!) when I'm upset or feeling down. Also, making it through a tough workout makes me feel powerful and like I can do anything.
Not sure if this will help you at all, but it is something that works for me. Good luck with everything!0 -
I love that Dove ad!
my advice for you would be: don't push it too much, take baby steps. Of course things can always be better, and in our minds we have this perfect image of absolute happiness for ourselves, but the fact of the matter is, most of the time when people get exactly what they've always dreamed about, it doesn't make them happy. There's always something that's not *quite* right. The trick is to categorize, same as with homework:
1) things that are perfect
2) things that are good enough
3) things that aren't good enough
For each of those, ask yourself: is it something I can change? If yes, excellent - all you need is a little bit of time and you can do it! But if you can't change it, then you have to leave it be.
So, is there anything you love about yourself - more specifically about the way you look? For me, even at my darkest times it's been my hair. I like my hair. Even when I'm having a bad hair day, it still looks great. Better than most people, even if I say so myself. How about you? Your eyes maybe? What colour are they? No eye is exactly the same, and usually they have interesting patterns in the irises...0 -
I used to be like you. I guess that's what happens when you have school mates calling you ugly and making fun of you for years. I used to cry and ask "why me??" as it always seemed that people just always wanted to mess with me. I've been choked as people stood by and laughed. I've had a bottle chucked at my head in the hallway.
I still have a lot of insecurities, but I think as you grow up, you get over it. For me, I just developed a "F*** it" attitude. You know? You get one life, this is it and this is what you look like. Now that i'm older I don't care as much that my nose isn't as cute as i'd like it to be, or that my skin is deathly pale. "It is what it is". I was tired of being miserable all the time. Also, I don't know if I grew into my features, or if I just matured..but just, over time it didn't matter anymore.
It's good that you recognize the possible reasons for feeling the way you do. You think your mom is beautiful? Guess what, you are your mothers daughter and so are you
FWIW - your avatar picture reminds me of Mila Kunis and she is gorgeous!0 -
Thank you. I needed to see both your very honest first post and then everyone else's supportive and helpful responses.
I struggle with a lot of the same issues - I had a ridiculous reaction to something this weekend.
Wishing you strength and peace in your journey XXX0 -
Read this book. The first section talks about how to get past looking at yourself in a negative way. Also, how the negative thinking can really affect your weight loss. He has you do a few exercises to help. Its worth a read if you want... Hope you can get past this and see yourself in a more positive way. :flowerforyou:0 -
Someday you may look back on this as the day you changed your life.
No one here will be able to accurately put a label on you and it's not very productive anyway. It's the last thing you should be worried about.
I HIGHLY recommend that you seek some professional counseling. You're so young and you have so much time to be the person you can be. Please don't hesitate to take this next step. It can change your life.
^^^This
You deserve peace and happiness.0 -
I wish I had the time to reply to everyone of you. I'm so happy I opened up, instead of holding onto all of this stress. I never really thought about things positively until now. I've read all of your posts, and I am so thankful to have all of your inputs. Thank you to everyone who has given me great advice. To everyone who has overcome their insecurities, I am so happy for you! You should be proud of how strong you are, and how far you've come! Also, to everyone who is fighting the battle i am; We can get through this! I hope that this post can help others, just like me. Again, thank you all so much for taking the time to help me. You are all amazing people. 0
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