How to get free from eating disorders.

Borderl1ne
Borderl1ne Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
So this is reality, I need to lose weight - but I have a long history of eating disorders. I had anorexia most of my teenage years, but are clinically free of that since 4 years back. Instead I developed bulimia, something that went unnoticed from those around me for a couple of years since I was staying at a healthy weight.

Now I'm basically 6 months out of treatment, but I can't say I'm cured because the thoughts are always there. The guilt, the nervousness around food. Food is scary. Not to help the whole thing I've gained a lot of weight and I'm around 162 lbs to my 5'9" frame. The problem is that I'm really trying to lose the excess healthily - better slowly and surely than by starvation and I'm doing everything to trying to stay no hungry (something that nowadays leads to a bad binging/purging cycle). But it doesn't seem that I can lose weight since no matter how high a go in calories (and are still losing weight) it triggers my bulimia.

So, anyone that have been in the same situation? How do you get free of the hazardous eating disorder mentality? Is it even possible for me to lose weight in a healthy way?

PS. I might add that if i stay at a calorie deficiency I am losing weight - but no matter how small this deficiency it is triggering my bulimia.

Replies

  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    You need to go back to seeing a professional to help you through it. Because it's triggering, and you're acknowledging that, you should go back to getting clinical help.

    On a personal note, weight-lifting was miraculous in helping me lose weight healthily after gaining it from a health problem and dealing with anorexia for over a decade. You HAVE to eat to get muscle, but you lose weight and inches doing so. It stripped the fear away from eating calories, because now I just think "these calories are going to running my body and fueling muscles--not turning into pudge."
  • jade2112
    jade2112 Posts: 272 Member
    I have great empathy for your situation as I find myself in the same boat.

    My bulimia is out of control right now. I was three pounds from my goal and started back in. I've regained 23 of the 140 pounds I lost. I want my skinny back.

    I think the cure has to come from within. There is no person or thing that can get you to a healthy place but you. I know this and still do nothing. In a way I don't want to lose my ED as I feel it is a comforting friend that loves me.

    I don't know what the answer is, but I wish you all the luck in the world.
  • Borderl1ne
    Borderl1ne Posts: 4
    Thank you for your replies. Guess I just need to suck it up and go back into therapy.

    I miss my ED in the way that "helps" me regain at the weight I want to stay at (I've never gained because of the bulimia - just by stopping) which in all honesty is way more healthy than during my anorexic days. i think the major thing is that I'm a bit impatient, i want everything to just go easy and I just want my brain to go back to function properly.

    Well, I'll just see what I need to do to stay healthy.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    There's nothing shameful about seeking professional help (I get the sense that it feels like that to you?).

    You need to address the underlying reason(s) for your eating disorder. Once you nail this on the head, you'll be fine.
  • tndiva13
    tndiva13 Posts: 10 Member
    My heart goes out to you. Go get help. :)
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    It does not sound like this is the time to be focused on weight loss, but time to focus on recovery. The thoughts and behaviors are there and it sounds like a good time to get back in to treatment. You have reached out, which is awesome.
  • Borderl1ne
    Borderl1ne Posts: 4
    There's nothing shameful about seeking professional help (I get the sense that it feels like that to you?).

    You need to address the underlying reason(s) for your eating disorder. Once you nail this on the head, you'll be fine.

    Nopes, absolutely no shame about it, I've been in treatment for 10+ years ;)

    and believe me, if it was so easy as one underlying reason I would already be "cured", unfortunately there is no quick fix which I'm realising more and more. Especially not after this many years.
  • Borderl1ne
    Borderl1ne Posts: 4
    It does not sound like this is the time to be focused on weight loss, but time to focus on recovery. The thoughts and behaviors are there and it sounds like a good time to get back in to treatment. You have reached out, which is awesome.

    I think this is what I've realised deep inside already. But I think I'm hanging on to the "but I'm mostly fine" - thoughts. because i am quite fine until something sets me off.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    It does not sound like this is the time to be focused on weight loss, but time to focus on recovery. The thoughts and behaviors are there and it sounds like a good time to get back in to treatment. You have reached out, which is awesome.

    I think this is what I've realised deep inside already. But I think I'm hanging on to the "but I'm mostly fine" - thoughts. because i am quite fine until something sets me off.

    I understand this quite a bit. Even when the big "hump" of recovery is achieved, it's still a good idea to have a therapist or specialist you see semi-frequently FOR those moments when things set you off. Unfortunately, an ED is something we live with for the rest of our lives and have to keep tabs on. Fortunately, with a good support system of friends/family/professional help, it can become almost a non-issue with time.

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