Please help :(

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dreamer623
dreamer623 Posts: 5 Member
edited November 2023 in Getting Started
I REALLY need some advice. I don't know where to start, but I have a real problem and no one knows. It's too embarrassing.

I'm suffering from binge eating. Horrible, terrible binge eating. I do it everyday :( I can't even remember the last time I ate normally (probably months ago) & didn't binge eat.

I wake up every morning & think I have a clean slate and can turn my ways around. But everyday I fail. I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do. I just keep gaining more and more weight. My clothes don't fit anymore. I feel like a big frumpy stay at home mom. I'm so consumed by food. I think about it ALL of the time. It's taking away from things that should make me happy, like my infant son and great husband.

I know I should probably talk to someone, but I'm way too embarrassed. I don't want anyone to know. I'm so disgusted with myself. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I want someone to tell me that it will be ok, and it will get better. Any tips or advice would be amazing.

Thanks for reading.
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Replies

  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
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    Honestly, if it is something you've been struggling with for awhile you may want to talk to a professional.

    What are your triggers? Is there any way you can eliminate some of the things that cause you to binge? Would getting your husband involved help?
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
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    A professional is going to be a lot more help than we are. I had to talk to a psychiatrist and a dietician to get my head back on straight. I recommend you do the same.
  • dreamer623
    dreamer623 Posts: 5 Member
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    I know this is incredibly stubborn, but I refuse to talk to anyone. I'm too ashamed. At least for now. I think if I make some changes that I can stick with, I will be able to move forward. I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of person. If I slip up even a little, I get SO discouraged and immediately want to binge. It's like if I don't have a perfect day, I should just have a terrible day. I don't know where to start. I don't even know what my trigger foods are anymore. It seems like ALL food can be a trigger food.

    Maybe I need a hobby to keep my mind off of food. Who knows :-/
  • 2woof
    2woof Posts: 65 Member
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    When did this start? Was there an event that happened to make you feel you had to eat to fill the gap? If you can go back to how it started maybe you find the cause and heal it. You do need someone on your side though. Is there anyone you know you can really trust? A friend, a family member? Someone who you absolutely know will not break your confidence but will genuinely want to help.

    Please accept a group hug from this whole site as one way or another we all have some kind of discord with eating - otherwise why would we be here? Take care of yourself and good luck with your rediscovering of the more peaceful you.
  • MelRC117
    MelRC117 Posts: 911 Member
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    Not to sound harsh, but YOU need to be the one to make it better. It can't come from internet strangers. You know its not healthy to binge eat and be consumed by food. I really do agree you need to talk to a professional. Someone who has knowledge in this and you can see face to face. You have the courage to post this to here, take it one step further and take the courage to make an appointment and GO.

    You have to change your mindset. Eat each meal as if you're starting over. I know its difficult to think since I ate like junk for breakfast, I'll eat like junk today and then restart tomorrow. Or that you have an event coming up and it'll be difficult so you might as well just start the Monday after. You need to start each meal over again.

    Start logging every single calorie you eat on MFP. Start now. That's where you start. And if you stumble, keep going.
  • hipsdontlie1
    hipsdontlie1 Posts: 294 Member
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    I use to think about food constantly and I still do a lot of the time. I find it was mainly because I was bored.... try picking up a hobby. I started going to the gym. Another thing I started doing was drinking more water/green tea. It made me feel fuller and kept my hands occupied if I was bored, rather then eating. One thing you should start doing is at least try to keep unhealthy items out of your home so if you are tempted to eat at least it will be something healthy. Best of luck.
  • botaylor1166
    botaylor1166 Posts: 24 Member
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    I was the same way...I would eat anything and everything in sight. I am 154 lbs now and this is the heaviest I have ever been. I have finally taken the major step and totally cut myself off. I now am counting every calorie that goes into my mouth and I'm exercising daily even if it only be an hour walk. You really have to focus and want it to make it happen! I want it so I am MAKING it happen!
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member
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    I always think the first step to recovering from binge eating is to figure out why you're doing it.

    First, I'd recommend taking a hard look at your diet. Are you cutting your calories too low or cutting out major food groups? When the body is truly hungry it will find a way to get the calories and nutrients it needs.

    Second, pay attention while you're binging. If you're anything like me you either tune out or spend most of a binge telling yourself to stop. See if you can switch mental gears and pay attention to what you're feeling. Are you bored? Angry? Lonely? Once you know why you're binging you can get in front of it.

    I'm an anxiety eater. If I pay attention to my anxiety levels and get in front of my stress before I reach for the candy bar I'm much less likely to binge. You may have similar emotional triggers that you need to watch out for.

    And remember the acronym HALT. Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. These are when we're most likely to overeat.
  • mandajoe11
    mandajoe11 Posts: 36 Member
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    It will be ok!! You have just got yourself into a rut. the first step is accepting that and then making step to change and get out of it. Granted it’s not easy. You can totally do it though. You have already taken the first step and admitting to 1) yourself and 2) on here. That’s a huge thing! So kudos for that! :)
    Tribe is right....are there triggers that are making you want to eat? getting mad? boredom? sadness? When I binge eat..its cause I'm bored..and have nothing else to do. So when I notice that coming on..I find things to do with my hands. crafts...writing or get out. go to the gym..call a friend. Get on here and chat with someone. Just get busy.
    I’d suggest surrounding yourself with people that have some of the same goals…or that you look up to. One of my best friends is on MFP and she has been so successful. It nice to have that guidance.
    You can do this though! You really can. Right now you are feeling like in a funk and it sucks I know! To feel like **** and feel like its never going to change. It will….you can do it. You can make the change happen. Just gatta have the right tools to know what to do.
    Going and talking to a professional is a great idea. But, there are things to do right now…today!
    Find something that motivates you. Maybe it’s a picture of someone you want to look like, maybe it’s a song that makes you feel strong. Find that motivation. Every day is a new day and yes a clean slate. Remember that. We all fail some days and realize we can do better.
    When I binge eat…or have a bad day and I’m way over my calories I just remember…I can always go for a walk and start burning some of those calories off. There is a push/pull..you wanna eat that 300 calorie cookie…GO FOR IT! But remember..you better get your *kitten* to the gym and work it off. That’s whats so great, Is that you can do that. You can undo the calories you eat!
    I've started to get tired of having to work so hard at the gym that now I want to make healtheir choices...so I don't have to work so hard...or at all. You learn as you go.
    BUT YOU CAN!!! YOU GOT THIS!!! :D
  • wiltl
    wiltl Posts: 188 Member
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    I know this is incredibly stubborn, but I refuse to talk to anyone. I'm too ashamed. At least for now. I think if I make some changes that I can stick with, I will be able to move forward. I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of person. If I slip up even a little, I get SO discouraged and immediately want to binge. It's like if I don't have a perfect day, I should just have a terrible day. I don't know where to start. I don't even know what my trigger foods are anymore. It seems like ALL food can be a trigger food.

    Maybe I need a hobby to keep my mind off of food. Who knows :-/

    What about starting with a medical doctor? If you have an infant, then you've recently had a huge life change and physical changes. Could you ask your doctor for a physical, bloodwork, hormones panel, etc. Make sure all of that is okay?

    I'm stubborn too, but have learned and have to keep reminding myself that there is no shame in asking for help. Its hard, and it sucks sometimes, but we gotta do what we gotta do. Good luck!:flowerforyou:
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
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    You do need professional help. They see things like this, and worse, every day. Therapists are trained not to be judgmental. I swear.

    You should look into cognitive behavioural therapy. You can try doing it on your own, do some research on it, and you'll see that it will help you.
  • gogozinn
    gogozinn Posts: 19 Member
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    Looking at your avatar, it says it right there...what you WORK for.

    It's not easy, that's why it's work. It's not an automatic thing, that's why it's WORK. I hear you say all or nothing, but really, with weight loss, it's not like that. You have to get to the point where you are sick and tired of going down the same path, eating the same foods, looking at the same "frumpy" body, and following the same pattern of stop/start/guilt/stop/start etc. You must realize that every small victory is a VICTORY and a step in the right direction.

    My mentality changed when I was introduced to the concept of NSVs (non-scale victories). Because some days, that's all you'll have. But you have to actually go after them, create those moments, DO some WORK that will help you, even if it's the smallest, slightest thing in the direction of your health/weightloss goal.

    A professional will tell you this same thing, and break down the issues, which is why you should strongly consider seeing one. I know exactly what it's like to say "I refuse to talk to anyone" because I didn't want to talk to doctors who were going to tell me the same thing I already knew. But you can't want success without support ("bad doctors"/friends/family/MFPals), or without wanting to WORK towards it. Some days it's a step, some days it's an accomplishment, some days it may even be pounds (and even I haven't seen any of that yet, but I know it's possible from previous journeys).

    Really think it through and realize that if you want it, you have to start somewhere. And the most defeating behavior is thinking that one day's failure is a big thing. It's not, it's ONE day out of many. Tomorrow, you can WORK towards the same goal, or reflect and modify. It's in you, but you have to want it.

    The last time I went to the doctor, he told me I had been away too long. He acknowledged that I already knew what to do, it was up to me. I told him, yeah, I knew, it was having the willpower, because I already had the desire. Well, now I have the willpower, the desire, and everyday is not great, but I am WORKING towards something, and I want to see results, so I'll keep working.

    I hope and pray you will build a support system and confidence to get started. Everyone's journey is different, but the reality of this being a process that starts with a step is the common factor.
  • carberrie
    carberrie Posts: 12 Member
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    I understand that you are ashamed but that's very common for people in your position. It could even be post-partum depression which is 100% nothing to be ashamed of. I really REALLY recommend getting professional help. Suffering alone is no way to live. The answer to this is not a new diet plan. Please seek help.
  • Guinivere
    Guinivere Posts: 357 Member
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    If you can't/won't seek external help right now why not try to eliminate one food group and see if you can stick to it.

    Experimenting like this really helped me.

    You don't say what you binge on (sweet or savoury) but I picked sugar to eliminate entirely for six weeks to break my binging habit. Hard line no exceptions. Because I am worth the effort. I set a date three weeks ahead. Binged my face off for three weeks but with permission! Then day one kept busy. I rewarded myself with a book from Amazon for getting through the first day. The second day it was a scarf I had my eye on, the third day I had a massage. The fourth day I didn't think about sugar!

    I haven't eaten sugar since 10 June this year. Once I felt I had sugar cracked I eliminated wheat and saw more results.......

    Worth a try?
  • TeaBea
    TeaBea Posts: 14,517 Member
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    I know this is incredibly stubborn, but I refuse to talk to anyone. I'm too ashamed. At least for now. I think if I make some changes that I can stick with, I will be able to move forward. I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of person. If I slip up even a little, I get SO discouraged and immediately want to binge. It's like if I don't have a perfect day, I should just have a terrible day. I don't know where to start. I don't even know what my trigger foods are anymore. It seems like ALL food can be a trigger food.

    Maybe I need a hobby to keep my mind off of food. Who knows :-/

    "I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of person" ..............this is horrible for a dieter. I'm not perfect with my diet, and I think the vast majority of people here are not perfect with their diets. You have to cut yourself some slack.

    Do you log your "slip ups" ? .....because I think most of the time, they are not as bad as you think.... so what if you have a maintenance day...............it's the binge afterwards that sets you back. Before the binge ......go for a walk....put on some music & dance ....whatever you can do to shake it off.

    If you have 6 maintenance days and even 1 good one ....... you lose weight. OK - really slow weight loss ....but it's a step forward.
  • dreamer623
    dreamer623 Posts: 5 Member
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    Thank you everyone for your posts. It's great that MFP has a community on here for people to offer support. I am going to log my calories starting tomorrow (I binged today of course). I really am going to make the effort. I want to be healthy for my family. I also think I need to pick up a hobby. A majority of the time, I binge when my child is napping. I can only guess that this is from being bored. Maybe I will start reading. It's not much, but a step. Also, once the weather cools down here, I will start taking my baby for walks. I love to go for walks (not on a treadmill though; I find that boring unfortunately). Hopefully logging and finding something other than eating to pass the time will help. Again, thank you all for the comments. It means a lot. It really does.
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,750 Member
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    dreamer623, first of all, it's OK. It can get better. Take deep breaths.

    I have to say, the way you're speaking sounds awfully familiar to me. Those obsessive thought patterns, the self-hate, the constant negative voice going on and on, the misery and the unhealthy response to it (in your case, binging). It's like me on low days. Thankfully those days are not as common now as they once were. And there's something in your post that draws my attention - you mention an infant son.

    You see, I had postnatal depression. I couldn't believe I did, thought I was just making a fuss, other people were properly depressed, it was just cos I was pathetic etc. etc. but then the health visitor got me to fill in a depression questionnaire and I scored pretty high. I saw the GP who got me into a short course of counselling, which then led to me seeking more counselling with a charitable organisation (not all counselling organisations charge, some operate on donations).

    I am so glad I got picked up on and got that counselling. It didn't fix me but things are a hell of a lot better than they were in so many areas of my life. If you can't bear to speak to a professional, why not try running through an assessment yourself -

    Depression self-assessment: http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx
    Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale: http://www.fresno.ucsf.edu/pediatrics/downloads/edinburghscale.pdf (this is the one I filled in).

    What harm can it do? It may be you don't have depression. But you sound pretty unhappy to me, and pretty desperate, and your post echoes so much what I've experienced. Maybe you have an eating disorder, or OCD, or something else that can be tackled and treated. Or maybe it's nothing like that at all. But that first step is worth taking - at least, it was for me.

    I hope this is some help.
  • helena_jj
    helena_jj Posts: 200 Member
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    I was always a binge eater, it is the only reason I gained so much weight. If you don't want to visit a professional, which would be better, have a look at shrinkyourself program. It helped me a lot.
  • Ivey05131980
    Ivey05131980 Posts: 1,118 Member
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    Not to sound harsh, but YOU need to be the one to make it better. It can't come from internet strangers. You know its not healthy to binge eat and be consumed by food. I really do agree you need to talk to a professional. Someone who has knowledge in this and you can see face to face. You have the courage to post this to here, take it one step further and take the courage to make an appointment and GO.

    You have to change your mindset. Eat each meal as if you're starting over. I know its difficult to think since I ate like junk for breakfast, I'll eat like junk today and then restart tomorrow. Or that you have an event coming up and it'll be difficult so you might as well just start the Monday after. You need to start each meal over again.

    Start logging every single calorie you eat on MFP. Start now. That's where you start. And if you stumble, keep going.

    This. Totally this.
  • 1PatientBear
    1PatientBear Posts: 2,089 Member
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    I know this is incredibly stubborn, but I refuse to talk to anyone. I'm too ashamed. At least for now. I think if I make some changes that I can stick with, I will be able to move forward. I'm sort of an all or nothing kind of person. If I slip up even a little, I get SO discouraged and immediately want to binge. It's like if I don't have a perfect day, I should just have a terrible day. I don't know where to start. I don't even know what my trigger foods are anymore. It seems like ALL food can be a trigger food.

    Maybe I need a hobby to keep my mind off of food. Who knows :-/

    It IS stubborn and it's unhealthy to "refuse" to talk to someone who can help you. You need to talk to a professional and have them help you. Your type of situation is what they are trained in. GO GET HELP.

    As for your post that the treadmill is boring, you're right. It is. But what's worse, being bored for 30 minutes or feeling the way you did when you wrote your original post? Or find something else to do. Walk outside. Go swim. Ride a bike. But find SOMETHING that you will stick with.

    Oh yeah, and go get help from a professional. You'll be thankful you did.
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