Coach in a tough spot. WWYD?

motown13
motown13 Posts: 688 Member
in Chit-Chat
So my daughter plays softball and her coach is all about being upbeat and positive, to the point that that matters more than actually teaching the game, or winning, or anything, really, IMO. Her assistant coach has a daughter on the team. The assistant coach once told me that her daughter never shows her respect, even in public, maybe even especially in public.

Two weeks ago the daughter picked up a handful of dirt and threw it at her mom when her mom tried to correct some bad attitude. Neither the mother or the coach said anything even though they both saw it happen.

Last week, the daughter decided that she was bored and didn't want to field any balls in practice, so she decided to lay down in the outfield for 10 minutes and wouldn't get up even though her mother told her to, and a couple of the girls on the team told her to. Well, a different assistant coach went out to her and told her to run laps for her bad attitude. The girl ran 1/2 a lap and walked off the field and didn't finish practice. . The main coach, of course, saw this happen too, but said nothing other than "C'mon "x", get up and play!" When the girl didn't get up the coach didn't say anything, nor did she turn to her assistant coach to get her to get her up.

I used to be the coach of that team. ( for the spring season ) I didn't renew as coach because so many girls had bad attitudes that I hated coaching. The girl above was on a different team in spring ball.

Had I been the coach this fall, I likely would have had to tell the mom, who was also an assistant coach, that her daughter was no longer welcome to be a part of the team if she didn't straighten out her attitude issues. Of course I would have probably had to go to the league office to see how they wanted it handled, but my first inclination would be to remove the girl from the team.

WWYD if you had been the current coach?

I think it is hard(er) because the girl's mom is an assistant coach.

Replies

  • mjhedgehog
    mjhedgehog Posts: 249 Member
    I've coached 14 and under girls softball and Im also a coach for womens league softball. I would bench the girl. She obviously doesn't want to play. I definitely wouldn't put up with that attitude.

    Also my sister was on the 14 and under team I coached and I wouldn't have a problem benching her if she pulled that crap.
  • motown13
    motown13 Posts: 688 Member
    I've coached 14 and under girls softball and Im also a coach for womens league softball. I would bench the girl. She obviously doesn't want to play. I definitely wouldn't put up with that attitude.

    Also my sister was on the 14 and under team I coached and I wouldn't have a problem benching her if she pulled that crap.

    well, that is kind of the "thing".... the girl loves softball. She just seems to love giving grief even more. Here is one more thing she did...... the infield was very dry and dusty. When the wind blew it was like a mini dust storm. Well, during an actual game, she kept intentionally licking up the dirt. People in the stands got pissed off ( she was pitching ). Finally the ump told her that if she kicked the sand again she would be removed from the game. After he told her that, she stopped.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    Was never a coach, but used to work for an after school program that was essentially a day care. I liked to give the kids freedom of the playground (within safety standards) and talk to them about their days and all that, but when they back-sassed or screwed around I didn't take shet. They got nice long time-outs, and if that didn't work they went to my supervisor and I let them explain to her why they were there. Then my supervisor made them tell their own parents when they got picked up. Establish yourself as an authority figure, but be fair, as well.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    I know I played soccer and my dad was assistant coach. MY friend, Danielle, was on the team and her father was the head coach.

    We never had any of these problems. This was back in 1999.

    Unfortunately, I would say it's because we were raised differently then, then people now. I can't believe how much disrespect kids have these days (and I'm still like a kid! I'm 27!)

    I would go to the league at that point. I think benching her would have been the right thing to do until attitude changes. If it continues, kick her off the team. there is no I in team. You don't like whats going on, find another team, or get off the team.

    I'm all about the tough love, especially when someone is being a brat and thinks they can get away with anything because a parents helps/coaches/etc.
  • DonM46
    DonM46 Posts: 772 Member
    Yep, bench the wench.
    I coached Little League and was fortunate enough to always have a good team.
    One year, there was a kid on our team who behaved similarly -- walked thru defensive practice, batted in slow motion. When told to run a lap for his lack of effort, he told me 'no.'
    We always had a team meeting just prior to a game, but one time he wasn't there. Found him sitting in the bleachers eating chili-cheese fries.
    By LL rules, he HAD to play 6 defensive outs and get 1 at bat, so guess how much he played.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Sounds like an every one show and get a trophy type of team. A good coach is always respected or feared, once you are on the same level with the players or lose their respect, then that ship is sinking.

    Coaching is a dictatorship, the coach has to establish order! By letting the player do whatever you are destroying team morale. Why do other players have to field balls if the assistant coach's daughter gets to lay around. You are allowed to be a terrible parent who raised a brat, but when you are forcing others to deal with your crappy kid, then it's not really fair.

    I would go as far as kicking her off the team, if she genuinely valued the game or her teammates she would try to return with a better attitude.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Kick her off the team. /thread
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I've coached 14 and under girls softball and Im also a coach for womens league softball. I would bench the girl. She obviously doesn't want to play. I definitely wouldn't put up with that attitude.

    Also my sister was on the 14 and under team I coached and I wouldn't have a problem benching her if she pulled that crap.

    well, that is kind of the "thing".... the girl loves softball. She just seems to love giving grief even more. Here is one more thing she did...... the infield was very dry and dusty. When the wind blew it was like a mini dust storm. Well, during an actual game, she kept intentionally licking up the dirt. People in the stands got pissed off ( she was pitching ). Finally the ump told her that if she kicked the sand again she would be removed from the game. After he told her that, she stopped.

    So she does respect authority when there are consequences. Ya, bench her and her mother until they get a handle of their situation.
  • motown13
    motown13 Posts: 688 Member
    To follow up, yesterday she was given the sign to "swing away" with 1 out, and bases loaded. She also asked the coach before the game if she could bunt, and the coach said "Only if I give you the bunt signal". Well she bunted into a double play. And our team lost 22 - 2.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    I've coached for decades.

    I've had sorta situations like this.

    1. Any player that throws dirt/rocks gets one warning up front clearly and directly. That warning means they sit on the bench for half practice minimal. When parent comes to pick kid up, they are told if it happens again, kid is off team. End of story. If it was one of my assistant's kid, I would talk to them after practice in the same manner.

    2. Any player that is an distraction to the team and cause a scene will be pulled to the side and asked if they are having a bad day etc...I am pretty good at reading kids and what is going on with them. I will talk with the parent and see what their thoughts are on why the kid is conducting themselves in that way. Of course if they are having extreme behavior problem that cannot be corrected by the parent, I will tell the parent along with the kid they will not be welcome to practice or games unless they can act accordingly and be a good team mate.

    Usually having 3-4 drill stations running at all times during the practice will help in not only keeping kids from being bored but improve their skills. So I do drill stations as much as possible.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    To follow up, yesterday she was given the sign to "swing away" with 1 out, and bases loaded. She also asked the coach before the game if she could bunt, and the coach said "Only if I give you the bunt signal". Well she bunted into a double play. And our team lost 22 - 2.

    Was any of the advice given relayed? Cause we all knew her behavior will be detrimental to the team eventually.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    To follow up, yesterday she was given the sign to "swing away" with 1 out, and bases loaded. She also asked the coach before the game if she could bunt, and the coach said "Only if I give you the bunt signal". Well she bunted into a double play. And our team lost 22 - 2.

    Was any of the advice given relayed? Cause we all knew her behavior will be detrimental to the team eventually.

    ^ this are you just here venting? because I think most would like to know if you asked for her benching or to be kicked off the team. I played soccer and was a cheerleader. In soccer it was my first year with a team of champions playing since age 5 and I was a teen. I did exaclty as i was told and we went to championship. as a cheerleader there is no room for bad attitudes because we are relying on each other to not land on the floor when thrown or flipped. she does NOT sound like a team kind of girl and she might be better off doing some kind of solo thing, but I can't think what. Me no likey her. but maybe she has some talent of another sort that is untapped and she needs to be set free to pursue that. as it stands the rejection from the team will be a life lesson that will resonate with her and hopefully inform her future choices to join teams and also her behavior once on one.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    i never played organized sports (& there were none of these kinds of problems in my mean russian ballet teacher's class) -- is this formally affiliated with the school? because if so, (if i were the coach) this
    The assistant coach once told me that her daughter never shows her respect, even in public, maybe even especially in public.

    would lead me to suggest that maybe assistant coach & daughter should talk to the school counsellor & see where that goes. i might say (sympathetically) something along the lines of 'not my business what's going on at home, but this conduct issue is now disruptive to the other kids' experience. can't be easy to deal with, and i'm sorry to say this, but if you guys don't try something different, it's not really fair to the others for little katie to stay & keep the drama going, is it?'

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