Lost weight and my identity. Help!

super_jade · September 2013

So here it is in black and white....
I was obese and now I am not. Don't get me wrong I am super pleased about this.
One problem how ever. I was well known for my boobs, my boobs were my thing and I dressed with my fantastic boobs in mind. They made me feel good about myself and now they are gone. Gone gone gone gone gone. Gone.
I no longer have my thing and it is very strange like I lost my identity as well as my weight! Trying on clothes, ones that actually fit and are in the size I have been dying to be for years and years and now I don't even know where to begin with them because the things I used to wear just look stupid on me now.

Any one else had this problem? Tips and advice would be nice.

And once more so people don't b**** I am still very pleased and proud and grateful and all the rest about losing my weight wouldn't change it for the world.

Carnivorekat · September 2013

I think that is a natural reaction - is it possible to find a personal shopper who can help you find your new improved identity xx you are still you and have done amazingly well - boobs were only a small part of you and it is now about transition to a new way of being - you can do it.

Its not an easy transition for those who have been obese for a long time but you will get there xx don't lose heart

Krishna_Veni · September 2013

U can use padded bras.

darrensurrey · September 2013

Create a new you. Become that lass that everyone talks about when they think of fitness or healthy living. You can inspire people around you.

super_jade · September 2013

Creating a new me is looking like the path to take I just don't even know where to begin! I hardly think I am going to be inspiration girl but thanking you kindly for the advice all the same.

Padded bras are soooo cheating.... (Brilliant idea I love it, shhh don't tell anyone)

It is very strange very very very strange and must be incredibly common. I know its such a silly thing and that I am not just my boobs, I wasn't even really aware how much I relied on them to feel attractive until now. I should do some research into styles that suit my new and improved body shape.

Miffylou · September 2013

My work mates kept telling me to it was time to buy new clothes. It wasn't an easy step as I hated clothes shopping with a passion. My problem was that I was slowly running out of clothes in my wardrobe. I didn't have much of an idea when it came to what looks good as I was so used to just buying something because it fit not because of how it looked. I must have walked around the same clothes shop for ages and in the end I asked the lady that worked there for some help and it was the best thing I did.

Don't be afraid to ask for help that's what they are there for or can you take someone with you who will be honest. I now love trying on new clothes with my 11yr old daughter as she says it how it is.

I'm sure there are lots of great things about you. Go pamper yourself and maybe buy a sexy black dress and a padded bra will never go astray.

Also. Congratulations on your weight loss ????????

super_jade · September 2013

Thank you Miffylou. I may need to borrow your daughter! haha. I attempted to ask a friend but it turned out horrible I think the new me is quite conservative. Perhaps next time I will take your lead and ask a shop assistant.

toofatnomore · September 2013

Small boobs are great!!!! (imo)...Perhaps feature another body part that you could not before??
(thinking butt)

nelinelineli · September 2013

I know very well how you feel.

10 years ago I dropped from overweight to "normal". A still fat, flabby normal, but decided to stay there for the fear of losing my boobs. Now, a decade later I regret that decision because I realized 2 things:

1. I'm a person, not a pair of boobs - putting your whole identity around that rack will not make your life better.

2. I'm losing one thing and gaining a hundred. Even though I used to take pride in my boobs, that was the ONLY thing I took pride in. Now I can be proud of being lean, fit, healthy, and working on having a nice butt, thighs, abdomen, shoulders and... an average rack. So what? I'm still at a win. I can go to the beach, I fit in any clothes I want and can wear a lot of styles, and for the 1 guy I used to attract with my boobs there are 10 guys I attract now because I'm fit and healthy.

Change is really hard, and 2 days ago I had a huge meltdown because of this. But you'll get used to your new body and will discover that you're better off this way. I also know how it feels to accept you need to start padding your bras or consider surgery. It's a change, but I hardly think is a bad one.

super_jade · September 2013

I have one of those! But 'featuring' it does not make me feel attractive. It's just not the same as having a great rack.

This has definitely changed my high and mighty approach to plastic surgery, I can definitely understand now why people get boob jobs.

nelinelineli · September 2013

I see it like this - my boobs were part of a "fat suit". They weren't mine to begin with. Just that it was padding I couldn't remove.

AmyMgetsfit · September 2013

Push up bra's are great. They aren't cheating, just re-distributing.

super_jade · September 2013

Neline!!! You feel me!!! Yay!!!

I do agree I think I just need to settle in. Find something I can wear that doesn't look stupid and just accept my new body and lack of boobs and just lift my chin up and move forwards. Teething problems? Isn't that what they call this kind of situation? How long did it take you to settle in? Do you feel as amazing as you did when you had a perfect rack?

Like I said before I really understand now why people opt for surgery. But understand and afford are two very different things haha.

super_jade · September 2013

There is a push up bra out there some where with my name on it and I think I need to go and find it. I like that "it's not cheating its redistributing" line I will be using that in the future. Thank you.

louisemh28 · September 2013

An appointment with an image consultant might be enlightening -- see what someone who doesn't know you or how you used to look sees as your best assets.

super_jade · September 2013

I have never even heard of an image consultant. But that sounds perfect! Well that and the push up bra. I will have to do some investigating. Thank you.

Hildy_J · September 2013

I get this,

Any big lifestyle change can leave you with a bit of a 'hole' in your identity. It's just a case of filling it.

You could go to the library or Waterstones and look at/buy books on fashion and style... buy a load of fashion magazines and work thro them like it's your job... cut out pictures of looks you love and make a file of them. Spend time in a café people watching, note the ones you think look great - try and work out how they achieve their style.

All the best! :flowerforyou:

ChrisM8971 · September 2013

In the new you is there another part of your body that you are particularly pleased with? If so maybe dress to accentuate that part of your body.

It may feel like losing your boobs means you are losing your identity but I am sure that people really know you for you

nelinelineli · September 2013

Neline!!! You feel me!!! Yay!!!

I do agree I think I just need to settle in. Find something I can wear that doesn't look stupid and just accept my new body and lack of boobs and just lift my chin up and move forwards. Teething problems? Isn't that what they call this kind of situation? How long did it take you to settle in? Do you feel as amazing as you did when you had a perfect rack?

I'm still new to this, so I'm definitely facing this wall of doubt right about now - going through mood swings like a teenager.
I've just hit my lowest weight EVER (since i was 13 or so) yesterday and after whining in my feed about wanting to fatten back up to get my old body back, I took some progress photos and compared them to the old ones. There's no doubt in my mind now that I am a billion times more attractive than before. Period. I think I used to be blind to my huge love handles and fat legs and bum and cellulite... I used to just stare at my boobs and say "I'm ok".

So things that are helping me right now through this:
1. photos of my behind from the past - I can't believe my butt was THAT big
2. new stuff I found in the "never worn because they're too small" boxes - like short skirts that make me feel I have long legs (I don't coz I'm a midget) or classy silk shirts that now drape beautifully on me instead of being a bit too big on the shoulders to accommodate my chest
3. my face which now looks younger, more confident, and eyes pop out
4. the pair of skinny jeans I just bought (my first pair ever) - they don't flatter me to be fair, but I CAN wear them and that's in my head the "proof" that I can wear anything now without making people look at me awkwardly
5. I just feel I look more "professional" as strange as that sounds - like a strong career woman from TV - they're always skinny, aren't they!...

I think the key for me was to realize that I had a lot of "flaws" I was ignoring. Now they're gone...
Oh and my boobs are sort of looking "better" in my eyes every day. I just think I'm getting used to them. They're not that bad you know!

Edit: And one more thing.. not sure how close to being "done" with weight loss, but for most people it does drop last from waist and thighs. And chances are that you'll not lose boobs anymore, but belly and that will restore the wanted proportions. I still have a bit of fat on my belly but I'm pretty sure it's about to come off. There's nothing left anywhere else!!

glowgirl14 · September 2013

Am right there with you. My boobs have always been huge. It's always been my descriptor - the girl with the big boobs. I hated them. But yes...they *are* your identity. When I was thin, I was thin...with big boobs. When I was fat, I was fat, with huge boobs.

I get it...because when you're obese, you can feel so disgustingly huge, but these boobs are the one thing that people (for some reason unknown to me) still find desirable.

As I lost weight, I never imagined that they would go away too, as I always had big ones...this time they are. I cried with happiness the first time I tried on a 34C and it fit...and now, I have realized that I no longer have the boobs I always did. It is a big identity loss. But as the others have said, you learn to love other things. You are not drowning in that fat anymore. Now that I'm working out, I'm finding other parts of myself to be less disgusting.

Yesterday, I was shopping, and couldn't find what I liked...I realized...I was (unconsciously) searching for things that accented my shoulders...something I always tried to hide before because my arms were so fat...not my shoulders are defined...I like my arms now...they are strong and toned...I'm getting a butt. I never had one before...the boobs are gone, but honestly...what are they good for anyway? I might never be "extraordinary" to a stranger at first glance. But why do I want to be? I have worked really hard to get healthy and toned. That stranger doesn't know me at all. If the only thing someone was looking at was my chest, I'll gladly let them move on without a word.

This is just another part of the journey. Self-love. It sounds so cheesy. But it's hard to love yourself when you're fat. Disgusted with your lack of self control. Now that you've taken control, realize it's okay to see yourself as attractive. Strong. Find confidence there, and the boobs don't matter as much. : )

devil_in_a_blue_dress · September 2013

I didn't read all the responses and am totally playing arm chair psychiatrist, but have you considered that you were just hiding behind your boobs before? I ask because I could have written this post 10 years ago. I understand how weird/difficult but exhilarating it is to have you body change after a substantial weight loss, so I totally empathize. When I was my heaviest, I really was happy with how I looked, I had really full chest and really full hips and rear. When I lost of of that I was like "OMG, this sucks" but then I realized that before, I was clinging to the attention having this cartoonish body gave me, so I didn't have to look too closely at what I was actually doing with my life or who I was as a person or how I felt about me. I realized that what was making me happy before was really superficial -- I was definitely lost, but not because my body had changed but because I had never actually found me. If that makes sense.

Anyway. Congratulations on your weight loss and discovering your new identity!

thatjulesgirl · September 2013

I can relate and I've only lost 25 of my 70 odd extra kilos... apparently the first place I lose from is my boobs which is pretty crap as they were the only thing I had going for me, really.

That being said, I checked out your picture and I think you're overlooking some possible options. You have *killer* hair. Hair can be your thing now.

Also, since you don't have mammoth chesticles screwing with your centre of gravity, you can probably wear amazing heels and make your new, toned legs a huge feature.

Basically, mourn your boobs. Boobs are great, they're hard to miss and they can make even the most frumpy body shapes seem awesome... but embrace your NEW assets. Spend some time experimenting with clothing / hairstyles you've never tried before - be BOLD and wait for the compliments to roll in. Someone will say to you, one day soon, "gee I'd KILL for your _______" and all of a sudden you'll have a new thing. And yes, in the mean time - chicken fillets and padded bras!

Iron_Lotus · September 2013

It's going to take some time for you to get used to your new body. You are absolutely gorgeous your boobs do not need to be your defining feature anymore. I agree with the poster above that suggested a padded bra or a really good push up one.

I think this sense of loss of who you are when you lose a significant amount of weight is normal, I go through it as well. I stare at myself in the mirror and sometimes say I don't look right like this. It's going to take time.

littlesimone · September 2013

I can relate to this in a way. My identity has been wrapped up in my breasts for a long time simply because mine are naturally large and well shaped. However, with weight loss whether after the birth of a child or just to fit in to summer shorts and tanks, they shrink until I made some key changes. When I stopped over-restricting fat from my diet while simultaneously eliminating white refined sugar from my diet, the loss of breast tissue was significantly reduced. Add coconut oil, avocado, flax seed, and olive oil to you daily diet and you will see positive changes to your breast tissue over time. Also, pushups (even modified) coupled with decline dumbbell flyes and chest press three times per week with help perk up what's left. Lastly, and believe it or not, wearing a bra deteriorates the breasts and reduces their ability to support themselves, so to speak. Yep! Hope this helps...

super_jade · September 2013

Thank you so much every one!!! It's really nice to hear all your stories. Glad I am not the only one trying to find themselves now that the girls have deflated! So silly that I pinned my whole identity on a pair of things that were ultimately mostly fat!!!

Thanks Littlesimone I will be reading up on how to execute a chest press and start doing some push ups. Maybe it is time to start shaping my new body with some muscle! It was all about the weight loss for me for so long that muscle tone never really came into it.

BellaIron you have some amazing boobs. Just saying. Hahaha. I too look in the mirror and think that isn't me! But it is. And I worked my *kitten* off (or my boobs off) to get here so I should be super proud and happy.

Julesgirl! Yes! Sometimes it feels like my body went "i'm hungry, ill eat these up" but I have read so many times on these forums that weight loss is even over your entire body there is no way to spot reduce. So these boobs I loved so much were just fat and my natural size isn't all that impressive. It was a shock because they had always been so big! But like you said I just need to discover the positives of this new body. I never even thought about heels! I avoided them like the plague because I felt I was just too big to really do them any justice. I have to keep reminding myself even though I feel the same in my head, my body isn't that big anymore!

Anh, You are welcome to be my arm chair psychiatrist anytime I think you hit the nail on the head! I do need to do a little soul searching and find out who I am with out these boobs. They can't of been my only redeeming quality I know that now.

Glowgirl! You feel me too hahaha. Self love is top of my list of priorities at the moment it was one of the key reasons I have been able to lose my weight because I was just so sick of being mean to myself all the time! I'm stuck with me for ever might as well be nice to myself right? I am super glad you found something else to be proud of. Something you actually earned through hard work and effort! You rock those arms! I may even let mine see the sun this year now that I am not so embarrassed about my size.

89nunu · September 2013

Same thing happened to me!

Now I'm the fit one with the incredibly flat stomach! Wouldn't change back to G cup and heavy for anything!! At least my mini C cups fit in any cheap Bea from any shop (never bought underwear from h&m before)

Get over it, find a new style that shows off other parts of your body and rock your new slim figure!

LoreleiEvil · September 2013

The right bra is the secret to a great rack no matter what the size of the "girls" in question are. Go get fitted and buy some rockin' lingerie in your new size.

Spend the money, you earned it.

Lost weight and my identity. Help!

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