Retarded...
It's amazing to me the shock that comes across peoples face when they use the word retarded in front of me, and then as though a light switch was flipped, realize I have a daughter with Downs. Do they only feel bad because they said it in front of me, or because it's a really ugly word? More than likely it isn't the latter.. Kind of when people aren't sorry they did something, just sorry they got caught. The word doesn't bother me and that is because my daughter isn't retarded - she's developmentally delayed. She has Downs Syndrome, not some mutation. Not a inability to love, think, walk, talk, certainly not a disability of any type and I won't treat her any differently than I do her sister. I actually have had some people tell me, "I'm so sorry" when then learn I have a daughter with Downs, and do you know what my response is? "Why are you sorry? I'm not, she's awesome and you should be jealous I got her and you didn't."
Sometimes I pity people who possess the inability to think before they speak, other times I'm just so happy to not be one of those people anymore. When someone learns I have a daughter who isn't 'normal', I've been told, "oh that's too bad...I'm so sorry...what a shame...well at least you have a child without Downs too..." but that is the least of what sticks with me. The individuals who tell me how lucky I am, how sweet and amazing she is, that she's just as capable as any other child and how truly blessed I am for having her in my life, those are the comments and thoughts that I hold tightly.
Gay, *kitten*, queer, ******, spick....sounds pretty disgusting, right? Retard is just as nasty. Please give some thought as to what comes out of your mouth...
Sometimes I pity people who possess the inability to think before they speak, other times I'm just so happy to not be one of those people anymore. When someone learns I have a daughter who isn't 'normal', I've been told, "oh that's too bad...I'm so sorry...what a shame...well at least you have a child without Downs too..." but that is the least of what sticks with me. The individuals who tell me how lucky I am, how sweet and amazing she is, that she's just as capable as any other child and how truly blessed I am for having her in my life, those are the comments and thoughts that I hold tightly.
Gay, *kitten*, queer, ******, spick....sounds pretty disgusting, right? Retard is just as nasty. Please give some thought as to what comes out of your mouth...
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Replies
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I agree with you 100%. My good friend has a daughter with Down Syndrome, people just say dumb, ignorant things to her too (my friend, not her daughter).0
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And see that, MFP let me say gay, queer, *kitten*, spick but blocked out nig*er...interesting
You shouldn't be surprised, gay, queer, and *kitten* have alternative meanings and there isn't a "k" in the other slur.0 -
right there with you, sista. i find the word absolutely repulsive and wish people would take a moment to consider the history of the word and how much it hurts. i also have a child with special needs. his hearing is perfect, however. so, he can hear it when the r-word comes out of your mouth and knows what it implies. it's okay to recognize the word is unkind/demoralizing and that one can stop saying it.0
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Children with Downs Syndrome are perhaps the happiest, most joyful children in the world. I've worked with them before and they just want to make you proud of them by helping you in any way they can and the little girl I worked with just intuitively knew when something was wrong and would give me a great big hug to try to make me feel better. They are awesome, and you're an excellent mother from what I can tell
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And see that, MFP let me say gay, queer, *kitten*, spick but blocked out nig*er...interesting
You shouldn't be surprised, gay, queer, and *kitten* have alternative meanings and there isn't a "k" in the other slur.
A) I'm well aware they have double meanings - this is my point. People treat 'retarded' like it has double meaning; one for a person and one for something that is dumb/stupid.
Clearly the more important point of this post was that spic doesn't have a 'k' on the end. 0 -
I agree with you in every way. I work with kids who have special needs and they are like family to me. Yes, they have their own issues (everyone does), but words like "retard" really erk me. I think it gives me a reason to love them even more 0
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It's flat out ignorance. And I don't think (due to the double meanings) that people even consider it might be hurting somebody.
The best thing I'm learning is to take those hurtful words out of my vocabulary and hope my friends and loved ones do the same.0 -
I have a friend who has a child with Down's and although she says she would have chosen an easier life for him had she been able, she feels 100% blessed to have the chance to know and love him just as he is. I wish the world wasn't so cruel with respect to people or things they don't understand. A girl I used to know has a daughter with Crouzons sp? (facial deformity) Her hand was deformed also and when she was in Wal-Mart one day she heard an EMPLOYEE say to another employee to "check this out, look at that freak baby" in the aisle across. To see this kid smile would melt your heart, because you realize she's just like any other child with the same needs to me loved and accepted, if that employee had met her for just 10 seconds she would have realized that. It's sad that people can be so cruel.0
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I admit when I saw this topic title, I came into this thread seeing RED!!! So happy to have realized it was an "anti" R word topic. My God son is special needs and his mother and I are very involved w/ educating people against using the "R" word as a simple slang so easily.
http://www.r-word.org/0 -
I think it's society itself doesn't draw such a huge negative connotations to the word retarded as it is used to describe events. Such as, that party was retarded. My husband uses the word retard, even though my son is developmentally delayed (not towards him). At first it didn't really register. No one thinks of my son is retarded. However, it is a horrible word. It is negative. But I think the meaning has changed, unless someone is using it to describe a person, then, like all other words, it should never be used as such. It actually means slow moving. I do wish people wouldn't use the word "special" in a negative way. Too close to special needs, it pisses me off. I tell people too. Special bothers me more than retarded. Maybe because I am younger and retarded was used a lot to describe something that was just off the hook, either good or bad.
The word that really gets me is gay. That word, literally means a homosexual person. And it never originally was that negative. I often describe my gay friends as gay. Homosexual is too long a word. So I really take offense when people use the word gay to mean someone thing that isn't gay at all. For example, that shirt is gay. Does the shirt only like other shirts? Well then it's not gay.0 -
I'm a school nurse. I'd like to see the demise of the "R" word. It's never meant well, no matter the circumstances.0
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Sorry, but this always makes me smile.
My dad's eldest brother was born with the chord round his neck, so was left with a good set of cognitive problems. He spent most of his life working for a family friend in a garage. He was able to complete small task, like putting protective sheets on car seats and giving a car a quick valet.
But he got great joy in delivering a single sentence.... "Sorry mate but your timing is retarded"
The customer was always mightily embarrassed and my uncle highly amused.
Needless to say we were taught the real meaning of the word at a very early age. It doesn't mean dumb/stupid, it means to cause someTHING to progress slowly - like an accident and a traffic jam - anything that causes a delay. It would have been used to describe a child's emotional and cognitive progress, they would have been retarded by disease, accident or congenital hiccup.
The idiots chose to misuse it and another good word bit the dust.0 -
I had no experience with Downs children until one evening last hockey season when a young child sitting in front of me with his parents noticed that I had a "give-a-way" that was interesting to him. With his parents permission, I gave it to him & he was delighted. After the game was over, we were standing in the in the concourse next to this family when the child realized I was standing near him. He gave me the biggest smile AND a hug. That hug made a lasting impression on me.0
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:flowerforyou: 0
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People's intentions are more important than their words.
I agree with this wholeheartedly0 -
I agree with most everyone so far lol.. I'm a prior offender - I would use words and not really think about what I was saying. Now that's different. I'm just trying to make people aware and it isn't even so much about the word itself, it's more about people being sad for me that I have a "special needs" child. They would realize they don't need to feel sadness for me, but rather envy because of how amazing and humbling it is to have these angels in your life 0
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And see that, MFP let me say gay, queer, *kitten*, spick but blocked out nig*er...interesting
You shouldn't be surprised, gay, queer, and *kitten* have alternative meanings and there isn't a "k" in the other slur.
A) I'm well aware they have double meanings - this is my point. People treat 'retarded' like it has double meaning; one for a person and one for something that is dumb/stupid. Clearly the more important point of this post was that spic doesn't have a 'k' on the end.
Is there a reason you are being defensive? I just pointing out there is no alternate meaning to the word that was edited out -- though I am surprised the correct spelling of the other wasn't edited as well. I assumed it passed because of the misspell.
I am not arguing it is ok to use "retarded'" to describe somebody who is acting "stupid" but "retard" is a word is being used less and less by the medical community in favor of intellectually or developmentally disabled or I/DD because of its negative social connotation -- whether we like it or not, there IS a certain duality to that word because people generally suck and are rude and thoughtless creatures. The point remains, there is no duality to racial slurs.0 -
I couldn't agree more. My oldest was born with cerebral palsy so I have been know to get overly excited on people who find a need to belittle others for there own ego inflation.0
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A) I'm well aware they have double meanings - this is my point. People treat 'retarded' like it has double meaning; one for a person and one for something that is dumb/stupid. Clearly the more important point of this post was that spic doesn't have a 'k' on the end.
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Is there a reason you are being defensive? I just pointing out there is no alternate meaning to the word that was edited out -- though I am surprised the correct spelling of the other wasn't edited as well. I assumed it passed because of the misspell.
I am not arguing it is ok to use "retarded'" to describe somebody who is acting "stupid" but "retard" is a word is being used less and less by the medical community in favor of intellectually or developmentally disabled or I/DD because of its negative social connotation -- whether we like it or not, there IS a certain duality to that word because people generally suck and are rude and thoughtless creatures. The point remains, there is no duality to racial slurs.
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No, I apologize, I didn't mean to get snarky. And I do agree with you, thank you for your thoughts
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I rather suspect it's the former, not the latter.
I don't think my friend who commented something about 'baldies' was embarrassed because of the 'slur' - but because it was derogatory towards a characteristic of mine (my hair started receding in my very early 20s, so I've just attacked it with a racer since.)
Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?
Would you rather people not express what they are thinking for fear of offending someone, whatever they say?
To me, the very best way to stop people causing offence is to not take offence yourself.
Your post could be considered rude in just the same way you are being offended to people that DO have a 'mutation'.
Personally, I'd have described having an extra chronsome a mutation.
Everyone's genetics are different and yes, I am ironically amused that you, just like the people you are criticising, seem to be putting others down.
Also, I believe downs syndrome definitely was/is considered a mental retardation.
Personally, I accept that people are different and that some will make make fun of characteristics of other groups.
A very obvious one would be different sexes - I've often heard women say to a man "oh you're such a WOMAN" when getting overly emotional over a minor thing, being weak and the like.0 -
Oh. I hope your friend got that Walmart employee fired or at least reported it. It makes me so mad.I have a friend who has a child with Down's and although she says she would have chosen an easier life for him had she been able, she feels 100% blessed to have the chance to know and love him just as he is. I wish the world wasn't so cruel with respect to people or things they don't understand. A girl I used to know has a daughter with Crouzons sp? (facial deformity) Her hand was deformed also and when she was in Wal-Mart one day she heard an EMPLOYEE say to another employee to "check this out, look at that freak baby" in the aisle across. To see this kid smile would melt your heart, because you realize she's just like any other child with the same needs to me loved and accepted, if that employee had met her for just 10 seconds she would have realized that. It's sad that people can be so cruel.0 -
People's intentions are more important than their words.
I agree with this wholeheartedly
This is potentially wrong. Let's say your workmate makes a mistake, and you say it's ok, you just had a blond moment, or a senior moment. If they are blond or an older person, and they see you making a joke based on sterotyping and take offence, then you are in the wrong. It doesn't matter if you didn't mean to offend them and were just making a light-hearted joke. The effect of the words is more important than their intent.
The issue of casual racism has been topical in Australia lately. The Australian Race Discrimination commissioner said this the other day:
“It may be a joke, an off-handed comment, or even who gets included in chats in the work kitchen or water cooler. And it concerns not so much a belief in the superiority of races – an idea that only an extreme fringe would these days endorse – but prejudice born of stereotypes rehearsed about someone's skin colour or ancestral background."
Dr Soutphommasane said there were still consequences if the acts of racism were unintentional or underpinned by ignorance.
“That is what is most important in any conversation that we now have about racism: it is as much about impact as it is about intention."
http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/queensland/casual-racism-rife-in-australia-commissioner-20130918-2tzt5.html
I think the same argument applies to the casual use of the derogatory "retard" or "spaz". The impact of the words matters as much as the intent.0 -
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I am glad you posted something because I think a lot of people are naive and just don't know how hurtful they can be.
Unfortunately, People aren't given sensitivity training and until you have someone close to you that has a child with "special needs" they just do not understand.0 -
It's amazing to me the shock that comes across peoples face when they use the word retarded in front of me, and then as though a light switch was flipped, realize I have a daughter with Downs. Do they only feel bad because they said it in front of me, or because it's a really ugly word? More than likely it isn't the latter.. Kind of when people aren't sorry they did something, just sorry they got caught. The word doesn't bother me and that is because my daughter isn't retarded - she's developmentally delayed. She has Downs Syndrome, not some mutation. Not a inability to love, think, walk, talk, certainly not a disability of any type and I won't treat her any differently than I do her sister. I actually have had some people tell me, "I'm so sorry" when then learn I have a daughter with Downs, and do you know what my response is? "Why are you sorry? I'm not, she's awesome and you should be jealous I got her and you didn't."
Sometimes I pity people who possess the inability to think before they speak, other times I'm just so happy to not be one of those people anymore. When someone learns I have a daughter who isn't 'normal', I've been told, "oh that's too bad...I'm so sorry...what a shame...well at least you have a child without Downs too..." but that is the least of what sticks with me. The individuals who tell me how lucky I am, how sweet and amazing she is, that she's just as capable as any other child and how truly blessed I am for having her in my life, those are the comments and thoughts that I hold tightly.
Gay, *kitten*, queer, ******, spick....sounds pretty disgusting, right? Retard is just as nasty. Please give some thought as to what comes out of your mouth...
I fully see what you're saying, but I suppose it really does come down to context.
I would never ever dream of calling a work colleague, stranger or child a retard, but I have called it my friends, in jest, when messing around.. A banter kind of thing.0 -
Sorry, but this always makes me smile.
My dad's eldest brother was born with the chord round his neck, so was left with a good set of cognitive problems. He spent most of his life working for a family friend in a garage. He was able to complete small task, like putting protective sheets on car seats and giving a car a quick valet.
But he got great joy in delivering a single sentence.... "Sorry mate but your timing is retarded"
The customer was always mightily embarrassed and my uncle highly amused.
Needless to say we were taught the real meaning of the word at a very early age. It doesn't mean dumb/stupid, it means to cause someTHING to progress slowly - like an accident and a traffic jam - anything that causes a delay. It would have been used to describe a child's emotional and cognitive progress, they would have been retarded by disease, accident or congenital hiccup.
The idiots chose to misuse it and another good word bit the dust.
Very true about the origins...
And when you hear a group of any group of people of any problem beyond normalcy - you hear them make fun of it very lighthearted. I've heard the mentally ill call each other crazy - and laugh and laugh about it. I would be cautious because I don't know who would think it funny and who would be sensitive about it. If I had a friend, I'd probably call them crazy because to be my friend you can't be that sensitive. I'm also not mortified if I get called fat or short. I have OCD and my friend enjoys pointing it out. We just laugh, it's something I'm used to. I had an uncle that was disabled - had a badly useless leg that was too small. He would call himself a "gimp." I didn't know that was wrong. He was comfortable with it. He also was an adult who had come to terms with things. Would I call a stranger that? NO. You don't know the rules. You don't know what would be hurtful.
I don't use the retarded word, except in regards to things nonmental - growth can be retarded, progress can be retarded, and in it's proper use people can be, but it's been used too hurtfully. It's not the word, it's the cruelty of people.
But in other worlds, children can be very sensitive about being different. I would protect a child from the stress of it until they were able to face such things.
Those people at walmart - that's just rude. Don't comment on others - especially on things that are beyond control. Even when you see someone dressed bizarely in walmart - that could easily be mental illness. Not nice.0 -
I'll stop practicing my French then.0
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Embarrassingly honest...as a child of the 80's this was a hard word for me to let go. Because I never associated it with developmental disabilities until someone pointed it out to me. I was mortified. But it still took me a while to remove it from my vocabulary. Sometimes people don't know.
A few more that people don't know about and just use...
'Dego' as in Dego-tee. I cringe when I hear people say that since its derogatory to Italians.
And 'gyp'. Inferring that all Gypsies are of course thieves.
I even once got an email (AT WORK) from someone talking about how one of the suppliers was trying to "joo him down".
He had no clue that he was saying 'Jew' and what it really meant.
Sometimes gently educating people is important as well.0
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