Retarded...

It's amazing to me the shock that comes across peoples face when they use the word retarded in front of me, and then as though a light switch was flipped, realize I have a daughter with Downs. Do they only feel bad because they said it in front of me, or because it's a really ugly word? More than likely it isn't the latter.. Kind of when people aren't sorry they did something, just sorry they got caught. The word doesn't bother me and that is because my daughter isn't retarded - she's developmentally delayed. She has Downs Syndrome, not some mutation. Not a inability to love, think, walk, talk, certainly not a disability of any type and I won't treat her any differently than I do her sister. I actually have had some people tell me, "I'm so sorry" when then learn I have a daughter with Downs, and do you know what my response is? "Why are you sorry? I'm not, she's awesome and you should be jealous I got her and you didn't."

Sometimes I pity people who possess the inability to think before they speak, other times I'm just so happy to not be one of those people anymore. When someone learns I have a daughter who isn't 'normal', I've been told, "oh that's too bad...I'm so sorry...what a shame...well at least you have a child without Downs too..." but that is the least of what sticks with me. The individuals who tell me how lucky I am, how sweet and amazing she is, that she's just as capable as any other child and how truly blessed I am for having her in my life, those are the comments and thoughts that I hold tightly.

Gay, *kitten*, queer, ******, spick....sounds pretty disgusting, right? Retard is just as nasty. Please give some thought as to what comes out of your mouth...

Replies

randomtai

I'll stop practicing my French then.

Then how will you tell people that they are late?

stefjc

Oh yes! Gypped... I was ripped off.... that's one that had slipped past my personal thesaurus. I just hadn't put 2 and 2 together.

lloydrt

actually, "retarded " was acceptable back in the 70s and 80s............I worked in special speach ,occupational and physical therapy for the " crippled" people as they were refered to at that time. I wolked as a volunteen for the Texas Rehabilition for Crippled Children, that eventually went to the name of Easter Seals for the Handicapped.........this was back in the 60s

Im 58 and "retarded, mongoloid and crippled" were the terms used.........times change, hopefully, people will

my oldest brother was hurt in a freak baseball accident, and we took care of him, as he was wheeel chair bound for 34 years before he died.......people can be rude, I ve seen people at their worst, the stares, comments, etc

Its good you let em know, that way they will learn...........good luck

Cranquistador

Interesting.

wideeyedla

So the interesting thing to me here is that we don't use the word retarded professionally any more. We use cognitively or developmentally disabled. We don't refer to children as slow any more.

For this generation of children, the word retarded ONLY means someone who is acting stupid. I am in agreement that the word is ugly, and shouldn't be used, but without teaching people the history of the word, they do not understand the pain they inflict.

When I started teaching, the special education class for those students with an IQ below 70 was actually called "Educably Mentally Retarded." Now that program is called Special Day Class. The students I taught in high school who are now teachers themselves never heard that word used in a professional setting.

People use the word moron all the time. It isn't as offensive. But the history of the word is exactly the same - just a matter of degree.

All derogatory terms should be erased from our vocabularies. But it isn't going to happen.

lucystacy71

I used to teach 5th grade. One thing I tried to teach was that words can hurt and we should be careful as to what we say. I had a particularly hard time with that word, especially when I learned another teacher used it with abandon - in a class with special needs students!

QuietBloom

Some people can't be bothered to keep up with what is PC. It used to be OK to say that word (oh, 50 years ago). I wouldn't automatically assume someone uses it in a mean way. They may just not realize it's hurtful. I've been known to inadvertently us an un PC term and was corrected for it. Luckily it was in the company of friends and not in front of someone who would have been hurt by it. Needless to say I updated my brain databases, and don't use the term in an inappropriate manner anymore.

Jonesie86

I rather suspect it's the former, not the latter.
I don't think my friend who commented something about 'baldies' was embarrassed because of the 'slur' - but because it was derogatory towards a characteristic of mine (my hair started receding in my very early 20s, so I've just attacked it with a racer since.)

Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?
Would you rather people not express what they are thinking for fear of offending someone, whatever they say?
To me, the very best way to stop people causing offence is to not take offence yourself.

Your post could be considered rude in just the same way you are being offended to people that DO have a 'mutation'.
Personally, I'd have described having an extra chronsome a mutation.

Everyone's genetics are different and yes, I am ironically amused that you, just like the people you are criticising, seem to be putting others down.
Also, I believe downs syndrome definitely was/is considered a mental retardation.

Personally, I accept that people are different and that some will make make fun of characteristics of other groups.
A very obvious one would be different sexes - I've often heard women say to a man "oh you're such a WOMAN" when getting overly emotional over a minor thing, being weak and the like.

Okay, I hear and understand your thoughts, so here a few things I'll point out;

Genetic mutation - "Changes in the nucleotide sequence of the genetic material (i.e. DNA, or RNA, in the case of viruses), which are usually caused by copying errors during replication that further lead to base substitution, insertion, or deletion of one or more base pairs." So yes, by definition, it is a mutation, but more correctly it is nondisjunction; "The failure of homologous chromosomes to segregate or to separate during and after meiosis."

"...was/is considered a mental retardation." Again, by definition, true. The abnormal genotypic ratio affects the phenotypic ratio, which is why they have certain characteristics. Also, if you look up Downs Syndrome definition, the first thing listed is 'congenital disorder', which if you look up the meaning to that, it says, 'a defect that is present at birth' - which can be physical, or mental.

"Is it hurtful because it's been said, or because people think that?" ~ neither. It's sad to see a lack of compassion, empathy, sympathy, common sense and tact in today's society. If one is going to use the word 'retarded', I would just like to make sure they understand the meaning, or understand what causes the 'defect/mutation/retardation'.

Also, please check your grammar/spelling. :happy:

unknown

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QuietBloom

Some people can't be bothered to keep up with what is PC. It used to be OK to say that word (oh, 50 years ago). I wouldn't automatically assume someone uses it in a mean way. They may just not realize it's hurtful. I've been known to inadvertently us an un PC term and was corrected for it. Luckily it was in the company of friends and not in front of someone who would have been hurt by it. Needless to say I updated my brain databases, and don't use the term in an inappropriate manner anymore.

My brain database takes a long time to update. And sometimes I miss certain critical tables that were key.

Ain't that the truth though! And the paperwork can get totally out of hand.

BondBomb

Some people can't be bothered to keep up with what is PC. It used to be OK to say that word (oh, 50 years ago). I wouldn't automatically assume someone uses it in a mean way. They may just not realize it's hurtful. I've been known to inadvertently us an un PC term and was corrected for it. Luckily it was in the company of friends and not in front of someone who would have been hurt by it. Needless to say I updated my brain databases, and don't use the term in an inappropriate manner anymore.

My brain database takes a long time to update. And sometimes I miss certain critical tables that were key.

Ain't that the truth though! And the paperwork can get totally out of hand.

Funny story. My mother was dropping off her dry cleaning and told me she really liked the 'Oriental' man that owns the place. I say mom..its not Oriental. People are Asian. She said 'well why do they keep changing it I can't keep up'. I said "Really mom...negro, black, African American, African decent, person of color'.

"Point Taken" - Mom

4homer

If the word in a medical type setting (explaining what the person has ect) Im ok with that, if the word is used in a nasty way, then yeah some heads will roll

That_car_is_full_of_balloons

that word is not going anywhere
ppl are always going to use it
i still think its funny in a certain context
like when its early morning
and your sister uses the salt shaker instead of sugar for her corn flakes
"haha... what a retard"
is that really so damn offensive in that context?
now if i use that word in public around others then yes it is offensive
but so are a plethora of other words
how many battles you wanna fight?
i have 2 ppl in my family with developmental disorders
and i could really care less about words. it doesnt affect the love we share

geebusuk

Okay, I hear and understand your thoughts, so here a few things I'll point out;

First off, thanks for a considered reply - something an awful lot don't manage when they are on a personally emotional subject.

Do you check up every word you use? How far back do you go?
The way people use words DOES change.
For instance 'gay' used to just mean generally happy-go-lucky and the like. Also, people that were fairly free in their heterosexual activities. Then it got used for and adopted by homosexuals and now, wikipedia claims is used derisively without sexual connotations (I'm not convinced by that personally, but it's far from impossible).

Had you considered I might be dyslexic and find it hurtful to be reminded that my spelling grammar aren't up to scratch?
I had a look through; a missing 'o', capital D and apostrophe and I wrote 'racer' rather than 'razor' - doesn't help when posting on a motorbike forum at the same time I suspect! Interested to hear if there's anything else.
Oh and no; I'm not dyslexic, that I know. But it provided my a most excellent example of how people can easily take justifiable offence at things that anyone can say; including those complaining about just such things.

I believe that thoughts follow behavior. If you eliminate people saying the N word, they will stop thinking of people as N's. Eventually, generations later, it will seem ridiculous that we used to think that way at all about people.

That's my philosophy. Not tolerating the bad behavior is the way to correct it. Acceptance if bad or inappropriate behavior actually has the opposite effect. It makes it ok. And it encourages ignorance. At least, that is my opinion.

Are you aware that this concept was discussed in some great detail by George Orwell in his book 1984? The concept was called 'newspeak'.
It was not portrayed as a concept congruent with a healthy civilisation.

I don't think it's the case personally, anyway.

For instance, in the 80s and early 90s 'spastic' was a very common insult and retard was rarely used where I was.
As time has gone on, people haven't stopped expressing the concept, they've just changed the word and now tend to use the 'r' word.
Sure, it's a more global coverage, but the people saying it aren't thinking like that, I'd suggest.

The effect of the words is more important than their intent.

Your post left me incredibly hurt, distressed and angry.

Well, it didn't, but that is exactly why I don't think taking the effect of words as the most important aspect is a good way to work.
That way, someone can be intentionally incredibly offensive to one person and it be 'ok', because the person wasn't bothered.
While another person may make a minor faux pas and be sent to prison or something because another person found it extremely nasty.

OnionMomma

actually, "retarded " was acceptable back in the 70s and 80s............I worked in special speach ,occupational and physical therapy for the " crippled" people as they were refered to at that time. I wolked as a volunteen for the Texas Rehabilition for Crippled Children, that eventually went to the name of Easter Seals for the Handicapped.........this was back in the 60s

Im 58 and "retarded, mongoloid and crippled" were the terms used.........times change, hopefully, people will

my oldest brother was hurt in a freak baseball accident, and we took care of him, as he was wheeel chair bound for 34 years before he died.......people can be rude, I ve seen people at their worst, the stares, comments, etc

Its good you let em know, that way they will learn...........good luck

I think this is honestly why this word is still hanging around as much as it is.

In the school setting until recently children were labeled MR that is, Mentally Retarded. The new label is now ID that is, Intellectual Disabilities.

Some special needs classes I've been in (I am a sub in my city, I'm am attached to one school as perm. sub for 6 months of the year) still have things such as boxes and equipment and such that have M.R. Class written on them in marker so they don't get lost.

jmadams111

Having absolutely no knowledge of the subject quaifies me to speak somewhat for those who say things like you describe; I am ignorant. What I would say that might hurt you comes from ignorance; its not meant to hurt and I suspect others in my situation are the same. I am happy you are the person you are. I recently heard a commentthat I think totally applies, "God only gives special children to special people, " and you, not I are obviously special.

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VeganLexi

And see that, MFP let me say gay, queer, *kitten*, spick but blocked out nig*er...interesting

Gay can mean happy, queer can mean strange and *kitten* can mean cigarette.

VeganLexi

Double post

weightedfootsteps

I admit when I saw this topic title, I came into this thread seeing RED!!! So happy to have realized it was an "anti" R word topic. My God son is special needs and his mother and I are very involved w/ educating people against using the "R" word as a simple slang so easily.

http://www.r-word.org/

I was quite angry myself. My child is a little slower than other kids and I have heard other kids taunt her and sometimes I wish I could be a young child again so I could hand out some punishment for them being cruel and heartless. I have worked with mentally and physically handicapped individuals and I loved that job. I admit my body wouldn't let me work as much as the employers wanted me to work, so I had to leave the position or face hurting myself permanently. But that was the best job I ever had...meaning I enjoyed everyone there! And to hear someone referring to anyone as a retard, or with a racial slur makes me angry and I will always step up and tell them to learn how to be tactful at the very least.

Jlennhikes

I don't get the outrage about the word retarded. Saying that someone is "slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress" doesn't seem hateful to me. And even used as a pejorative, no one is actually linking a dumb person with a handicapped person, and everyone knows that, so I wonder why people seem to want to look for ways to have their feelings hurt when there are plenty of things that are unavoidably painful? Why volunteer to feel hurt about something that's meaningless?

sukiwabi

I don't get the outrage about the word retarded. Saying that someone is "slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress" doesn't seem hateful to me. And even used as a pejorative, no one is actually linking a dumb person with a handicapped person, and everyone knows that, so I wonder why people seem to want to look for ways to have their feelings hurt when there are plenty of things that are unavoidably painful? Why volunteer to feel hurt about something that's meaningless?

:noway:

holy freaking hell.

geebusuk

because it is a philosophical difference.

I'm not so sure.
I suspect some of it is a matter of fact - can you really chance the way people think by removing language or not?

Even in the (yes fictional) example of newspeak, the suggestion was that people would still have these feeling, despite there being no way to express them.

From what I've seen, removing one word will just lead it being replaced by another.
I rather suspect 'MR' being replaced by 'ID' could easily see that phrase being (ab)used in a similar manner.

Back to fiction - it's generally considered 'not very nice' to try and influence people by either violence of restricting freedoms.
I'm sure it DOES work in the example you used to some degree (well, in the example you used it's likely the person would even more strenuously spread rumours, just being a bit more careful about it - or quite possibly decide to up the ante and get someone to do worse to you).
In less direct ways it's seen a lot in our society today.

For instance, in the UK someone high up on a government drugs committee suggested that Ecstasy really wasn't that dangerous (pure, of course) - with Horse riding being a more dangerous occupation statistically.
They were quickly removed from office for offering this fact based on scientific evidence.
We still hear about 'just say no' to drugs because of the great dangers and a lot still believe it.

The US was famous for not letting people even mention concepts of communism because any such thing must be evil.

Generally, I don't think censorship is a good thing.

I would much prefer the time and effort put in to education instead.

Oh and generally; I'll add....
People are also made fun of for being smart, for being strong, for being pretty and the like.